bad attitude - My baby boy

bawoodsmall wrote: I know boys and girls are different but come on. Aiden is a huge fit thrower and I am not sure what to do to be quite honest. Some days I cry when I drop off the kids because I feel like whatever I do is not good enough for him and he is bound to be an unhappy person. It makes me want to cry right now just thinking about it. Does anyone else out there have a child like this or am i alone. I really need someone if they do know how it feels to let me know i am not alone in this. All I want is for my children to be happy and I am failing one of them.

moped replied:

momofone replied: I know i've had those days we have our good and bad days here too. You're not alone.

bawoodsmall replied: Thanks ladies. I really appreciate it. I was hoping someone could give me some advice on how to deal or help him but at least you guys care.

momofone replied: They only thing I can suggest from my experience is limit sugar intake ( i notice with mine it makes her grumpy) and lots of naps and lots of time outside. Hope that helps.

momtoMegan&Alyxandria replied: Does he only throw fits when you drop the kids off? Alyx throws fits at home. She will throw herself to the floor, scream and kick. I ignore it and she stops. Sometimes it only takes a couple of seconds, other times it can be a minute, but she stops and then goes about her business. Try not to give in. I know it is hard, but they usually get the picture pretty quick when noone is paying attention.

If he is only throwing fits when you drop him off, try to just drop and go. Don't stick around it only makes it harder. Doing that if you need to cry you can do it in the car where he can't see and feed off of it. If he knows it upsets you too, he could end up doing it more.

Good Luck!

bawoodsmall replied: Trust me I dont give in. I know that will make things way worse. I am not exagerating (sp) by saying that he will continue to throw a fit. For instance when I am making dinner if he decides he wants me and only me he will attach himself and cry loudly the whole time. I have to pry him off to walk around to finish cooking. His sister and father are home and are more than willing to give him attention. I think he may just be a spirited child and I need to learn how to help him and our family deal with it. His actions are not like the normal child's fits.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: You are definitely NOT alone. I don't know if I would call Wil a spirited child, but he definitely seems more wound up than other kids. Like you described, there are days where nothing I do or say is right for him. He is irritated to no end and he shows it at such an extreme level, that I seriously just want to lock myself in a room and give up. Whining, hitting, biting...you name it. I too have often said "I'm failing him", but I have finally realized that the only way I can fail my children is if I left them alone and obviously that won't happen. So no one is a failure.

Believe me, there are days where I dispise my child, which feels absolutely awful to say, but it's normal. What I have realized is that the more I show my OWN emotions, making the issues about ME, the more of an emotional wreck Wil can be. Does that make sense? Maybe I'm off base, but this is what has helped me. In a nutshell, the more I keep my cool, the more relaxed Wil seems to be and the easier it is to get through our day. Don't let your kids see you crack under pressure! I have been working on not yelling as much and trying to talk to him more as an adult (young adult) and not a baby. Saying "So what's making you so mad Wil?"...instead of "stop acting like a baby". And sometimes what helps is just giving him a big bear hug when nothing seems to calm him down. Our ST said that sometimes the pressure of a hug alone helps kids like Wil feel "comforted" and settled. Timing is everything with kids like ours. I have had to say no to several playdates or walked out of a grocery store because Wil wasn't behaving. You just do what works for you, who cares what others think. And I try and not plan too much for our day. I can't remember how old Aiden is, but I've learned that typically Wil doesn't do well if I have set my expectations too high - for instance, trying to do too many activities in one afternoon. I try and focus on one thing at a time like sitting down with him to do a puzzle or making playdoh. He really seems to benefit from it. It's when I just put him in the middle of a room with a million toys that he starts acting up.

I hope a bit of that helped. Again, you aren't alone. Just take a step back and see that all kids have different needs. Some kids do well sitting quietly reading books for hours, where others need constant intervening and one-on-one time. I don't think it will make one a more or less happy person in the long run.

luvmykids replied: ITA with Rae, you are in no way failing him

coasterqueen replied: Can you explain his behavior a bit more. Does he throw tantrums all the time? Has this been something he's always done, but maybe when he was younger in different forms?

It could just be normal behavior for his age. There could be other underlying issues as well.

You are not alone, though. With Megan, most days I cry. Most days I don't want to be anywhere near her. Other days she's great and I wonder why I ever thought the things I did. Those days are very very few and far between to help my sanity, though.

Hang in there.

