i knew yesterday was too good to be true

J-rod wrote: well got paid, got christmas bonus, then went down hill


stephy was steaming yesterday....cause kyan was crying all day. she called me at work upset so i took some personal time and went home to help. i grabbed a piza on way home so she didnt have to cook anything. i took kyan and put him to sleep. we ate. then the guy with the house called and we went to look at it. well long story short....we not moving to it. there is too much to say about it so ill keep it S&S.

got home from there and steph flipped out again. she worries about things too much and doesnt let me do things. i took kyan for a couple hours last night....told her to go lay down and sleep and she just watched tv. makes me mad when she complains about not resting and sleeping then when i do things for her to get some rest she doesnt do it.....says she worries things not getting done.


i am sooooo angry. nothing i do ever makes anything better.

amymom replied: I am sorry. I wish I could say something to make you feel better.

moped replied:

mom2my2cuties replied: Aww sounds like Steph is feeling really stressed. Poor thing. I can't sleep either when I am that stressed.

J-rod replied: i know she is...but thing is she worries about things that dont need it then. like shopping, house cleaning, etc. im hoping she leaves the house tonight and goes shooping alone....leave me and kyan and let her get out....but then she will come home and start worrying again.

mom2my2cuties replied: Something that might help her is like a "mother's helper" or something like that.


If you live in/near a decent sized city, you can also find agnecies that do this. We have one here called Domestic Diva's and they will do EVERYTHING for you. From cleaning, to helping with the kids, to meal planning, etc...

Or if not, someone to just come in and help out with Kyan while she is home and can do these things might be the way to go.

J-rod replied:
we live in a very small town

her mom lives 5 miles away...but when i suggest her calling and asking for help she wont do it.... but then when her mom does come over....things get done. she wont ask for the help...she just complains about it not getting done.

i work 40-45 each week....so im gone, but when i come home i do the dishes all the time and clean the kitchen....i do what i can.

hoosier momma replied: I went through this stage too. It really helps to get a routine down. It also really helps to come to the realization that other things can wait and Kyan always comes first. I'm sure she knows this, but sometimes it is easier said than done to forgtet other house chores for a little while or sometimes a long while. She will soon learn that it isn't the end of the world if the house is a little messy or the dishes aren't washed. Also, any little thing you can do to help out is awesome. Even the small stuff makes us feel great sometimes. Steph might also need you to tell her what a good job she is doing as wife and mother. There were days hearing this would make everything okay. Also, I'm not judging and I don't know your entire situation, but is there a chance she might have a little PPD. It doesn't always present right away.

amymom replied: What a great idea that Tish had, It may be worth it to take a bit of that bonus and hire either a responsible teen or a cleaning service to come in and help out once. Boy if my hubby had someone clean the house (and it not be me having to manage it) then I would feel lots less stress!

Kaitlin'smom replied: do you feel comfortable leaving Kyan with MIL for a while? Maybe you ask MIL to offer to take him for a few hours a week so she has time to do what she is worried about. or sleep if she chooses. I do agree a rountine is so important. Just keep helping with what you can, reasure he its not a big deal if things are not always done, and lots of hugs, kisses and your doing great.

C&K*s Mommie replied: That is commedable of you to be a great father/fiance to her and to help out as needed.

She may still end up worrying about you and Kyan if she does decide to get out for a bit, but I hope she is able to find peace for just a few minutes.

Don't allow yourself to become so stressed over her stress. She needs you to be the level one, and to be calm. Just my

J-rod replied: MIL is wonderful imo. but steph doesnt want her to think she cant handel everything so she doesnt like leaving him there. she did leave him there for about 5-6 hours on monday so she could shop...but things keep piling up.

PPD is a possibilty i have considered for a while.... but unsure how to bring it up.

C&K*s Mommie replied: BTW, what about the second place that you had in mind to move into? Did you look at it, and were you satisfied?

J-rod replied:
well he said he wont show it in current condtion. he is painting everything and laying new carpet. BUT he said his brother was gonna show it to someone else first. but we hoping we can get it. steph said his brother knows her better than the guy we saw last night so she will talk to him

long story short....we are dealing with local contracting company. (brothers) and her dad grew up with them and baisically everyone in town knows everyone so we hoping we can get in there.... if not we keep looking.

