need advice!

suzanner wrote: my stepson is 5yrs old and evertime he comes over he has no undies on. last time he was here one of his testicles were bigger than the other so we told his mom to take him to the dr. she says he needs surgery b/c his testicle dropped too early. I don't think this is true. I read that they drop while still in the womb. I think it's a cyst from an infection. her and my husband are in a huge fight over the undie issue. she claims he doesn't need to wear any, so next time he comes over w/out undies on I want to take him to CPS and file a report. will they or can they do anything, and can testicles drop too early????

PrairieMom replied: I think that testicles can drop before or after birth, I have even heard of children needing surgery to have them lowered. I'm definitely no expert on the subject tho.
Has the size changed? maybe one is just bigger than the other?

I don't know if CPS will do anything about a child not wearing underwear, is there any other reason to drag them into this?

suzanner replied:
one is twice the size as the other and he says it hurts when he pees. he definately is having surgery and I have been wanting to call CPS for awhile now. my husband doesn't want to start trouble though, but he needs to look out for the welfare of his son. he's always filthy and starving when he comes over. CPS has had to go to her house before b/c it's basically a garbage dump.

luvmykids replied: Personally I'd be hesitant to call CPS without something pretty concrete. I'm not sure, in my state, they'd do anything about a child not wearing underwear.

I'm sure your intentions are good but I wouldn't involve CPS unless there was concrete evidence of abuse or severe neglect.

maestra replied:
That's what I read. He may be needing the surgery to help the other one drop? Maybe she got the reason confused?

As for the no underwear issue, that is an issue of personal choice. Many people don't wear underwear. I am not one of them, but my youngest has spend the last several days with a naked bottom as she is potty training and does better without them on, as she is learning the sensations. CPS won't do anything for a child not wearing underwear, as long as the child is wearing other clothes. They are looking for more endangering situations- physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect (no food, no supervision, being restrained).

Boo&BugsMom replied: As far as CPS, if you call they will not only be after the mom, they will also be after the dad (your husband)! Just an FYI. Working with CPS is not as cut and dry as you think it is. I would think long and hard about this one. It's no use if you do not have a long list of documentation.

About the testicles, yes they can drop after birth as well. Why don't you take him to the doctor for your own consultation if it's that much a concern?

Mommyof3 replied: That's a shame. I'm sorry that you and your DH and your stepson are going through this...I don't know about CPS, but I agree that maybe you and your DH should take him to the doctor yourselves and find out what's going on with him.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Actually, I'm curious to know why that hasn't been done already. If he is your husband's son, he should have the right to call the doctor to keep tabs on what is going on. If he doesn't believe her, I'd think that would be the responsible thing to do, IMO. He also could have a hernia if one of his testicles is enlarged.

Mommy2BAK replied: I would take him to the doctor for yourselves, especially if your that concerned about it. And as far as a lack of undies, not a huge deal IMO. I think that is terrible that when you guys see him he seems to be dirty and starving, I would be concerned about that.

ZandersMama replied: Sounds like a hernia to me. My youngest has bilaterall hernias, one on both sides. His testicles are always very swollen, and will be until he gets surgery. The surgery is on hold now until he is older and strong enough to handle it. I dont understand why you and his father, your husband, haven't had him to a doctor yourselves to find out what is going on, or at least call his doctor that his mom is taking him to.

suzanner replied:
well, when all this happened it was on the weekend, so on monday (we took him home on sun) she took him to the dr. her and my husband got into a huge argument and she wont even let him talk to his son. he does has visitation rights, and I told him he needs to stand up to her. he is going to call the dr to see what is exactly goin on.

I have never gotten involved before, but I'm frustrated.

grapfruit replied: Yikes. Good luck and Keep us posted.

I agree w/everyone else, tread lightly w/CPS. Once you cross that bridge you can't go back....

Boo&BugsMom replied: You know, I forgot to add something about the underwear, not that it matters much. I agree that it is a personal preference, however, unless the child has stated he doesn't like underwear, it's really plain neglect IMO if he's not wearing any. This isn't an adult that just chooses to go commando. It's about a child and his needs being met. I suppose you don't technically "need" underwear to survive, but I still think it's neglectful to not provide them to your child. JMO. And actually, to be honest, at only 5 years old, my child wouldn't even have the choice to not wear them. I still wouldn't call CPS though, unless you have documentation of events. If you don't, start documenting things you witness. Keep a log with dates and detail the events very clearly. I hope you figure out what's wrong with the little guy.