teacup kids? - Read paragraph B4 voting

luvbug00 wrote: I heard this on the radio this morning and found it really interesting. AParently this lady is writting a book promoting child freedom , for kids to "be kids". Run mildly wild and parents not be so overprotected.
Apparently the generation of kids aged now to 20 are part of this "Teacup" group.
She says that we coidle our kids to be whiny, babish and needy. Our kids have no sence of the real way to solve problems on thier own. As one teacher said when she called in "I fear for our nations future with such whimpy kids being raised now a days. my class is filled with kids who are so fragile, it's scary."

So I was wondering what you all think?..

bluebear replied: I'm a little confused on the first part, but I understand the second part. (I think?)

I feel that MANY kids that have started school after 1999 are babied. I know I'm going to get something for this, whatever, but this "he's not ready to start kindergarten" thing I'm not buying. Especially if the kid has a late birthday and is held back for that, and on top of being held back for not being "ready." Nobody was like that when I was in school. Teachers are there for a reason.
My aunt is guilty of babying my 10 year old cousin. My cousin (the one I first posted about babysitting) has slept over my house, my other cousin's house, and my grandma's house MANY times, but in the past year she's been saying she's uncomfortable without her mom. She used to go to my grandma's house if school was out (winter break, etc) and sleep over there because my aunt would then have to travel like 30 miles to pick her up, then another 30 to get home every night. Last year she stopped sleeping over because she was afraid to be without her mom. of course, my aunt gives in and gets her every night. She did the same thing here when I had to babysit her, making her mom get here 1am when they came back from a wedding far away.
She also had a fear of being left alone in a ROOM with somebody else in the house, but not in the room. once again my aunt gave in with this but eventually fixed it with therapy.

then there's the cell phone thing. How many kids do you see under the age of 13 with cell phones with no purpose besides occasionally needing to call home when staying after school?


if your kid says "I'm scared! I don't want to start kindergarten/have a sleep over at (family member)'s house/sleep by myself" you have to push them. Don't give in to something like that. Things like this really get me going when I see it.

kimberley replied: i think my kids will be fine. while i do protect them from dangers that weren't as prominent when i was a kid, i still teach them to be independent and deal with their own problems that i think they can resolve on their own (all depends on age and maturity).

i believe hard work never killed anyone and teaches a person to appreciate things and all problems have solutions (tho we may not like them) and to lead by example. if dh and i freak out over every little problem, they will too. it taught us to be calmer and look at issues rationally and find a solution.

i have noticed many of the boys friends seem to have a sense of privilege and it is firmly rejected in our household.

kimberley replied: bluebear...

i don't know if i agree with a few of your statements. my oldest child (now almost 13) was never comfortable with sleepovers or being away from home for too long. i believe if i pushed him, it would have made the problem worse. next year, he is spending a week in vancouver with my mom, flying alone, a week in quebec with school and can't wait. he also had a 2 day trip up north with school last year and forgot to call home lol. i was proud of him. i don't believe we should push a child into anything they aren't ready for just to "toughen" them up. they thrive much more when we give them security at a young age and watch them "fly" on their own later.

as for late starting kindergarten, there are valid reasons for a delay. my daughter was born on december 27th and started JK this year. we contemplated holding her back because she wasn't potty trained until almost end of summer and still has accidents. we were concerned that she would struggle academically because she is so young. you may think, who struggles in JK but that's not what we were worried about... it's being behind your entire school life. makes life harder. my son had a learning disability that was undiagnosed for years and watching him struggle was painful. he only began to catch up last year in grade 7.

had my daughter been born 5 days later, she wouldn't start til next year. there is minimal developmental difference in 5 days.. there is a world of difference in 11 months.

just my experience.

luvmykids replied: It varies so much kid to kid, I think that's a HUGE overstatement. But, I do see plenty of kids who never would have survived growing up the way I did and definitely not the generation or two before my age group.