Calimama replied: My sister went through something similar when my nephew was born. She would get SOOOOO stressed over him crying all day and just life in general, turns out she had PPD. Bella has her days but Antonio usually takes her when he gets home so I can sleep, or just cuddle up with him stress free for a couple hours. You might want to help make her a routine for cleaning and such. It doesnt ALL have to get done everyday and the more she feels like it does.. the more stress piles up.

Ugh and it drives me NUTS when Antonio complains about being tired and when I give him the chance to sleep.. he's online.

luvmykids replied:
Hang in there. You pitching in when and where you can is really great!

I felt this way too...and it was a long time before I realized it was ok to NOT handle it all. I wish for the sake of everybody I had given in sooner. As for bringing up the possibility of ppd, I'd try telling her how much you love her and are worried about her and that you just want her to know you wouldn't think any less of her as a mom if she thought she needed some help getting over the hump...my biggest fear was that admitting it would make me less of a mom

It's still a big adjustment, things will get better and you're doing awesome.

holley79 replied:

lisar replied: I dont know what to say. Its great that you help out like you do.

TheOaf66 replied: welcome to married life with a newborn. It does get better just hang in there, hold your tongue and just keep doin what you're doin.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied:

I still have a hard time getting Aaron to do anything after he gets home. Good for you. Someone raised you right. (Not to knock my MIL, she's the bomb)

J-rod replied: GREAT! she called again...same thing as yesterday.....same thing she apologized last night for




looks like im gonna burn some more PT to go home.

Boo&BugsMom replied: J-rod, things will get better. Perhaps you can sit her down and talk to her about how she'd been acting. Even if she blows up a little, just walk away and come back to her when she is calm. Does she get out while you are at work? Maybe she should start making plans to go places while you are at work. I know when I get out of the house it does wonders for me! Even walks with the kids do a lot for my sanity, being stuck inside the house all week with 4 preschoolers and nowhere to be able to go. Sit down with her and work out a game plan. Keep your chin up! Things will work out and hopefully Steph will listen to you. Just approach her delicately. Also remind her, when she is feeling stressed, Kyan will feel that too and it will make things worse.

J-rod replied: she doesnt leave...said she tried today and yesterday but she wont even try if he is crying.

hoosier momma replied: I totally agree that you need to have a talk with her. Maybe she is more stressed at being stressed and trying to get adjusted, KWIM? Like, maybe she thinks she is the only new mom to ever feel this way. If she doesn't have anyone else to talk to throughout the day, I am sure many of the moms on here can give her advice and their feelings on being a brand new mom. It really isn't that easy to be a mom! Just talk to her and let us all know if we can help with any further advice.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Tell her that if she leaves the house with him, that may help his crying. Believe it or not, one of the things that calmed Tanner down was taking him to stores. He loved to look around at the lights, displays, etc. He was super colicy. The stimulation was what he needed. Even babies need to get out.

Calimama replied:
Maybe she can take him for a walk in his stroller or something? He might be going through a growth spurt or even teething... which can mean he might be like this for a few more days. That would be A LOT of personal time. Good luck! I hope he calms down a bit for her.

TheOaf66 replied:
totally agree

J-rod replied: he is teething right now

Calimama replied:
I use Baby Orajel on Bella. Then I give her a warm bath to calm her down, I turn off all the lights and lay with her while she either drinks a warm bottle, or gums on it. That ALWAYS seems to calm her down.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Yikes! I know how you feel J-rod. Teething is a PITA! And once they start, it's like they constantly have a new tooth coming in after the last one just came through.

J-rod replied: our dr said NOT to use baby orajel....said it can numb the tongue and throat, and with his reflux that be very very bad

TheOaf66 replied: never worked for Tanner, we used Motrin...Jennie wouldn't let me use the trick my parents used, put some brandy or whiskey on his gums with your finger...it numbs the gums

hoosier momma replied: We used Tylenol (a very small amount) right on the gums for teething. It kills the pain without numbing the entire mouth. Also, any cold teether would probably help a little. My mom gave my son one the old wood style clothes pins that just slides over the clothes and doesn't pinch. He has cut all of his teeth thus far with that clothes pin. I had a fit at first, but it really worked.

