can't stand the stress anymore - vent vent vent before I flip out

Jackie012007 wrote: I'm really losing it. The other day my landlady called us at 10 am (knowing full well that DF works overnights 10 - 7 am and gets home about 8 am and collapses) and when we didn't answer, called us about 6 times until she finally left us a message. She accused us of smoking pot!! Which is absolutely ridiculous if you know us personally... DF despises drugs of any kind and I quit smoking cigarettes and am now 19 weeks pregnant! She was screaming into the answering machine so I woke up DF, as he usually deals with her pretty well when she flips out. (she's a spazz)

He goes up stairs and she starts ripping into him because she "smells pot at 3:30 every morning and can't lose any more sleep over it"... she threatened to call the cops on us! But we aren't doing it, actually usually I'm not even home around 3:30 am because I take DF lunch just about every night, and his lunch is 2:45 - 3:45 and it's 20 minutes away!

THEN she really burned me when she told us she saw some people lurking around our apartment, and used the N word in reference to one of my good friends who came over to visit but I wasn't home. They knocked ont he door and they told me they talked to my landlord who was ont he porch smoking a cigar, he told them we weren't home. Well the landlady makes it out like they were scared for their lives because a "N was looking into the windows" and they thought she was going to break in. THEN she tells carl that we are NOT allowed to have any "N's" in her house!!!

She goes on to accuse us of having someone living with us in one of the bedrooms... she says she heard voices one night... it was us working on the nursery! She also says she "knows someone is living here because she hears people going in and out of the house at 2 and 3 and 4 am"... that's ME either leaving to take carl lunch, or on his days off, we walk the dog around the block! Carl tried to calm her down and explain everything but she wouldn't have it!

They have been so nice to us, we have lived here for a year and all of a sudden this is coming out of no where! She said I was a horrible person and bad mother for "smoking pot" at 4 months pregnant... I don't!

Now I have caught her listening at our back door (saw her through the peephole), and also caught her looking into our window... we don't know what to do. We just signed a one year lease, and I am so stressed out about this... I mean she can't tell us we can't have friends over because they are "black" or whatever, right?

Anyone have any advice? I've been so stressed out about this, I feel like I can't even function. I feel so uncomfortable in my own house, and I haven't gotten out of bad the past day and a half since all this erupted. I feel like I am being spied on or like I live in a fishbowl or something I've had such issues with this pregnancy and I don't want to end up in the ER again

CantWait replied: Jackie I'm sorry I can't imagine what is running through her head. No I don't think you signed a lease saying that certain races couldn't be in your home. I would start with taking notes of everything she is saying and everything she is doing (like listening at your door). I'd look elsewhere for housing, I know you just signed a lease, but she's being harrassing. Let her call the police, obviously they'll find nothing and you can explain everything. I don't know what more to say. Good Luck.

PrairieMom replied: Are you flippin kidding me? One Word honey. MOVE. How is she going to handle things when there is a newborn baby crying all the time. She sounds like she has some personal issues. Are you in a basement apartment or something? or is it a complex? There HAS to be a way out of the lease. Or can you get her for harrassment or tresspassing? she can't possibly have the right to be looking in your windows.

C&K*s Mommie replied: First, as easier as this is said, than done many times.... try to calm your nerves. I have BTDT with stress during both PG's and I regret it. So try to stay calm and relaxed as much as possible. If you are not doing anything illegal (drugs), then you have nothing to worry about.

We all have had whacked-out neighbors, or landlords that seem to have absolutely nothing better to do than to ruin another's day. Sorry about her, and her crazy talk.

People are going to have negative things to say about anothers race. Rude comments, derogatory names, etc. As a black woman, myself, I have learned to not take offense to it any longer- fortunately I have not been subject to it terribly much, but I have learned that all races are subject to stereotypes, and hateful names. Time is too short, and life is too precious to care about the ignorance of another.

