speaking of addiction...

kimberley wrote: the other thread made me wonder how many of us grew up with addiction in our families?

it was rampant in mine. my dad, my bro and sis and all the male in-laws had/have a problem. it scares me cuz i know addiction can be hereditary. i experimented but smartened up real quick when i saw the long term effects. i worry for my kids.

did it make you stronger to say no because you saw the devastation first hand? did you fall into the pattern for a while? how do you plan to approach the issue with your kids when it's time?

sorry if anyone deems this controversial. it's not meant to be. i always looked for support growing up and i guess now is no different.

gr33n3y3z replied: The only one I can think of is my sister
my Dad found her on the floor a few times she liked to experiment lets put it that way when her friends use to come down and visit her.
When my Dad caught onto that it was the end of her friends visiting.


Me I could never be bothered with that crap I was into sports in school.

As for my kids we teach them all we can about it they just have to be the bigger person and say NO!!!

lisar replied: Touchy subject for me.

Well we will start with my father:
Alcholic, pot, he did cnort coke every now and then, pill addict. (still is all of the above)
My mom: I think she would smoke pot but not very often.
Me and my sister we tried a few things but never addicted to anything.
My cousin: tried everything in the book. Still does.
My uncle who is my age: coke, crack, weed, etc.... He just got out of jail and was diagnosed with cancer so right now he is doing good.

Thats all the ones I can think of.

CantWait replied: My grandfather was alcoholic, as was a couple of my mom's live in boyfriends.
My brother we all believe was heavy into drugs, although he never admitted so much.

I experimented for a while with alcohol and marajaunna (acid a couple times), but after meeting Ron and especially getting pregnant with Robbie I grew up real quick. (Robbie is my hero).

I personally don't believe that addiction is hereditary unless it's seen first hand, so I don't worry about it with the kids because thank God they haven't seen it. I don't drink around the kids and I don't allow it (unless people are actually having a couple drinks casually).

I talk about it now with Robbie, and the only thing we do is stress stress stress the effects of smoking, drinking and drugs. Robbie has also learned a lot about addiction through school and cadets.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: My dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up.

I like having a drink now and then, but I don't enjoy being more than slightly buzzed from alcohol.

I've experimented.

I've had a few addictions.

I can only tell my children about the effects etc... I can support my claims with articles, pictures etc... but ultimately it will be their decisions. I can do everything I can to avoid those situations.... but like teen sex, they will find a way if they really want to.

jcc64 replied: My grandfather was a raging, wife beating alcoholic until he wrapped himself around a tree while driving drunk.
My dad was an alcoholic the whole time I was growing up- and his addiction hung over our family like a dark cloud. Eventually, he got it together and quit drinking, only to become addicted to prescription meds (valium, xanax, etc). He just couldn't deal with reality.
I think addiction is not a learned behavior- it's in the genes. Luckily for me, I didn't inherit that one.

luvmykids replied: I didn't but DH comes from a long line of alcoholics and I think it had a lot to do with the fact that he was a full blown alcoholic/drug addict by age 13. He's been sober over 10 years now but I hate the thought of it being passed down to the kids and it's his biggest fear.

mummy2girls replied: no there isnt anyone ion my family that I know of that has it. BUT i seem to attracty the druggies. 2 of my ex's had an addiction:(

Iluvmyboys replied: I didnt but DHs dad was an alcoholic and might have gone into some heavier drugs when he was younger. Other then that no one

hoosier momma replied: There are several people on my side of the family that I would deem borderline alcoholics. But, my biggest fear is my husband's family. One of his brothers and one of his sisters are definitely an alcoholics and I think my hubby was headed in that direction when we met 8 years ago. He only drinks on occasion now which is I have no problem with. The biggest thing about his family that bothers me is their love of marijuana. I would guess over half of the family smokes on a regular basis. Drugs are something I will be very open with my son about when he gets the age to discuss it. Thankfully, I have a while.

kimberley replied: children of addictive parent's have a higher tendency to abuse drugs/alcohol because i do believe it's in the genes to have an "addictive" personality.

i sadly admit, my 19-23yo was quite a blur, clubbing nightly, many shooters and cocktails. i was never one for drugs but did feel myself slip a couple of times into the underworld. thankfully, i pulled myself out.. but i felt how easy it was to stay in that world.

my dad has done the same rainbow as Lisa's dad. i grew up chasing my dad down in bars to make sure he didn't blow the rent again. that we had food this week. that we didn't get evicted again. helping him into bed after being sick for hours.

then to see my bro and sis both grow up to do the same thing... it just kind of convinced me that i didn't want that life.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Alcoholism in my family, on my mother's side. My grandfather is a horrible alcoholic, although he does exhibit some kind of control when he is around other family.

