help - how do you discipline a 1 yr old?

huggybugboy wrote: Ok gals and guys, I need some advice on how to discipline Miles. I know it is a totally normal thing to be into everything at this age but sometimes, especially lately, he is so disobedient about things that scare me (touching the stove for example.) So what kind of techniques work at this age? I havent really done anything but say "no" over and over, and its obviously not working. I thought about putting him on time out, I just feel like he might be too young and not understand. Any suggestions?

Nina J replied: With the stove touching thing, I would say "We don't touch the stove, it can burn us". I would probably put him in time out, because he could get burnt and if you use a harsher punishment he'll learn quicker, KWIM? Use a stern voice, so he knows your serious. Also, be consistent

He will learn that time out isn't fun, and if he doesn't do the things that are scaring you, he won't have to have time out's.

Good luck

3xmommy replied: At 1... talking won't do a thing. It'll just be a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. Give him a good swat on the rump (WITH diaper) and say NO! very firmly. Don't scream because then he'll just thinnk mama's being mean.

A swat on the butt with a diaper on won't really be painful, only startle him.. and with touchin the stove, this is what you want.

HTH-

Mom

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I firmly told Logan, "No, hot." I wanted him to understand the concept of hot as don't touch. And I used time outs. Just 1-2 minutes. Believe me, it's almost as hard on you as it will be on him. Logan just sits there and cries for 2 minutes straight. If he tries to get off the chair or bench or wherever you put him, firmly set him back on it and tell him, no, time out.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Wil understands the word "hot" now. I say "no, hot" and now he says it back with a very concerned look on his face. But as far as disciplining him, we started time-out around 13 months or so. A friend of mine taught me to count to three and hold up your fingers when you count so that they see AND hear the warning. When you get to three, put them in a safe secluded place. We use our Pac'n'Play in the dining room, which is away from the busier areas of the house. He stays in there for 2 minutes (because he is almost 2). When he gets out, we just ignore the fact it ever happened because they are usually looking for recognition. If he does it again, back he goes. It took awhile for it to sink in, but now when I start counting "1,2..." he usually stops what he's doing.

Good luck. This is just what we do, but you gotta try different things and see what works IMO.

huggybugboy replied: thanks everyone. I think I'm going to try the time out thing, but now for my next question. Where is a good place and how do I get him to stay there? Yesterday I propped him on a dining room chair because I didnt think he could get down. But then he was trying to get out and he almost fell on his head. We live in a small 2 story apartment and the only place he could really be secluded is in his crib upstairs, but I dont want to use his sleeping area for punishment, you know? And I didnt think it was a good idea to be hovering around him while he was on time out. I thought about the step like on Nanny 911 but he'd just climb up the stairs.

boyohboyohboy replied: someone once told me when I asked this same question to use the play pen as a place for time out, take the toys out, and let him sit there in your view....
good luck

PrairieMom replied:
I used The boy's old highchair for time outs. (he was in a booster seat at that time)
I put the highchair facing a corner, and would buckle him in. (So I knew he was safe and wouldn't be able to leave)

The thing that worked for me with the hot stove was when I caught him trying to touch it, I ran up to him quick and acted all panicked, and asked if he was okay, and looked at his hands to see if they were burned. He got so scared that I was scared, that he hasn't tried to touch it again.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I think it was SuperNanny that suggested a timeout mat, and if you use that (any old blanket or pillowcase will do if you do not have a mat) if you use that make it known that it is for t/o's. Not play time. Strictly timeouts.

Here at our house we use the bottom of a bookcase, it is big enough for Kel to sit in. And C sits on the hearth. Sometimes they both will sit on the hearth for t/o together, but I make it clear that there is no talking/playing in t/o. Then when they get out I talk to them afterwards about what was done, then I give positive reinforcement that I love them and so on.

MommyToAshley replied: I can't remember what age we started time-out with Ashley. I don't think it was until she was around 1-1/2 or closer to 2. Until then we just used "no" with redirection. I'd say "no", remove her from the situation and get her involved in something else. I gated off the kitchen and put up other things she would get hurt on. We have a flat top stove and it would be so easy for her to get burned that I was over-cautious.

We did use her bed for time out and she knows the difference between going to bed and being put in time-out. I do count to three, and it really does work. I seldom have to put Ashley in time-out now. And, she knows not to touch the stove at this age. I am not sure she would have fully understood at age 1? I don't think it really matters as much how or where you discipline as much as it does that you are consistent.