My kids definitely have a sensitive side and I'm proud of that, I've taught them to consider other people and their feelings and pay attention to who around may need an extra friend or hug that day. But I don't teach them to be wimps, they know (or are learning) to stick up for themselves, make decisions on their own, know what is right and wrong and that there are consequences for our choices.

I think more along the lines of what Kimberly said, it depends on age and maturity. I know my kids well enough to know when they're genuinely afraid or unsure about things and when they just don't want to deal with it and in that case I don't baby them....we all have to learn to do things we don't want to and deal with situations we don't like. On the other hand, I don't force them into things just for the sake of it. Keeping a committment is also a huge deal in our house....do what you say you're going to do, and if you start something, finish it.

If I had to make a general statement I think I would have to say kids these days are a little on the spoiled/coddled/treated with kid gloves side though.

jakesmommy08 replied: I kind of agree with this. I was raised by a single mom and was taught to be VERY independent. (and to never rely on a man but thats a different story). I am a major tom boy. I have done things that a lot of women havent, like replacing roofs, drywalling...these were all things that me and my mom taught ourselves to do because the work needed done. (crazy yes but we learned a lot and we didnt have to pay someone!)

Kids these days dont have the work ethic like they used too. My cousins live on a dairy farm, got up every morning at 5 am before school did there chores, after school they did them again. they are hard workers and are very responsible. You just dont see that very often in kids these days.

We were taught you have to work hard for the things you have or want. Parents these days just go out and by there kids nice cars and the kids dont learn a thing from it. Go around acting like there better then everyone cuz they have nice cars. Well guess what id rather drive a crappy car and know that I paid for it, then to have a nice car and knwo that mommy and daddy paid for it.

As for younger kids, I will do everything i can to teach my son a good work ethic, and to be responsible and to not be a push over. My boyfriend says he kind of a whimp but we wrestle around and mess around to try and toughen him up. and if he falls down or something, he doesnt whine, we just tell him to get back up and brush it off. As long as you dont make a big deal out of it, he wont.

Sorry guys home i didnt get to far off topic.......haha i just kinda rambled!

bluebear replied:
Kimberely, I completely agree with you 100%. In my post I said that my cousin used to sleep over all the time and now she doesn't want to anymore because of not being "comfortable," (which is just a way of her getting attention, may I add.) There's a difference between your situation and what I was talking about, and I agree with you.

Yes, the holding back because of late birthday thing is completely acceptable, I understand all of that and I think it's right if it's after the cutoff date or the child has a disability.
Holding a kid back because they're "scared" after having no socialization (if you didn't let your kid go to preschool, etc) is babying, as I feel. That's the parent's fault. There's a 12 year old in my cousin's 5th grade class. Do you think that's fair?


I got a brand new car for my birthday in September. I'm not the type of girl that freaks out if I don't get my way or anything like that. I needed a car to get to and from work and school. I too, have a learning disability and other disabilities (I never talk about it, don't really feel it's necessary to bring up) and I needed a safe and reliable car. My parents didn't want to buy used because of any problems so they bought new, yes any car can have problems but each car is checked before it's sent out. I pay for my car's lease every month, that's something 80% of teens driving don't do.

A&A'smommy replied: Don't get me started......

That woman is crazy.. I see WAY more parents NOT taking care of their kids than babying and I think THAT is going to be the problem with our childrens generations.

MommyToAshley replied:
There's a difference in being protective and solving our kids problems for them. I've often been called over-protective but I think I am just being safe.

I actually see the opposite of the statement above being true. I think parents these days try to make their kids grow up too fast. What's wrong with letting a kid be a kid. If they fall and want their Mommy, so what? I am not going to tell Ashley to shake it off if she needs a kiss to make her feel better. I still get hugs and kisses every day before/after school and Ashley loves the days when I walk her to the classroom. I see other kids her age that don't even want their parents around...there's plenty of time for that later in the teenage years.