Crystalina replied: DH's family is clean.
My little brother used to do some stuff. I'm not sure what but I do know that the cops were always on the lookout for him (aside from the fact he was sleeping with some of their wives. ). I don't know what he was taking but he wasn't a dirty, or ugly drug taker. So whatever makes you happy and keeps you looking good. I'm not educated on what does what. I know he was selling also. I don't think he's done it for awhile. He has 2 kids now and is always broke. Besides him there has been noone in my family. (Well, my brothers dad but he is not my dad so...)

msoulz replied:

ITA completely.

This is what separates us from other animals - the ability to make choices.

Coming from addicts on both sides of the family, I can see the choices that are made and where they lead. And it absolutely infuriates me to hear alchololism referred to as a disease because drinking is a choice. Ask my 45 year old friend dying of leukemia if he could choose to stop it would he? That is a disease.

I know this is a hot topic and I mean no disrespect to anyone. All JMHO.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I second the agreement. The people who have followed my grandfather are the products of being around his environment, IMHO. Other people who have other issues as well seem to always be in the same "immediate" family in my experiences, if that makes sense.

Calimama replied: None in my family. I've never even tried a cigarette.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Both of my parents liked to party and smoke dope. Plus they smoked cigarettes in the house. I grew watching Aunts and Uncles drunk and stoned out of ther minds! I would wake up and there would be a strange person (usually male) sleeping on my floor) My dad was verbally ane emotionally abusive, you never knew what you were walking into! Both my sister and brother followed the same path as my parents and have just straightened around the last few years. I never followed that path, although I do drink, but it's usually socially. I don't smoke, never even tried. But growing up I realized that the dope they were smoking was affecting my cognitive thinking. My psychologist and I have made the co-relation. It's really scary what this stuff can do to you as you enter into adulthood!

cameragirl21 replied: idk, i do think it's hereditary because i knew a family who had two adopted children, one of whom craved alcohol since he was 2. they are Jewish so they typically serve wine friday nights for shabbat but by the time he was two they had to stop doing it because he'd drink ALL the wine.
by the time he was ten they had to lock their liquor cabinets and they'd find beer and other alcohol stashed away in his room.
he was drinking alone so it wasn't a peer pressure thing.
i think he is the child of alchoholics or substance abusers and it's in his genetics.
it's certainly not a learned behavior in their family.
btw, their daughter, also adopted has never craved alcohol or been anything like her brother.

lisar replied:
I 3rd this. Mainly cause I grew up in the enviroment seen it all first hand. I did lots of drugs pot, acid, extcasy, pills. I done it all. I was into it big time. But the moment I said I didnt want no more I never took it again. I dont think its in the genes. I think it depends on the person and thier personality. If you have an addictive personallity then I think you have a better chance of becomming hooked. But I also think its a choice for everyone. I would have to take 5 extcacy pills just to get the effect because I would take them all the time. Thats addicted. But I could just lay them down as often as I wanted and never take them. I havent done any drugs in over 7 years.

lisar replied:
Just wanted to say this in response to your post.

My DH was adopted when he was like 3 days old. His biological mother was crack addict, acloholic, and god knows what else. He was literally a crack baby. Dh is not an addict. His parents have never done drugs he didnt grow up in that at all. And my dh doesnt have an addictive personallity. Just because the biological parents done it I dont think thier kids will do it. JMHO...

cameragirl21 replied: i didn't mean that it is 100% genetic, Lisa, i just mean that statistically if you are the child of alcoholics or substance abusers the chances are higher that you will be one too. this has been proven thru science.
does not mean that if your mom or dad or anyone else in your family is an alcoholic then you are doomed to be one too, just means you have a higher risk than those of non alcoholic parents, that's all.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Just about everyone on my dad's side of the family has addiction issues. And of course I am most like that side! My mom's side of the family never really drank. Her dad smoked, but stopped when he was maybe 40 or so. I experimented with drugs in my late teens. Thankfully it never went very far. And I drink now, but not very often. For DH, his mom's side has addiction issues. Where his dad's side, my FIL, is totally sober in all areas.

