minor parenting dilemma - helping kids make the right decision

jcc64 wrote: I'm looking for some input from you guys concerning a choice my ds needs to make.
He's a very serious competitive baseball player with aspirations to play in college, and he has been selected to play on 2 elite travel teams. He must choose between the 2. Dh and I prefer that he play on one, he of course insists on playing for the other. I will not bore you with all the details- the condensed version of the story is that we are certain he will have a richer experience playing in the more well established program with a coach we are very familiar with. The other program seems incredibly chaotic, disorganized and in danger of not even getting off the ground.
My question is: At what point can/should we as parents override a decision we are certain my ds will come to regret over time? He's at the age where his autonomy should be acknowledged and respected, and yet, this is an important point in his "career" (cough, college scholarships, cough), and I don't want him to blow it with his flimsy, adolescent reasoning. Help!

mckayleesmom replied: Well, ultimately I think it should be the childs decision to chose who he wants to play for, but I can see why this would be a tuffy. Nobody likes to see their child possibly make a mistake. Maybe you can sit down with him and make a pros and cons of each team type thing. Find out the reasons he wants to play for that team...if the reasons arn't really valid...I would make the choice.

luvbug00 replied: I secound Brianne all the way!

C&K*s Mommie replied: ITA with Brianne too.

Sitting down to discuss the options, will also teach him that when making important decisions it is 1) good to get objective input and 2) very encouraged to reason out important decisions. Decisions that will play a big part in furture aspirations.

Your reasoning as the parents, certainly is valid- but as you eluded to, he is at a prime age to make the some decisions concerning his future as the induvidual that he is. I would have a sit down with him, and explain your side & listen to his as wel. Ultimately leaving him with the final decision.

KUP!

PrairieMom replied:

jcc64 replied: Thanks for the advice guys. I should add that the frustrating part of parenting a teen-ager is that sometimes very sound advice is immediately dismissed and/or invalidated by him simply b/c it happens to be coming out of his parents' mouths.

A&A'smommy replied: I agree sit down and explain your reasoning with him.

mckayleesmom replied: Keep something in mind also...If you force him to play for the team that you and your dh want....will he really be a good player for that team? And is it fair to that team if he isn't into it and giving it his all? He might just slack because he doesn't want to be there...kwim?

C&K*s Mommie replied: That is true! Looking back, I can remember thinking the same thing about my parents , and the "advice" that they gave. I was a teenager, I knew it all! They were old in my eyes, and they did not know anything!

Thanks for the reminder of what I will have to look forward to in later years when our girls are tweenies and teenies.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
This is very true, that's why I'm wondering if you cooled it a bit on telling him team #1 is the better choice, he may eventually go that direction? I guess sortof reverse psychology, not that you want to trick him, but I remember clearly choosing the opposite of my parents simply just to be on the opposing side. I never had a good reason why, but I knew it felt better to be against mom and dad somehow!

Jeanne, I don't have a teen, but I would probably stick to encouraging him to go with your choice, but that's just me. I'm sure you know this, but I think it's important to respect his decision and trust that he can make whatever choice is "right" for him at the time. This may just give him the confidence to think twice about it all and go the other direction. If not, well then at least he knows you and dad gave him that "adult" responsibility to do it on his own and it also teaches him that HE has to pay the consequences. Otherwise I think resentment is built up and if things go bad on team #1, he will blame you, kwim? Hope that made sense.

Good luck!

Jamison'smama replied: Does he have sound reasons for playing on the other team? Are any of his friends on either team? Have you talked with either coach or have they talked with him. Maybe the coach on the team you prefer can talk with him about the advantages of his particular more established team.

You know we raise children with the purpose of helping them learn to make independent decisions. I think that your role as a parent is to assist him in making the best decisions not always letting him make all of his own. They don't have the ability to make the completely thought-out decisons an adult can make (even we lack those skills sometimes)--good luck telling him that though

coasterqueen replied:
ITA w/Brenda. I don't have a teen so it's hard for me to say what to do, but I think Brenda said it best.

paradisemommy replied: does he have any friends that are in the same situation as him? that could possibly help/persuade him to go in the right direction?

holley79 replied: I came to this cross road when I was around the same age with an Equestrian team. My mom showed me the points of both teams. I had to pick the one that I thought was the better choice. Luckily it was the same that my parents wanted me to ride with. I think just sitting down and giving him the highlights. Listen to what he has to say about both teams. Ask him what he forsees in his future and how each team will help him get there. I think he'll make the right decision. You have a very bright son.

amymom replied: As a parent of a teen I so love the advice you are getting from everyone. There are good points in what each person said.


What you said here is so true! Recently my 15 yr old son wanted to drop boy scouts (he is a short distance from achieving his Eagle rank). We gave him our advice AND told him to make his own decision AND that he had to inform the scout master. When he did the Scout Master reiterated all we had said and some more, and asked him to stay for that nights meeting. By the end of the meeting my son had changed his mind and took a leadership position in the troop. My point is maybe talking to the coach of team #1 would have some benefit for your son.

Good Luck with your teen!!!

jcc64 replied: Thanks again for the input, guys. He doesn't have any friends on either team. These kids have been pulled from all over the county. I have contemplated having the coach I prefer speak with him directly. My ds is not an easy kid to communicate with, never has been from day 1, and now that he's reached the closed off kingdom of adolescence, it's like pulling teeth to get him to articulate his thoughts about ANYTHING. I do agree it's important to get him to do this, b/c next time it may be about something far more important than baseball (as if there is such a thing! )

kimberley replied: talking to the coach sounds like a good idea. i am so dreading the teen years.. my dad said for years, you'll see when you have kids.. i am soooooooo in for it! lol