need support and advice - please

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: We're travelling to CA in a few weeks to visit family for Thanksgiving. My parents got DH and I a night away at a cute B&B just an hour from where they live as an anniversary gift. I'm really excited, but I spoke to my mom last night (we have webcam, so I could actually SEE her when we were talking) and explained to her that I'm still BF Wesley and haven't started solids yet. My mom didn't BF my sister and I, and although she supports our decision to do it, she doesn't quite understand it either. Plus she has her opinions of course. So anyway, she got really quiet when I said this, asked me in that motherly judgemental tone "how old is he now?", and asked if I would be sure and have enough milk for her to give to him while I'm gone. I explained to her that it's only one night, so I can easily take my pump and pump enough milk for her, but I'm so afraid she's going to do what SHE thinks is best and buy formula and/or give him cereal...and not tell me. I know it won't kill him if this were to happen, but on the otherhand, there's a part of me that has always wanted to please my mom and therefore I just want to buy some formula as a backup to make HER comfortable, kwim? I know she'll worry that he's hungry or that I didn't leave her enough. She always assumes that if he doesn't take a bottle, it's because he WANTS solids. My grandmother (my mom's mom) used to sneak my sister's girls applesauce when they were Wesley's age because she thought they were hungry!!! I don't "think" my mom would do this, but I have heard her say several times "well maybe you're not making enough milk...maybe you should start supplementing." The kid is 15.5 lbs and 4 months...I think we're doing OKAY!

Should I let it go and just trust my mom that she will respect my wishes or give in and just have a bit of formula on hand just in case? I truly know that's what my mom wants!! But I know if it's there, she will most likely use it...Ugh.

my2monkeyboys replied: I don't think I'd buy any formula if you don't want him to have it. Maybe you could mention that the "dr says he's growing so well and gaining weight so great, and that he doesn't need solids yet." And maybe mention to her how excited you are to see how he reacts when he first tastes cereal, etc. Hopefully she'll decide not to give him any, if only bc she'll want to experience that. Other than that though, I am not sure what you could do to make absolutely sure she doesn't sneak him anything else.


edit: typos

PrairieMom replied: Does SHE have a history of untrustworthy behavior? If you don't want him on formula, don't buy any, just make sue you have more than enough milk for her so there won't be any temptation. Remind her that you will KNOW if she gives him formula, his spit up and poo will totally smell different.
IMO, if you can't trust her to follow your wishes you need to find someone you CAN trust to watch them, and then remind you mom why exactly it is that she isn't getting to watch the kids.

wcs40110 replied: I don't think I'd let my mom watch my kid agian after I made a point that the baby is ONLY breastfed and she gave them something else. I wouldn't want to hurt her feeling but still. I'd probibly mention how the doctors say they want only breastmilk until the baby is 6 months and how breastmilk is easier to digest so giving the baby formula unless absolutely nessasary could acually be harder on the baby. I went with my cousin to get pics taken and she told me to grab a bib for my baby and I'm thinking 'Why?' Then I understood. Her baby takes formula and spit up all the time. Sorry you have to go through this but you mom needs to respect your wishes and motherly insticts too. Good luck and on the plus side, worse case senario, if she does sneak him something, it probibly wont have too much of an effect.

kit_kats_mom replied: I'd lie. Tell her the ped said he has terrible reflux and breastmilk is the only thing he will tolerate. Anything else will aggrivate his condition. Also, send her the AAP link showing that they are reccomending delaying the intro to solids until at least 6 mos.

coasterqueen replied: MHO, I wouldn't send them to her. My mother knows that she either does what *I* think is best for my child or she doesn't get to have them stay. She tried that stuff with Kylie and I told her she wouldn't get them again and it stopped.

If I can't trust the person, even my own mother, on this I couldn't leave them.

