wedding blues - im depressed!

A&A'smommy wrote: Ugh i hate this i wanted the memory of my wedding to be wonderful and beautiful and special but all it does is make me cry from saddnes not because im married or because of my dh but because it was a horrible exscuse for a wedding! See when i got pg we were already engaged and i was 17, we also wanted to get married so bad we couldnt stand to wait a any longer so my parents said they would sign the papers (ugh). Well i had 10 weeks i think to plan the wedding which should be long enough if your rich (maybe) but my parents didnt have much money. i dreamed of my wedding all my life i was looking at wedding dresses when i was 15 how crazy is that!?!?! i knew what i wanted i wanted a beautiful outside wedding in the perfect spot an i wanted my dress to be incredibly long and i wanted to walk down a REALLY long white isle thingy (i cant think of what its actually called right now) i wanted a HUGE wedding cake and LOTS of people. But what i finally had and was talked into was having this wedding in the court yard of my church (which they turned into a rose garden) we probably had 50 people maybe a little more at the ceremony a lot of people couldnt make it because it was such short notice. OH and we made our invatations on the computer and the envelopes were cheap.....my wedding cake was leaning the food display was awful and my wedding dress was a cheap plain prom dress which was a little too big because my mom was afraid that a 4 or a 5 would be too small (i was actually skinny then). crap im sorry i went on about all this im just feeling sorry for myself again because the girl i told you about that lost the twins well she is getting married to that sorry exscuse for a man (boy?) in april two months before her 18 birthday...and dh is going to be in it...i dont even want to go...i dont want dh to be in it...i think im just jealous but i dont know i really dont like them she tried to be exactly like me getting pg when she was too young and getting married before she is 18, the only she did different is drop out of school i graduated. what is my PROBLEM??? anyways sorry i went on so much!

~CrazieMama~ replied: I am sorry you feel that way. When I married my sons' father, I was 16 and almost 3 months preggo. We got married at the courthouse. No wedding!!!! No wedding dress!!! No cake!!! No pics!!!! That was a sorry excuse for a way to get married. My parents did not have the money. My sister got married just over a year before that. I don't blame you for be jealous, I sure would be. Darn, now you got me feeling sorry for myself because of my crappy "getting married" day. Oh well, cheer up hun. It may not have been the way you wanted it, but at least you had something and you are in love with the man you married.

mummy2girls replied: OH Hun, I am sos sorry you are feeling that way. Every girl from when they are small dream of thier wedding. I think every girl has done the pillow on the head thing..LOL. You just have a picture in your head of your dream wedding and when it doesnt happen it is sad. But i agree with happymom... at least you had something and you are in love with your DH.

(((HUGS)))

CantWait replied: Don't feel bad about feeling bad about it. I think about it all the time also.
Ron and I were suppose to have a beach wedding in Costa Rica, we did a bunch of checking online, Emailed back and forth to the person setting up the hotel, our extras, locations etc....then we realized money was a huge thing and we just couldn't afford it. We ended up getting married at City Hall in Toronto on our move to Edmonton. It was also very rushed. I searched for my dress the night before. It was also just a formal dress that I settled on cause we had looked for hours and dh was getting upset. Our reception (ha) was held at a chinese restaraunt, and later me and dh, and a couple of our closest friends went dancing at a latin club. Our pictures sucked cause the photographer wasn't very good. I look back on it though and my favourite part was seeing my son dressed up in his dress pants, white shit and handsome vest and tie. DH had gone out the day of the wedding to get him something nice to wear, he was only suppose to wear a pair of khaki pants and a polo shirt. I cried so hard when I saw him.

mckayleesmom replied: We went to Las Vegas and got married. I was pregnant, but we found out 4 days before we already made plans to go there. So it worked out. I wouldn't change a thing either. Who wants the stress of planning a wedding...Not I said the fly...

kimberley replied: (((Hugs))) JessyAnn! i am sorry you feel so blue. i think a lot of us have the "perfect wedding" in our minds from a very young age, but it never usually turns out that way. i have a hard time remembering my wedding as happy either. not because we planned it in a month or that it was so cheap or anything to do with DH but for two other reasons. one... i regret not having my family there. we eloped to a beautiful spa/inn in northern ontario with a bunch of strangers helping us out. they were all really nice but it was just not the same. it didn't feel real and i really missed the boys. i was about 9 wks pg when we got married. i was fatigued, emotional and became a nervous wreck when it came down to the ceremony. i NEEDED someone to calm me down but instead i laughed hysterically through most of the ceremony because i was so nervous. their is video tape evidence to back it up two... not even 48 hours later, i started bleeding. the next 2 weeks were he!! we went home and after numerous visits to the OB, we learned that the baby had passed away. now i have that memory hanging over our special day. we had planned to do a proper church/reception the following year on the same date but i got pg again 2 weeks after i lost our angel and we just couldn't afford to. so now i am married to the love of my life but not many people know and i constantly wonder if i didn't go through all that stress alone of planning the wedding maybe our angel would still be here