What you can take from this, is to know that they certainly are not people that you may choose to associate with other than for the business side of handing your check over to them each month, and that is all.
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Is there any way that you can disconnect the phone when your DF gets home or put it on 'silent' and lower the volume on an external answering machine? If someone needs to get in touch with you badly enough, then they can either leave a msg either on voice mail, or the ans. mach, which you can check periodically, or reach you on a cell phone-- which also can be set for silent or vibrate.

Jackie012007 replied:
it's a big old victorian house, we live on the first floor, then they live on the second and then a girl just moved into the top floor yesterday. She was like this with the guy who used to live upstairs but he really was smoking and drinking, we could even smell it on the bottom floor. I'm also worried about the crying baby thing... the nursery is right under her bedroom, and when I got pregnant, knowing how fussy she is, I was terrified to tell her but she was so cool about it... I have no idea what happened, as this all came out of nowhere!

If we break our lease, they will take us to court and get us for the rent for the year! (they did it before to someone who broke the lease) I'm wondering if her being like this is grounds for breaking the lease. I looked up NY tenant law but it wasn't very helpful.

I feel so bad for my friend Lorna... I called her and she said they were so rude to her just because she is black and now she doesn't want to come over anymore I feel awful! I don't get it, especially since we live in a predominately black and Bosnian area I guess I just dunno where this all came from, we have lived here for a year and they have been so good to us and begged us to come back for another year and we always pay the rent on time and we're very quiet people... I just don't get where this is coming from and I'm very hurt

Oh yeah and I just caught her looking into my living room from our porch around 1:30 am... I heard a noise on the porch and I got freaked out so I looked and caught her running over to the other door and then heard her go up the stairs to their apartment... what the heck???


I've had such a rough week, I dunno how much more I can take... all I can do is look forward to our U/S on Tuesday, I swear that is the only thing keeping me sane right now

Cece00 replied: I would call a lawyer & get a free consultation on whether or not you have cause to break the lease, and if not, what you can do about this woman. For starters, she should NOT be looking into your windows. You may be able to file a complaint for harrassment on her.

kit_kats_mom replied: I'd tell her to call the cops if it would ease her mind. Then I'd tell her that you have black friends and that they are still going to come over. Let her know that if she doesn't like it, that you would be happy to find another place to live with her written agreement that she will void the lease. and that "no black people allowed" is not on the lease and extremely ignorant.

luvbug00 replied:

ITA . your landloard is a

1lilpeanut2love replied:

CantWait replied: Sweetie, next time she's peeking in your window, CALL the Cops. Even if she's not peeking in when they get there, you know where to direct them to. Call them enough times, and things will settle themselves.

Also like above said, call for a free consultation from a lawyer. There's got to be a way to break a lease because of circumstances such as this.

mckayleesmom replied: Hmm...I would call the cops every time you catch her peeping in your windows....A peeping tom would be arrested right?

holley79 replied: Jackie, sweetie, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I have no advice but I sure hope it gets better.

PrairieMom replied:
Chanting...
Do it.. do it.. do it.. do it...

Jackie012007 replied: SO GET THIS ONE... today while I was sleeping I guess DF went up and had "words" with the landlady... and he gave her a taste of her own medicine, flipped out on HER, told her we knew what she was doing and that we were gonna call the cops and I'm super stressed out and SCREW YOU if you think we are going to screen our friends based on color yadda yadda yadda... she started CRYING! She told us to forget paying rent for September, and called and left me this really long message saying "I'm so sorry, please don't leave I dunno what I was thinking, I came from a different time blah blah blah" ummm?

I still don't/won't trust her

Kirstenmumof3 replied: OMG that sounds awful! I'm so sorry that your landlord is being like this. If this continues I would think about finding another place to live. DH and I had a problem one of our Landlords, she went nuts because I was doing laundry on the wrong day (Emily was a newborn and had puked all over her bedding. It was 5:00 in the morning and I explained to her what happened after I took the stuff out of the dryer). She ended up locking the laundry room door so we couldn't use it and we had no choice but to move. I know it will be difficult, considering you've done the babies room. But for your own peace of mind, your health and your baby, I would definately find another place to live if this continues.