do you remember - Jessica DeBoer

cameragirl21 wrote: for those of you who remember the case of Jessica DeBoer, the little girl who was adopted and then taken back at the age of 2.5 by her biological parents after a lengthy court battle that started when she was just a baby. this happened in Ann Arbor, MI back in 1992 or 93.
i used to live in Toledo, OH, about 45 minutes away from Ann Arbor so i remember this very well.
i know this could turn controversial so let's make this debate free or a friendly debate, just curious--who do you think should have gotten her?
personally, i was very sad to see her adoptive parents lose her, i think this case challenged the whole issue of adoption rights, children's rights and basic common sense...idk how people are not afraid to adopt in the US under these conditions and therefore can see why they go to Russia or China or Cambodia or Africa or wherever Angelina Jolie may discover next.
curious what other people's thoughts are and if anyone besides me even remembers...i was very deeply affected by it at the time, even though i was just a teeny bopper.

gr33n3y3z replied: I think if you give your child up the biological parents have no say any more
and 2 years later no way bc the child already bonded with the other couple.

jcc64 replied: My heart broke for everyone involved in that story. I do believe that after a certain point, you relinquish your rights as a biological parent, and this is definitely one of those times. If you were, in fact, a loving and unselfish parent, you would sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of the child who had long since established a trusting relationship with another family.

Calimama replied: I tried looking for the story but I couldn't find much. I was about 5 when it happened so I don't remember it.

holley79 replied: She only knew the adoptiva parents as mom and dad. She should have stayed there. I think there should be a "No matter what you can't change your mind" clause on adoption papers.

DansMom replied: That happened in my home town of Ann Arbor. I was sympathetic to the adoptive parents, but also know the attorney who represented the biological mother. The horrible part about this case is that the bio-mom was given a certain amount of time to change her mind, and she did change it within that time. Had the deBoer's given up the child after a few weeks, the trauma of dislocating Jessica (now Anna) at age 2 could have been avoided. At the same time, I can totally understand the motivation of the adoptive parents and their concern that the biomom was not going to provide as good of a home.

I really couldn't vote on any of those options. I would say the deBoers should have honored the law and the contract by giving the baby back as an infant. That was the right thing to do. There's no question in my mind, however, that they were superior parents in every respect. Very tough case---our community was divided on this issue.

As far as changing her mind---it was the deBoer's who fought the return very early on and kept the case going in the courts until the child was old enough to be traumatized by the ultimate decision. I did like them though, as people, and didn't like the biomom at all.

jcc64 replied: Wow, well, that was a decidely more nuanced view than was available through the mainstream media at the time, as I recall. The biological mother definitely took a beating in the press- and I don't think I was ever aware that she had made a claim for reconciliation within the appropriate bounds of the agreement. I also did not know that the adoptive parents were the ones dragging out the litigation from early on. That really does make it a tougher call. Thanks for shedding light, Tracy.

cameragirl21 replied: but Tracy, in the first few days of bringing the baby home, they did offer--they said if Cara Clausen wants her back she may have her and Cara declined...it wasn't until the baby's dad got involved that she suddenly changed her mind and she was sent to some idiotic "support group" that is anti-adoption that put these @sinine ideas in her head about the evils of adoption and how her baby is now doomed and that she must get her back.
also, the DeBoers did what IMO is the natural thing for any parent to do--they protected their child. looking at the Cara Clausen (the biomom) i wouldn't have given her a hamster, much less a baby. i think that adoptive parents bond to their babies just as much as bio ones do and it's very hard to imagine circumstances in which they will be inclined to hand their baby over to anyone.
once a decision is made it should be final. and the bio dad had already abandoned two children he had with other women and he never said he wanted Jessica, he simply said, "i will not give up my rights." this was like a contest to see who could win.
idk who won but Jessica lost.

jcc64 replied: I guess i'm not as informed about the particulars of the story. Jennifer, what was it about the bio mom that was indicative of her incompetence as a parent?

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I don't know the story, but I'd have to agree with this statement. If someone feels that strongly to give away their child with the intent of never seeing them again and go ahead and sign their child away, then to be honest I do not think they should get them back, or deserve them back. I'm speaking in general of course. There are certain situations that would make me think differently.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Who did the baby end up going with then? The biomom?

