anyone know anything about bankruptcy? - we just got served
Jackie012007 wrote: I am in shock. I just got served with papers for Carl and for our landlords. They want to know if we pay rent and how we pay it and if we have a bank account etc - and they served Carl because he has a way delinquent credit card. OMG are we going to have to go to court??? I called Carl at work and told him to get his a** home now to deal with this - this is all his debt and he has been just ignoring it but its not going to go away.
I am so sick of nagging him to get his crap together - you dunno how tempted I am to pack up Carly and go back to my parents. I can't deal with the stress and he is so irresponsible financially. I'm sick of nagging him and having him treat me like the bad guy for doing the nagging - meanwhile we are barely making it as it is and he doesn't pay ANY of his overdue debts.
I was so good about money until I met him. He maxed out my cards, overdrafted my checking account constantly (he convinced me to get a joint account, MISTAKE). And I keep thinking - THIS is the man I want to marry? What the heck am I thinking???
Couple that with the fact that we just found out the engine blew on the Jeep he drives and its $1500 to get a new one - and we JUST put $500 into it via a new windshield and tires. They said they can only give us $300 for it as a salvage!!
I really feel like I am going to explode. I can't believe this is happening all at once.
Sorry for whining, I have no one else to go to. 
TheOaf66 replied: ouch sorry...
sparkys2boys replied:  OMG that's alot to worry over hun. Wow, I am lost as to what to say to you. I think that he needs to get his stuff together and you need to make him do this on his own before he ends up taking you down with him. Do you have a laywer you could speak to about this? I would really talk to someone professional on it all. I am sorry  I hope he can get it worked out
PrairieMom replied: OMG. I can't imagine.
luvmykids replied: Did you (or he) already file bankruptcy? If so, call the attorney who did it for you. If not, call one anyway just to make sure you don't disclose something you don't have to.
A&A'smommy replied: Oh honey thats rough!!!!
grandma replied: Jackie, Are you close to your parents and could you possibly tell them? I know it would be hard for you to admit to they that you have made such bad mistakes by sharing your accounts/money with your boyfriend, that is so wreckless with money.
Regardless you need to talk to someone that can guide you in the right direction.
If I were you I would get his name off all your accounts.
jcc64 replied: I think it would be a good idea if you live separate financial lives. It sounds as if he has serious issues with responsibility and money. Don't let him take you down with him, if he hasn't already. Love is one thing, $$$ is another. If your money styles are not compatible, you really ought to keep separate bank accounts, cards, etc... You could spend your whole life trying to mop up after him, and meanwhile, he's off making another mess.... Get off the carousel now, hon.
MoonMama replied: I don't have any advice hun I'm sorry.
Mommy2BAK replied:
I have no advice, but I wanted to offer you hugs.
boyohboyohboy replied: jackie this is such a stressful time i dont know if making a decision about your relationship is the best thing, i dont know what i would do in your shoes, but i do agree that living a seperate financial life is a must for your and carly's sake. if you do leave him you want to be able to support her.
many hugs to you. i just cant imagine..
CantWait replied: Sorry Jackie.
Hillbilly Housewife replied: I know a little about it, dh's brother went through it.
What is it exactly you want to know?
ZandersMama replied:
AlexsPajamaMama replied: Positive thoughts coming your way sweety!
Kaitlin'smom replied: did he file? I am unaware you can be served....I thought someone had to file. is this for personal or someone else is filing.....I guess I am confused
Jackie012007 replied: he is int he process but they won't go forward with it until we pay in full - it's $1200 and we've paid a couple hundred. I made Carl come home from work to nip it in the bud - we had to make a $200 "good faith" payment to the attorney who filed against us, to get them off of our back - thankfully Carl got paid today.
Unfortunately, he has already brought me down with him - I owe quite a bit in credit cards because I let him get copies. I was so stupid  we filed for joint bankruptcy, just have to pay it off. At least we got that attorney off our back.
My dad said he would loan us money for the Jeep - NY citizens are going to be getting a check from the government to help the economy - ours will be going to my dad!
Everything has worked itself out, but that really scared me. I really am sick of Carl and his financial issues - I love him and he's an amazing father, but sometimes I wonder if Carly and I would be better off if I just moved home and worked for my dad. I dunno - thank you all for your input, you have no idea how much it helps.
sparkys2boys replied:
well, I am glad that it has settled down some but hun.. it wont get better untile he gets things in order. Love is one thing but taking advantage of you is another, please make him get some help before this gets worse
3xsthefun replied: I'm sorry Jackie, I don't have any advice.
holley79 replied:
When DH got served for an old credit card the attorney I spoke with told us NOT to pay them anything. Let them file all their paperwork with the courts and go to court. From there they will set up a "payment" plan to get it paid back. If you have the 1200.00 then pay it but if you don't, don't throw out your grocery money.
moped replied:
I agree with this.........
