Parenting Club - Parenting Advice, Parenting Message Boards, Baby Message Boards, Pregnancy Message Boards, TTC Messge Boards
Shop for Baby Items | Parenting & Family Blogs

does this happen to you?


ian'smommy wrote: Ever feel totally depressed and not know the cause? When DH asks me what's wrong and I say I'm depressed, he asks why. And of course he doesn't totally believe me when I say I'm not sure why. I mean, here I sit, typing this out and any second I could burst into tears for no apparent reason. I don't know what the cause is at this point. I guess it could be a mixture of things. The stress I feel in the marriage and feeling a little isolated. Seeing only the inside walls of my house day in and day out. Know what I mean? Today we had an opportunity to be around other people and be away from the house. I wanted to go of course, and DH wanted to stay home. He is gone a lot for work so he likes to stay in when he can. So of course, because he didn't want to go, we didn't go. Maybe that is part of my depression tonight. But it must be coming from something else as well since I typically don't feel this way because of missing out on a little activity away from home....
Anyway, just a mini non-angry vent... It's not very late but since I am bored out of my skull I may go to bed early.

MommyToAshley replied: grouphug.gif I think we all get that way every once in a while. And, I bet if you get out and do something for yourself then you will feel so much better. It's amazing what a day out with the girls can do for you.

I hope the blues go away soon!

Celestrina replied: Depression doesn't always have a root cause, but feeling isolated and enclosed can make it worse. If you have been feeling this way for a while now, perhaps you should see a counselor or therapist. I suffer from depression and you would be amazed at how this can help. It is a lot easier to talk to a stranger, someone you know won't judge you.

ian'smommy replied:
I wish I felt like I had that option. The friends that DH and I hang out with the most are not married. Seriously dating but of course no kids and they are very busy. We are lucky to spend time with them once a month. Besides them, or her I guess, I don't have a real close girlfriend around here to get away and spend time with. If I still lived where I grew up I have a close friend there. She is a stay at home mother of 3... We are really close but I see her maybe once a year since I live 800 miles away now. I wish I had a close friendship like that living here. My days are always the same. No variety it seems. I'm trying to look for an opening to become closer with a couple of people that I know. I don't want to feel like I'm pushing myself on them, ya know?
But I certainly think that could be part of it. No one to get together with during the day while DH is at work, and no car to get me there.

Celestrina replied: How old are your kids? If there's a YMCA near you, see if they offer any "mommy and me" classes. It's a great way to meet other moms with kids the same age, you can get out of the house, and get some excercise all at the same time.

ian'smommy replied: I only have one son. He is 2 1/2... I live in a small town. The closest YMCA is about 45 minutes away and I unfortunately don't have access to a vehicle. DH uses the only car we have to get to work. I attend mother's meetings at the clinic in town that is close enough for Ian and I to walk to. I am getting to know some mothers there. Ian enjoys playing with the other kids. But again, kinda looking for the opening to hang out with someone outside of that function. I always feel like I am pushing myself on people. And of course that feeling holds me back. And then I just start feeling more desperate for the connections...

DansMom replied: I certainly suffer from bouts of depression and don't know why---I think it's more common than people realize. For me, the philosophical/spiritual basis for dissatisfaction and hopelessness is when I'm working so hard and not having time to enjoy what I've worked for---no rest, no replenishment. I also really tank psychologically and emotionally in the week leading up to AF---to the point where I'm defensive, suspicious, reactionary, weepy, aggressive, manic, even sometimes euphoric (unnaturally happy instead of unnaturally sad), and unable to sleep for two or three nights on end. As soon as AF starts, that same day the cloud lifts and I feel sane and normal again.

I wouldn't take meds, but know several women who have felt normalcy and contentment were restored with antidepressants. It might be worth looking into, but I think it's a lot more effective when combined with counseling. Hugs to you! grouphug.gif

DansMom replied: I just read that Ian is 2.5---so is Daniel, and he's my only as well!

A&A'smommy replied: I get that way sometimes too and it REALLY REALLY sucks!!! I hope your feeling better((((HUGS))))

JAYMESMOM replied: As someone who has dealt with depression her whole life - I want you to understand you may not always know the reason for your feeling the way you do. And even if you think you do you may not be able to express it to your husband for fear he won't understand.

Getting out and doing things to break up your change of pace will help to a certain extent.

I would recommend seeing a therapist or counselor and/or even talking with your MD about medications.

I have been on a couple different anti-depressants over the years and I notice the change in me when I am on them. They help me see things rationally and my "bad" days I see as controlable and able to get better.

