what is wrong with me... - i made a scene at a family dinner

Hillbilly Housewife wrote: we went over to my grandmother's house for dinner to celebrate Emilie's 5th birthday, which is tomorrow.. anyway, when we'd gone to my mom's on Christmas day, there was one huge present left.. she said it was for Emilie's birthday. i asked her if she was planning to wrap it in birthday paper.. she said she didn't have any.. I asked her to make an effort.

Today, we get to my grandmother's, and my mom had brought the gift.. still wrapped in christmas wrapping paper.. fine, no big deal.

Time for the birthday cake.. Emilie had asked for a cake made from cupcakes, like Zach had at her place for his birthday.. that's what she had.. cupcakes..frosted in red and green, with little santas and bells on them as decorations.

I had a fit, yelled at my mom, waited for the kids to finish their cupcake, packed them up in my truck and took off.

Am I wrong to be soooo angry?

A&A'smommy replied: unless there is more to the story, are you sure there isn't an underlying reason why you acted that way? I'm trying to be senstive but I do think you over-reacted a little

Hillbilly Housewife replied: my mom's never been the grandmother type.. heck she was never the mom type... but even so, it's been a recurring fight for the last 5 years... just to have her birthday stuff kept separate from her christmas stuff..

it just seems like she doesn't give a crap, and that really gets to me.


I no doubt did over react.. i just feel so bad that Em wanted pink cupcakes, and she got christmas leftovers.

Cece00 replied: yeah, i think you really really overacted.

I dont see the big deal...I think you are upset bc it was Christmas stuff rather than birthday stuff, but I dont get why that is an issue. Especially for a 5 yr old.

I mean she bought and wrapped a present, and either made or picked up cupcakes....she made the effort.

amymom replied: Rocky, I do think you did over reacted a bit. That being said, I totally get where you are coming from. I have a niece whose 2nd birthday was yesterday. And I have a SIL who's birthday is on Christmas day. I try very hard to keep them both separate, yet many do not. If you asked your mom to keep them separate, and she did not, I can understand your reaction. Sometimes though we are left with what we have and reacting when you knew she was going to do it, is probably why you started with "what is wrong with me"

I feel bad for Emilee.......



But Happy Birthday tomorrow!!!

jacobsmama replied: If this is an issue that you have had with your mom and you have talked ot her before about keeping the 2 things seperate and she KNEW that she wanted pink cupcakes then I dont think you overreacted that much.

My sisters Bday is Christmas Eve. Our Family NEVER did anything on that day because it was her bday, not a day for xmas celebrations. My mom did a great job with that. To this day we dont do anything with my part of the family on new years eve and she is 31.

She gets very frustrated having a bday so close to christmas, so I feel your pain on that for your daughter.

A&A'smommy replied: yeah I thought it was more than just that I can understand you being upset though, i would have been upset too.

mckayleesmom replied: Although I think you overreacted a little...I would be ticked too if you already expressed wanting to keep stuff for her seperate...Maybe next year and from now on you can hold her birthday at your house and make sure it goes the way she would want...problem solved.

Insanemomof3 replied: Overreacted? Maybe a little, but since it has been a past problem, and you have told her to separate the birthday and Christmas, then she needs to understand and put some effort out there. I would have reacted the same way. I swear people just don't care anymore and some are too lazy to put out the effort. Grrr. So sorry. Happy birthday to Emilee though!!!!

AlexsPajamaMama replied: I would be upset about the Christmas stuff at her birthday too. I know Em is "only 5" but that doesnt mean she cant have a girlie theme party even though her birthday is right after Christmas. I wouldnt want my birthday celebrated with left over Christmas stuff!

CantWait replied: I can totally understand why you'd be upset, yet at the same time, think you probably over reacted a little bit.

Did Emilie mention anything? If not, I'd say it was no big deal.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: i think what sent me over the edge is that Emilie said "I thought they were going to be pink!"

Yeah, she got gifts, yeah, she got "cupcakes"... and even after she said that, my mom mentionned she won't notice. it does matter, it matters to me... because family pictures of her birthday celebration are filled with christmas.

i'm making her a big princess cake today.

Nina J replied: From an outsider perspective, I would say it was an overreaction. But that is an easy assumption for me to make, I am not in your situation. It obviously bothers you, and your daughter had expectations. I would be angry, certainly, but I do not know what I would've done in the same situation.

When it comes down to it, it happened. There is no point dwelling over it. Perhaps now things will be different and Emilie's birthday will be a seperate occassion to Christmas, as it should be.

I hope she likes her cake you're making her Happy Birthday, Emilie.

booey2 replied: I would definitely would have done the same things as you especially if my mother knew of my child's wishes before the big day. We also have the similar issue with Thomas's birthday in that I don't decorate my house for Christmas til after his party or it would be filled with Christmas stuff and it is not fair to him.

