would you say anything

zdk753 wrote: I have a neice that is 6 yrs old. She is my husband's bro's daughter. As far as height goes, she is as tall as your average 6 yr old. Her weight on the other hand is what I would consider obese. Just to give you an idea, this past Halloween she wanted to be a princess. Her parent's had to buy her a small adult costume. They had to cut the bottom off the dress to put in the back b/c it would still not fasten. All this child eats is cereal, candy, & chips & she drinks Mountain Dew like it's going out of style. They let her eat what she wants when she wants. They have even let her eat a bowl of cereal at 4 a.m. even though she had to get up at 6 to get ready for school. She also had another bowl of cereal then too. The only exercise she gets is reaching for the remote. They never let her go outside. I have tried to take her to the park, but they refuse. She doesn't really get recess at school since she only goes for 2 hrs. Here is my dilemma. They have started griping about what she gets fed at school for snack time (1 cookie & a can of pop), about how her grandma is starving her when she watches her b/c she wouldn't give her a bowl of cereal. My hubby's dad lives in TX & they had recently made a trip down there. They mentioned to me about how he griped about how much she ate & wouldn't let her eat past 9. They couldn't believe that he would make his grandchild starve or say that she was eating to much. Pretty much they are acting like everyone is letting their daughter go hungry & asking me about it. In a way I want to say that she could stand to go w/o that midnight snack & get out & run, but then I wouldn't want someone saying my child is fat kwim. On the other hand I am worried about her health. She already has a problem w/ acid reflux (she had to have surgery to fix it once) & I'm afraid that the more weight she puts on the worse it is going to get. I also feel like this is my hubby's family & if anyone should say anything it should be him. So what would you all do? Mention it (obviously in a nice way) or just hope that her parent's wake up one day & realize it? So far I just nod & keep my mouth shut, but it is getting hard when it has become an everday part of our converstations.

moped replied: What is amazing is that they think this is all perfectly normal - NOT!!! I am sorry but that kind of diet is not healthy at all - however, I personally would not be the one to say anything and perhaps it should be you husband - IMO................but someone needs to say something - perhaps a doctor or a dietician could get it thru to them that this is killing her slowly

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I feel so sorry for the little girl. Her parents have already taught her poor eating habits and don't emphasize how important it is for a child to go out and play. That makes me sad, as I see it does to you as well. But I really don't think you can say anything. It's first of all, not your immediate family and I just think it's difficult to tell anyone, even your own sister or brother, how to raise their children. I think you're doing great by just keep offering to take her outside or to places she can move around like a park. I don't understand why they refuse to let you, but maybe just keep on them. Even walking around the zoo would help or even to the mall. Just stay away from the food court junk!

I imagine their pediatrician tells them what they need to know...but hopefully it will sink in before it's too late. I'm so sorry you have to deal with what I consider bad parents.

mckayleesmom replied: Im a firm believer in annonymous letters

MM'sMama replied: ITA with Jen on this one.

I can't believe her ped. has not said something to her parents or maybe he/she has and it just does not make a diff. to them. But they need to do something now. She is only 6 yrs old is scares me and breaks my heart to think where this could lead to by age 10. And already having had one surgery for acid reflex. They are not helping her by letting her eat that stuff. Now don't get me wrong I don't deny Brice food when he says he is hungry I try very hard to keep it healthy.
And the whole cookie and a can of pop for snack worries me! Is that them (her parents) that send that to school with her or what the school provides? Because I would have a very serious problem with that. They don't need that much sugar and I mean soda for 6 yr olds 5 days a week!

zdk753 replied: As far as her pediatrician goes I don't think she has been to one since her surgery which was about 4 yrs ago. I know she gets her shots at the health dept. but they don't ever say anything about your child's height or weight unless your concerned. I'm also not sure about the snacks. I know at my sons' school the parent's provide the snacks, but I don't know how her school works. I have a feeling though that the school probably provides them b/c at my kids' school you'll have the cupcakes & cookies, but they also have wks that they have crackers or apples. It's a diff variety every wk. where her school is the same routine every wk. I hope no one thinks I'm saying that they shouldn't feed her b/c I'm not. My kids have times where they could have just ate supper & 30 mins later are crying that they are hungry, but I give my kids an apple or something healthy at those times. Also the only excuse I ever get for not being able to take her anywhere is that they don't trust her by herself. I've tried explaining to them that I'm not going to let my kids go by themselves so why would I let theirs.

mckayleesmom replied: Maybe by letting her go with you...to them is like admitting that their child is chunky...kwim?

redchief replied: It's tough to sit back and watch a family member destroy themself regardless of age. It's even more tragic when you're watching a child go down that destructive road. I know that we've had discussion with our niece's parents about her weight, but it never came to anything. The girl is still heavy today and has already had many weight related ailments. I don't know what to tell you to do. Much of the reason is that you can talk until you're blue in the face and it won't sink in, I fear. They know their daughter is fat. They know they're indulgent and allow her to continue to stay that way, and obviously see no reason to change. The solution has to come from within that family, and they need to finally see wood in the forest. Until that happens, no amount of brow beating or cage rattling will do a lick of good.

holley79 replied: My step brother use to come visit us during the summer every year. My brother, sister and I were forever playing outside. Rain or shine. My step brother on the other hand was obese and all he wanted to do was watch TV. When we ate dinner he would "scarf" his food as quickly as possible then get more. My stepdad but a stop to that with a quickness. His mother is obese so I guess they felt it was ok. He always lost weight when he was visiting us.

I think the parents need to wake up and see what they are doing to their child. Is that NOT a form of child abuse??? I'm sure they are loving parents.



I have to say I agree with this one. I think it can be done without the parents feeling attacked.

Maybe your SIL is really searching for the answer. I don't think I could sit back and just keep my mouth shut. If she was asking for my opinion on the fact of starving her child, I would have to say something. JMO.

USMCwife replied: I have a neice that is over weight, probably on the obese side. She is 6 also, I think she weighs around 85 pounds. She is in size 14's. The pants are so long that her mom has to cut them off and hem them.
Her mom is obese and had gastric bypass surgery last February.
They acknowledge that Zoey is overweight and over the summer she went to a Health and Fitness Center that had a program for overweight kids. It was on teaching them to eat healthy and to play and be active. Zoey has always been active though, she always plays outside, but she eats alot. From what I can tell the program has helped her out, she is still overweight, but she is doing better.

C&K*s Mommie replied: If that were my DH's family- yes I would. Only because we are all close like that. But not knowing your DH's family and you- I would drop lines here and there, when the subject turned to her and what others have said/done to her about her eating habits.

zdk753 replied: Thank you everyone for the advice. Nothing has been mentioned for awhile, but I have decided that if it is brought up again I am going to go ahead & say something. I hate for something to happen & I didn't say anything. I'm sure though that it won't do a bit of good though. They never have listened to me before. It took them 2 yrs to listen to the fact that there was something wrong w/ their daughter before. She would literally projectile vomit everything she would eat starting at 2 mos. old. This is no joke, when she went in for her 4 mos. check up she weighed 7 lbs. She was 5 lbs. at birth. I kept telling them that she should have gained more than 2 lbs in 4 mos. It wasn't until I threatened to turn them in that they finally took her to another dr. who diagnosed acid reflux. They also have a son that never said a word. Not even mama or dada. When he was around a year old I started testing him by dropping things or yelling his name. No response. I told them that I didn't think he could hear. It was another yr. before they finally took him to an ear dr. who determined that he had a severe ear infection & couldn't hear a word. He got tubes put in & can now hear, but at 4 yrs old I cannot understand a word he says. He talks just like a baby.