I think it's all VERY genetic! All my dad's brothers (there are four boys) drink excessively and bite their nails, have anxiety disorders, etc. I get it from them...or I should say I get it from a long line of family members on that side!

ETA: Yes, I worry about my kids, but luckily they have a father who is completely sober (DH stopped drinking when I was PG with Wil), so they have a great role model.

jcc64 replied: There is a grain of truth in everything that's been said here, but I have to disagree strongly with the contention that addiction is strictly a learned behavior. I am no expert on the subject, but I am pretty certain that there are well documented scientific studies that indicate a physiological difference in the brains of addicts and non addicts. I agree wholeheartedly that unlike other disesases such as cancer, there is a conscious choice made to partake or not, but it really is much more complicated than a simple yes or no. Why can some people have a glass of wine or two, and others can't stop until they're laying in a gutter, covered in vomit, life in shambles, estranged from loved ones? Do people WANT to bottom out and destroy their lives? Is it strictly a lack of character, or is it something more?
It's hard to be sympathetic to what on the surface is inherently selfish behavior, but in the end, a little compassion goes a long way. I know- I used to be very angry at my dad, and only after he passed did I understand that he was a damaged person, trying to kill the pain in the only way he knew how at the time. I don't excuse all the bad behavior, but understanding what was beneath it helped me to see past all of my anger.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
ITA with you Jeanne!!!

lovemykiddies replied: I think a number of factors contribute to developing alcoholism. I just wanted to say I agree with those who have mentioned that science has discovered a link between genes and chances of developing a disorder. I have noticed it in my family, but I also know that scientific research has been done (things like twin or adoption studies, for example), suggesting that alcoholism has a genetic component.

I do not believe that everyone prone to developing addictive behaviors will--I just think that certain people are at higher risk for developing the disorder. I also don't think it's an uncurable disease.

Just my opinion.

lisar replied:
Obviously you took that wrong. I wasnt attacking your response in anyway, I was just stating that my DH was adopted also and he didnt turn out that way.

Insanemomof3 replied: I used to be an addict. And like I said yesterday. My sister died from doing meth. That was the worst thing I have ever gone through.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Oh, wow, I didn't read what you wrote yesterday...but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry.

Cece00 replied: my grandmother, aunt and uncle on my dad's side all have a problem- alcohol for my grandmother, drugs & alcoho, for my aunt & uncle.

My parents never had a problem though. Neither did me or DH. I've used drugs, but I've never even come close to having a problem, and even though I will occasionally drink, I def do not drink too much.

TheOaf66 replied: I have members of my extended family that are alchoholics, my family drinks but there is no addiction. I don't believe it is hereditary at all. People that become addicted are either not strong enough to do something about it, see it as a last resort, or using it as an excuse. It is all personal choice, there is no trigger going off in someones brain that says drink now until you pass out. I think blaming it on someone else is just a cop out and basically sets a precedent for anything else to goes wrong in your life. If I drink it is becuase I like the taste, if I smoke it is because I like to smoke...it had nothing to do with my parents behavior or anything else, it is all about what I choose to do.

***This is of course only my opinion and was in no way meant to offend or go in opposition to anyone else's posts.***

stella6979 replied:
I absolutely agree. Both of my parents are alcoholics so I grew up seeing things that children shouldn't see and if anything, it just inspired me more to not be that way. I hated the way they acted and smelled and treated eachother and even at such a young age, I knew I didn't want to grow up and have my life to be the same. I don't believe at all that it's hereditary, I strongly believe it's a choice and nothing more. JMO.

redchief replied:
I not only agree totally. I found the paper detailing the study. It's dated August of last year so it's very current and used advanced science. You can read the NIH report here.

For myself, I'm a nicotine addict. My mother and father both smoked. All of my children abhor our smoking and we've not smoked in the house since we started our family. None of them smoke, and they're all of age that most would have at least experimented by now. This lends credence to the argument that propensity toward addictive behavior is also strongly influenced by exposure and environment, which may explain why others with "addictive bloodlines" have not gone down the path walked by their parents and grandparents.