I am sorry you don't have anyone close to go out with. If you go the mother/child class at the clinic near you why not see if one of the moms you have been talking to would like to get together outside of there. Take the initiative. I know it is hard because you don't want to seem pushy. But the worse thing they can say is no BUT maybe that person is feeling like you are and doesn't want to ask.

Sometimes you have to take a step of faith.

I hope it gets better for you.

ian'smommy replied: I was on antidepressants for a few months several years ago before I met DH. I had been dating a guy that didn't treat me very well. But at the time I put up with it and didn't see it the same way outsiders did. Finally I got dumped and in spite of how I was treated, I was incredibly upset. I wasn't eating properly (eating made me feel sick),
I wasn't sleeping, and I was all around depressed. I went to the doctor and he put me on antidepressants. He said it would help the depression as well as help me sleep better. I was to take one an hour or so before going to bed. I met DH not long after all this took place. He was so caring about everything. Seemed to be so in tune to how I felt. It's amazing that once your married, that insight leaves. Almost like he understood me better when we were only friend/dating. I'm pretty sure that if I can find myself even ONE good female friend that has kids too, and if the current bumps in our marriage can get worked out, I'd feel so much better. I have been so unhappy with the way our marriage is lately that I think everything else is just intensified in my mind. Although I have felt isolated longer than that. I DO need to swallow my pride, step out of my comfort zone and invite somone over from the mother's meetings at the clinic. I have been attending them since Ian was 4 weeks old. Some of the people that were going back then are not coming as often now, but new mom's come all the time. In fact one of the moms, I gave the link to the parenting board. I don't know if she has joined yet however. I take the plunge soon, I hope... smile.gif
Anyway, on the upside, even though I'm not real high spirited this morning, I don't feel like I did last night. Thank you for the responses... Good to know when you're not alone in how you feel...

mammag replied: I agree with everyone else's advice and just wanted to add a bit...

I have dealt with depression much of my life but I think it was situational, there were usually things going on. I wonder if this is the case with you. You've been having the issues with your dh, you feel alone, etc. I agree that making friends will help but in the mean time you should find things to make yourself happy. Do you have any hobbies? Scrapbooking, painting, etc that you could do in your home so that you don't have to rely on anyone else to give your spirits a lift? Is this making sense?

I have been on medications before and it did help. It won't make the issues you are upset over go away but it will make them easier to handle without getting wrapped up in your emotions. I noticed, when I was taking them, that things like my dad being mean would still make me mad but I didn't focus on them for the rest of the day.

I think it helps tremendously if you have something you are working on or looking forward to. You know that high feeling you get when you are planning a vacation or something? I get the same way planning a scrapbook page.

While you are waiting for a friendship to develop (I agree, you should just go for it) be your own best friend. Find ways to treat yourself even if it's just making yourself up to sit around, taking a nice long bubble bath with a book and some music and candles. Love yourself, take care of yourself, try not to dwell on your situation if possible.

I hope you feel better soon. I could sense in some of your posts that you seemed down and you have been in my thoughts.

jcc64 replied: ITA with Tracy and Jeanie.

ian'smommy replied:
I think you are probably right about it being situational. I'm not usually like this unless I am feeling overwhelmed with different emotions, and I sure have been having a lot of emotions lately due to my issues with DH and everything. Feeling isolated has been ongoing but it's easier to deal with when I am not bombarded by other feelings as well.
I do have a hobby or 2 but they are hard to do when Ian is around. I like to scrapbook but when he is awake I can't sit down and concentrate. He'd be right in there wondering what I was doing. When I try to be in the kitchen while he is in the living room, of course he wants to be in the same room with me. He has even figured out how to open the baby gate... ohmy.gif So it doesn't keep him confined anymore... I also have been into photography. I am actually trying to turn it into a business. It's hard work and stressful, but I am looking forward to when the ground work to build it is finished. DH has been helping and I have appreciated that of him. As for doing other little things for myself, I have done some of that and it does help the immediate feelings I have. There are times that I put Ian to bed and spend the next hour in the tub reading a book. But I tend to only do that when DH is working late, otherwise I feel like I'm neglecting him when he's home and I'm off doing something else for me. But I guess I can't always let that bother me if it's the only chance I get. Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it. You have good senses if you sensed I was out of sorts... happy.gif I'm hoping some of these stresses will be put to rest soon...


CommunityNewsResources | Entertainment | Link To Us |Terms of Use | Privacy PolicyAdvertising
©2024 Parenting Club.com All Rights Reserved