are you driven?

cameragirl21 wrote: ok, an interesting series of events led me to ask this question because I'm truly curious what many of you think of this subject.
ok, it started like this--my friend Cristina and I had one of those girls' nights in this past weekend, you know, where you watch movies, have popcorn and wine and talk about guys, life etc. Anyway, Cristina is from Guatemala and has lived there most of her life...she has a degree in architecture but not a Master's degree so she works as a project manager at an architecture firm where she does drawings, etc and pretty much all the things an architect does. so I asked her why she doesn't go for her Master's and open her own firm...architects in Miami make a lot of money AND they get to do very cool things--designing the buildings that we look at, enter, work in, live in, etc. I love what I do and could never draw or even read blueprints but if someone can, why not really shake up the industry?
Anyway, I was shocked by Cristina's answer--she is content where she is, doesn't want or need more money, she has all she needs and at some point wants to move back to Guatemala.
I was very surprised by this, not because I think she's wrong or stupid or whatever, just plain surprised at the idea of someone being completely content and not wanting to do more. I discussed it with my ga who is the same way--completely content with what she has and literally wants nothing more.
So as my ga and I were talking, she said something interesting...she said, "Jennifer, you are very driven and very ambitious...you will accomplish much in life but will probably never truly be content with that and will always want something more." She also pointed out that on Yom Kippur, which is the holiest day on the Jewish calendar, in our synagogue service, we ask God to bless both the driven and the tranquil, meaning that by definition, if you are driven then you are not tranquil.
Now in all fairness, no one would ever describe me as being tranquil but I never thought of the two as being opposites and I guess never gave much thought to this prayer, lol. I realized, looking back, that I have always wanted to succeed by going above and beyond what has always been done. I remember being 10 years old in a state wide spelling bee crying my eyes out and refusing the prize because I took second place and not first. Right up to today where I'm stressing like crazy to put together the perfect gift for my cat's veterinary internist...even the gifts I give have to be over the top, it's always been that way with me. And I'm wondering if this new business I'm starting is largely to blame for all the anxiety issues I've been having (which are described in detail in the general adult health section). I have just always needed to reach for the very summit, there can be no points for second place with me.
So, here's the question--do you think it's possible to be driven AND tranquil? Do you think the truly driven will ever find peace upon reaching their goals? I ask this because I told my ga that once I reach my goals I'll be satisfied but she is convinced I'll just set new, loftier goals.
Are you driven or tranquil? What do you think is better in life--to be driven or tranquil? Are you happy with what you have or do you want to do more? Notice I didn't ask if you want more in your life but rather if you want to achieve more.
Aside from being a great parent and spouse, what is your biggest aspiration in life?
Just curious what your thoughts are....

Crystalina replied: Very good question.
I'm very tranquil. I'm very content with what I have. I'm not one to worry about keeping up with the Jone's. Who cares about them? I like to think I'm simple. I don't need vacations (my recent trip to Miami was due to my Gma being sick). I'm very low maintenance. If I ever go back to work I will go back to my Alzheimers work. I could very well use this time to advance my education and get paid more when I go back but then I would not be doing what I want to do. I want to be with the people not do sitting behind a desk, getting paid more to do paperwork.

My sister is the opposite. She is never happy with what she has. I don't mean that in a negative way and she admits to it. In HS she wanted to be on the football team. She was told no. She argued discrimination, tried out and made the team only to quit before the first game (she only wanted to prove a point). She was told by her ex in-laws she should stay home with her 7 kids instead of working. She not only got a job but she went through nursing school and became an RN. She's very picky about her outward appearence and her kids'. Nothing is ever good enough for her and like I said before, it's not me being mean because she knows it. It does cause problems for her because it upsets her kids for many reasons. I just look at her and am very happy that I'm content with what I have. That girl exhausts me.

kellibellisdillybear replied: Wow, that's something to think about. I think I agree with the either/or aspect. I think that, in this aspect, you can be driven, and become tranquil at some point in life, or vice versa. I am a driven person by that definition. I can never sit still, am anxious and stressed out about everything possible, and I just don't stop in general. I am seldom tranquil, for even when I get a quiet moment to myself, my mind still races, mostly about stressful things in my life. I wish I knew how to control it, and maybe someday I will, but for now I just eat a lot of chocolate!

