weight and body image - just thinking...

Schnoogly wrote: All our posts on the Monday weigh in have gotten me thinking about weight and body image esp. as mothers. I have gotten to the point in my life (OK I'm only 28 but I've been what they would call "overweight" since I was 11) where I'm not afraid to post my weight anywhere. I'll even tell people just to see the shock on their faces

But there are a lot of us on this board who would be considered "obese" by those dang charts and many of us have goal weights that are significantly higher that what might be considered a "healthy" weight.

I am a muscley individual, and my "density" only increases when I work out more. I have thighs any football player might envy (under significant flab of course). When I lost 40lbs before I went from 250 (my second highest weight ever, only second to the 260 I was when Iain was born) to 210 and that was with killer 1 hour 5x a week workouts and 1500 cal a day diet. I was just getting comfortable with myself at 210 and only wanted to lose another 20-30 lbs. I really just wanted to be under 200. I went from a size 24 at 250lbs to a size 16 at 210 lbs. Now I would like to lose some more because I do want to have another baby and I don't want to have to watch my weight so much while PG. Plus I don't want to have to go through this again. So if I gain a little more while PG again it will be OK.

Also I was in pretty good shape even at 210lbs. I could run/walk for 30-45 minutes, do an hour of pretty strenuous yoga (I'm pretty flexible) and then could run up stairs without getting winded afterwards. I was carrying a little extra esp. on my upper arms and hips but I don't think I was all that unhealthy.

I guess my point is that those stupid charts are the bane of my existence. I think if I weighed 135lbs (what the chart says) I would be skin and bones. I can't imagine ever weighing that little.

Anyway, good luck to everyone who wants to lose--be it 10lbs or 100lbs!!! And ***$&%^ the stupid charts.

Steph

maliksmommy replied: I totally agree with you about the charts according to them I am at a high risk for my height and weight. I definately don't think I am fat but it couldn't hurt to lose a few pounds and feel more comfortable about myself. I think that 130-135 is what I am supposed to weigh and to me that is just too small for my build. I think as long as you are comfortable and not endangering your health that is what is important.

booey2 replied: I second that.
My goal weight was set by the people at ww only because I was a lifetime member before. I am going to try for 150 once I get there I will see how I feel and if I want to try and lose more then fine I will otherwise I will get a note from the doctor. I too am built like a jock under this extra "stuff" I am carrying around with me these days. Thanks mom for pushing me into sooo many sports that my calves and quads are huge even when I lose my weight. Oh well, just thought I'd share.

Kaitlin'smom replied: Ya I agree. I was getting comfortable with my body before I got PG I had lost 20lbs and just wanted to get down one more size, then I got PG so now over all I really want to loose 30lbs, but just a little at a time. I dont like thoes charts, they are stupid. Heck the average american woman is a size 14 or larger! I have no intention on being a stick, I never have been and unless I stop eating altogether I wont be, and I am fine with that. I dont do this for anyone but me. I did not post my weight cause I was not comfortable, but I am getting there and you all are making it okay for me, and maybe afre I do loose some I will post it, heck even my DH has no idea what I weigh, and he wont ask! He loves me for me not what I weigh, he is supportive of me wanting to loose weight, he says he would like to drop about 20lbs himself, but if I cant or dont he will still love me

I guess since I am also 5'4" I should weigh 130-135 phu, never I would look horrible! I just want to get back to what I was before I was PG then I will go from there.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Woo Steph!

(stepping on the box...)

Hello my name is Zach's Mom, and I am an obese person. Well to be fair, I'm not dangerously overweight, so I don't really care, other than the fact that I have no fitting clothes. lol!!

When I was little, I was in ballet, and gymnastics, and karate. So i was pretty nimble and slender. Then I quit karate, and gained a few pounds. My gymnastics teacher went and had a baby, so I no longer had a gymnastics coach. (normally they wouldn't be too hard to find, but we were on a military base)

After that, I gained a few more pounds, and my ballet teacher told my mother that I had gained too much weight for her liking, and that I either lost it, or she would have to refuse to teach me. My mother never took me back. Over the next few years, by the time I was 10 years old, I weight 140 pounds. At 12, I weighed closer to 155 pounds. That's only 10 pounds from where I am now.... and it wasn't pretty. I struggled with my weight for a while, then managed to at least just stay where I was at, not gaining or losing, until I was 14 1/2 years old. Then I told myself that I needed to do something if I ever wanted a boyfriend, and if I ever wanted to be popular..etc... (young girl's warped mind...you know the type...barbie wanna be...) so I became semi-anorexic, and proceeded to drop the weight off fairly quickly. At 16, I weighed 120 pounds. Then I took it a step further, I became fully anorexic. I dropped 30 pounds in a few months, by not eating. I was also doing lots of bad stuff (soft drugs, drinking, smoking etc...) and I was happy with my body. I weighed 90 pounds!

