weddings and kids - etticute question & opinions
luvbug00 wrote: So my invitations go out tomarrow and we are printing all night tonight but I had one more question. So here it goes.
I am trying to find the most tactful way to let guests know we would prefer an adult ceramony and reception.( for reasons I would be happy to explain) I have read several etticute books and stuff on this but I figure who better to ask then other parents. so which of thease would you find the most polite way of going about this.
A. put " adult wedding and reception" on RSVP
B. write out the names on the reception card "mr. & mrs. john smith" to specify who is invited
c. I dunno know any seggestions.
I really don't want to offend. as for why.. Our wedding is going to be BORRING for the kids and the wedding itself is rather long & outside ( many distractions as well such as a swing on the premisis) . The reception is also long and more adult theamed . I love kids but we have a sitter for mya and her cousin of the same age ( who is there to keep her entertained) . I can't afford to get a sitter for ALL the kids. KWIM.
booey2 replied: I would definitely write out who is specifically invited on the invitations, following your suggestion "B". We also let close family and friends know it was adults only and they spread the word for us.
Terri
PS Ain't weddings fun. 
Boo&BugsMom replied: Kind of hard to say. I may get a little peeved if I couldn't find someone and then was expected to not come if I couldn't get a sitter. We just went to a wedding this weekend and had to take Tanner. There were tons of kids there and all did exceptionally well during the ceremony to be honest.
Celestrina replied: I like B. It is simple, polite, and to the point. If they ask if their kids can come, then tell them no.
skinkybaby replied: Just write the names of those invited on the envelope. Most people will get the hint that they're the ones invited, not their kids. Word of mouth will help a lot with this too.
Brias3 replied: I would simply state this on the invitation. Make it clear that the actual reception is an adult-only affair and be sure to specifically list the invitees on the invitation. We did this with my wedding. I figured if someone wanted to come bad enough, they would be able to arrange for a sitter well in advance, specifically since we did everything from save the date cards on.
Spreading the word through family and friends is also a good idea 
Boo&BugsMom replied: FYI: if you put B, people will not know kids are not invited. Usually around here all wedding invitations say "Mr. and Mrs.____", but kids are still invited. I don't think that will say what you are trying to get across. If you are set on it, you need to be to the point because not everyone will get what you are saying by putting B. State on an insert that it is for adults only. Don't beat around the bush.
luvbug00 replied:
I understand but this really applies to people not in my family because my family consists of ryan ( 6) and the rest are adults. he and mya are the only kids. But of my parents friends who knows how many are involved and I'm not close to any of them so I wouldn't think they would be heartbroken to miss it. 
Brias3 replied: I agree with you, Nadia. Personally, by the time I had gone through nearly an entire stressful year of wedding planning, I wasn't about to let the thought of possibly offending someone ruin the day I envisioned in my head  - (Outside of my younger brother and two nieces (ages 8, 7, and 2 at the time- and all in the wedding party- we had NO kids at our reception.)
luvbug00 replied: I just put the option B because also I figure one would look at it and see I had left out their children and they may call to see wiether if it was a misprint or if it was an adult only event. Also some may write in their childrens name then my mom or somone can politely tell them it is adult only.
booey2 replied:
We had an adult only reception and used "B" option and word of mouth, that is why I suggested it. We have been to a couple of other weddings since ours and the invitations only had our names on it so I knew it was an adults only. Usually if the inivite is addressed to only the adults, around here that means only the adults are invited. After our wedding I completely understood why children are not invited to many receptions. It allowed for those with younger children to have a night out for themselves.
Terri
C&K*s Mommie replied: I like option A or something similiar. We have a wedding to go to this weekend, and although I did not open the actual invitation, I would likely not have paid much attention had it said "Mr & Mrs. _______" and not addressed to the "The _______ Family" KWIM? All that is to say, is people may not pay much attention to who it is addressed to, esp if they get a large volume of mail like we do at times. So something blunt and to the point might be the better option.
