confidence of a friend - religion mentioned/abortion

boyohboyohboy wrote: I have a new "friend". she really is more of an aquaintence. I dont know much about her. She was previously my neighbor and moved away. I see her once a month or so, but she emails me frequently.
She is an athiest, and I have noticed has asked me many times about my faith and things we believe and follow. I felt it was more then just showing interest..but she hasnt come right out and said so.
anyway, she has left her husband for another man, that she used to date. she will be divorced in a week now. She is intending on moving away with this new boyfriend and her dgt..the problem is, she has now become pregnant. she has said that she feels this is not the time for a new baby to come into a new relationship and hasnt told the boyfriend..she also doesnt want her parents to know..
so as you can see where this is going she wants to abort this baby..
she has come to me for advice, in confidence. I am against abortion. I have told her that, I am not sure if she is looking for someone to talk her out of it, or just wanting to sound off or what..but being that I have very specific beliefs I really dont know what to say without sounding judgemental. I have never been in this situation.

jcc64 replied: I would simply say that the decision she is facing is monumental, life-changing, and intensely personal, and you don't feel that it's your place to offer her "advice," but will listen to her if she's just needing a sympathetic ear. If you feel that your beliefs about abortion make it impossible for you to support her at this time, maybe you should just say it like that, and let the chips fall where they may. What I would NOT do is lecture or pass judgment, that's surely not what she needs right now.

Calimama replied:
Gosh you need to write a book.

I agree. Obviously.

HuskerMom replied:
Well said, I agree.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I agree with Jeanne.

I've had several friends who have had abortions.....all of them Christians. I don't support it. They know this, but they also know I love them and I'm their friend no matter what. Hate the sin, love the sinner.

jem0622 replied: I think that what you have done so far is just fine. It is very personal, so you can just leave it at that. That's tough!

CantWait replied:


I had a friend that was in a similar situation at one point and there was no way I could sit there and listen to her talk about possibly aborting a baby.

boyohboyohboy replied: I think some of the problem here, is that we arent really friends, at least what I consider to be a friend..I mean we talk about very superficial things normally, and I dont see her much..the kids I baby sit are her neices and nephews if that gives you any idea of the family life...
I would have tons to say if we were closer friends and I loved her as such...but she isnt really someone I have been involved with, and as you have said this is a deeply personal issue.
I just left it at, that this is something she cant take back so she should be sure. I offered her help with finding insurance, since she doesnt have any, helping her get to places if need be, and a baby sitter for her dgt if she needs for any reason..but to sit and talk about aborting thats not something I can do. I have friends right now that are desperately wanting to have a baby and also to adopt..this is such an opposite end of the spectrum...
I also have encouraged her to discuss the matters with the boyfriend she claims she intends to marry and spend the rest of her life with...he doesnt know she is preg. or that she wants to abort.(at least not that she has said)
she is 26.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: If she has asked you about your faith and knows how you feel I believe she knows your feelings about abortion. Close friend or not it seems to me she is coming to you for sage and faithful advice-I think that as someone who has answered questions about your faith you have to take a stand in this situation. You may be the only one who will stand up for the life of this baby. Remind her that if she doesnt want this baby, SO MANY other people do. She may just need to know that somebody will be in her corner during a pregnancy conceived in such an obviously 'bad' time.....

my2monkeyboys replied:
I completely agree with this. It seems she may looking for someone to tell her that it's not the only option she has... otherwise why would she ask YOU for advice, knowing your religious stance? I think you can tell her your opinion and give her advice without sounding judgemental. Just bc you think a certain act is wrong doesn't mean you think she is a bad person for considering it.

boyohboyohboy replied: update my neighbor is keeping her baby and she told her boyfriend..
I feel really good that I might have had a helping hand in that little babys life..

CantWait replied:
That's great news

my2monkeyboys replied: That is fantastic! Glad you don't have to worry about how to handle it anymore, too.

DillsMommy replied: It sounds like she considers you a closer friend than you think of her. I'm glad she decided to keep the baby. I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes. That's not something I could give support about.

A&A'smommy replied:
thats awesome news!!!

moped replied:
I would say that too!

msoulz replied:
And guess who will be looking to you as a babysitter?!?

boyohboyohboy replied:
Mary, not in this life time!!!!!!!!