bwalkerletters............... - i really want a mons thoughts

moped wrote: That is what the message board if for - and I was truly hoping for a mans perspective - PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE!!!!!!!!1

I am talking about my marriage post!!!

Jen

bwalkerletters replied: OK Jen........ask me direct questions, and I'll give direct answers.... I see you're trying to pull me into it. haha

moped replied: Oh yes I am......................I hope you don't mind, but after reading my previous post, am I crazy or is this man selfish?????

I really was hoping for a male perspective also......................

moped replied: Am I crazy???

Am I imagining things?

Is he right - to be able to go about his business and not worry about a damn thing?

etc..........

bwalkerletters replied: Hey Jen,

Well, I don't think you're crazy at all. Have you threatened to leave him before?? If so, did he change for the better at all?? I agree totally with you on him wanting to find a babysitter to play golf. I'm sorry, but my girls come first. I have my girls for a week long, every other week, and when I have them, not once have I got them a babysitter. My mom likes to watch them one night during that week though, so she can spend time with them. Anyways, I'm just saying that I DON'T think it's right to send your kids to a babysitter to play golf. Oh, one other question is this.......did he play golf like this or have any other hobbies to occupy his time like this BEFORE you got married??

moped replied: I have not really threatened to leave since we have been married, because I don't like to utter those things unless I am totally serious...................and YES he has always been a huge golfer, I have to admit that. He warned me. But golf isn't always the issue, it is communication, my apparent lack of affection, he gets angry easily, etc..........

bwalkerletters replied: Well, you shouldn't threaten him unless you ARE serious. You don't need to drag Jack around like that unless you are truly serious about leaving. As far as everything you just mentioned. Well, if he golfed before you got married, it's going to be hard to get him to stop. You just have to try to talk to him about balancing his life more, especially with yourself and Jack. That's what I think.......he's probably not going to respond to you telling him to quit playing golf so much. You'll have to figure out a different way to approach it. I'll be honest, I wouldn't respond well to just getting on to me about golfing, but I would respond better to something like.......Jack loves spending time with you, and tell him how much you love to see them playing together or doing things together.

Communication definitely is a huge thing. I don't think there's anything you can do to make him communicate better with you. That has to click in his head, and for himself to realize that he needs to do a better job. Heck, we can all do a better job on that I think.

Why do you think there is a lack of affection?? Because you have no time for it with kids?? Here's something that bothered me when I was married..........When I would come home from work, I'd go straight to her and give her a big hug and kiss. That was never returned to me...........I'm sorry ladies, but believe or not, men DO like to feel appreciated and noticed as much as you do. haha....really though, we do! You may do things like that, but to me, that's affection too. If there are a lot of issues, you may want to try counseling.............Honestly, if I get remarried, counseling (not just a couple of sessions) will be in the mix before I marry them. Might as well talk about things beforehand..... I rambled on way too much! haha

GavinsMommy replied:
uh huh...hmmm

moped replied: Ok, you have given me some insight - I really appreciate it....................I am jsut feeling like things are NOT RIGHT and I want to make them right but I can't be the only one doing it!!!!!!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

I am just burned out to be honest. Work, Jack, house, etc

bwalkerletters replied: You need a break then..........a getaway.....that's always refreshing.

amymom replied:
i agree with Jason. Maybe while your mom is there (if she is feeling better) you and Dh can go out for a mini-vacation. Even if it is just a walk around the mall or if nice weather the neighborhood.

Have a nice time .... like when you were dating. Also, take a break alone too!!

PascosGirl replied: I just can't believe any of you would take the advice of someone that cheers for Auburn. lol JUST KIDDIN!

Seriously, it is nice to see a man's point of view.

chloe&tysmommy replied: awww I hope everything works out for you! I know how hard marriage is, even though I've only been married (coming) 4 years.

I agree...maybe a mini getaway would do you guys some good....just as long as it's NOT near a golf course

bwalkerletters replied: Yeah, I forgot to say that Jen.........NO GOLF COURSES!! Take a cruise!! Stay away from land, and EVEN miniature golf courses! haha............Pascogirl..........WAR EAGLE BABY!

ian'smommy replied: Jen, I understand how you are feeling... My marriage has been a little rocky lately... I haven't been very happy.... We seem to fight all the time and I hate that becaue I know that Ian picks up on it...

We have had several serious talks.... I know I am far from perfect and I have some things I need to work on, even though my issues were more about him... I also think that any problems he has with me stem from how I am reacting to him when he upsets me... In the last 4 weeks, I really felt like taking Ian and leaving, but I didn't... And I also didn't tell him that... Divorce was never in our vocabulary... When I thought about leaving it wasn't going to be permanent... Just until his attitude changed... But Since we've talked, things have begun to improve a little. It will take time though... I told him how I felt, and which things specifically bothered me, and he did the same....