your values

cameragirl21 wrote: and by this i mean your major values, not little things. for instance, your religion and the things you hold dear like in my case, vegetarianism. i always said i'd not force my children to be vegetarians but i know that if they came home one day and said they ate meat i'd be totally devastated because it's such a huge moral issue for me. and if they decided not to be Jewish i think i'd be inclined to kill myself because i'd feel like such a failure. btw, this is not to say i have anything against any other religion but to a Jew being Jewish is a huge part of your identity, to me it's akin to my saying i no longer want to be a girl.
just curious how important this would be for others....

Calimama replied: No, one day she'll reach an age where she has her own values, whether they are the same as mine or not we'll see. I'm not the same religion as my parents. I wouldnt want my child to be christian just because I am, I would feel like that is forced and I swore I'd never force my children to do anything.

cameragirl21 replied: i also wanted to add that one of the reasons i bring this up is because my GA has a client who is a very pious and practicing Catholic and yet she said that if her grown son told her he wanted to convert and become Jewish she'd have no problem with it as long as he's a good Jew. Also, my friend Pam (whom i've mentioned here) is Jewish and her brother's wife is the daughter of an Episcopalian priest and her father actually encouraged her to convert and become Jewish when she was marrying Pam's brother. i was shocked by this. Also, Helen, Pam's sister in law whose father is the Episcopalian priest is a vegetarian yet she feeds her kids meat because she thinks they may need it to be healthy. this too shocks me. so i figured i'd ask, maybe my thinking is off the wall.

mom2my2cuties replied:
Eh - People do this every day


But yes I would be disappointed if Andrea grew up and believed differently than me. Not that I believe in forcing something on someone, but when a child is growing and you spend years instilling values into your child and they grow up feeling something different, i think it is only natural to feel a sense of disappointment not so much in your child, but in yourself.

Now that being said, It wouldn't bother me if my child chose a different religion, say Baptist or Non-Denominational or something, they don't have to go to an Assembly Of God church, as long as the core beliefs were the same as mine. If they told me they believe something completely different, I think I would be shocked and definately feel like a bit of a failure in that sense, however, ultimately, I KNOW the decision is my childs. And there isn't going to be anything I can do to change said decision that will look favorably upon myself.

However, as far as what a person eats, doesn't eat etc and those other kinds of decisions...I see that as too personal of a decision to push it on my kids, however, in our family, you are given the option to have either a meat protien or a non meat protien and both my kids tend to go with the meat option. Which is fine with me, I really don't care either way what they eat in that sense.

ETA - Also, I think children as far as Vegetarian/Meat Eating and those similar things, that is an enviornment thing until they get a certain age Because really, until they start preparing thier own meals, they generally eat what the family/parents are having or fix for them.

cameragirl21 replied:
not necessarily because i've always said that in my home i will NOT serve meat but if my children are invited to birthday parties or their friends' homes and they're serving sloppy joe or hot dogs (both of which were served to me when i was a little kid at slumber parties and other parties) then it will be their choice if they want it or not.
that is what i meant when i said if they come home one day, like from a party and say they ate a hot dog and liked it, i'd be devastated but if they said they didn't eat it or didn't like it, i'd be relieved. i think it's wrong to impose these sorts of values on a child because it IS a very personal decision but to me eating meat is akin to murder so it's no different in my mind than if my child came home and said s/he killed someone so obviously it's a major issue for me. i know i take it to the extreme but again, it's a very personal decision.

moped replied: I would not be upset or disappointed at all - I am very much the kind of mom to raise my child how I seee fit and if they choose to change things when they have a good head ont heir shoulders then I encourage it........I will love my children no matter what they do.

I think my parents would feel the same way

gr33n3y3z replied:
I couldnt agree with you more on this



What the heck its only meat not the end of the world
why would you want your children to be and act like you?

As for religion its up to them to decide if they want to continue to be what they grew up with or change it for other reasons as an adult.


I want my children to be respectful and caring and loving ppl. if they are that what more can a parent want.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: No, my goal is to raise an independent thinker. I want Logan to think for himself and make his own decisions. Now that isn't to say that if he decides to believe that life isn't sacred and grows up to be a psychopath I wouldn't be disappointed. But as for religious/core values, if Logan wants to be a Buddhist, Muslim, Christian, Jew, atheist, whatever, as long as he makes the decision for himself, I'm fine with it.

sparkys2boys replied: I don't think I would be so I voted no. I think if I taught them right from wrong and they were kind loving people they will have there own value and beliefs once they reach a certain age. All of us are diffrent so I couldn't experct my kids to be exactly the same as me.

kit_kats_mom replied: my goal is to raise my girls to be the best version of their true selves. If that involves them being gay, republicans, rap lovers or mormons, it's not for me to say. As long as they are happy and following their inner drummer, I will support every decision they choose to make. It's when I see them being influenced by others that I get bothered. I want them to not follow the crowd unless that is truly their desire.

C&K*s Mommie replied:

At some point I have to release the apron strings, and push the kiddos out of the nest and see them off. What I have and am trying to instill in them I hope they take to heart but in the end it is ultimately their decision to choose the paths they take. I would not be disappointed, my love for them is unconditional.

Boo&BugsMom replied: This is a tough one for me and I'm not really sure how I would explain it. Do I want them and hope they follow our morals and faith we're instilling in them? Of course. Would I be dissapointed in them if they didn't? It depends on what level and what it is. Will I love them less? Not at all. I will always love my children no matter what.

kit_kats_mom replied:
This is a perfect example of what I've seen in my DH's family. His mom and step-dad really have a hard time with the fact that we aren't church goers. DH basically had to tell his mom to quit trying to "Save us" and to quit preaching at us all the time or he would lose us. She isn't perfect but at least she's trying. I understand that her religion is a huge part of her life but for her to not have that same understanding towards us gets my goat. His stepdad pretty much doesn't speak to us (or his own kids for that matter) because he can't keep religion from any convo and IMO he's missing out on a relationship with his grandkids. I just cant see being upset with my kids for making an educated decision that will effect their life, not mine.

My3LilMonkeys replied:
My feelings exactly.

However, I would be disappointed on some level if they had I guess what I would call bad values - i.e., grew up to be a murderer or rapist or something. I would of course still love them, but I would be disappointed (and quite possibly angry/guilty or many other emotions) nonetheless.

BAC'sMom replied:

That is exactly the way my DH and I feel too Lisa.

Mommy2BAK replied: Oh my goodness... I CANNOT wait until Blakely grows into an adult who can pave her own path and make her own way in the world, that is so exciting to me. Most of all I want her to try new things and find out what she likes!!!

Now if she ended up being a felon or something that would be a little different, but as far as views I would be VERY openminded to anything that makes her happy. I've said before that if any of my children come to me one day and say that they are gay/lesbian I will tell them what MY religion says about that and if they still want to go that road then I will be happy for them