I am sorry this is all happening - you did allow him to max your cards and talk you into the joint account, now it is time for you to be responsible for you - maybe he can try to be responsible for himself.
Hillbilly Housewife replied: So...you owe the 1200 to the trustee's office? If you've already filed, you don't actually ahve to give them anything, even if they've served you. Call them and refer them to the trustee...and TELL THEM that if they call again, you will file for harassment.
Good luck.
kit_kats_mom replied: Have you already filed or not? Was the summons for small claims court for a debt owed to a cc company or bank? The only thing a creditor can do for unsecured debt is to take you to small claims court. I know this because it used to be my job to fill out the paperwork, go to court and set up pmt plans.
If you don't show up to court, the judge will typically allow the bank to file a judgement against you (the debtor)...which, if you own no property, is really just another negative line on your credit report.
If/when you apply for a mortgage or sometimes a car loan, the bank will make you satisfy the judgment before they will lend you money and the creditor will finally get their money.
Judgements typically stay on the credit for 10 years I believe.
If you do show up in court, the judge will have you meet with the creditors representative and a mediator and you will work out a payment plan that you can afford (say $12/week until paid in full) and it will be written up and filed with the court. If you miss a single payment, the judgement is filed automatically.
Since the creditor has already gone to court, it seems that the debt is way past due. Most places don't even start judgements until the debt has been written off of their books as a loss. They see the loan as uncollectable and are using the courts as a final attempt at getting something. If you call the creditor, they will likely settle for less than the whole balance if you can pay it all at once (tax return?) since they really don't expect to get anything.
Maddie&EthansMom replied: Yes, what Cary said. It will all work out, hun. I know it seems huge right now, but it will work out. I wish there were more I could do.
jem0622 replied: First, given what you said...you know what he created...the financial mess...can you live with that kind of circumtance until death do you part? Don't commit to a marriage if the answer is no.
Second, because it is an apartment, that isn't a secured debt. So you can't file a Chapter 13 (we filed a Chapter 13 because we had cars and a townhouse). You might be able to do it (a 13) if you have cars. Not totally sure.
If you are not married, I do not think you can file a joint BK. It would have to be separate. The debt in your name, and the debt in his name. You could still be evicted, because in a Ch 7...you may the lawyer, but not necessarily anything at all to any creditors.
Regardless of either type, it stays with you for at least 7 yrs.
HUGS
Jackie012007 replied:
that's RIGHT - I knew someone on here used to work in collections and I couldn't for the life of me remember who it was!!
Yes this is way old - I didn't know about this, this goes way back to when he had a CC for college expenses and he kept intercepting the mail  . Yeah it's a cc and we aren't able to file yet until we have paid the entire $1200 fee. We had to spend our tax return on car repairs (before the jeep died we had to put $500 into it to get it street legal and my starter went on my intrepid) - but he called the CC collections people and they were actually really nice and they are working on a payment plan for us in the event we don't file.
Thanks everyone for the info. Carl and I had a very intense heart-to-heart and I told him that I could not marry someone who I don't trust financially. I am calling the wedding off until he gets his act together - this has been something that has been going on for a while and he just wants to bury his head in the sand. He was upset but is willing to work extra to pay off his debt the debt I allowed him to cause. Our wedding is planned for February 28 of next year and we already paid our deposit so we are gonna keep it but I told him straight out that I will take Carly and walk out if he keeps up these deceptive actions with money. I called my parents (who have been through a bankruptcy because of my mom's mental illness) and spilled my guts and they are going to come over this weekend and we are going to sit down and figure out our finances and a plan of action. It felt so good to just get it all out.
Thanks so much for listening and for your advice!
kit_kats_mom replied:
Sure they are willing to work with you. If you do file, they will get nothing, zero, zilch nada...at least this way, they may recoup a small portion of what they are owed. Seriously though, if you dont' have a lot of unsecured debt, bankruptcy isn't really the way to go. Judgements are no worse than a bankruptcy to most lenders. The only difference is, you do still owe something and will most likely have to pay a portion of the judgement when the time comes to buy a house. With a bankruptcy, the unsecured debt is written off but depending on what chapter you file, you may or may not have to repay a portion of it.
If it were me, I'd probably just keep on keeping on, send the cc company a measly check each month in good faith and not bother with filing. Once the judgement is filed, the creditor will leave you alone as long as you pay a bit each month.
As for the pending nuptuals, I think sitting down with an outside person and laying it all on the table is a good thing. Don't hide anything. It's time to get honest with the way the money is spent in the relationship. Once you marry him, you marry his credit score. It can be tough. Also, you may want to consider purchasing a home on your own before the marriage (maybe dad can cosign?). That way, you will have that equity going for you, your rate will be lower and fiancee won't be on the mortgage if he ever does have to file so you won't lose your home.
Jackie012007 replied:
Kary, thank you SO much for your information. I will let Carl know tomorrow when he wakes up!
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