what would u do?

boyohboyohboy wrote: I let caleb go to a movie today with a friend of ours, his God mother..and he had to go to the Bathroom at the movie,( of course!) and his God mother let him go into the mens room alone. I was really upset about this.
He is only 5 and he is an immature 5 at that.
I would think that she would have enough smarts during this crazy busy time of year to take him into the womans bathroom.
I am concerned for many reasons,
1) someone could have hurt him
2) someone could have taken him.
and I dont even want to go there for the rest of the ideas in my head.
she says I am way over reacting....
what do you say?

sparkys2boys replied: omg.. really. I would be hopping mad too. It's not safe to let a 5 yr old wander around a theater by them-self. I would NEVER let my child do that, heck Logan is 8 and I would have gone with him and stood outside the door until I knew he was ok. Did you talk to her about it and if so what did she say about the whole thing??

boyohboyohboy replied: Yes I did talk to her, I told her if she isnt going to follow my rules, with my son, then she isnt going to be taking him anyway alone anymore.
she goes thru these stages where she tries to do things her way, I feel bad for her, she is my friends, more then that she is like family, and like i said she is his god mother, but she has no kids of her own, and wont be having any for medical reason.
So every so often I think she just wants to pretend he is hers, and she makes her own decisions, and we get into it, and he isnt allowed to go with her for awhile.

the last time this happened, it was when he spent the night and I was under the impression they were at her house all night and then found out she had carted him all over to meet her friends and she was showing hiim off at her work, and others houses, I was mad. i dont like him traveling around in a car. I worry about accidents and her not being as cautious as she should.
he is my son after all, and I dont want anything to happen to him.

skinkybaby replied: WHile I completely see your point, I can see why she let him go into the men's room. Did she stand outside the men's room door waiting for him? She might have thought he would feel more comfortable, it would be less awkward to go into the men's room.
While I understand why you're mad, I would cut her some slack. She probably thought he was old enough to go potty by himself.

Swood75 replied: I have to agree with you..I have a son that is 7 and there is NO way he would go to the mens bathroom alone...If he is with me and has to go I take him in the womens bathroom...And it really doesn't matter if you wait or not at the door either..The reason I say that is because about a month or so ago my SIL was telling me about a lady she knows that has a son who is about 7 or 8 I think she said and he had to use the bathroom at a store VERY close to me and the little boy went in by himself and they said a man went in and came out and then another man went in and barred the door shut and was trying to grab that little boy..they luckily knew a guy from their church that had to kick in the door to save the little boy from harm..So PLEASE be careful when letting your child(ren) go to the bathroom..

CantWait replied: Not overreacting at all. Robbie has always been very mature, but no way in he** that I would have let him in the mens room Christmas season or not at 5 alone.

My mom is worse then I am about that, and is still scared even him at 11 of going into a mens room alone.

Although I think she had the best intentions really, I wouldn't want to see her not be allowed to see Caleb anymore. She should have had enough smarts for that, but at the same time she doesn't have kids of her own and therefore probably didn't think nothing of it.

I think maybe next time a simple, next time I'd really appreciate if you went in with him would surfice.

skinkybaby replied: I didn't say its ok to just wait outside the door. But if she waited outside for him she at least had good intentions. If she doesn't have any kids herself taking him into the women's room at his age probably didn't even cross her mind. Ask her in the future to not let him go by himself and move on.

Crystalina replied: I let Izabella go in alone but...

1) She is very mature for being 5

2) Me being a woman can waltz right in there after her at any moment.

Evan would never be aloud to go into the mens room by himself if I'm the only one with him because I'm a woman and cannot just walk in and see what's going on in there. To me the world is full of perverts (that's just how I think) and I'm sending him in there alone for whoever to do whatever. I don't think so! Now if DH were with me and Evan wanted to try his hand at being a big boy I wouldn't mind letting him because DH can go in after him.

So, to answer your question...I would be totally p*ssed if she did that to my son at 5. Especially if she did not have a male to check on him. Yea, I get ya!

coasterqueen replied: Ok, well I'm the odd man out. I am always concerned for my children's safety and am the first parent to be 100% over-protected, BUT Dh will let Kylie do that. He stands right outside the door when she goes. I don't particularly want Kylie going into a men's restroom at this age. She's a sponge of information and while I'm comfortable with her knowing the body parts, I just don't feel it's an appropriate place for her to be.

