need opinions - baby related

luvbug00 wrote: So as you all know lars and i have been back and forth with the issue of having children right now. We both want to have a baby and have been struggling with the timing. I would prefer sooner and he would prefer more 'financially ready". I see his reason as a major excuse as we are financially fine to do it. I think he just is a little scared but i am very sure he will come into his place when it happens. We have tried over and over to come to a compromise. we have read lot's of articles, taken in lots of advice and it's rather funny becuase usually he is persuaded to agree with me and i persuaded to agree with him and we are back at square one. So i really want to find a way to settle this once and for all. I'm gonna list some options i have thought of and want you all's opinions. any seggestions would be awsome!

my first idea is

"Don't try, don't prevent". No bc, no charting, no active trying at all. Just fun and free whoppie and if somthing happens then it was ment to happen.

secound idea

settle on exact time to ttc. it gives him a little more time and gives me the knolage that we have set an exact date and look forward to it. ( the only issue with this one is i won't let it be over 6 months from now. I can't/won't wait that long)

third idea

we just go for the gold and TTC.

forth idea

i give u on the baby idea and he can get me a dog instead.

ok.. thoughts??

PrairieMom replied: I'm more of a marriage first kind of gal, so I would go for the puppy. LOL. I thought you were on the outs? I must have missed something.

moped replied: LOL

Well ok, those are a few options, but really is there a rush. I know you are both pretty young right. S I know you said youwould like to be married, so why not wait it out and get married. Should you get pg in the meantime well then it is meant to be!

luvbug00 replied: ahh It's mostly me being overdramatic, I spoke with a counceler friend of the family and she explained that although he has issues that we can sort out I also was being slightly unreasonable. Right now we have been getting better and are communicating a little more and this is an issue we have planned to disscuss tonight. ( one issue a night). last night it was working as a team when it comes to mya. normally i'm all for marraige first but TBH i know he wouldn't let me be pregnant without being married so i think we'd get there either way. ( niether of us want an actual wedding we just want a small ceramony and that's it.) ok back to your words of wisdom

luvbug00 replied:

he's 24 and I'm 25. But my pregnancy with mya was very difficult and my last dr. said that since I had so much trubble holding her in they are going to monitor my future preg. very carefully. Lot's of preterm labor and anemia and trips to the hospital with mya. She said the risk of it being more difficult as i get older is a real possiblity.

mummy2girls replied: personally i would wait... marriage .... I have done the lets have unprotected whoppie and then if it happens it does and then its meant to be. And look where I ended up... Im worried by what you have said already that if you do get pregnant"accidently" that Lars will get scared and such and leave. i dont know him so im not sure if he would run but if he isnt ready it might be better to wait. I know about the baby fever Nadia. I have been goign through it for over a year and if it was up to me i would get pregnant now. But i want to wait. I want Marcus to be ready at the same time because then it will be a happier time. getting pregnant and then saying to lars ok im pregnant deal with it may not go good.

I would keep using protection and have a talk with him about marriage. if he doesnt want marriage or anytime in the near future then I woud relook at the relationship and decide. Because if he isnt ready for marriage he wont be ready for a baby!

Good luck in what you choose:)

A&A'smommy replied: don't take this the wrong way but I totally think you should wait it out, you guys have been having some issues.. solve those first THEN get married (and do it the way you want plan a quick and sweet ceremony).

I have known WAY too many people to try and have babies before they get married, they have one and then they break up pretty quickly.. if nothing else set a date and then ttc if your pregnant at your small ceremony than I seriously doubt anyone would judge

luvbug00 replied:

Oh lol! i didn't mean i would make it happen. I think though by it just happening without either of us trying to or not to it would be much easier to accept. I know for a fact he wouldn't leave, like i said he would marry me faster for sure.

keep them comming i sound stubborn but i am thinking about all your opinions.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I agree with Jen and Shelly

waite

Calimama replied: Honestly from your posts you say Lars isn't sure if he's ready to be married, I don't think having a baby right now would be the best thing. So I would get the puppy.


ETA: I'm a little confused as to why he'll agree to have a baby not agree fully to marrying you? Having a baby is just as big if not more of a commitment. KWIM?

moped replied: See I am more of a "let the chips fall where they may" kind of person. That might be stemming from being older getting married and older having children.......I dunno!

mummy2girls replied:
true BUT some men just want the kids but no commitment behind it. Aron is that way. Jordans dad as well. Im not saying Lars is that way but some men are!

Kaitlin'smom replied:
see your statement like i said he would marry me faster for sure. worries me, I have know far to many people who did get PG then married and where did it end up........divorce and not a pleasant one.


I say get a puppy

mummy2girls replied: Nadia I think the marriage shoudl happen first. not have the baby to make him marry you faster. Have a talk with him hun and see what he says...

luvbug00 replied:

you and me both!lol! seriously.