After a while, my life chaged significantly, and I realized that I needed to get healthy again. I gained the 30 pounds I shouldn't have lost, plus 5. So now I weighed 125 pounds, I didn't take any bad substances anymore, and my parents and DH (then my boyfriend) still thought I looked underweight. I was 5"3 1/2, and a size 2 / 4, and stayed there until I got pg. That, by the way, is what is in my chart. Actually, the 125 was on the HIGH end of what I was supposed to weigh. Charts? They can kiss my.....

Then I gained 78 pounds throughout the 9 months. I didn't care, because I was happy with my life, and I knew that I would be loved no matter what I weighed. So here I am, still at about 160 pounds, and although I'd like to get back to around 130, I wouldn't starve myself towards my goal. I recognize that only hard work and dedication can get me to where I want to be... and for now, I'm happy with my love handles.

I am not FAT, I am not OBESE.........I am ME.

jdkjd replied:
Amen, sister.

mckayleesmom replied: 160lbs is not obese, I was 158 before I got pregnant, I am 145 now and I don't consider either obese. I think that even wieght alot higher isn't obese. I think it all depends on your bone structure, breast size, and alot of other things they don't factore into their little charts. Lets face it...those charts were made by a barbie look alike. I was 105 until I was a sophmore in high school and I was uncomfortable and had a poor image of myself cause I had huge boobs and a small body,,,Even at 157 I was more comfortable with myself cause my body was more proportioned. I don't think I would ever want to be less then 120lbs again. I just think you can't go by charts cause everyone has guessed someones weight before and been suprised when they were way off. I say who cares, I only get to live once and Im not going to spend it obsessing about my weight.

mckayleesmom replied: oh yeah, who ever invented the word obese needs to be strangled. Who is that person to put someone in a category? I think he should be kidnapped and be forced to eat twinkies all day long.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Who says it was a HE? rofl!!!!!

And I agree..but for the punishment... I could eat twinies all day long...can I pretend I invented the word?

mckayleesmom replied: Im assuming its a man...lol....And yes you can have the twinkies, I prefer rasberry zingers....Im addicted to those things.

Schnoogly replied: Amen sisters. What bugs me the most about media images of motherhood are not just the "do it all career and motherhood" ideals but all those celeb moms who look perfect exactly 6 days after giving birth (Sarah Jessica Parker, Elizabeth Hurley). I mean if I had a nanny, personal trainer, chef, and housekeeper I still wouldn't look like I did before I had a baby b/c YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO!!!!! Having a baby changes your body! We're supposed to be all round and mother-y. That's why our babies love us!!

Kaitlin'smom replied:

that they do! and they dont know whats fat or not!(would love to keep it that way but in todays world inpossible, so sad) They just love us

kit_kats_mom replied:
Gotta agree with you here. I made my Middle weight from the charts (145 @ 5'10") when I was 16 and trying to get into modelling. I worked out every day, I ate nothing but chicken and frozen veggies (no fat, no sugar, no salt) and I drank 2 1gal jugs of water every day. I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and I looked like skeleton girl. I promptly gave up on the modelling and put back on the 20 lbs I'd lost. I am a pear shaped woman and I think I have finally accepted that.

BTW, Even then I was still wearing a 12. I remember being so excited because I could finally shop in the Jr's section. LOL

I have noticed that since having my baby, I am so much more happy living in *my* body than I ever was before. Going through labor with no drugs...heck, going through labor at all....made me gain a new respect for this lumpy pear that I ever had before. Stretch marks are my badges and my belly pooch?....well, it's here to stay!

