parenting forum vs high school

jolene555 wrote: Lately it's been impossible for me to ignore how much this forum has turned into my high school.

We've got our mods, the faculty, who believe it is their job and duty to shelter us from all they believe to be evil. Granted they all try to do their jobs, and I respect that. But just like in my high school, our teachers sometimes try to inforce their moral beliefs on us, and cover it up with overblown circumstances. As a teenager I had no choice, but as an adult I find it dangerously close to a dictatorship.

We have our popularity contests. "Who on this board would you like to meet?" I mean come on! why don't you just make some of us sit by ourselves at lunch and get it over with? It's enough to make me start cutting again. (no, I was never a cutter, but I'm trying to make a point)

And finally, there are the trolls, the wannabees, the kids who try to lie their way into every group. I don't know about everyone else, but at my school they got no respect, and even less credibility. But that's where it's differant, because here we embrace the trolls, and ban our friends for standing up to them. Wow - I think I'd rather go back to high school on that one.

I'm not sure where I am going with this, but it's how I feel.

nancydrew replied: I have missed exactly what you're talking about, but your friend who was banned probably had it coming.

MommyToAshley replied: I am sorry you feel that way. Our style of moderating is to keep the flaming and controversy off the forums. We do not ban people easily and give people the benefit of the doubt and ample warnings. If anyone was banned, it was because they violated the terms of service. And, your friend violated the TOS on several accounts after several warnings from the mods. Yes, there were warnings by other people about this person, but it was hearsay and we refused to ban on the basis of hearsay. So, yes we moderated and kept that junk off the forums until there was compelling evidence. (Not to protect anyone from anything... this is just not the place to air everyone's dirty laundry. We a have a policy for grievances so that the controversy is kept to a minimum.) The person you are referring to was banned when we did have compelling evidence.

You know, I just want this to be a place where people can get along and treat each other with respect. There is no need to be rude to someone because you disagree with their point of view. Yes, you can debate the topic at hand, but there is no need for rudeness. This is a place for parents to come together and talk about the ones most cherished in their lives.. their children. Why is that so hard to do and still treat each other with respect? I guess that policy isn't for everyone, and therefore this board isn't for everyone.

Josie83 replied: I've also been feeling like these boards aren't what they used to be, but thought it was just me . . . I don't understand what's gone on with this baning but i do think the moderators have a hard job and do it well! I do enjoy coming on this board but not as much as I used to. Sometimes I do feel as though anything you say nowadays is likely to be judged, and arguments are starting a lot of the time now which never used to happen. I feel a bit sad that its like that because I used to love to come on here and just spill about anything and know that you wouldn't be judged. I 've said this exact same thing to two or three other people and they have said the same thing. I think maybe we ALL need to try a bit harder to make sure that we are tlerant of everyone else and that we think before we say something, and also that we don't judge anyone else. We're all supposed to be friends on here. This should be somewhere where we go to unwind and get rid of our troubles, not start new ones. Maybe we al need to make the effort to make these boards what they used to be xx

PS - I hope I didn't say anything out lof line here. I'm just saying it the way I see it xx

mom21kid2dogs replied: So sorry you feel like that, Jolene555. I guess I look at boards a little differently and am a relative newcomer to this one compared to most here but here is my take on it.

I liken message boards to visiting the house of a friend. Depending on the board and my ties to it, it might be a good friend or more like an aquaintance. With my friends I am free to be myself, express my opinions, etc but, because I love them, even when we disagree, I try to use tact or in some cases total restraint because jeporadizing the friendship is not something I want to do. Sometimes it is better just to keep one's mouth shut, especially in their house! In someone elses house, I am not as free to put my feet on the table, I make sure that my child picks up when we leave, etc. In my friend's house, I abide by her rules, which may be very different from mine but I respect that it is her house. Thus it is with a moderated board, I am a friend and a visitor, and as such, I must play by the rules~their rules. Much like friendship, I chose them and they choose me. Sometimes, I have wanted to be the chosen but was not, feelings get hurt, life goes on and I find others with whom I can share.

Unlike a friend's house, however, one can simply ignore what we don't want to read on a board (albeit hard not to peek sometimes ). Somedays, my life is just too "ugh" to read vents, so I don't. Somedays, I just pop on to "listen" but have no time to respond. Like you, I prefer the positive, relationship building stuff and not the stuff that pits us against one another but just like real life, it's a mixed bag of everything and it's never perfect. I make my own judgements about who and what to respond to based on lots of factors (time usually being the biggest one). I try to remember that this is just another way to reach out but not the ONLY way to reach out in friendship. Likewise, I choose my battles. If something is hurtful to me, I might choose to "walk away" from it quietly. If it's worth "fighting" I might adress it within the rules of the house.

I have been on moderated boards, unmoderated boards and debate boards and they all have their places. Personally, I like moderated boards because they are much more kind, far less drama, far less trolling, etc. I enjoy reading debate boards, too, because I find people's opinions interesting, but the rudeness is hard for me to deal with. On those boards, if you aren't rude, your opinion is not as "valued" and I 'm not fond of it, so I mostly lurk them for what they are. Unmoderated boards don't appeal to me because I already live with a drama queen who provides me all I need in that way!!

I've never found a "perfect" board or any board without cliques but I have found boards that I enjoy more than others. Perhaps it's just a matter of trial and error.

ammommy replied: Good analogy!

TANNER'S MOM replied: Wow Olivia... I truly LOVE your statement. I agree wholeheartly with what you are saying. Thanks for voicing your opionion in a postivie manner.

I think Jolene has valid point as far as the post that could be viewed as showing favorites etc..and the Mods have addressed those. We dont want to see anyone hurt, left or alone. We are to help build parenting skills, share our stories and be there in good and bad...

Mel

kimberley replied:
Amen!

JessC replied: I AGREE with you Mommy to Ashley!!!!

aspenblue1 replied: ITA with M2A

Mommy2BAK replied: I may be a little partial to the moderating team but I can promise you that we have to talk these things out long and hard (and it causes problems within our team at times) and we do not just ban anyone for no reason. To compare us to a dictatorship is a little unreasonable though. I don't think that is a fair statement, these moderators devote their time to making this a better place for everyone.

But, like others have already said, I am sorry you feel this way.

ETA, I was the one who made that post "who would you like to meet", and I apologize, at the time that I made that post I was thinking it would be fun to see who you thought you would be most compatiable with, but then it stemed off to something completely different. But like I said I am sorry that it turned into what it did.
And I would never make someone sit by themselves at lunch. I am going to school to be a teacher and I would never do that. And actually in jr. high and highschool I was the one who invited those people to come sit at the cheerleader table with me. I would never purposely try to leave a person out!

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
ITA. I think the moderators do a great job keeping this place safe and friendly!
Thanks Dee Dee and Rod for all your hard work!