what to do?? - My brother and his wife having a baby

MIMommy99 wrote: HI Everyone,
I'm new to this message board.
So, here is the story and I need some advice or thoughts about this.
My brother and his wife are having a baby, but the problem is that my brother and his wife are a little slow. I personally know without a doubt they can't handle having a baby. My brother died after he was born and is kinda slow. My brothers wife was abused and his completely messed up. It's really sad.
She can't even take care of herself. She doesn't hardly shower and my brother makes her and she always is sleeping. She sleeps 16 hours out of the day and is up for 8hours if that. I'm scared for their baby. I talked to my mom about this because they live with my mom. I told her I'm prepared to take the baby.
I already have a son and he's 6months old. I have everything already to take care of a baby. They think they can handle the baby, but they have no idea a baby is a TON of work and they can't take care of themselves and they don't realize it. I'm not sure how to go about this. My mom says I can't do anything till they have the baby that theres a slim chance they might be able to take care of the baby. I'd hate for anything to happen to the baby. I'm all up-set over this.
She already has said " no one is taking my baby" w/o knowing we've talked about it. So, she has to know she can't do it or thinks people know she can't.
Does anyone have advice of what to do or how I should go about this???
Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.
Tiffany

gr33n3y3z replied: As hard as this sounds you have to give them a chance
Its not like they are living on their own your Mom will be there also.

jolene555 replied: I really doubt there is anything you can do, other than offer to help out. I know that there are plenty of people out there who manage to take care of their children when circumstances are hard, and I also know how pissed I would be if anyone told me that they didn't think I could do it. Personally, I think you are worrying about this far too much. It's their life, so give them a chance. If, after the baby is born, there is evidence that they are being neglectful or something, then you might have the right to do something. But until then I believe you have absulutely no right to this child.

mckayleesmom replied: Honestly I think you are overstepping your bounds. Who are you to judge them so soon. You have no idea what kind of parents they will be yet. Give them a chance. Im sure there are classes and such around your area to help them learn to be good parents. Try helping them instead of being so quick to take something that isn't yours.

MIMommy99 replied: I know I should give them a chance, but I'm saying that she is so depressed that she can't even take care of herself. How could you take care of a baby.
It's alot of work. Her room is a mess and she doesn't do her laundry or clean herself or work or anything. My brother works midnights she would be the primary care taker of the baby. She is somewhat abusive to my brother and she is a viloent person who is suppose to go to anger managment and is suppose to go to a counsler and suppose to take medication for being nuts, and she doesn't.
She doesn't eat anything and she is incapable of taking care of a baby.
TEll me she is able to?? I don't think so

mckayleesmom replied: You never know though...she might turn around for the love of her child..Meanwhile I wouldn't lay claim to a child that isn't even here yet. You can't prove her unfit until she actually is...KWIM?

TANNER'S MOM replied: I think you or your brother should find some kind of mental health for her. At least an evalution. I am sure once she has the baby the proper authorities will become involved if anything wrong should happen. I am also sure your Mom will be there to help.

If you brother can hold a job, then He is a somewhat capable person.

Mel

MIMommy99 replied: Yeah, I think my brother should help her. My brother is more capable than her. I think he could handle it. I'm not laying any claim to that baby just concerned for the babys health. Also, yeah she could turn around there is that small chance.
I'm just simply worried for the baby.

loveydad replied:
I'm sorry is that a typo? Cause if he did die when he was born that might explain why he's slow.


I don't think there's much you can do. You have to just let them ask you for help and always be there.

TeagansMom609 replied: I understand your concern but you would be suprised how having a child can turn on your motherly instincts like a light switch. She could end up being a great mother. You really never know. And if not, then step in and take action. Until then, sit back and try to be supportive.

Celestrina replied: Unfortunately there is nothing you can do yet. You have to wait until the baby has been harmed in some way. My DH's nephew and his gf are the same way (their son is 4 months older than my son). Until recently they had my sis-in-law living with them - there was a big fight with the gf and she moved out. I don't know who takes care of their son during the day. Keep close tabs on how the baby is doing, and if there is any sign of abuse don't be afraid to step in.

MIMommy99 replied: Thanks Ldad. That is why he is slow. That is not the concern here though.
I have been supportive. I've tried to help her. I got her a book told her about classes. So, I guess I'll see what happens when she has the baby.

loveydad replied: I didn't mean to offend. I just didn't understand ??? That sentence doens't amke sense.

Maybe I'm just stupid! Sorry to offend, I really am.

MIMommy99 replied: I was just trying to explain because he died after he was born he was mentally retarted because of it. He probably would've been okay if that didn't happen.

loveydad replied: Your brother died? The one who's having a baby? I don't understand how he could be dead and then be alive. Do you mean he almost died?

I'm sorry I don't mean to be stupid I'm just trying to see what oyu mean..I really am sorry i'm not trying to make fun. I apologize.

MIMommy99 replied: What happened was that my brother died for 2minutes after he was born and the doctors brought him back to life. So, that is why he is mentally retarded.
Sounds kinda unbelievable huh? Do you understand?

MIMommy99 replied: And yes the one who is having a baby now.

loveydad replied:
oh okay i'm really sorry! I just couldn't get my brain to figure out what you were talking about!!! I've heard of that happening before, that's really sad. I'm very sorry.

Anyway, I think your doing a good thing by wanting to protect this baby. You're a great person!

MIMommy99 replied: Thank you I'm sorry if I didn't explain it very well at first.
I really just want the best for the their baby and I hope they can handle it, but
I'm very worried about them and their baby.

loveydad replied: I would may offer help when the baby is born, in a way that doesn't suggest your doing it because of their condition. Like "It was so helpful when someone did _----- when my baby was brand new" you know, make them feel like good parents.

MIMommy99 replied: Good advice thanks

mckayleesmom replied: Maybe you can ask her if she wants to shadow your parenting skills...kwim? Have her help you out for a day...Let her get the gist of what its like to be a full time parent and take care of a baby. Teach her what she needs to do in order to be a good mother. Getting up early...taking care of herself,,,,etc.

MIMommy99 replied: I guess all I can do is help for now. I did go out and buy her bath stuff, shower gels, bubble bath, ect. They don't have much money and I told her I was out and thought she'd enjoy some stuff to take a relaxing bath. I got her a book called what to expect when your expecting which is an excellent book. I heard her trying to read it. I decorated her wedding for her and everything. I'm really trying to be nice. It's hard though, but I just remind myself shes like my brother. Its been kinda hard to be nice lately. I heard her talking crap about me, about my parenting. It made me up-set. Since I did all that work on her wedding. I did her flowers and decorated the hall made her a vale from scratch, and no thank-you.
Anyways, I'm getting into another thing.