PrairieMom replied: I don't understand driven people. A lot of my co-workers look at my job as a career. I look at it like its only a job. In reality, you can do my same job with my same pay with an associates degree or a bachelors, so I got an associates. A lot of people I know go on for the bachelors, just so they can say they have one. I just don't get that.
Also, my boss is an A&&, so it really doesn't matter if I work extra, or volunteer for things, go to conferences or all that career-advancement, continuing education stuff, It will make absolutely no difference in my performance reviews, so why bother?
I don't like what I am doing, I dread going to work. I really just want to stay at home and be a trophy wife. If we didn't need health insurance, I would soooooo quit. I very nearly laid down my stethoscope and walked out of that hospital twice this weekend.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I think you can be tranquil and driven. You can absolutely be content and satisfies with certain aspects of your life and driven to desire more in others. I am completely content to be a SAHM and teach here at home, I love being a wife and helping my husband with his business. In all those things I am content. I also desire to have more land than we do,more cattle,and have enough here at home so that Bill could stay here and run our business and not have a job for anyone else so in those goals I am driven to achieve. It is not, however a consuming drive,ie it does not effect how I feel about where we are now. I don't believe being content in how things are at the moment disqualifies you from being driven, I believe it just means you are at a stage in which life is good....One of our pastors used to qoute the scripture that says "where there is no vision the people parish". I don't believe that God means that you can not be content but rather not to be stagnent. It is easy to want more but I am reminded with each new stage that we should not be so consumed in the goals of what is next that you forget to be Thankful for where you are right now

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:

I was going to say something like this, but Abbie said it better! I completely agree with this statement. I am completely content with where I am now, being a SAHM, doing my everyday things like taking care of the kids, washing clothes, running errands, etc. I'm happy with that. But it doesn't mean I don't have the drive to do other things down the road. I want to go back to work eventually. And I may even go back to school or start my own business. I have many goals, some for myself and others for my family as a whole, but it doesn't mean I'm not satisified with what's currently happening to me now.

If your friend really wants to go back to Guatemala, then no paycheck can really defeat that IMO. To me, it actually seems like she is VERY driven, driven to get back to her roots that is. So I guess it all depends on the way you look at it.

moped replied:
So true....we are all driven towards different things.

I have done very well for myself considering my lack of education. Do I want to get more education, no because my family and children are more important right now.

holley79 replied:
Get a boy cow and a girl cow. I'm just kidding Abbie.


Anyway, I think you can be driven and tanquil at the same time. You can look to achieve more in life but be content with where you are.

luvbug00 replied: I'm very driven with the things that i want. When i want somthing i go for it full throttle. There is no tranquility here But i do it with honesty for me there is no secess in deception. Anyway that is my answer.

punkeemunkee'smom replied:
We have a boy and a girl...it just takes awhile before you can farm them! Right now they still think the other one has cooties!

holley79 replied:
Well give them the circle circle dot dot cootie shot and they will be ok. Buy an older boy an a 20 something girl and you will have one heck of a crop.

punkeemunkee'smom replied:
I will keep that in mind! Thanks for the tip!

holley79 replied: There are so many ways to be driven. Beef farmers, crop harvesting, children rearing, progressing educationally, growing spiritually. I think no matter what everyone is driven in one aspect or another.

luvmykids replied: I think you can be driven without it being career oriented

moped replied:
For sure!!!! No Doubt

holley79 replied:
I think so also. I was trying to figure out the wording but it was totally slipping by me. The guys here at work don't understand I have better things to do then get paperwork for them.

cameragirl21 replied:
true but what I mean is--are you driven to achieve? that was my question.

moped replied:
To acheive what exactly?

money
happiness
contentment

holley79 replied:
You can achieve many things without it being career oriented.

cameragirl21 replied:
In my case, to leave my mark on this world, much like Annie Liebovitz, Anne Geddes and Da Vinci did.
if you are seeking happiness and contentment, then you are not driven but rather you are seeking tranquility that you lack.
being driven is not a matter of intepretation, it's by definition a drive to achieve things in your life, concrete things that are tangible, contentment and happiness are not tangible.