MyLuvBugs replied: I like what Cary said above! And I'd definately NOT buy the formula. But if she wants to spend the money and give the kid a little cereal or formula....it's not going to kill him, right? But it does hurt your feelings. I totally understand it b/c my mom and MIL are the same way. They think they know best for your children, but they miss the key......they are YOUR children. Just tell your mom how it is (or lie a little lie ) and let her know that you realize a little cereal or formula won't kill him, but that if she does it behind your back it will hurt your feelings and her relationship with you. KWIM? It'll be ok. Just pump a gallon of BM for her and hope that she won't need to suppliment.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I do trust my mom completely...sorry if it sounded like I don't. I suppose I just don't want to feel guilty if somehow Wesley starts crying up a storm and my mom "thinks" it's because he is hungry. Or I don't want her to feel uncomfortable or worry the whole time that my BM is not enough for him. I KNOW for fact she will! Again, it goes back to my own issues of wanting to please my mom. I don't even live near her, but I can see the dissaproval in her eyes. I told my mom that the AAP doesn't recommend cereal until 6 months now...but I got that tone from her "ohhhhh...reallllly...how interesting." You know what I'm talking about ladies...you all have moms right??! Anyway, it's totally my issue. Sorry to vent about it. I really am just looking for some support as far as sticking to my gut instincts and keeping up with my BF through this trip.

So I guess the only thing I can do is pump, pump, and PUMP! I have to give her so much that she won't even think twice about whether there is enough for him, right? Thanks for the tips...

coasterqueen replied: Hun, I do support you in BF. I personally got from your OP that you were afraid she would give him formula or food. IMO that means you don't trust her to respect your decisions, that she may do it behind your back. That, IMO, is a trust issue. I must have misread your OP.

GL with the trip.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
No you're totally right Karen, my OP totally did sound that way! LOL! I apologize, I'm just all over the place today! If you see my other post, I just about lost Wil at the mall today...so I'm not thinking very straight!

Thanks for the support...

amynicole21 replied: I think I would really have to sit down with her and explain it something like - "I know I'm a worry-wart Mom ( ), but I really need to make sure that you know what my concerns are about formula feeding Wes. " And ask that she please, PLEASE humor you on this stuff. I think your mom will understand

PrairieMom replied: i totally know where you are coming from on this stuff. I just got back from a family trip last month , and Seriously, if I had one more person tell me it was time to quit BF and "give that kid some good formula" or "feed that kid some food! she's hungry" I was seriously going to start shooting people.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:
I love this suggestion! Just be honest with her.

KingMom replied: Rae - I know how you feel. My mom and family are all about BF'ing but they don't understand that just because she crying doesn't mean she is hungry. For goodness sake she's got reflux and cholic, she's gonna cry more than most babies.

I hate to leave her with any of them b/c they are always commenting on how she's probably just hungry, lord I feed her all the time and she's almost 15 lbs.

So... I know how you must feel. I sorta did the same thing your thinking, just understood they IF they did feed her (in my case too much breast milk) then it couldn't possibly hurt her and I was only gone for a couple of hours and they swore she was SO hungry. My opinion was they just fed her to quite her and fed her till she passed out! Oh well, it's over now and it's my choice to let them keep watch her again.

I'd say just tell your mom there's is plenty of expressed milk, no reason to be worried and I would NOT buy the formula or cereal for her. There's no reason that for 1 evening she'd feel the need to do otherwise, you'll be back the next day!

Have fun and try to think about it. If she buys it and gives it to him, he may not even like it b/c of the taste, that would show her

amynicole21 replied: On another note - I think it IS a big deal if the first time he has formula it is with your mom. You never know if he's going to have an allergic reaction, and if you aren't there with him it would be a disaster. Imagine getting that call while you are trying to relax and enjoy yourself!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Thanks everyone for the advice and support! The more I think about it, I really don't believe my mom will go behind my back and do anything I don't want her to. She knows how PO I would be. But I just think she will worry and consistently ask "is that enough, is that enough, are you SURE that's enough?" So then I'll start worrying and doubting myself. You know, it's that dang anxiety thing I have! Wonder where I got it, huh? LOL! So I'm just going to try and relax, pump and just see how it goes! It's all I can do right? Because it's either my mom watching the kids or my MIL...and I don't want to even go there!

Thanks! I may talk to my sister about it. She has three kids and she lives only a few miles from my mom, so she's used to all of this.