DansMom replied: Yes, Jessica was returned to her biological parents at the age of 2, I think. And they renamed her Anna. They had another baby by then as well.

Jeanne, there was a lot of class bias involved in the portrayal of the Schmidts---the deBoer's were both upper middle-class academics. The Schmidts were blue collar, not as well educated and their lives seemed chaotic and unplanned. The dad, as Jennifer pointed out, seemed just to want to assert his rights after finding out the existence of a child. He married Cara and had another baby with her to establish that they were a family deserving of getting Jessica back. I agree with Jennifer that without the biodad getting involved, the adoption would have gone as planned. On the other hand, the biodad legally had a right to assert his rights after he was informed of the child's existence.

I'm not slamming the deBoer's at all---I would have fought it tooth and nail. Such a sad case.

cameragirl21 replied:
for starters, the fact that she didn't use birth control because she was convinced that she couldn't get pg because she had an xray in the 8th grade. also, that she named the wrong birth father on the birth certificate. that she worked with Jessica's dad, saw him everyday, didn't bother telling him she was pg with his child and planned to put the baby up for adoption AND the fact that the bio dad saw his ex gf pg, could have counted on his fingers when was the last time he was with her and figured out for himself that he may be the father and didn't even bother to ask.
what is wrong with these people?!

grapfruit replied:
It sounds sad all together. But for the sake of the child, she should have stayed w/the DeBoer's. When it comes down to welfare I think it sounds like they could have given her the better life.

Not to down low income families (b/c I don't have a ton of income myself! ) BUT, it sounds like, from the info in this post, that the child should be placed in the environment where she could have a chance to thrive. How can you thrive w/parents that are too uneducated to know common sense stuff??

I don't like giving concessions to people who CHOOSE to be uneducated (and dropping out of school is a choice IMO). You have every chance like the rest of us to go to school, not my fault you choose to be a moron. Ok that's probably harsh, but that's something that aggravates me. Welfare should be given out only to people who are trying to better themselves (i.e. education!!) not people trying to milk the system!!! For that matter, I HATE the way a large cross section of America TALKS. Grammer anyone?????

Ok, sheepishly climbing down from my soapbox now....

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Actually, it's "grammar".

Sorry...I couldn't resist.

grapfruit replied:
I can't spell correctly, but I can at least TALK intelligently. (I'm a HORRIBLE speller) I live by spell check.

What irks me is people who are talking to others in a professional manner and sound like they dropped out of school in 8th grade. For example "I dun did it" and "I didn't do nothing". Things like that make me want to scream and run out of the room. Ok, not really, but it does make me grit my teeth together a little bit. This is probably because of my own hang ups with my mom. Seemingly overnight (although it probably was over the course of 5 years) she went from being a smart educated woman in the professional workforce. To basically a moron living on tips from Outback. And that's after being unemployeed for almost 2 years. I guess that's what drugs will do to you though...

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I know what you mean. For example: "I ain't got's to" or "can I asks you sometin". GRRR! We live next to Milwaukee which is heavily populated with gangs and they all talk in their "gang talk". UGH! Thank God we don't live too close or I'd move.

grapfruit replied: I wonder sometimes if they realize (or care) how we as a society look to the rest of the world. The problem I've noticed with schools is that we "dumb" ourselves down to that level of thinking, instead of encouraging those children that come from "at risk" environments to strive to be better.

We live very close to Dayton, OH, which is horrible. I stuggle to comprehend how neighborhoods decline so rapidly, and how people allow shootings and drive bys to happen everynight. I realize drugs plays a huge part in it. But don't you love your family enough to at least TRY to change that environment???

There's a big controversy going on right now where a 15 month old toddler isn't getting her home health care like she needs, b/c the nurses refuse to visit her house. Apparently there was a murder in the building not long ago (around Christmas if I remember correctly). So there's this "community action" group that is protesting that the child isn't getting her care, but they completely ok w/the fact that some 22 year old guy was found dead on the stairs in their building!! The police don't even have any suspects!! Priorities??!?? I think the child needs her care, but what's it going to matter if 2 months down the road she's murder while playing outside?

jem0622 replied: As a birthmother, you do have a certain window to change your mind. It varies by state. It's been so long ago. My feeling is that, if the bmom changed her mind within state mandated time, then she should have gone back to her. If that is not the case, then it should not have carried on for so long. Nothing but a big judicial system screw up.