For example, I hate to discipline in public but I had to put Ashley in time-out at the museum one time because she decided to follow her friends and run away... so far that I couldn't see her and I had to run after her. I put her in time out right then and there ... in a corner at the museum. I talked to her right then and there why it is important not to run away. The other parents probably thought I was aweful. But the next time we went, Ashley didn't follow suit and the other parent spent 20 minutes panicked looking for her child. So, at least I know I got through to Ashley.

Parenting is so hard sometimes, I don't think any of us have all the answers.

C&K*s Mommie replied: How true that is!! I wish we did sometimes, but I guess than that places likes this would be obselete. I could not turn to you guys and ask questions about the "terrific two & threes" the girls are going through, I would just know what to do. But I do not, and I am winging it, & flying blind. Still asking and learning along the way.

MyLuvBugs replied: Oh goodness! We've tried everything, and what works....well that depends on your child. For Lorelei we have to use a certain punishment for a certain crime. Time-outs, spankings, firm NO's, taking toys away, talking, etc. It just depends on what she's done as to what punishment she gets. KWIM?

If it was the stove (and she's tried it before), a quick slap on the top of the hand, a firm NO, HOT! NOT FOR BABIES!, and then told gently that it's dangerous worked. She's not tried since. However, nothing seems to help with taking stuff off the tables.

ilovemybaby replied: Personally I would put a baby gate up to stop him from even being able to get to the stove... but that's just me Abby can't get into our kitchen.
At 1 years I tried time out but it didn't work. I tried talking to her, telling her NO firmly and spanking also. I think the best thing at that age is redirection and to get them interested in something else and to just stop them from getting to the dangerous things like ovens and such. Hot drinks... we never stopped having them around her but we watched her constantly and if she went near them we'd say "NO hot!" and now she says "HOT" as soon as she sees us with anything hot. She touched the side of Pauls teapot once and didn't burn herself but it taught her what hot means. If her food is too hot she says "hot" and spits it out.

My3LilMonkeys replied: We do "no" with redirection, and a light slap on the hand if it's dangerous like the stove. I think it depends on the child - time out may work for some, but Madison doesn't understand the concept yet so it's not effective for us.

coasterqueen replied: I, personally could not gate my children out of the kitchen because then there would be no one to watch them in the room they were in (livingroom, playroom, etc) and they get into everything. Kylie is old enough to know not to go anywhere near the stove while I'm cooking. With Megan I just tell her no and use redirection at this age. I didn't do time-outs til they are older. They just don't understand at this age. Kylie didn't even at age 2.

mummy2girls replied: well at 1 time outs usually do not work. Redirection is a way to try at that age. And for timeouts i heard you shouldnt use bedrooms, playpens etc etc... because then they will be scared to go to bed because they think bed are for when they are bad. same with playpens. You shouldnt have to buckle a child down for timeouts either. If you do use timeouts it will take time at first. just keep plopping them down each time they leave the timeout area without using words. because if you do keep talking to them while doing it they will think..hmmm im getting a reaction from mom ill keep doing it. After a few minutes they will get that they need to stay. And its 1 minute per age. i have always been agaisnt using physical punishment as well. no matter how hard or soft because it sends them mixed messages. For example..if you get mad and swat them because they hit what does that teach them. I know some parents are for spankinga nd such and thats fine.. Im just agasint them. Anyways ill stop before i start a debate...

huggybugboy replied: Thanks everyone. I like the idea of a time out mat, but at this time, I dont think it will work for Miles. I think he would just get up and leave. I dont have a play pen, except at my moms so that wont work. And I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to gate off my kitchen but I cant find a gate long enough that doesnt cost a fortune.

Today he tried pulling a cord out of the wall today. I told him no and removed him. He went right back and did it again. I said no and put him in a chair in a corner of the kitchen. First he sat there and danced. Then he was shaking his hands, saying "all done". I waited about 45 seconds, maybe a minute, then removed him. And of course, he went straight back to the wall socket. So I said "no" again and marched him straight back to the chair. He didnt like it too much that time. I waited another minute and removed him, without saying anything. This time he stayed away from the socket! So so far, it seemed to work. He did go back to the wall and kind of stared at the plug, but he didnt touch it. Hes such a boy. Just trying to test his limits.

I just remembered that I have a stool that was mine as a kid that I think would work. Hmm...I think its at my parents.

coasterqueen replied: I don't know how wide your kitchen opening is but I have fairly wide openings going into my living room and we found fairly inexpensive gates. They aren't fancy looking, but they work great. If I remember I'll get more specifics from Dh when he gets back into town tomorrow. Or I'll try to measure them tonight.

ZandersMama replied:
We tried that with Zander, but now when I say "one....." he gets excited and says "two, three" lol