Boo&BugsMom replied:
That makes sense, but people may disregard it or not get what you are trying to say. I would do what Nicole mentioned and go with option A type thing. Then there is no question about it. The last thing you want on your day is someone to not "get it" and end up bringing their child, that just may be very unruly. Best to get your point across without question. Hope your day goes well!!!
mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: B B B!! I know it may not be obvious to some, but it's a wedding rule that if your name is NOT on the invite, you're not invited. I wouldn't put "adult only" on the invitation, but that's just me. I think it's about as bad as putting five registry cards in there. It's TMI in my opinion. I think people understand that some weddings are for adults only and won't get offended. It will go around by word of mouth that you are only having adults. Or like someone mentioned, people will call you and ask if their kid can come. I would NEVER assume my kids were invited and wind up bringing them without double checking first. That's very inappropriate and is by no means your fault Nadia, if it happens. I think it is an honor to be invited to someone's wedding, especially since they cost a lot of money, so I would never expect them to invite my kids unless their names were clearly printed on the invite. JMO.
Good luck hun! Good job on getting the invites out!
Boo&BugsMom replied:
See, around here, people do assume, it's just customary and normal. It's always "Mr. and Mrs. ____" and it means the family in that household are all invited. I guess it depends on the area, so I would find out what people usually are accustomed to first.
mom21kid2dogs replied: If you are desiring an "Adults Only" wedding & reception you definately need to state it and not leave it to chance, assumptions or "word of mouth". Those who want to meet that requirement will be there and those who don't . . .won't.
Our Lil' Family replied: For mine we stated Adult Reception on the invitation. It read like this: Adult Reception immediately following, and listed the location with address.
I couldn't figure out a nice way to say adults only for both ceremony and reception so I did it that way hoping if they knew they couldn't bring them to the reception then they sure wouldn't bother bringing them to the ceremony.
boyohboyohboy replied: I agree with Jennie, if I got an invitation from one of my friends, that just had my husbands and my name on it, I would still assume my kids were invited. I wouldnt know that they were not welcome in less some said.
I dont think I would be offended if it said no kids, but I also dont think I would attend if my children were not welcome.
I think its perfectly fine that you want an adult only wedding, but you should be crystal clear so you are not misunderstood.
ediep replied: I agree with Rea, I would never assume that kids are invited to a wedding,,,,as a matter of fact, I have never been to a wedding where kids are invited.
Here in NY and NJ wedding are huge formal EXPENSIVE affairs and it would be waaay to much to incluse evryone and their kids, besides, they are always at night.
luvmykids replied:
Same here. In fact, I've never been to a wedding where the kids weren't invited. I usually do get a babysitter just for a night out without them but they are invited, even at the formal evening weddings.
I wouldn't be upset though, if they weren't invited. It just isn't clear around here by only addressing the adults on the invitation.
Cece00 replied:
I would put that also...
"Adults Only, Please" or something of the like.
Otherwise, ppl who dont get it WILL bring their kids.
I put that in my invitations AND I spread it word of mouth, as we did NOT want children at our wedding. Nothing personal, I love kids and had them at the time, but the event was NOT for children.
siblingtooolivia replied: My invitations stated "Adult Reception" and the envelopes were addressed to Mr. and Mrs. not Mr. and Mrs. AND Family.....but didn't say anything about the wedding itself. I think it is hard sometimes for parents to get a sitter for ALL day for a wedding, when you combine the wedding, time in between and the reception, it can be costly for a sitter and alot for grandparents....maybe think about comprimising for the wedding part..........
Maddie&EthansMom replied: If we have ever been to an adult only wedding, a babysitter has been provided for us. But these were really big, extravagant affairs.
I think kids can be lots of fun at receptions and keep in mind, if they do show up with them, families with children normally don't stay late.
If you don't want kids there, you need to specify that. I would never be offended by that request, but I may not get the hint by a Mr or Mrs on the envelope. I would try my best to make it if my kids weren't invited, but that couldnt' be guaranteed.
AlexsPajamaMama replied:
This is the way I would put it too
I agree, if you want adult only you should put that...it's YOUR day, don't worry about hurting anyones feelings with not inviting their kids too...many of my cousins have gotten married and had adult only weddings and receptions
luvbug00 replied: Thanks everyone. I appriciate your input!!!
Aimee I truely wish all the little ones could come and we could get a sitter for all. Unfortunately I would be paying fot that part ( because i am paying for the sitter for the 2 kids) but I can't afford one for as many as my mom just informed me would have come if i said it was ok. ( 14 kids ages 3months-7 years) what can i say our friends have been popping like popcorn! 
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