Again i'm not going to do anything to TTC without his knolage and if i did get pregnant i wouldn't make him marry me. I don't want to marry anyone who wouldn't want to marry me. regardless of my situation. it would be enirely up to him but i know him and he would rather be married by the time the baby was born. just wanted to make that clear. I'm not the poke the holes in the rubber type.



BTW i aprriciate the honesty it means you all care.

Kaitlin'smom replied: puppy, I can get you one.....my MIL knows of some and they are free

Calimama replied:
I understand that, but personally I wouldn't have a baby with a man who couldn't commit to me first. KWIM?

momofone replied: Do you have health coverage in case you become pregnant to cover doctor visits and birth?

mummy2girls replied:
I wouldnt of either but when you love someone you would do anything! LOL

luvbug00 replied:


REAALLLY what kind of doggies

moped replied: Yes we do care about you Nadia!

Kaitlin'smom replied:
I am not sure but I can find out.....

luvbug00 replied:

starts january first so any desision will go into effect then.

Cece00 replied: You need to wait. JMO, but you guys are having WAY too many issues at this point to be even thinking about kids. Trust me, my oldest 2 kids are with someone who had commitment issues & we had LOTS of problems & having a kid together (whether you try for it or not) is NOT a good idea. Life is hard enough without rushing into marriage & kids, and kids really suffer when ppl rush into that & end up not being able to stay together...you can divorce without it being a big deal, but once there are kids in the mix...its another story.

So wait...straighten out your problems, THEN get married & THEN have kids.

grapfruit replied: I really am feeling you on the baby fever thing. I have it bad too HOWEVER, he is adamant that he wants to be the first in his family to "do it in the right order" as he said. Nice huh?

I say, well get to giving me a ring already!! You're killing me!

So anyway. I agree, it's tough, aches everyday, especially when you see babies everywhere or pregnant people everywhere. Or your good friend is pregnant and then Tim's best friend calls and says THEY'RE pregnant... But I'm trying. I take it one day at a time, try not to think about it and before I know it a week is gone, then a month. All closer to that fictional day when he says he wants to get married (do I sound cynical to anyone???). I swear I'm going to end up an old spinster...

luvmykids replied: IMHO, I would settle on a firm wedding date rather than a firm ttc date. Not because you HAVE to be married first, but because he seems to be (and you seem to think he is also) making excuses not to have a baby yet....I think you have to respect that and get to the bottom of it, not figure out how to get him to cave, kwim?

I think it's great that you guys are working on things, and I'm sure you'll eventually be married, but I wouldn't want to have a baby with someone who was having committment issues, whether they stemmed from him or me or just the nature of our relationship.

I don't doubt that he is committed to you, by committment issues I mean that it seems he's not ready or willing to take the committment to the next level and JMHO it needs to be dealt with before anything else happens

bawoodsmall replied: A beautiful girl like you wont be a spinster. If he doesnt come around someone else will. I am sure your good friend will need someone to watch her baby. Try that.

grapfruit replied:
*sigh* I guess so Thanks for the boost

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Ditto. I would wait and keep working on your relationship.

lovemy2 replied: I have to say that a baby right now or even talking him into a baby anytime soon probably isn't a good idea - you went from being really upset about his inability to make a committement to wanting him to make a bigger committment to you AND a child - if he is having a hard time just committing to you then I would think adding another person into the mix would really freak him out.....

Go for the puppy and hang in there on the rest - things like marriage and babies happen when they are supposed to happen and pushing things isn't a good way to start off

My2Beauties replied: I pretty much agree with everyone else. I'm not saying that all men who aren't married when they have kids with a woman won't commit, my DH did just that, Hanna was born 18 months before we walked down the alter, BUT....it could have turned out horrifically different. Hanna was definitely a HUGE surprise to us so we weren't even thinking about having a baby, I felt really worried I remember when I got preggo b/c we weren't married and we'd only been together 9 months, the whole commitment thing really scared me, because I thought Oh dear Lord he's gonna bail. I know he'd take care of Hanna regardless as he takes care of Desiree and isn't with her mom, BUT...I didn't want to be a single mom. I was petrified, he proposed when I was 8 months preggo which alleviated some of my worries but until I got that wedding band on my finger, I was still concerned in the back of my mind everyday. In order to not have to go through all the constant wonder etc...because it will be there, I'd wait it out. Do it the old fashioned way, I think it's more romantic that way

mummy2girls replied:
i agree:)

luvmykids replied: Another thing to think about...DH and I were already planning on getting married when I got pg with the twins, but once we found out I was pg I couldn't stop thinking about something happening between us and to this day catch myself sometimes wondering if we really only made it to the alter b/c of that. It's not a fun thought, I really wish the wedding had happened first so I didn't have that little nagging doubt in my mind.

lisar replied: I like the first idea the best.