I think the next time my mom wants to have them over for my child's birthday I would supply everything and even bring the wrapping paper as backup incase she pulls this again. It may seem a little excessive but we have done something similar but with food. When we go down to my stepdads or moms for dinner we now pack a cooler or bag with stuff we know the kids will eat and snacks for before dinner because this year they had stuff both boys wouldn't eat and we have had to stop at McD's on our way back home.

May she enjoy today with you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS EMILIE.

lisar replied: My sisters birthday is a week before christmas and it was always a fight to keep it seperate also. Do I think you over reacted maybe just a tiny little bit. You could have said something to your mom but not make the kids leave like that. But I would have been really mad about it to.

Cece00 replied:
Well, next yr you can have it @ your house and give your sweet little girl whatever she wants, and you wont have this problem again. Everyone is happy!

DillsMommy replied: Honestly, I don't think you overreacted all that much. I can see why you would be upset. She deserves a special day that's just about her and not filled with christmas stuff.

Happy birthday Emilie!

moped replied:
Rocky, why didn't you host the birthday then? Laila has a Xmas birthday as well and I am sure that it wouldn't have bothered me at all. Maybe your mom didn't realize what a big deal it would have been to you.............I would say you overreacted a wee bit

punkeemunkee'smom replied: While to adults you may have over reacted I can absolutely see why. It is hard to have your children disappointed and if you have already had issues with your mom, I can totally see where you are coming from. Maybe not so much about these cupcakes this time but all the times she has not respected your wishes or done a 1/2 a**ed job at being a grandma....You have every reason to be upset on behalf of your daughter being given second best.

I bet she loves her princess cake today!!!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I should maybe clarify the scene.. i didn't like totally flip out on her in front of everyone, I went into the kitchen and was 1 on 1 with her, although I'm sure the others heard. The others being my grandmother, dh, the kids, my jackbutt stepdad, and one of my stepsisters. Nobody mentionned anything.. when I say I waited for the kids to finish their cupcake, I sat there with the others, as before, chatting and whatever.. and afterwards we packed the kids up, thanked my grandmother for having us over, made Emilie say thank you again for the gifts, dressed them. My grandmother said "you're leaving so early!" (it was like 8pm) and I said that it was way past the kids bedtime, and with the sugar they just had, it was best to go put them to bed asap.

I did not host it, because my grandmother is lonely this time of year, living alone and having lost my grandfather a few years ago, she asked us to go over to her place.

My mom's always done a 1/2 a***d job (thanks Abbie) with her grandchildren, and doesn't think anything of pumping them up with ideas and promises and backing out. The biggest and best example of this would be last December, dh and I were supposed to go on a trip down south.. she was supposed to watch the kids for the week, between her, and my grandmother. At pretty much the last minute, she bailed, saying SHE was taking a trip. Which meant we had to cancel ours, as my grandmother is not strong enough to have all 3 kids for a week.

My mom knows it's such a big deal for me to have Christmas and Emilie's birthday kept separate. Her idiot fiance knows what it's like.. one of his girls is december 24th, and he said it himself - "she gets more for Christmas because we celebrate her birthday at the same time."

I don't want my other kids to feel jipped becasue Emilie "gets more presents", nor do I want her to feel jipped that she doesn't "have a birthday party" just because of the unfortunate time of year her birthday is in. It doesn't seem like a big deal...but it's a lifetime of dissapointment. I have a couple friends who have birthdays in late december, and they all say that growing up sucked for birthdays. I don't want that.

Emilie loved her princess cake, thanks!

I've not spoken to my mom since.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I totaly get where your comming from Rocky as a December baby myself and having a daughter 3 days after. I am working hard for hers not to suck like mine did growing up. I cant count the many years I was told you will get something great at christmas and ended up with not much of anything. I never understood it my birthday is on the 2nd and christmas is 23 days away how is that fair? It never was. Now I have to watch Kaitlin not get the same as I did, it was going good till this year when both sisters have so far ignored her birthday, and she noticed they did not even call her. So ya I am mad at them for hurting her. I dont think you over reacted at all, I woudl have done the same. family can sure suck huh?

lovemy2 replied: I can understand where you came from - and now that you have explained it I don't blame you a bit - Dylan is December 16th - at least a little BEFORE Christmas but still kind of a pain, its a tough thing and I think that you did it at your Gram's for those reasons was very nice of you - maybe next year have a seperate birthday party for her and then do something with the family that way she won't be let down since she will get it the way she wants it first

msoulz replied: If it bothers your daughter then stick to your guns. If she doesn't mind, then I wouldn't make a big deal out of it until it does bother her, which it will some day. JMHO.