Our Lil' Family replied: Well I am certainly not driven by a career, that is NOT what defines me, one of the reasons I chose to be a SAHM. When I die no one will say, "She sure was a great paralegal"
I am driven to do the best I can as a wife/mother/daughter/sister/etc. I am driven to love those that mean the most to me and to live my life to the fullest according to God's plan for me. I am driven to help my husband succeed in any way possible. I am driven to help my child(ren) succeed in any way possible. Basically I am driven to be the best ME!

holley79 replied:
OK I think I am still a little confused. Monica stated you can be driven without being career oriented and you countered with are you driven you achieve?

You can be driven to achieve without being career oriented. You can be achieve spiritually, you can achieve educationally, ect ect ect so I'm not sure are you just wanting to know if others are career driven to achieve?

moped replied:
So why can't you be driven to acheive happiness and tranquility. Assume you are a person who is was a drug addict, postiture etc - then maybe they are driven to achieve happiness and tranquility.

Being driven IS a matter of interpretation

Right now i am driven to be a great mom, make the money we need to live, be a great wife and have a healthy baby!

luvmykids replied: I would guess that depends on your definition of achievement.....I feel a sense of accomplishment when I do very small things that mean a lot to my kids, I feel achieved when someone compliments me on "doing it all", I suppose the things that are achievements in my book wouldn't be in others but in my definition, yes, I am driven and yes, I achieve.

cameragirl21 replied: well, here's the thing--I don't think anyone here is a Buddhist but Buddhists strive to be tranquil, harmonious and at peace. They aim to do this by not caring about anything, having no attachment to anything, etc. So that kind of answers my question, I suppose, you are either driven or tranquil. If you are driven, by nature you must hold something valuable.
Just curious how people here view themselves--having ambition OR seeking harmony within themselves and their lives.
It would be great to be somewhere in the middle, I suppose but I don't think you can ever truly be in the middle because to be driven you have to be, well, driven.

moped replied:
SO true Monica,

Years ago I was driven towards different things. AllI ever wanted was to be a successful career woman, now it is all about my children and family..........

moped replied:
Well I know nothing about Buddists

I am sure every single one of us value something - no?

My3LilMonkeys replied: I'm driven to some things, but not others. I'm driven to provide as best as I can for my children and give them a good life....and if that means I'll never be the top dog at my job, it's a good tradeoff.

punkeemunkee'smom replied:

I completely disagree with that statement. That is a narrow view of being driven. Some of the most valueable things in my life would hold no value to anyone else. I was driven to become a mother and thus her first words,her smile,her laughter are all things that hold more worth than 1,000 cattle on 100 hill sides ever will. But yet those things hold value to me too,just in a much different way and I suppose in a world view a tangable way. To espouse the view you did with this statement negates not only my life's work at this point but also the work of every other SAHM in the world with no other 'tangable' contribution to this world than the raising of our children. We are still none the less, Jennifer, driven women. My mark when left here-even IF I never do anything else but raise my child to be another superb person in this world will be no less valueable or tangable than yours...perhaps you will understand that with the birth or addition of a child of your own

Calimama replied: I think I'm a bit of both. At this point in my life I want more. I still have a couple years of college left, plus an internship, I'm also taking a real estate course, I'd love to open my own business after I graduated. I am however pretty content with my life now.. Design is my passion but so is raising my child, I strive to be better at both, but if for some reason I can't do both, than I would content knowing I'm raising Miabella to be a loving, caring, smart, little girl.

luvmykids replied:
I know there is a dictionary definition of "drive" or to be driven but I still think it's very open to interpretation....right now my family IS my drive. Do I have aspirations of my own, yes, certainly. Am I driven towards them right now? No, because I'm driven in other areas.

