getting out of control - more PT woes

PrairieMom wrote: Lets recap.
Al just turned 4. She has been day time PT for about a year and a half. She was night time PT for the past 6 months or so. I think I said 4 before, but now that I think about it, we were out of pull ups at christmas time, so it must have been longer than that.
ANYWAY...
a few weeks before the baby was born she started having accidents. one a week or so. We didn't say anything about it, just washed the sheets and let it go.
they have been more and more frequent, now they are happening nightly. So, I started putting her in pull ups on, um... monday? so, even when wearing pullups she manages to pee the bed, while keeping her pull up dry, which tells me she is purposefully peeing on the bed, taking her pull up off, and putting it back on when she is done.
Yesterday she peed the bed at nap time. So, now she is doing it in the day time too, which she hasn't done for nearly 2 years.
Also, yesterday afternoon she poo'ed on the floor. she tried to clean it up, but covered the spot up with TP, and I found it. I always make her help clean up her messes.

Well, now today she got into a stash of old diapers that I had saved from when she was a baby that I was saving to donate or use if I ever got PG again. I caught her trying to put one on, while standing next to one that was full of potty, while standing in a puddle of potty.

What the heck is going on?
I asked her what she is doing. " I dunno"
I asked her if she WANTS to wear diapers, she said no.

This thing is escalating really really fast. I'm not sure that not giving her attention for her behavior is working. she keeps stepping up her game.

A&A'smommy replied: OMG bless your heart!!! Do you think she is doing it for attention? Maybe she is worried that the baby is going to get all the attention, or maybe she is frustrated about the new baby?

moped replied: I have no idea about why, perhaps the new baby thing.....but I do believe she knows what she is doing and that it is wrong, so being the mean mommy I would have to be pretty mean back.........must think on this one!

PrairieMom replied:
I agree that she knows what she is doing, and that it is wrong, that is what is so frustrating about it. I just don't know that being mean back is the answer this time. My heart hurts for her, there is obviously something bothering her.
I can't have her peeing every where tho, so I made her wear one of Charlies cloth diapers and put her down for a nap. She is still sleeping.

julesmom replied: Have you talked to your pediatrician and make sure there is nothing going on medically?

boyohboyohboy replied: I think mean mommy is going to have to step up the game.
I mean she is a very smart little girl and other then Charlie what else could be bothering her?
praying she decides this is yucky soon!
what if you took away all her big girl "stuff" because only babies need diapers? Does she have something she really likes, or something she really wants??

Calimama replied: Can you find a sitter for Charlie AND for Ben, and take her out for the day alone? Maybe she's seriously craving some 1 on 1 time. Maybe that can be her reward for using the toliet? I don't know. Obviously Miabella is an only child, so I don't have tons of advice. I'm sorry hun. It must be frustrating.

coasterqueen replied:
I was going to say this and take her to the PED to make sure it's not medical. My hunch is that she is having major issues with a new baby in the mix. We tend to forget that this can be so incredibly hard on children when we decide to bring more children into the family. They have NO comprehension of what is going on and how to handle this and I'm sorry, but I think punishing them or being the mean mommy is not what I'd do IMO. Being mean or punishing her for not being able to adjust to a new child in the mix? Why? It's not HER fault she doesn't know how to deal. She was not part of the decision and everything is out of her control. I know it's frustrating and I know it can be very stressful, especially when you are stressed about the new baby as well, but I think if it was me, I'd try to get some time with her alone. Even if it's just in between feedings.

One thing I have learned from having a child with a sensory disorder is that what I think a situation might be for my daughter may NOT be what it is to her. And I believe this to be true for all children. We, as adults, forget what it would be like to be a child who doesn't understand life at all and does not have the knowledge we do as adults. She may be doing this on purpose, but she's not doing it just because she wants to "step up the game" or whatever, she's obviously dealing with something and needs YOU to be there for her to help her deal with it. Take her the PED and make sure it's not medical. If it's not, you might seriously consider even though you are giving her all the attention you think she needs to feel special during this time, well she might be one that needs even more or a child who has trouble dealing with things. This is her first time not being the baby.