Big FAT hugs to everyone!

mckayleesmom replied: for those who are a little busty and find it hard to find tank tops that fit, if you shop at kohls the tank tops are bigger in the juniors department. Maybe cause of young girls going throught their chubby stage, I buy mine there sometimes. I know that everywhere else I have trouble finding them.

supermom replied: Well, I have always been on the heavy side, and it's been just a struggle with my weight my whole life. I remember diets and all kinds of other things that just did not work. I do know that it will require a lifestyle change. Right now, I am at 264 lbs (from 255 at the beginning of my PG) and it's been a long time since I've been under 200. I will set my goal at 175 after this baby gets here, and then just see where I get from there. I would LOVE to get down to about 150 lbs (I'm 5'8") but I know that is probably unrealistic. I would be thrilled to just lose about 50 lbs - soon, soon, soon.........

MomToMany replied: I know this will probably sound stupid, but I want to say it.

I'm a total mess. I've been dealing with depression and self-esteem issues for the past 3-4 years; it started when my X-H cheated on me (for the WHOLE 9 months) with my friend when I was PG with Ethan. I was stupid to not see any signs. I'm "over-weight", too. I'm not going to post my weight, because I'm not comfortable with it at all. I hate being like this, although my family doesn't seem to care. Whenever we go out somewhere, I just feel "huge" around other people. I really wish I could get back down to where I was after I had Logan. I was 16, married, and still in high school. I was at about 130 lbs., and a size 8. I stayed there until I got PG with Quentin, and I've been heavy ever since. I was going to BFed my boys, but a constantly nagging X-MIL kept telling me that they were starving, and I didn't have enough milk (I know she was wrong, but I was so young, what did I know?). We were also living with them, too, which just made things 1,000X worse, but X-H didn't care. According to him, they could do no wrong, and they knew everything (Yeah, RIGHT!!). I thought I would lose weight BFing Hannah, but it seems like I've GAINED weight instead.

So I'm just not comfortable with myself, I guess; DH hates it when I even say anything about my weight, and he knows better than to bring the subject up . I wish I could find the confidence to just be comfortable with myself, and accept myself for the way I am. My parents were heavy, and a couple of my sisters are, but there's that one sister (of course) who can eat everything she wants and not gain an ounce. I feel like I'm almost being punished for something, although I don't know what that is.

I'll shut up now.

Told you this would sound stupid!

booey2 replied: Big hugs to you. Your self acceptance of your body will come in time, it took me a while to realize that I was happy with my size (about 10 years after gaining all the weight). I am still happy at my size (262 pounds) but want to make myself healthier so I can keep up with the kids. If you want an ear to bend drop me a line.

supermom replied: No, it doesn't sound stupid at all - I could have wrote your post about 5 years ago myself. Me XH was ALWAYS on me about my weight, and I went on a couple of starvation diets because of it, endangering my own health so that he would just leave me alone. I was old enough to know better too! It has taken me that long to realize that my (now) DH will love me and not care what I weigh no matter. He also doesn't ever mention my weight, but it isn't because he knows I will get upset (finally!) and that he can tease me even a little about it (mind you, this has been a long, hard road) but I am finally comfortable with myself and want to do something about it this time for ME and not because anyone else thinks I should.

I really can relate, I have been bigger than most my whole life, and it has taken me 40 years to "deal" with it. So, go ahead, post away - and to you.

mummyof2boyz replied: Ok, well you talked me into telling my weight, but first my story. I have been overweight all my life. When I was in my teens was the worst. I weighed 265 when I was 16. At this point I was pretty suicidle. I was thinking about it pretty much on a daily basis. I had even writen goodbye letters to everyone. Came close a couple times but could never go through with it. I was always getting picked on at school and such. My whole Family is overweight so they thought I was "normal". I was always thinking I am never going to get a boyfriend, no one is ever going to love me. Then I met DH. I was 16 and he could not have come into my life at a better time. I just could not believe that someone could love me and here he was. Did not care what I looked like. Just loved me.

Over the years I have pretty much maintained my weight. Before I got pg with Hayden I was 285. My highest non-pg. I had only gained about 11lbs with Hayden. I was so shocked after I had him that I had lost an additional 20lbs from my pre-pg weight I was so happy. sence have lost another 5lbs so I am down to about 260.

I have talked many times to my husband about my weight and he says he does not care what I look like. He says he still finds me sexy. Believe me, I still need to here that eveyonce in awhile. So I have become pretty comfy with this weight. I am not saying that I would not like to lose weight but I am happy right now. I just don't want to gain anymore.

