feeling bittersweet about the birthdays this week

ZandersMama wrote: I'm having a really hard time coping with everything this week, all the memories are coming back froom last year. I'm so depressed.............and i feel like a real crappy mom for it.
He is big and healthy, we are both alive. I should be celebrating, instead i am just moping and trying to muddle through and get it over with. I keep dwelling on all the bad stuff, the delays, the c section, the NICU, i cant seem to get it out of my head.

Anyway, we had a party yesterday, it went great, going to post some pics.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: You are entitled to feel that way. Forever after Logan's heart surgery (even now, sometimes) I felt down. I knew that I should be feeling happy, my son made it through, he's growing, he's laughing, running, talking. All things he should be doing, but I could have lost him. That stays with you, always. I also keep remembering that we'll have to do this surgery again and again as he grows. No one can say to you, "You should be happy, there's no reason to be upset." Because they haven't lived your life in your shoes. If you're a bit down, let yourself be down. Give yourself permission to grieve for whatever loss you feel. It's ok.

ZandersMama replied: ty

amymom replied: Kelly said it well.

I want to add some hugs to you. You are very strong to have gone through all you have for your boys.

A&A'smommy replied: Those are wonderful pictures!!!!

amymom replied:
Totally slipped my mind! They really are great pictures. Especially that last picture.

CantWait replied: Beautiful pictures. You have no reason to feel bad, look how handsome and big your boys are.

lovemy2 replied: I am glad you had a nice party for the boys and I am sorry you had a hard time but like Kelly said - I think you have to let yourself grieve in some senses - you have been through alot - I know how I felt when they took Dylan to the NICU after he was born cause they were afraid he had fluid in his lungs - he ended up fine but it really threw me for a loop - I can only imagine and truly marvel at you mother's who survive and deal with your children's health issues on a daily basis - you are my heros

ZandersMama replied: thanks guys. today is his actual birthday, its a little hard but i am trying to have a good day for him anyway. we are going to see his NICU nurses later and show off how big he got, and go shopping.

3xsthefun replied: Those are great pictures!

grapfruit replied:
Shopping should help

He looks great, he's gotten SO big. Extra hugs on this day

MommyToAshley replied: I couldn't say it any better than Kelly did. So, I'll add my hugs.

The pictures are great... looks like a wonderful party!

holley79 replied: Looks like he had a great time though.