for those of you with only one child

cameragirl21 wrote: and are not planning to have more...if you don't mind my asking, what made you come to that decision? i ask this only because i'm an only child and i'm wondering what would lead my parents to know that they didn't want more kids.
any thoughts?

mom21kid2dogs replied: Our fertility was never in our hands from the start. Since it took 17 years for us to concieve and I did so at 40, Olivia will definately be our only child.

The answer you seek for yourself is likely only well answered by those that made it. I suspect people with onlies made that choice (or had no choice) for a host of different reasons.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I'm not 100% sure I won't have another, but right now, I can say, I can't imagine going through another year like Logan's first. 3 heart caths and 2 surgeries is enough to make anyone think twice.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I can't answer this for myself, but I can answer it for a client I keep. She is an only child and will probably always be that way. Her parents are very career driven. It has been a struggle for them to even deal with some of the changes of having one child. They didn't have her until they were married 10 years and it wasn't because of fertility issues, it was by choice. I know for a fact they wont have anymore because I see the struggle they have with just the one and it has already been said they wont. Don't get me wrong, they are wonderful parents and a wonderful family, but their careers are too important to them to consider having more. It's not a bad thing, it's just more of a priority (their careers) to them than it may be to others.

cameragirl21 replied:
oh, i'm aware of that but tbh, these days my mom says she wishes she had more kids yet at the time she was sure she wouldn't. i'm curious how one decides something like this. that's all.
i'm sorry to hear about your fertility problems, Cheryl, but i'm glad that you got your little girl.

mom2my2cuties replied:
That's just because they knew from the beginning how onry you were gonna be



With Andrea, we always thought she would be it for us, we changed our minds because even though I had Michael we were told we would never see him again and had started even giving up hope. And we wanted her to have a sibling.

moped replied: I want another - but am not pregnant. I just always wanted 2, and I want Jack to have a sibling...........I hope I am blessed to have another - time will tell

holley79 replied: I know for the longest time I always said I didn't want any kids then had Annika. I don't put my job first but I didn't think it would be fair to have two kids in DC and work so one was going to be it. Now I am getting serious baby fever.

I know my best friend decided to only have one child because she felt that was all she could handle.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I also want to add that if we were not to have a second...well, too late now, but if we never did, Troy would have been fine with it. I'm still not sure why exactly, I think he's just not into big famlies and sees the financial strain these days. After this one we are done though. I just wanted Tanner to have a sibling because I know for myself, I enjoy having that sibling bond (I have a brother) and it's nice to know I'll have family after my parents pass away. Troy isn't as concerned about it as I am and would be happy with only one. I think many times it's just personal preference.

mummy2girls replied: in reality i have more than one. but only one is here with me:( Yes i do want more. i would love to have 2 more... I just love a big family and i have always wanted more than one child.

JadensMama05 replied: eventually we want another child but right now, Jaden is all we can afford and handle.. someday though!!

Cece00 replied: I have 4 kids but I myself am an only.

I'm an only b/c my mom got cancer twice before I was 4 yrs old. The second time she had to have a hysterectomy. She always wanted one more but it didnt happen.

I always knew I would NEVER have just one child. Growing up as an only was sooooo lonely for me, I didnt want that for my kids.

kit_kats_mom replied: Well, I'm not afraid to say that Lauren was a suprise. I really thought our family was perfect with the three of us. I had some real issues while I was pregnant reconciling the fact that I was (my words) "destroying the delicate perfection that was our family". I can be such a drama queen sometimes. How my DH tolerates me, I will never know. He's a saint. Honestly, DH and I are both onlies and we were fine with having an only. In fact, the idea of siblings and the fights, the tattling, all of it, scared the cheese out of us both. Now, we wouldn't have it any other way than the 4 of us.

We were discussing maybe adopting a boy in the future and my old "I don't want to mess up a good thing" argument came up again. Thanks for making me re-examine that.