Maybe it's different for girls and boys because boys can go into a woman's restroom and not see someone standing right out in the open exposed and going to the bathroom. I dunno. If Kylie takes very long at all DH always pops his head in there, says something to her loudly and if she was in trouble he'd be the 1st person in there.

While you might have thought it was a bad thing, and that's fine you are the parent, I may say something to her politely but I wouldn't get too upset at her. Maybe her thinking was like my thinking. The point is she more than likely didn't see the dangers in it that you do so I don't believe she deserves anything more than a polite "hey, I really don't like him going into the bathroom by himself. He's just not mature enough"

My two cents

CantWait replied:
Karen it's interesting you bring that point up, because yes in my eyes it is completely different. If I had a little girl, I wouldn't want her going into the mens room either.

Funny thing it is.

Cece00 replied: I'd be really upset, too. I am guessing she doesnt have kids b/c it seems common sense to me to not let a young boy go into a men's bathroom by himself. On the flip side, I wouldnt be upset if my DH let my 5 yr old daughter go into a WOMEN'S bathroom by herself while he waited outside the door - but - the reason for that is b/c its unlikely for a woman to try and hurt or molest my daughter, but it is much more likely something could happen to my son in a men's room.

Crystalina replied: This was a boy going into the men's room by himself. A little girl will walk into a men's room and see well, whatever men do in there. Not to mention the bathrooms are usually nastier because it seems like guys just kind of pee all over the place. (I have been into some nasty women's rooms also ) but as a parent or adult you can make sure the seat is clean before the child sits down. Kids don't look first they just plop down. Or if they do try and clean off the seat...OMG! the germs that are on their hands. Then there is the whole hand washing that either won't get done or won't get done properly. A five year old (IMO) needs supervision for those reasons alone. Not to mention what could happen to him if left alone in a men's restroom with the wrong man. It doesn't take very long at all for a child to be "touched" in the wrong way. kwim? I do think that a woman's restroom would be a bit safer. Women do all of their business behind closed door and more then likely would not harm a child. Like I said before I would be really really upset but I don't think I would bash the woman because everyone does think differantly. Just be happy that it all turned out for the best, she now knows how you feel and she won't do it again.

msoulz replied: OMG Stacy - we are just now letting Jake go by himself and that is usually after it has been scoped out by Dad, or I am hanging right outside the door. There is no way at 5 we would have done that. He started around late 6 complaining about going into the women's room - too bad! And now that we are letting him have more freedom, he has to go to the bathrooom EVERYWHERE we go. This can't be a coincidence!!!

Nina J replied: I wouldn't let my kids go to the rest room alone at five. A friend of mine sent me a news story about an 8 year old girl who was murdered at the start of the year, in a rest room. Her brother and uncle (I think) waited outside while she went in there, when she hadn't returned 5 minutes later her brother went in to see what was taking her so long. In the short time she was gone, a man molested her a killed her. When I read the original news story my friend e-mailed to me, I made a mental note never to let my kids go to a public restroom unattended until they were teenagers.

I googled it, here's a news story from the time:

News Story

coasterqueen replied:
Ok, so a man let a little girl go in the men's room alone? Or a man went in to the girls restroom and killed her? That all seems a bit strange to me.

Nina J replied: She didn't go into the male restroom, she went into the toilet for the disabled..I'm not sure why she went in there. I'm assuming it was a rest room area where you open a door into a hallway, that had the doors to the male restroom, female restroom, disabled toilet and baby changing area. So, her brother and Uncle probably waited outside the first set of doors while Sofia (that was her name) went in.

When she failed to emerge within a few minutes, her uncle and brother searched the female and male toilets but could not find her.

They got no response when they knocked on the locked door of the disabled toilet, where police say the girl was probably being attacked at the time.

After searching the car park, her brother returned to the toilets and found Sofia's naked body on the toilet floor, as a man fled the scene.

So the man went, or took Sofia, into the disabled toilet, molested her, and killed her.