also, my cousin spent a lot of money and planned her wedding for a year and it turned out to be an awful day for her too. her pre-wedding pictures at home were awful. her and her mom were fighting like crazy while the photographer was snapping away. she told me she wasn't even sure if she should marry her fiance because he was a jerk. the outdoor wedding pictures were not that great because it was super windy. then at the reception her MIL (who never liked her) decided to have balloons drop from the ceiling for the first dance but i guess they hung it too close to something electrical and when they cued from them to drop the ribbon caught on fire and big chunks of burning ribbon was falling down at them. her DH casually danced her off the dance floor and called the fire dept. then her self-centred MIL refused to come out of the bathroom for most of the reception because she was crying saying she ruined the wedding... making herself the center of attention. so even expensive, well-planned weddings don't come out so great.

sorry this got so long, but i just wanted you to know you are not alone. i am completely jealous of all these people who get their "perfect wedding" and i don't often attend weddings either. i didn't even get to go to my prom, so i guess i hoped my wedding would be my perfect dream. (((HUGS))) at least we have our perfect babies right?!

5littleladies replied: I'm so sorry you feel that way. I got married when I was 18 and we only had about 12 weeks to plan our wedding and my mother ended up taking over most of the planning. Everyone told me it was the most beautiful wedding they had ever been to but I have very few good memories of it. I think everyone is right-every girl dreams about the perfect wedding but not everyone achieves it. Don't feel bad.

Oh and I went to your website and looked at your wedding photos and I think you looked wonderful!! I love that you were bare-foot! I wanted to be bare-foot but we got married in December.

jen replied: ((((HUGS))))))) Jessy....I am sorry you had to go through all of that but the outcome is your beautiful family and beautiful Alyssa and you are a young beautiful woman. Who says years down the road that you can't renew your vows and have another ceremony!

Your wedding pictures look beautiful to me. I love them! And you are a very strong woman to have endured a pregnancy so young and marriage, comittment and motherhood. The best part should be that you married someone you are in love with and passionate about.

jem0622 replied: My parents had a similar wedding b/c they paid for it themselves. And you know what...it's not the pricetag. It's the fact that you exchanged those vows. Don't beat yourself up or be sad. All that matters is that those that matter most to you witnessed one of the most important days of your life.

I have known folks to rededicate vows/renew vows at 10/15/20/25 mark and really do things up the way that they wanted b/c it wasn't to their satisfaction the first time. Something for you to consider.

My wedding cost all of 5k. And that's cheap for a wedding. I dug and dug for bargains.

MommyToAshley replied: I am sorry you are feeling blue.

We paid for our wedding ourselves also and so we didn't have everything I always dreamed of... but that's not as important as what the day meant. I know it can be disappointing not to to have your dream wedding, but I bet you can still think of some special, loving, or even funny moments from your wedding.

And, I agree, you can always renew your vows down the road.... and it will be even more special because Alyssa could be part of the ceremony!

chloe&tysmommy replied: awe don't be sad! I seen your wedding photos also and I think they are beautiful.

ITA -- later down the road when you guys are older you could re-new your vows (great idea!) and you can have more time to plan the things you want in the wedding. And Alyssa can even help you out

and try to cheer up

A&A'smommy replied: thanks girls...now i just need to get the courage to tell dh how i feel and tell him i dont want to go...although i might (this may sound mean) but dress alyssa up all cute and show her off and make her jealous why am i being so mean!?!? yikes although she is probably pg again *rolles eyes*

mummy2girls replied: personally jessy ..and please dont take this the wrong way but dressing alyssa up and making her jelous may get her upset because she did lose her twins. It is sad that she got preggo for the wrong reason and the way she did and the reasons behind it may be stupid in why she did it but making her jelous with alyssa may upset her...just my oppinion...please dont get mad that i said this. Dont get me wrong jessy...if you do decide to go, take alyssa with you, dress her up and enjoy that night with her and hubby just dont make her feel jelous about alyssa. thats all im trying to say...

Maddie&EthansMom replied:

Very well put, M2A! I had a wonderful wedding. However, it was December and cold, rainy, yucky. We had all the Christmas trees decorated in the church as back drops for the wedding. I got married in a huge church, had a long train and a nice reception. There are still things that I wanted that I did not get, but I try not to think about those things b/c to me they are irrelevant (sp) in the way I truly feel about my 'marriage'. I looked at your pics as well and you look so happy and so beautiful. Atleast you have pics to look back on and show your kiddos. What a special memory to share with each other. Think of it as a wonderful day...no matter where you recited your vows. None of us have the money that Donald Trump has and we don't always get the time we need to plan the wedding of our dreams. My wedding did not cost a lot, but we had 6 mos to plan it so that helped. It was also very stressful to plan....ITA with Mckayleesmom on that one.