Insanemomof3 replied:

momtoMegan&Alyxandria replied:

Boo&BugsMom replied: Have you tried distraction with him...if he's hanging on you go get a toy and tell him "look at this super cool toy, you should play with this!"? Perhaps explain first mommy has to make dinner THEN later we can play? Perhaps make a picture schedule of what is coming next so he knows what to expect thoughout the day? Prompt him with things like "in 5 minutes we are going to do____". I'll try to think of more. In all, children do really well when they know what to expect more often, is my point. How old is he again?

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
This is a really good suggestion. I just asked Wil's preschool teacher yesterday how they handle tantrums or bad behavior. They said re-directing the child. So I tried it on Wil yesterday at home and it WORKED! Instead of sending him to TO like I typically do, I redirected him to something else. But I had to think quick! Just when I knew he was going to throw a fit about his brother getting into his paints, I said "Wil, can you find me the toy giraffe over there?" He loves the go and find game...So I went through a bunch of animals and he completely forgot about Wesley in his paints. I know it's all easier said than done, but I'm thinking it just takes practice. GL, you'll be fine.

tammyhopkins replied: I have not read the other posts but my son was very hard to handle and i was told to stop giving him apple juice. i thought that was crazy but willing to try anything. so we stopped giving him apple juice or any apple product. Means reading juice labels because alot have apple juice as an ingredient.

anyway he was a different kid after and i was amazed. We hav ethe normak issues now but not like it was.

bawoodsmall replied: Aiden is 16 months old. This is something he has always done. I have always said that he was born throwing fits of some nature. For instance, with him we had to use the cio method because he did not like to be held closely. I could never rock him to sleep like I did with Emily. If anything it would make him even more mad. He was a very hard baby, seemed like he was either puking or crying. He throws fits a lot and at these times there doesnt seem to be much I can do. It's like a meltdown and he can't control himself. Sometimes my sis will keep him overnight so dh and I can spend some time together and she says how good he is. She has a tendency to be a carry the kid around mom and that just isnt me. Rae - I am so glad to see that I am not the only one. It really helps to know that there are people who really understand the way your child is behaving. Thank you so much for the ideas. Do you think he is to young for the chart idea? I also have a four year old almost daughter who if she touches him when he doesnt want him to he will freak out. Actually he has to be the one to initiate contact with her(physical) most of the time. But if the neighbor boy does it is fine. Isn't that weird? Is it just a sibling thing?

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Could just be a silbing thing. Wil freaks when Wesley touches him. This is why our ST had asked about testing him for SID because she comes to our home and sees how Wil acts when Wesley is around. But when Wil is somewhere else, like at preschool or in playgroup, he seems to be okay. Other people say he is an angel. He is great for my friends and my parents too. So maybe our kids just act this way around us because they are comfortable.

Since Aidan is still so young, I wouldn't worry too much. He is entering the toddler stage where they are determined to gain indpendence. He may just have a completely different personality than your daughter. But it wouldn't hurt to talk to your ped about your concerns. I'm going to mention Wil's behavior issues to his preschool teacher. They have behavior specialists at the school who can watch him. Just to rule out any SID issues.

bawoodsmall replied: I am so glad to hear it may just be the sibling thing. That was freaking me out a ton. I will try to not worry yet and just try to keep him under check. Thank you all so much, and especially you Rae.

noimthesister replied: E threw never-ending demon rage fits and one thing we started doing around 2 years old is designating his room as the "scream zone". If he did not calm down in a 2-minute time out he was told (and then physically carried) to his room with the door shut and calm down. There is no angry screaming or yelling allowed anywhere else in the house.

It was almost impossible at first and he'd yell and scream and throw things for 30 minutes or more in his room. But a year later, when he starts to get angry he goes by himself without directing to the time-out step to calm down (sometimes he says "I need a time out"). We leave him alone and let him calm down. He is much more cooperative and friendly after.

He hardly ever throws tantrums anymore, and when he does he knows to go to the scream zone (maybe once a week if that). He's taught himself how to calm down, which is such an important social skill. I'm really proud of him.

The important things with E were that the thing he threw a tantrum about was still there when he came back (he still had to eat his peas or apologise to the person he hit or stay out of the kitchen), so the tantrum doesn't "fix" his problem. And that he wasn't getting ANY attention once the whine-to-scream started. We just said, "no screaming allowed, go to the step to calm down." And then, "you need to calm down in your room now."

Once he calmed down there was no more punishment or lecture (maybe an apology from him if he yelled at someone or hit) and we were extra-nice to him. So calming down had an immediate positive effect on his world.

Also: we water down juice (1/3 juice 2/3 water) and only serve it once or twice a day. And naptime and bedtime are calmly but strictly enforced, no "one more" or "just this once".

Maybe some of this will work with him, but all kids are different.