Sofia's death confirms, for me, that anything can happen, even if you are just a few doors away. 5 minutes was all it took for the man to rape an 8 year old child and murder her. Very sad

cameragirl21 replied: well, i can see why you're mad but i have a similar story with my godson when he was turning five at Christmas. now when we're at the movies, i always accompany him if he has to go the bathroom, and he'll be 8 in february BUT i remember a few Christmases ago, when he was turning five, i took him to Barnes and Noble and the store was not very packed at all. anyway, he said he had to go the bathroom and wanted to go the men's room. i checked inside before he went and saw that the mens' room was empty so i let him go in by himself and waited right outside the door. now mind you, when i'm at a public place and have to go to the bathroom and there's a long line to the ladies' room, i just go in the mens' room and i've been doing that since i was a teenager so i'd have no problem whatsoever going into the mens' room to retrieve my godson should the need arise. i've lost count of how many mens' rooms i've "gone potty" in over the years so like i said, i'd go in there in a heartbeat without giving it a second thought. and i actually entertained the idea of going in with him but he really wanted to prove that he could do it himself so i let him. when 90 seconds later he still didn't come out (which i know is not nearly enough time but i am way overprotective, more so than his mother) and a male employee of BN passed by, i grabbed him and asked him to go in and check on my godson. the guy went in and said, "Charlie (my gs's name), your godmother is right outside and wants to know if you're ok...." and i said, "is he going?" and the employee said, "yeah, he just went." lolol, the poor guy walked in and my gs had his pants down around his ankles in front of the urinal. anyway, the guy made sure my gs washed his hands (a major rule of mine) and handed him back to me.
in retrospect, i don't know if it was the right decision but there is no way in hell i'd have let him walk around a movie theatre looking for the bathroom, not even at the age he is now. but i figure if i stand outside the door and i see upfront that there are no men inside, then it's ok. if there were other men inside, i'd not have let him go in by himself, not even at his current age, i'd drag him into the ladies' room, kicking and screaming if that's what it took. but then again, like i said before, i'd have no problem marching right into the mens' room should there be a problem, i know i'm in the minority on that one....
bottom line, though, she still has to abide by your rules, if she's more protective than you then i think it's ok but if she's less protective then i do think it's a problem. i don't think you should cut her off because she is his gm but i think you should sit her down and without saying too much so that it doesn't turn into a big fight, simply say, "(whatever her name is), you've been my friend for a long time and i think of you as family however there have to be some rules with regard to my son when he is in your care. this is what i expect from you and in as much as i trust you, these rules are not negotiable and if you don't feel you can follow them then you will have to just see Caleb at our house when we are here. these are the same rules we follow when we are with our children so we feel that there is no reason why you should not follow them also. please let me know if you feel you can follow these rules or if you prefer just to see Caleb when he's with us." or something to that effect. be nice but firm, it's a lesson i learned recently--don't say too much, just stick to the point and make sure you're understood.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: Five does seem too young for him to be going into the men's room alone... especially at a crowded movie theater! I would be pretty upset too Stacy!

I never thought about it before but after reading some of the other replies I think I'd feel more comfortable about letting my daughter go in the women's room alone too, and would rather bring my son into the women's room with me than let him go into the men's room by himself. I also think by that age I wouldn't really be wanting my daughter in a men's room either. It's funny how different it is!

Crystalina replied:
This reminds me of an episode on CSI except the child came up missing at a Chuckee Cheeses' type place and was murdered and left in the bathroom! That episode freaked me out for days!!! Did anyone else see that one?

My2Beauties replied: I'm on the fence, I have to understand a little bit more. Did she just outright let him walk around the theater, find the restroom himself while she stayed in there to eatch the movie or wasn't near him, or did she follow him to the bathroom and stand outside the door? If she stood outside the door then I don't really see a problem with that, I would feel sort of uncomfortable watching a friend's little boy at that age and taking him to the women's restroom and helping him go to the bathroom, I don't know why I'm just weird in that way. But if she let him just venture out on his own to find the restrooms, go in there, come back by himself etc... I'd be PO'd, no 5 year old should be wondering around anywhere by themselves! Heck I even still to this day accompany Desiree to public restrooms wherever we are, she never goes by herself, I just follow her there and wait for her and she is 11. There are too many sickos out there and Desiree looks too old for her age!