luvmykids replied: I have more than one child and even if I hadn't had twins the first time around I would have tried again for another child because I hated being an only child so much. The only reason I'm an only is my parents divorced and when my mom and step dad got married he was much older than her and they decided not to have any more for that fact.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I will start off by saying I am the oldest of 9 kids (8 born while I was still at home and a surprise for my mom and dad when I was pregnant with Tay ) Anyway I was an only until I was 9 and felt nothing but envy for all my friends who had nasty stinky younger brothers or COOL older sisters so I wanted to have at least 2 and have them close together-I saw the awesome bond that my younger siblings all have (they are no more than 20 months apart) When Bill and I got married we planned on being just the 2 of us for 2 years and then 2 kids (maybe 3) Funny how most of the time people take for granted how easy it will be to plan your family God had another design for our family I suppose because it took 5 years to have Tay and we haven't done anything to stop a baby brother or sister from coming along Now it is hard to decide because she is older and we can go and do things (no diaper bag,sippy cup, etc...) We joke that she will be graduating and the stick will turn pink again Sometimes just as Cheryl said it is not a choice the you get to make, it is just the way our family was blessed!

amymom replied: We have two, but they are six years apart and very different children. Almost like two onlies. For us it was never a planned thing. I wanted tons of kids, would have been pleased with 12. We have been blessed with two and it is a wonderful thing. As Cheryl said our fertility was never in our hands, we were married for six years before Billy came along. We had two losses and MB surprised us when I was almost 40. She keeps surprising us today.

I am the 2nd oldest of six and love having tons of family. I wish my kids had the closeness of close in age siblings but they do not......

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Well I don't have only one child, but I am almost an only child... me and my brother are 6 years apart, but it's like I don't even have a brother. He never attends any family stuff, avoids us all at all costs... he wasn't even around at Christmas...

My mom lost a baby between me and my brother... and although of course I don't resent her for it, I wish my mom would have had more kids. I've always wanted a sister... but I'll settle for my dad's girlfriend's sister. She's my age anyways. Even if she is a dopehead.

DansMom replied: I was 38 when I had Daniel, and DH was 52. On top of being on the older side for being a mom, I had gestational diabetes, and that would probably be worse the second time around. Also, I work full time and am the breadwinner. If I were the one staying home, we would have tried again. The idea of pumping at work again---just makes me feel so exhausted

Now I'm 42---not sure how fertile I am at this point!

cameragirl21 replied:
i see what you mean, Tracy, but tbh i'm not sure how much i believe in practical terms about the reduction of fertility with age because while it makes sense in theory, i have witnessed WAY too many women who for the life of them couldn't conceive in their twenties or even thirties but somehow became pg at the age of 46. i think if you want to have another kid it is very feasible, even if you are the breadwinner, of course that is up to you but like i said earlier, now, in retrospect, my mom regrets not having more and tbh, it IS hard to be an only child. not so much growing because while i was wanted a sibling, i can't say that i was ever lonely or bored just because i was an only. it's more now as an adult, the prospect of my parents aging and how best to deal with that rests entirely on my shoulders. now my parents had me very young, so by the time they're old i'll be old too but all these decisions are on my shoulders and all the dreams that most parents have for their children once again, rest on the shoulders of just one person. i think by being an only i HAVE missed out on a lot--mainly i think onlies have somewhat reduced social skills just because there are certain behaviors that most children automatically and without realizing it test out on their siblings before displaying these behaviors around others and for this reason, because it's just you and your parents, you really don't a good social sense for your own age group...you rather become very adept at dealing with adults because when your parents invite company, the grownups are talking to you alone. for instance, in my house, i took classical piano for many years and when my parents had company, guess who entertained them at the piano? it was the expectation so i became very good at conversing with adults early on but like i said, i missed out on things i could have learned among siblings my own age.
i can say with certainty that since my parents are immigrants who came here when i was a toddler, which is mainly the reason i am an only, because money was scarce in the beginning and by the time it wasn't, i was already at an age where there'd be little real interaction between myself and a sib, that if i had sibs there'd be no private schools, fancy jewelry, expensive clothes and the private college i went to but i'm sure i'd have been fine without these things. at the time, i thought i couldn't live without these things but only because i was used to having them but if i had sibs and thereby wasn't used to having these things then i'm sure i'd be fine too.
i can say from my experience that i'd not want to have an only but my parents are both onlies and obviously they were ok with it....

rivergirl replied: I only have one child and the choice wasn't in my hands, either. The doctors said I would never have children. We had been married 15 yeras, with no luck. One day felt really sick, thinking it was "Menopause" rearing its head, I was 40, and went to the doctor. All my other sisters had began the "change" at 39.
I was pregnant. At age 40, I did start going into Peri Menopause.

My daughter is 7 now and I am 46. It's in God's hands for me, it always has been.
I would have loved to have a house full of children. Instead I am always around lots children, who need my love and attention. This year, at age 46, I became a Girl Scout Leader.