things are getting hard - don't know who to turn to

ZandersMama wrote: Zavier is doing so good now, and i'm so proud of him, but it feels lately like i'm just beginning to cope with everything that happened to him. And I feel sooooooo guilty. Like I could have done more for him, if I could have just kept him in longer. And then I get the idiots asking me what I did to make him come early I didnt smoke, drink or anything. Ate well, took my vitimins. I dunno, guess i'm just feeling really sad lately . Then I see him getting yet another test done, more blood work, whatever and I think if I could have done a better job he wouldn't have to go through all this. Like my body failed at its most primal point, the one thing I should have been able to do right I couldn't . I know woman who have drank and done drugs their entire pregnancy and had healthy babies, yet I couldn't even doing everything right . Blah. Anyway thanks for letting me vent, just feeling really down

sunrosejenn replied: I don't know what is wrong with your son but am sorry he is not well

ZandersMama replied:
He was born at 26 weeks gestation, but is quite healthy now all things considered.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Through the most unlikely, and seemingly worst circumstances, we gain strength.
Never doubt yourself for what you could've/should've done, he is here now and with your continued love and support he is growing into a healthy boy each day.

amynicole21 replied: I'm so sorry that people are so insensitive. As if you don't have enough to deal with. It makes sense that now that he is stabil you are beginning to deal with it. You haven't had time nor opportunity to do that until now. Have you spoken with a doctor about any feelings of being overwhelmed? It sounds to me like you may be dealing with some PPD issues. Please listen to your body and get help if you think you may need it.

MommyToAshley replied: I know how easy it is to blame yourself. I did it when we lost our first child.

But, you have to look at the other side of things. He was born at 26 weeks and is thriving. I am sure that has a lot to do with all the caring and love you have given him. He sounds like a real fighter and I think he gets that from his Mom! I am sure it has not been easy, so maybe now that you have a moment to stop and reflect, all these feelings are coming back. I agree with Amy that it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone. At the very least, take some time to get away for a few hours and do somethign for yourself.

lisar replied:
Well put.

Dont blame yourself for him comming early. I dont blame myself for Raygen being early. It was my body that messed up. You know there is nothing you could have done diffrent to make him stay in you longer. Some babies just come early. You will gain strenth from this experiance.

cameragirl21 replied: the important thing as i see it is that you're doing such an amazing job as a mother! Zavier is lucky to have you as his mother!

mckayleesmom replied: Don't blame yourself sweetie...consentrate on the positives. Nobody has a perfect body...every body malfunctions a little bit every now and then. Its not your fault. Your body did produce a very strong little boy ...that is what matters most.

ZandersMama replied: Thanks guys, i guess i just never had a chance to deal with it before, and with DH not around it's kinda crashing down on me.

Thanks for being so kind.

hoosier momma replied: Everyone gave good advice that I agree with. Please talk to someone or get a friend or relative to give you a break if you feel like you need it. You certainly deserve some time to yourself after all you have been through. You are a strong woman and mother who is raising two healthy beautiful boys.

amymom replied:

Kirstenmumof3 replied: It wasn't your fault! You didn't do anything wrong! Let yourself feel what you are feeling, it's okay to be sad! Look at me for the past year I've been thinking what could I have done differently with Spencer, what did I do to make him so sick! It's okay and you can vent to us anytime!

3xsthefun replied:

CantWait replied: I'm sure you did everything possible to go full term. I was the same way, didn't drink, smoke, I ate mostly well, and took my vitamins and Robbie still came early. You're very lucky that Zavier is doing so well and is so healthy, and that should be your focus.

lovemy2 replied: It isn't your fault at all that he was born so early - and it sounds like now that he is stable and thriving (which is thanks in most part to you....and the rest was probably the guy upstairs (or girl - whatever you believe) you are able to breathe and realize you have alot going on - with DH, etc. Find someone to talk to - a pastor, priest, counselor, etc. It isn't fair for you to beat yourself up and those boys need you....

mummy2girls replied: us moms are sometimes hard on ourselves... You are in afunk and the thinsg people are saying just makes it worse. You know I felt the same anger as you.. my friend ( ex) was pregnant at the same time when i was with jordan. i did everything right, took my vitamins, didnt smoke or drinka nd ate good and jordan was norn very sick. My friend did the opposite..no vitamins, drank, smoked and barely ate and her son was born healthy like a horse! Its things we just sit ans wonder why.... but what you went through made you stronmger! made me stornger! ((HUGS)))

redplaydoh replied: I think it's in our nature to second guess ourselves. You had absolutely no control over what your body decided to do. He got here and he's going to be fine... you're a fantastic mother that would do anything for your baby.

Having said that, I need to take my own advice. You see I'm doing the same thing. I've been beating myself up regarding the evaluation Lucas had this past week. What if he has this because I took cold medicine while I was pregnant that one time. What if *I* didn't work with him at the proper time... what if, what if, what if... I keep trying to blame myself. So I really think that taking on the role of a mother somehow makes you try to take on blame for things you cannot control.

holley79 replied: Sweetie your the best mama ever.