Again, just my 2 cents and obviously not the norm response you are getting. Good luck. I hope whatever the issue might be, I hope things get better soon.

PrairieMom replied: Well, we have decided to just let things ride, not say anything about it and just let her wear the pull ups and make her help clean up her messes. When she goes through all her pull ups, we are going to put her in come one size fits all cloth diapers that we have been using for Charlie, thinking that cloth will be less comfortable for her to wear. And we are going to try to wait this thing out.
This week has been extra hard because Dh was out of town and I have been home alone trying to deal with all three, pluss Charlie has been really demanding with every 2 hour feedings, and refusing to be put down. Its been really hard on all of us.
So, I'm going to try to spend more time with her, try to do something one on one, and just ride this thing out for a while.

Our Lil' Family replied: I have to agree with Jen and Stacy here. She knows what she is doing. I think I'd have a talk with her and let her know what you expect from her and then come up with consequences for her actions. She's old enough to understand.

mummy2girls replied: I think its the new baby. i think as parents we have to put ourselves in thier shoes. They didnt ask for a new baby( well most kids dont at a young age...LOL) and then all of a sudden there is a new person they have to share mom and dad with. How would we all feel if your husband says I love you sooooo much honey and i just want to share my love so im bringing in a new wife. You can play with her, talk with her and become really good friends with her.... I think we would be protesting as well... Jenna wanted a sister so badly and when Breanna entered into her life she started to act out alot because breanna was taking all of our attention if not most of it.

Try having Al help with teh baby. get her incvolved so she feels like a big girl. Help her with diaper changes, bath time etc. And try having one on one time with her. I know its hard because you are nursing and you need to be where baby is. Maby have hubby take baby and you go outside alone with al and just have mommy and daughter time. Maby pump a bit so then if you are nopt around then hubby can still feed it through a bottle. She defenitely needs that one on one time.

Don't let it slide, because she also is seeing that no matter what she does your just going to let it slide.

Jennas behaviour lasted only 2 weeks but she is 7 so its diff i think...

CantWait replied: Sorry Tara, I don't know what to say or what I would do. I think Karen has probably hit it right on though.

Hopefully it gets better soon!

julesmom replied: I totally agree with Karen!

coasterqueen replied:
I don't have three kids so I can't pretend to understand what that's like, but I do remember Ryan being gone for three months while I dealt with a 3 year old and a 6 month old who projectile vomited in her sleep, turned blue, etc and not getting any sleep and trying to figure out how I was going to do all the things that needed to be done at home, nurse a baby, feed another kid, go to work, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc It can be nervewrecking when we are the only ones there to do all the adult stuff. Hang in there.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I'm so sorry, Tara!

We are dealing with some things from Maddie since bringing Owen home, too. I thought it would be Ethan, but his behavior has actually improved. Maddie has been giving us fits (and she's TEN!!) I go to bed in a ball of nerves every night.

As soon as your DH comes home, surprise Ali with a trip to McDonald's or her favorite store. You don't have to stay long, but talk to her and let her run around and be herself. Then, let your DH take her out sometimes, too. I bet you start to see an improvement.

Maddie told me the other day that she feels very alone and she's also made up these crazy thoughts in her head. I asked her if she wanted some alone time and she said yes. I slept in her room that night and we talked all night long. (of course she's older, her body is changing and she has a lot of questions...)

I'll pray things get better soon. You are such a good mom and I have no doubt you are doing the right thing for your child--afterall, you know her best.

PrairieMom replied: today i put her down for a nap and just handed her the pull up. she asked me, " do I need a pull up?" so i turned it around on her and asked " DO you need the pull up?" she nodded yes, so i jst handed it to her and walked out.

so, she never did sleep, i could hear her banging around, but after a while i heard her in the bathroom covered in poo. she had pooed in the pullup and was trying to clean herself up.



i'm wondering if some of this isn't just some curiosity about our body fluids and what not.