Science is only just beginning to understand the physiological catalysts for behavior, let alone working environmental catalysts into the equation that makes up the whole being. We're complicated, subject to both hereditary and environmental influences. I don't think science will ever be able to look at a child and say, "This person will definitely have or not have an addictive personality." Let alone be able to say that a person will or will not become an addict.

TANNER'S MOM replied: I don't think anyone realizes the control alcoholism has on your life and your body. I don't think it's a disease that someone can just help themselves out of. My BIL.. he was an alcoholic so bad that if he didn't have a drink before work and on his lunch break he couldn't hold a wrench. You would say I will not by Earl anything to drink, but then you would watch him hurt and shake so bad that you would buy it for him b/c it was it was easier on him. He wasn't just a binge, his body was completely dependant on it. He went for help at a treatment center, he had DT so bad he had seizures and was in ICU. Once you get to that point, there is no Okay today I will not drink. Because your body and mind betray you. It's a choice at first but then it takes over your body.

My father and mother are both alcoholic. I do love them both. I am close to my Dad and I have seen the affects of drinking on his life. He has never been the drunk my brother in law was, where his body goes into shock, he has always been able to carry a job, until he got cancer. But we never had anything but an old farm and a few horses. He drank it all away. I am bitter. But I try not to judge.

As for myself. I feel myself slip every now and then. I enjoy a good cold beer as much as the next person. I used to be able to stop at one, not sure I can anymore. It's been two weeks since my last drink. So far I have been lucky that I can stop myself and go weeks and months without a drink if I want. But I do get scared at times.

I would say my Dh is an alcoholic, his father and brother both are. He is a functioning one. He works and rewards his hard work with a cold beer...or twelve. He doesn't drink every day but I am not sure he control himself and stop at one all the time. But he manages well and seems to pull himself back and slow down when he looses control. But that hasn't always been the case, it has come with age.

I know people think, they can just stop. But honestly they can't. I know my father, and my brother in law...would've given anything to change their life. I know they went for help many times. Stopped for years at a time, and something triggered it, maybe a death, the loss of a spouse or child. Maybe a bad day at work..but something controls their mind and it's sad.

Never judge someone and thing, they are weak they can stop. B/c like my BIL if he had tried to stop on his own he would've died.

TheOaf66 replied:
first off Mel, very sorry about your BIL

I guess I should clarify something, I am not saying that addiction does not exist, I know it does. My grandmother is addicted to booze and I know it. My main point is that it is not hereditary I don't think. I realize (as in the case of your BIL) that once you reach a certain point you are to far gone and you can't go at it alone. My argument is before you reach that point when you start depending on it to get you "through a rough patch" or whatever that is when it is a choice and you have the chance to stop it. Once the addiction sets in you are in for a tough battle.

And like your DH, I like to have a cold beer while working outside or whatever or when I am at dinner or whatever but I don't consider myself in anyway an alchoholic...I choose to have them because I like the taste not because my liver is going to scream if I don't drink it so I still believe it is about choice but again...that is just me

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Yes, I have 3 older brothers who are addicts. I've only ever known them as such, since I was about 9 when they started drinking/using. And they aren't that much older than me. I'm sure it all started out as a curiousity thing and escalated from there. I do know that my dad was a wild child, but grew up when he and mom started having kids. He and mom never so much as looked at alcohol when we were little. It wasn't until I was a junior in high school that his alcoholism surfaced and he had a very short stint with that. It lasted about a year, but it was probably the most difficult year of my life. It was a side of my dad that I had never seen. The therapist said it was depression induced b/c of everything that was going on at the time (namely, my 3 brothers and their addictions) So, my dad sobered up and hasn't touched alcohol since and he won't. Not even a sip. My dad is a good man and although that was a hard time in my life, I learned a lot about my dad and we are incredibly close now.

I love my brothers and we have a good relationship, but I have to keep my distance. It hurts to see them b/c I know our days are numbered. They are killing themselves.