JMHO, I don't agree with that statement ....it works for Buddhists but that doesn't mean it applies to me in much the same way that my Christian beliefs don't apply to Buddhists. According to the Buddhist belief system, seeking tranquility would mean I lack it. In my world, seeking tranquility means I have it and enjoy it and want to maintain it. DH is very driven in the way you're speaking of, and it does result in tangible rewards, but I would dare anyone to say one of us is more driven than the other in our respective ways.

I see what you're saying, I just disagree that being driven or achievement are tied to tangibility. Like Abbie said, my achievements don't result in money or things but they are no less valuable and no less of an achievement.

By the definition you provided, and in saying that you want to leave your mark like others have before you, then no, I guess I wouldn't be considered driven. I'm happy to leave my mark in a behind the scenes way, raising kids to be awesome people is for me, leaving my mark and I'm absolutely, fanatically proud of it just as you would be to have your name in the history books of photography.

lovemy2 replied: I am driven for different things at different times - there are times when it fits that I strive and drive more to further my career - there are times when my family needs me more and I back off on the career thing - fortunately for me - I have a job and boss that allows me to do both - I have a good balance right now - it works for me - I have never wanted a "job" for a paycheck - I have always wanted a "career" for a paycheck - think about it - most Americans - Canadians too I suppose spend more time at work than they do at home - meaning time at home awake - not including sleeping...if I have to spend that much time at work (which I guess you can say I don't HAVE to but choose to in order to live the lifestyle I live and also so I can be a good Mom - cause honestly I would suck as a SAHM - Kudos to all who do it and do it well ) then I feel I better really like what I do - so far I do - and I work toward keeping on liking it - and to do that I have to be driven to learn more and grow in my career - I am also driven to help the people I work with - you can say I "just prepare people's taxes" but it goes much further than that - I was a paralegal for 10 years (doing estate work) and I still do alot of estate planning and working with people after someone dies - to me my work is very important - I am dealing with people's livelihoods and their most vulnerable time - if I can't instill some confidence in them and lead them in the right direction it can have a lasting impact - financially and emotionally - so in that respect I am driven to continue learning and keeping up with my field AND

Last but not least - and most importantly - I am driven to raise happy, healthy, well adjusted kids - who enjoy life - I do - it isn't always perfect and it is sometimes downright hard - but I can't ever say I am not happy to be here

luvmykids replied: Just wanted to add: I don't want to be misinterpreted as saying this has anything to do with SAHM vs WAHM....I just feel the original question is more along the lines of "Are you driven towards material things" rather than being driven in general. The same drive that furthers one in career can and I believe does exist in those whose drive is directed towards other achievements. Someone driven to excel in their field isn't anymore driven IMHO than one who strives to excel as a wife, mom, or horse groomer. If you want to be the best you can be, at whatever it is, I call that drive.

lovemy2 replied:
You got it - Mon - well said -

Sometimes it is hard to get across what you are thinking with a question like this - IMO

Calimama replied:
VERY well said!

punkeemunkee'smom replied:
I was actually just thinking the same thing while I was cooking spagetti (something I am driven to make well ) I did not mean to exclude WM in my answer about being driven to create an amazing person with these little souls we have been blessed to care for...I believe being driven to have a child who is a contribution to our world is a MOM thing NOT a SAHM vs a WM thing...I hope I did not sound differently. I was just coming from the perspective that just because I have no 'career oriented' asperations at the moment does not make me un-driven or less so than anyone else

Thanks Mon!!!

holley79 replied: Well I just went and visited Webster.com and according to the Webster:

Driven:

1 : having a compulsive or urgent quality <a driven sense of obligation>
2 : propelled or motivated by something -- used in combination <results-driven>

Propelled and motivated by something leaves the term "Driven" open to many objectives when it comes to "Are you driven (compelled) to do something?" Now you if had said, "Are you driven to enhance your career then you would have gotten totally different answers. Some would have also stayed the same because those who put their children before all else means they are still driven to make sure they have the happiest children in the world.

