the saga continues... - long vent/whine

kimberley wrote: i feel like i am living in a really bad soap opera. there is far too much drama in my life right now and i hate it

My ex disabled his mom's email acct so she hasn't contacted me again (thank goodness) and he even got to talk to her friday night. he didn't tell me exactly what was said on either side but assured me she is more rational and won't bother me anymore. BUT i got the distinct impression he achieved this by telling her how much the boys need her as a grandma and that she will be in their lives. he was asking me what it would take to get things back to normal. i was floored and said i don't know to give me a week and *if* i consider this, she needs professional help. well, i haven't slept right since then. this is eating away at me because i don't want her in my life anymore. after what she has pulled, who knows what she is capable of!! as i mother, i feel if i agree, i will be putting my kids at risk. i really can't deal with this.

to make matters worse, my own father does not support me here! he said all of this happened over nothing (he thinks her taking them to the bar is no big deal and i overreacted) and that i should just let this blow over and go back to normal). I CAN'T!!!!! i am still stressed out because i am honestly afraid of what her next episode will bring. i just want her out of our lives. i appreciate that the ex supported me during this but now it seems he is taking her side and i get screwed in the process.

he even told me one of his close friends said his mother's reaction was normal!! WTF!! and he agreed! he said in light of the amount of money my ex has given me and the fact that i had a relationship with his best friend AFTER ours was over was devastating and she was only protecting her son! i blasted him!

what about my side!!! what about the fact that he was emotionally VACANT through our whole relationship. when i would ask him to go out with me so we could reconnect he would tell me to call this friend of his to take me out. what about the fact that when i tried to get my education to better our lives, he did nothing to help! i would come home from classes at noon and he was still in bed while the baby was crying and filthy and Jacob managed to open the fridge to feed himself at 2yo because his dad wouldn't. what about the fact that he didn't work for many years and sat on my couch playing video games and drinking. what about the fact that he brought drugs into my home with 2 curious little kids that always looked in his bag! what about the fact that after he deserted me with 2 kids to drink and party, I am the one who took him in when he lost his home and job even though i couldn't stand him. he had no one else and i couldn't do that to a person. and for the pennies he has always given me... give me a freaking break!!
right now he gives me $400 for rent (you will not find a room in this city for that price!!) and $400 for child support for 2 kids!! when he was staying with me after we split, I paid the rent with my welfare check.. not him!! only thing he paid was car insurance and some groceries! he has a nice Audi and state of the art electronics but my kids have pasta and plain sauce for dinner because i am broke!
these people have so many of their facts wrong in makes me want to puke! twice he has brought a woman home (second time she was rented ) and did his business in MY bed! how would his psycho mother feel if she knew all of this!! and even if i told her, he will talk circles around her and make out that i am lying! she is so dillusional!

sorry that got so long, i am just beside myself and have no one to talk to since my stupid father doesn't agree. what am i supposed to do here? am i supposed to (once again) be the bigger person and forgive and forget? this is the hardest pill i will ever have to swallow if that is the case because every fiber of my being tells me to keep this woman OUT of our lives. i have thought about calling her and settling this once and for all. i wish this would just all go away!

A&A'smommy replied: I saw go with what you feel its not right to have someone else come in YOUR home and yell at you about YOUR children. She has NO right and if I was you I wouldn't allow it!!! (((BIG HUGS))) I'm sorry your going through this right now!!

redchief replied: I know you're a kind soul, but I think you need to get your ex out of the house too. Then cut as many of the ties you can and get on with your life. You won't be able to move on in your life until they are water under the bridge.

coasterqueen replied: I don't think you should give in this time Kimberley. You have to think of your children's safety and there are too many people in this world who will take advantage of your kindness. Stand your ground no matter who won't support you...we will and I'm sure Jamie does too. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

MomToMany replied: ITA with what Karen said.

Boys r us replied: D@MN! all I can say is that these people have no idea the real facts of this.
You stand your ground and you stand it firm Kimberly!

DansMom replied:

How does Jamie feel about all of this? It must be hard for him to know how to help. It may be possible to get a judge to agree that all visits with dad and his mother be supervised. I thought of your situation this weekend---how awful that woman is.

Kaitlin'smom replied: sheeesh, I would say stand your ground, your mothlery instinces are right. We will be here for you, and until she makes the effort to respect that they are your kids not hers, and appoligise for her wrong doing then I would not make any efforts what-so-ever to her.

(((BIG HUGS)))

I am so sorry your having to deal with her.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I'm so sorry that it feels like no one is supporting you there! I'm with you, a bar is no place for a child! And I don't think his mother should have access to the boys unless she gets counselling. That is not a normal reaction for a mentally sound person. She reacted normally for someone who is mentally ill. I hope that made sense! Try not to get yourself worked up about this, try to relax!

kimberley replied:
Jamie is fed up of it all. he kind of exploded last night because he said our lives are now consumed by only her and her madness so essentially she is winning. he is right. i need to try to put all of this behind me and go on with my life. Patrick talked to his mom on sunday and she is still mad and thinks i am wrong but has agreed to leave me alone and has chosen to walk out of the boys' life for good but will stay with her son in the business. i hope she means it. Patrick knows better than to test me right now because i will just move away and that would break his heart. thanks for all of the support and hugs.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I'm glad it is worked out for the time being. You must move on, really. You can't let her destroy what you have...that is all she is wanting. She has a miserable life and she is trying to make you miserable. You have a great life with someone other than her son and she hates it that Jaime is more attentive to her son's children than he will EVER be! Hang in there....stand your ground!! She is evil and you are better than that. You are so strong.

MommyToAshley replied: OMG, Kimberley, I just read the other posts. (Sorry I haven't been around much lately.) Your EX-MIL's actions were NOT normal. After reading your other posts, I would be scared to have my children around her. I think you should listen to that nagging feeling, because it is almost always right.

I don't know the entire story, but I have to agree with Ed here. It sounds like it would be a good idea to work towards getting your Ex out of the house too. I know you are a kind soul, but there's nothing wrong with thinking about the safety of your kids first.