I say go to the wedding and have fun. You have a wonderful DH and beautiful daughter. If nothing else, show off how happy and in love you are with the two of them. I do agree with Jennasmommy on making her jealous. She may be or may not be, but show up with the best intentions if you do go.

coasterqueen replied: Ah Jessyann. Don't feel sad about it. It sounds like you really had a beautiful day and like M2A said, it's what the day meant not how it looked, etc. I know I didn't get the wedding of my dreams, but I also know that it was a very special day to me and no matter what I was wearing or this and that, that I always have that day to share with my DH.

A&A'smommy replied: i hope no one took what i said offensively i really didnt mean to be that way. I was being selfish and i wasnt really thinking...i guess i just dont feel like my marriage is all that great and thats another reason why im upset about not having a little wedding. thanks for the advice but we probably wont go at all i think the only reason derrick wants dh to be in the wedding is because he doesnt know anyone else and dh said that if he doesnt call him very much inbetween now and then that he isnt going to be in it...whats the point you know!?! Thanks guys!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: OH Jessy Ann I know what you mean! My wedding was rushed, we had 12 weeks to plan the wedding and it wasn't exactly what I wanted. My bridesmaid dropped out 4 weeks into the wedding and I had to ask my sister to be in the wedding party. I too was 5mths pregnant, not what I wanted at all! But the worst was, that most of my DH's side of the family didn't know I was pregnant and then 4 mths later we invited a few of them to her baptism and I was so embarrased! Maybe for your 10th anniversary you could do it all over again, you could have the big wedding you wanted, renew your vows and make it that special day that you always wanted! I'm so sorry you feel this way about your wedding!

MommyToAshley replied:

I thought that there might be something else bothering you, the whole jealousy thing just didn't sound like you.

I want you to know that no marriage is perfect. I think you were on the right track by talking to your DH on your roadtrip. And, I think you should be honest with him about why you don't want to go to the wedding. Talking will do some good! Having a baby can be stressful.... it's hard to think and act rationally when you are both sleep deprived and have so many more added responsibilities. It's a big adjustment. I guess the reason I am telling you this is because I didn't want you to feel bad about how you feel. I wanted you to know that we all go through a little stress with a newborn. But, if you really want things to work out with your DH, then I think you need to be completely honest with him about how you are feeling. And, we are here if you want to talk. JMHO, I hope I didn't offend you by offering it.

mummy2girls replied: Oh Jessy..you didnt sound selfish. You have been hurt by this girl and what she has been doing sounds very immature. I say alot of things when im tired and mad at the same time.... i want to send you some hugs though(((HUGS)))

A&A'smommy replied: as soon as i posted that i sent dh a email because its easier for me to write (type) my feelings down because i dont have to stop to calm down from crying or get frustrated because i cant remember my point (because i tend to go on and on) so i told him how my feelings and i told him i know he cant read my mind..see he grew up in a home where his parents werent very affectionate and i grew up in the opposite enviroment so when he isnt loving on me or when he forgets to hug me when he goes to work i cry so i told him that and when i was typing it i was BAWLING so i couldnt remember everything that bothered me but i think i remembered the most important things and now i think i will have the courage to tell him anything else...see this stuff has been eating me up inside for a couple of months now actually since before alyssa was born but after she born i really started to need him and know that im loved and that he thinks im pretty and he was staying clear of all that stuff...but he knows how i feel now and we talked about it and he opplogizes he felt really bad and i think that will help us. thanks for listening to me i have just been crazy lately i guess you all understand and that why i talk to you its nice to know that you girls are here and have been in the same place im in! Thanks again and i oppoligize to anyone i might have offended!!!c

~Daddytobe~ replied: Dear.... I just looked at your website and the pictures of your wedding were beautiful. The one thing that matters in all this dear is that you have a loving hubby and a beautiful little angel.

kit_kats_mom replied: ITA with Daddy to be. Our wedding was small & cheap. Under $5k since we had to pay for it all ourselves. The actual ceremony was in the hotel lobby with our guests (family only, about 15 people) standing. Then we all went to the reception where all of our friends were waiting, partied and rung in the new year. I just wanted to have my friends and family together to celebrate our day & it was great!

Thats what's really important. Not the material things. Society is so hung up on material things and I really try to make a concerted effort to not let myself fell bad for not meeting the hype. Sometimes the green-eyed monster will get me but I just try to reel myself in and remind myself how lucky I really am. I have a home, a husband, a beautiful daughter, a healthy family, lots of friends, plenty of food etc. No worries. Chin up hon.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:

I completely understand what you are going through and feeling. It is so tough those first few years of marriage. I have been in your shoes. Then, to add a baby to the equation makes it sooooo much harder. Hang in there. I thought my DH would forevermore be distant and not so affectionate or 'chatty' with me, but all has changed since Maddie has gotten older. He is such a different person now and we are so in love. Hang in there. I know some days are tough (most days are tough). You guys have a lot of years together to grow into each other's ways and get comfy with each other. Keep writing him letters to let him know how much you care for him and your relationship. That will mean a lot to him. You are doing just fine. I hope it gets better soon! ((((HUGS))))