i am new - 5 year old not listening

angeleyes27 wrote: hello, i am new to this. this is my first post. i was wondering if anyone could help me/have any advice for me??? my 5 year old does not listen to me. mainly in public places. if i tell her to do something that she does not want to do, she will throw a fit and scream. does anyone have any advice? i don't know what to do. i don't know how to get her to listen. feel free to leave me a private message or send one to my e-mail, or just respond to this. thank you so much.

MommyToAshley replied: HI and Welcome to parenting club.

I am a first time Mommy and my DD is only 18 months old, so we haven't reached that stage yet. Therefore, I don't have any advice, I just wanted to offer support and hugs. Maybe some of the other Moms around here with a little more experience can offer you some advice.

kimberley replied: do you use time-outs? this worked for my DS when he was about 5yo but not before. You have to be consistent too. eventually she will realize there are consequences to her actions. i usually did a 5 minute time out at that age, then sat and talked with James about what he did and why it was wrong. he resented it at first, but in time, learned to hear me instead of being angry and we have had good talks. as for bad behaviour in public, we usually just left because he was either tired or over stimulated. the worst thing to do was let him see me get angry or frustrated because his behaviour just got worse. i hope you find the answer that is right for both of you. ((((hugs)))) we are here to listen.

5littleladies replied: I have a 4 year old who has a problem obeying and I know how you feel-It is so frusterating!! Time outs haven't worked so well with Meg (but did with my oldest) so we have gone to taking away priviliges such as, no T.V., taking away a favorite toy, no treats for the day, etc. This has started working somewhat although she is still a bit of a trial. I think being consistent is key, even in public-Don't ever shrug it off and think "I'll deal with it next time". She needs to know you are in charge. I hope you find a solution. Hang in there!!

BTW, I'm Jennifer. Welcome!!

angeleyes27 replied: thank you all so much for the advice. it so great to know that there are people out there that will listen and give advice instead of making me feal like an aweful parent. thank you very, very much. i will give all the advice a try.

coasterqueen replied: I don't have any advice because I'm not there yet I have an 18 month old. But I wanted to say Hi! and welcome!

jen replied: I don't have any advice but here is a ((((((((HUG))))))))! I am Jenny, WELCOME!

amynicole21 replied: Hi and welcome to the board! I only have an 18mo, so my advice is only theoretical (and from Dr. Phil ). He says that children often act out in public because they know you can't punish them there. You need to show your child that there will be consequences to her actions no matter what the circumstances are. I think if you're willing to leave a cart full of groceries in the middle of the aisle, and walk out of the store, it might just be enough of a message that she'll straighten up. Again, I haven't been in that situation (yet ) but it sounds like it might work.

booey2 replied: Hi and welcome all of the above advice sounds great to me. Sorry I don't have any thing else to add.

I am Terri, I work out of the house and have 2 great boys, Matthew 5.5yrs old and Thomas 2 years old and a great DH of almost 10 years.

I look forward to getting to know you better.

angeleyes27 replied: i just wanted to say thank you all again. you are the best. i appreciate all the great advice. i will try the advice the next time that i go out and she acts up, and i will deffinitly write and let you know how it came out. you are all so great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you again!!!

Julie (jem0622) replied: I'm afraid this is only the beginning. I have a 4 yr old DS. And I've witnessed the same tranformation in my friend's children.

The only thing that works for us is consequence. The first being that you leave the public place. Regardless of what that move means for anyone. Whether you were about to buy a pair of shoes or you just had your meal served to you. Pack it up and go. And don't even talk to them in the car. Because they won't listen anyway. Nathan knows there are consequences for his actions and he hates it...but understands it.

And sometimes the consequence is losing a priviledge and I make certain it is something that will matter or else it's useless.

HUGS
Julie

Lily replied: Hi Angeleyes! Just wanted to say HI! lol I'm new too and my son is 5 and has started to backtalk like you wouldn't believe! Well, reading your post I guess you would believe it! lmao! Good luck! I'm right there with ya!

A&A'smommy replied: Hey and Welcome!
I don't have any advice for you, but it looks like you got lots of great advice from the other girls! I just wanted to say hello and Welcome!!