I've never touched a drug. Ever. I can't even say that I've seen them even though I'm sure they were right under my nose a lot of times. I've never been at a party with people using, either. It just wasn't my lifestyle. And besides, my brothers would have killed me. They are very protective and hold me to a higher standard, still to this day. I do drink on occassion. Like maybe once every couple of months. I've been drunk 3 times in my entire life and personally HATE the feeling of my head spinning. Scotty hates alcohol, hates it when I drink, has never been drunk... He says anyone with addictions in their families shouldn't drink. I've never had an addictive personality, unless you count popcorn.

My brothers cannot cope with reality. I don't know if that's the reason they started using or if it's an effect of using for so long. But seriously, they can't and never will be able to have normal lives. They can't make it on their own. They can't keep jobs or houses, etc. And they have no desire to. It's really sad.

Alcoholism runs in both sides of my family, from what I hear. I don't know how I escaped it or if I really didn't escape it, but have a strong will like my dad. Who's to say? I think most anyone can get caught up in a certain lifestyle. I'm sure had I allowed it into my life when I was younger then it's quite possible that I would have turned out like my brothers.

I've thought a lot about this and I've discussed it in depth with my parents. They were so unprepared for all of this and had no idea how to handle it. Quite honestly, they didn't handle it well. I pray that my children never succumb to the pressures to try drugs. I will talk openly with them about it and do my best to assure they do not. That's something my parents never did. As a matter of fact, my parents turned their backs a lot of times b/c they just didn't know what to do. I don't blame them b/c I do believe that we all make our own choices, but if my brothers were using by the age of 12, then something is seriously wrong.

Okay, my post is long enough...

lisar replied:
Oh Mel sorry about your BIL. I know there are addictions thats for sure. If there wasnt then I am sure my father wouldnt be the way he is.

holley79 replied: We had alcoholism in our family. My mom made it a point to explain to use that it was an addiction and it was passed from generation to generation. We were kept busy in school and steered clear.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Chris grew up with his biological father addicted to alcohol, so essentially his mother raised him and his older brother alone as a single mother. That is why I have the utmost respect and love for her. It made an impression on him, enough so that he never desired to even taste alcohol until he was 20 when he had a teeny sip of a mixed drink his brother convinced him to try. And the occassional teeny-tiny sip that I convince him to try of a new drink of my own. The sips are barely even enough to call tasting, but for him it is more than enough. His father has been off of the alcohol for a long time now, their relationship has improved 10fold and all is in the past.

Someone near and dear to me was addicted to drugs too. I was never and have never been convinced enough to try hard drugs for myself, but knowing this person was on the other side of the door (likely passed out) when I went by to check on them, was enough to convince me to never travel that road of hard illegal drugs. I used marijuana on several occassions when I was younger, but that is the extent of it.

kimberley replied: for those of you who completely discount genetics as a factor, have you ever read the studies or attended al-anon or other family addiction support groups?

yes, to take that first drink is a choice and usually a stupid one most of us make as a teen.. but the idea that everyone has the power to stop is not pheasible for me. not with my personal experience and those of others in my situation.

even with my own kids, i have researched the effects of certain drugs in a fetus from the sperm of the father and while nothing was conclusive.. their findings did show some cases that it was a likely possiblity. just like you hear about a child given up for adoption who turns out to be exactly like their birth parent in personality, hobbies etc.. we cannot just ignore the fact that our DNA predisposes us to certain tendencies. some people are strong enough to overcome the "bad gene" or miss it all together, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

jmo

lovemykiddies replied:

I totally agree with this. Until I struggled with my own problems (not alcoholism or drugs) I didn't realize that mental problems are not just a matter of making better choices. As a psychology major, I've taken some courses where I've been introduced to studies that have shown very strong evidence for genetic influence. In fact, I'm taking brain & behavior right now...fascinating!

Anyways, we know genetics impact hair color, height, problems like Down Syndrome, Parkinson's, etc. Why would there be no connection between our genes and addictive behaviors? Not attacking anyone, of course, it's just not something I can understand. I just wonder how people explain twin adoption studies, where connections are clearly established.

PrairieMom replied: Both my parents drink heavily, not passing out drunk, but its nothing fir euther of them to have 6 beers a night. my parents also both smoke, well, dad quit 7 years ago. My father also has a bad gambling addiction. It has really made me aware, and I am vey careful when I do any of those things. Well, except smoke, I have NEVER tried that.