JMO

Edited because I can't spell worth a hoot tonight. Tonight I am driven to watch my grammar and spelling.

jem0622 replied: I think it is possible, but I don't think it is possible when you are speaking about the same topic. For example, you could be driven from a professional standpoint, but tranquil when it comes to your relationship with a higher being (God, Buddha, etc.). I don't think that you can be driven and tranquil as a professional.

See, if you are driven as a professional...then you will constantly strive to attain enough knowledge/capability to get to the next level. If you are tranquil, then I don't feel you would apply yourself in the same way. Your desire/motivation would dissepate (sp), or you would stop learning. This is how people stall their careers, or get stuck in a certain position. They stay comfortable for too long, and their skills become stale. They aren't watching out and reading up on the next big thing that is relevant to their skills.

Me...I'm a sponge. Give me a chance to sit in the driver's seat. Give me access to training about how to do my best in that job. And then I'll analyze and see how I can apply it back into the position that I held when you let me drive. It might mean that it's now time to take it up a notch.

Some people just find joy in what they do and they do it well. I think that is great, as long as you keep your skills fresh. Keep your eyes out for what you can employ daily to do the best you can and keep it valuable to the company. If you let that slip, then from a business standpoint...it's harder to market you to customers if you don't have the skills needed in the marketplace.

Now, you could be driven but tranquil in so far as the industry you work in (gov't contracting, private industry, health care, etc.). Maybe that is where you operate best because you know the customer...but you still move up the ladder...hmmm....

So yes...it is possible...but proceed with caution. ;-)

MyLuvBugs replied: At the begining of this thread YOU asked the question:


Sounds to me that you have already made up your mind on what you want the answer to be. But the truth of the matter is...not everyone is going to agree with you. So, if you didn't want to know others opinions and actually hear their answers respectfully, then don't ask.

IMO People are all driven towards different things, and some are tranquil with what they have in life while others always want more. Not everyone is going to be career minded, and not everyone is going to be money hungry. JMHO

lovemy2 replied:
I just want to point out - and not point AT you Holley that just because I work does not mean I put my job ahead of my children in any way shape or form - I would glady and immediately walk out the door of my career/job if necessary for the sake of my children.......fortunately I have always had wonderful daycare and a very flexible job which allows me to do both successfully

holley79 replied:
OH sweetie I didn't mean it that way at all. I work fulltime also put in no way shape or form but my career (if this is what you can call it) over my family.

What I meant was that if someone works outside the home they can talk about their career where they have to leave their house and be away from their family. All my SAHM friend's "career" for lack of a better word is being home with their children so they would talk about that.

Am I just digging myself a bigger hole?

TANNER'S MOM replied: Well I define myself as driven. I think that's the clue for me. It's how I define myself. Not anyone else. Someone my see my life and say I don't have goals, but just because my lifestyle is not the same doesn't mean I don't have goals. All of which aren't about the all mighty dollar. I am very driven person.

holley79 replied:
Very well said Mel.

Where the heck have you been? Missed you!

TANNER'S MOM replied: Been busy girl. Just got back from camping. Thanks for asking.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I think it's possible to be both. I am content where I am - but I will not pass an opportunity to better myself... I'm just not miserable if I don't get to.

lovemy2 replied:
I know you didn't mean it that way That is why I said that I wasn't pointing AT you

I just wanted to point out more or less that I can be driven at different times of the day for different things - usually by the end of the day I am driven crazy

holley79 replied:
Now that is a form of driven I am very use to.