J-rod replied: we use tylenol for pain and it helps some... we have teathers but he doesnt like them. wont even chew on his binkey anymore

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I took a baby washcloth, wet it, wrung it out and froze that sucker. Logan loved chewing on it.

Kaitlin'smom replied: oy if he is teething its gonna last a while. Kaitlin had a vibrating teether, she loved it. Also Hyland Teething Tabs might work.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Tanner also liked frozen pickles.

PrairieMom replied:
It probably DID help some just for her to have some time to sit back for a while. I know that I get wound up real easy, then I can't sleep, but just having some time to detatch helps. Keep up the good work.

My2Beauties replied: First of all major kudos to you for helping out and at least offering to take the baby off of her hands, you won't find too many men that will do that (no offense other guys )! So to you. Secondly, it'll be like this for a while until she gets the swing of things and it takes a while believe me. I remember all the time feeling so overwhelmed and thinking OMG nothing is getting done, I'm going crazy and this baby is crying all the time, not to mention Hanna had awful ear infections until she was 6 months old...until we got tubes it was horrible so I know how she feels, but it does get better and all you can do is be there for her and talk to her and let her know you are there for her and she's doing a wonderful job! ITA about the leaving Kyan with MIL thing - OMG that is a lifesaver. I can't tell you how nice it was to let MIL or my mom watch Hanna for a couple of hours or even overnight so that DH and I could have some time and I could catch up on and get things done! Let her know her mother raised her, she can handle it

J-rod replied: well she is shopping...i have kyan.....and well crap ill post later he is crying.

Calimama replied: I hope she is having a stress free shopping trip.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: My heart goes out to you! As a mom who has gone through PPD, I completely understand now, your frustration. My DH would take the kids, tell me to go to bed early. But I just couldn't. I'm not saying that your DW is depressed, but it does sound like it to me. Try not to be too hard on yourself, you did the right thing!

J-rod replied:
doesnt sound like it....she called upset cause she has to go back out another night cause one of the stores was closed..... we were hoping she would have it all done tonight.

kimberley replied: sorry things are tough right now. teething is not easy to deal with

i would definitely revisit the MIL idea for help. if she is nearby and willing, your DW should swallow her pride and call her imho. she had a baby once too and knows how hard it can be. i don't know of too many moms who would judge their daughter for asking for a break. you cannot be the only support and work a demanding job. you are gonna snap or lose your job. i wouldn't want to see that happen.

redplaydoh replied: IMO I am seeing all the signs for PPD with her, and it's ok... maybe you could call her OB and tell them your concerns and they could talk to her. I would even talk to MIL and tell her what's up and see if she can help out more w/o it being obvious why.
You've been doing a great job at handling things!

J-rod replied: well last night got better. lets hope today remains calm

she is supposed to go to store for baby tylenol and some misc things....with kyan so lets hope all goes well.

gr33n3y3z replied:
Thats what I did also and it was very effective

J-rod replied:
hahaha i tried that...but i took you literally and FROZE it in the freezer
woops....ill try to chill it in fridge tonight.

Calimama replied:
Oooo are you not supposed to actually FREEZE it? ...

jcc64 replied: Sounds alot like PPD to me. The fact that a store was closed caused her to cry tells me she's a little over the edge right now. I would maybe find a few sites on PPD and ask her to read them and see if it rings a bell for her. There's no shame in it- so many people go through it, and there's certainly no need to suffer with it. Just be gentle when you broach the subject. She may resist at first, but stay with it. Good luck.

TheOaf66 replied: u will have days like this one J-Rod, just hang in there and keep doin what you're doing and don't take it personally if she attacks you in any way. Let it roll off your back and just be supportive, it will get better.

redchief replied: Women... Can't live with them, and it's illegal to kill them.

Sounds like she's feeling overwhelmed because she's set standards for herself that are not only impossible, but unnecessary. Maybe a sitter and a nice dinner out where you can have some "you time." ?