So there it is, I told my little secret. I feel better. Thanks for listening

MomToMany replied: Thanks you guys! I know it will just take time for me to accept this.

I just want to give everyone a big !

maliksmommy replied: BIG HUGS to everyone

I am glad to see people being so comfortable with all of us, that's what makes this board so great

Hillbilly Housewife replied: That's not bad at all! If you,re healthy, it's perfect! I think that society creates an image for women, and that women strive much much too hard to achieve that standard.

Think about it. Way back, and I mean WAY back, if you were thin, it meant you were poor, and that you weren't eating well. The plumper you were, the more food was on your table at dinner time.

In tribal drawings in caves and such..never ever was there a picture of a skinny woman, they were all of big women with saggy boobs from childbirth.

Come on. The skinny ones (and I mean like model skinny, TOOO skinny) wouldn't be able to have a great pg...they'd be much much more uncomfortable. Us bigger chicks HAVE the extra nutrition for our babies...and we HAVE the extra room for them to move. We don't get as many stretch marks (well I did... lol) and our babies have more to love and hold on to.

You should just love yourself. That's all that matters. You can replace your husband, but you can't replace yourself.

I have the body of a GOD. Buddha is round....

Kaitlin'smom replied:

you know someday we might try and plan a parenting board gathering.

okay as soon as I win the lottery we will all go somewhere and have a gathering......dunno where but if and when I win I will pay for the plane tickets, heck if I win enough I just book the entire Hotel! sorry I will stop dreaming now...............

mckayleesmom replied: You know I use to have that one skinny sister too. My mom use to compare me to her,,,I was also skinny at the time, but she was the cheerleader, the prom queen, Miss California... bla bla bla, and my mom couldn't understand why I wasn't interested in that. One time I even went to cheerleading tryouts to make my mom happy and realized how stupid it was for me to be there and ran all the way home. Now I don't consider myself overweight, but my sister over the years took being skinny way to far, she is so skinny now that she looks like she has AIDs or Cancer or something. She looks awful, and the bad part is that she doesnt see it. She is now a fitness instructor and just way too skinny. There is such a thing as eating too healthy and she has accomplished that. And her damage to her body includes achne, bowel problems, bladder problems, she just even had surgery for bowel problems and all she was worried about was the scar and weather she can still wear a bikini at the beach........I don't really have a good moral for this story other then Id rather be chunky then sick looking and my sister is annoying.

supermom replied: Yeppers - I want to just thank you all - I mean, I know I can talk to my DH, but he weighs all of 130 lbs and has NEVER been overweight - his metabolism is soooo fast, he eats almost twice as much as I do and never gains an ounce!! So, he doesn't really understand what it's like, and you all do -

Thanks for being here y'all - appreciate and love ya all!!

Kaitlin'smom replied:

ditto


and your welcome!

KatieLeigh79 replied: Be happy with who you are Growing up i was thin as a rail then when i hit the wonderful teen years i went up about 50lbs and then i was the "fat & ugly" girl in junior high, not liking as much as i was getting picked on i just flat out stopped eating and started the whole evil circle of weight obsession.. by the time my parents finally got me to realize what i was doing to myself i was down to 98-103lbs - which doesnt sound "dangerous" but im 5'10 You could count every rib on me and AF went off to never never land for a good 2 years - really kills your chances at having normal pregnancies & an easy time getting that way as DH and i later found out! I still battle with what i look like now, im afraid after this baby comes i will go back into a normal mode of trying to loose everything i can so that i go back to "how i was" in fact when i first found out i was going to be a mom, instantly i first thought of "god im going to get fat!" and proceeded to donate all my clothing to good will and lived in DH pants (at the time i had gained no weight, try going from a sz 7 to wearing someones 40 inch waisted pants) just because i didn't want to see what was happening to my body - now im as big as i was when i was "heavy" in school - with even more stretch marks to prove it and im trying to make myself realize it really doesn't matter - Your not who you are because you can get into a small swimsuit or fit into the next size down in pants - anyone wants real advice on weight loss let me know *laugh* i'd tell everyone to be happy with who they are - otherwise you can live your HS and early adult years like i have - worried about every last thing that went into my mouth.... Just had to share. (waiting to leave for my 39 week apt in a few mins...)

MomToMany replied: You guys sure can make a person feel better! Thank you so much !

More hugs to you wonderful ladies!