With that said, I do see a problem if the parent steps in and solves every issue, descrepency, problem for the child. It's ok to let them make mistakes and work it out for themselves as long as there's no danger of being seriously injured. But, that's a little different than being safe or being there for your kid when they want/need you.

mom21kid2dogs replied: This reference might give you a more detailed explanation of what I assume Nadia heard on the radio.

http://www.radicalparenting.com/2008/06/19...id-too-fragile/

Not sure I agree with most of her conclusions. It seems to be more of her personal conjecture than based on much else.

moped replied: Looks like I am way on the minority side of this vote, as usual!

I won't comment, but it is a very interesting article and is very much like the philosophies of a parenting group that I follow in Calgary.

coasterqueen replied: I see it both ways. I think there are LOTS of kids that are coddled and parents are way too over-protective and when their kids get out in the real world they will not know what to do without mommy and daddy holding their hands.

My parents weren't as protective of me and taught me what the real world is like and luckily that's how I've survived. My parents were very over-protective over my little sister (5.5 years difference between us) and she's almost 30 and can't do a darn thing for herself without always running to mommy and daddy.

I'm protective of my kids, but I'm not over-protective. Some I know IRL say I'm not protective enough, but I think they'll find they are way too over-protective of their kids and their kids ARE going to turn out whimpy. Strong statement to make, but I've seen it numerous times around me, in my own household upbringing.

I know one acquaintance that geesh, she's never ever going to let her baby know what it's like to fall down she's so over-protective. He's in walking stage right now and I swear that women is so over-protective that kid will never know what it's like to get a boo boo.

I do a lot for my children, I want them to be a kid and continue to strive to let them be one, but I also won't baby them to the point that they find out when they get out in the real world by themselves that they can't do anything for themselves without my help. I find that sad, those who have to deal with that.

I know someone who still does their kids COLLEGE homework for them because they feel bad that they aren't as smart as their other child.

BAC'sMom replied:
Thanks for the link Cheryl, now I know what you folks are talking about.

No tea cup kids at my house... it's more like a mason jar!

cameragirl21 replied: Idk if I agree with her conclusions, some of them seem a bit oversimplified and juvenile but I will say this--this girl is a genius...she is 24, is not a parent, seems to have no intentions of becoming a parent anytime soon, and doesn't seem to have any regular work (or other daily) experience with children...her only claim to expertise seems to be the fact that she still remembers what it was like to be a kid. Her staff is comprised of teenagers and she, along with her staff are running a website to teach parents how to parent and on top of that, she is a published author on parenting and like I said, seems to have no outright qualifications...it's one thing to give advice from a kid's perspective or from the perspective of a nanny or someone who spends a great deal of time with children or even just to give advice here and there but I am intrigued that she seems to have made a career out of giving advice to parents, along with her staff of teenagers and that people are buying into it.
I'm not saying she can't possibly be qualified but from my admittedly brief perusal of her website, from what I can see, she doesn't even try to suggest any qualifications or reasons anyone should buy into her opinions other than to say that she was a kid recently and so were her staff of teenagers.
I'm not knocking it...I'm impressed by her enterpreneurial spirit...wish some of it would rub off on me, I'm serious. If a young girl with no interest or experience (outside of peer mentoring) can put together a crew of teenagers and teach grownups how to parent then I suppose my cats can teach anyone to become a good veterinarian too, based on the principle that they know what it's like to be a cat and my vet doesn't.

mom21kid2dogs replied:
I was rather lost, myself, Jimmie!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I agree that there are kids out there that are babied into adulthood.. my ex being one of them, what with him not knowing how to do laundry by 22 because his mommy still washed, dried, folded and put away his clothes until that age.

My children are absolutely not babied, in fact I make them do several things when they're able and am often called mean for it - even my nearly 4 year old gets dressed completely on her own, and has since she's been about 2. Same with potty training. She's been fully pt/d since before she was 2. I'm not going to do the diaper thing for 4 years if I don't have to, thank you very much. I don't PUSH them... if they aren't ready then they aren't ready.. but they all took to everything really well, so whatever.

I can tell a huge difference between their maturity levels and those of children the same age whose parents coddle them or are overprotective towards them.

We learn from our mistakes.. but if we're not allowed the chance to make mistakes.. how are we to learn?

Tea cups? heck no. not mine.