caleb and the school nurse - body image

boyohboyohboy wrote: ok, so if you are still with me, and dont think i am a total lunatic....keep reading

the other night caleb came to me and said in a whisper voice, mom and i fat? and he said it like he was going to cry, and he didnt want his father to hear..he was rubbing his stomach, and his body language was weird for him. i wasnt sure what was up, so we told him no and told him how perfect he is, and asked him why he was asking, but he said no reason. we thought maybe a friend had said something..

well today was parent/teacher conference, and i got a letter from the school nurse, who was doing the BMI on the kids in the past month...caleb has a BMI of 84, now i am not sure what they use to determine this in this school, but caleb just went to the dr, and he was perfect per his ped. his weight and height are perfect for his age..he is so lanky. i have no idea where he would put less weight!!!

so i find out that the school nurse told him, he better watch what he eats or he is going to get FAT! and told him how it affects his health and how he will have trouble with sports..
for heavens sake, he is a child, and way to go with self image, and no wonder there are eating disorders in kids younger and younger..

it took all i had not to throttle her today, but so far i have no confronted her. i wanted to cool off, so tell me how you would deal with this woman!!

amynicole21 replied: Huh?! A BMI of 84 would make him completely round. That can't be right... 30 is obese.

I would DEFINITELY have something to say about this to someone. I have tried SO hard to keep these kinds of thoughts out of my dd's head. She's skinny, but she says things like "don't I look so thin and pretty?" and it makes me insane! I hate that her idea of beauty is wrapped up in how thin she is or isn't.

I would be sure to also make little comments to Caleb like how handsome he is, and what a healthy strong boy he is. Keep his self-image away from how he looks and more on how healthy he is.

boyohboyohboy replied: calebs weight was 52.50 and his height is 46.75

amynicole21 replied: Ok, I think that meant he is in the 84th percentile for boys his age. His BMI would be around 16.9. Totally healthy. Here's a BMI calculator for kids.

A&A'smommy replied: yeah I was wondering!!!!

she nuts and I would go to the principle and tell him how what she is saying is effecting your child negatively. I know I don't have a school aged child but that would totally make me nuts!!!!

Boo&BugsMom replied: I would be seriously TICKED if someone told that to my child! I don't like using the word fat either, it has to much stigma to it. I wouldn't be upset if she said "we always need to watch what we eat or we can become unhealthy", but what she said seems totally out of line. There is a difference between nutrition education and just being plain rude!!!

lisar replied: Yea I would have to cool off before saying something also.

moped replied: OMG don't even get me started on this - I would flip right out on that woman!

msoulz replied: I wonder if she said things that Caleb took too personally, KWIM? Maybe she was speaking in general terms and he took it to heart. Was he alone with her or with a group?

Regardless, it sounds like she could have chosen better words. I think it would be really good to let her know how whatever she said was received by Caleb and that she should consider this before she gives her speech to other children regardless of their stature!

Nina J replied: That's terrible. I would ask the school to say something to her, that's the kind of thing kids can remember for a long time.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I would go to the principal before talking with the nurse directly. Tell he/she exactly what happened at home, so that they know first hand how it effected Caleb, tell them word by word what he said, just so they don't think you're an over-reacting mom. Tell the principal you would like something said to the nurse. I'm sure they have rules about the kids using the word "fat" in school...The rules should stand the same with their faculty.

We often don't think these types of experiences effect boys as much as they do girls, but they do. My DH's grandmother told him he was fat all his life, starting at maybe age 5 or so and he still remembers it. Still feels very self-conscience about his weight. Not to make you worry that this will stay with Caleb for a lifetime, but I just find it sad that adults don't have more common sense when it comes to how they speak to children. Kids are sponges. They remember.

gr33n3y3z replied:
Well before you do Its the states fault as to why she is doing this
We are going through H*ll in school ourselves with cooking and the state
It has to start some place they say and home isnt it so they are pushing it in schools and educating them bc the parents are not sad huh?

(Not meaning you but their words)

boyohboyohboy replied: i agree it is so sad that some families need the school to interven in such private family matters, such as the well being of our own children, but this is the sticky point for me, i do not think that the school should be checking their weight and height, and demanding the physicals, and eye and hearing tests that they do there, i feel as a parent its up to you and your ped. when these tests need done.
not the school.
but since it is the law and it is done, then i think that the nurse should have worded this much differently.

PrairieMom replied:
I think that it is a necessary thing, and if it is needed by a few children, then it should be done for all, just because you can't be profiling, or singling out certain groups of children, (poorer families and things like that. )
There may also be times that things are going on with the children and the parents have no clue, and NEED to be told by the schools. For example, when I was in High school the teacher learned that I couldn't read the board. I didn't know I needed glasses, my eye sight had been getting poorer and poorer over time and i didn't realize. They sent me to the nurse who gave me an eye test and determined that I needed glasses. I didn't know there was a problem, so my parents couldn't have known that there was a problem.

That being said, I think that there could be a more tactful way to handle the situation, your son is definitely not fat.

gr33n3y3z replied:
Oh I agree with you 100%
They should start Nutrition very early in schools part of health class and it should be called Healthy Eating This way no one child is singled out bc they are all learning and being told and the parent should be informed not the student bc that is wrong

Sam & Abby's Mom replied:
Reading that almost made me cry. That is so sad! (((Caleb)))