anyone, anyone...

Boys r us wrote: Anyone else dealing with an unruley toddler?
Braedon..boy is he breaking me in! I swear Tanner was NEVER like this..NEVER!
Some days I just sit back and wonder what I did differently between the two!
He is very strong headed and that's great..I mean I think it will benefit him later in life and I don't want to break his spirit, but I'm just at my witt's end. He's TWO and he really and truely is the boss of our household! I know a lot of it is our fault for letting him get away with a lot of things in the past that we shouldn't have. To this day we struggle with not laughing at him when he does things he shouldn't, but are funny...i.e. getting mad at us and pointing his finger at us and "shooting" us. no it isn't funny..but the first time I saw him do it, I was dumbfounded and then couldn't help but to laugh and wonder where he picked that up from. Or when he tells me, "Did you hear me?" when I haven't jumped at his request. or when he points his finger at me and "corrects" me by telling me I'm being ugly or to cut it out.

We put him in time out for his smart mouth and we're very consistant about it. We leave him there for the reccommended amount of time for a child his age 2-3 minutes. he doesn't care..well he cares, but it doesn't help.

Recently he's began hitting us and Tanner...he's begun using it as a way to release his anger...which is onset pretty easily! We joke around about how he's going to need anger management, but ya know..it's not far from true!!
I just really don't know what to do anymore! Nothing we do seems to work!

We love on him constantly and he can be SOOOO SUPER SWEET!!! and after he does hit someone we'll pretend to cry and he gets totally broken hearted and rubs our face and says, it's okay mommy, I'm sorry.
But like I said, he's not doing it for attention b/c from the time we get home until he goes to bed, both of us are totally devoted to both of the kids.
We don't do anything, no housework, nothing..aside from cooking dinner(which i try to incorporate them into and get them to "help" with) we spend all of our time with them in the afternoon/evenings..and I mean..in the floor playing trucks our outside playing tractors..reading books, whatever they want.
I just don't get why he's so bad sometimes!


What are you guys using for discipline? I'm grasping for straws here...I mean there isn't much you can do with a 2 yr old for discipline! We do timeout..heck I've even tried bribery with candy and new toys!
I'm open for anything, aside from spanking.

KatieLeigh79 replied: My son is the devil... He not only screams NO at everything, he bites, kicks, hits, pinches, throws tantrums if I don't take him out and go "byebye" at all hours of the day.. Won't lay still for me to change him, give him a bath (that results in him standing and screaming while trying to bite me for 3 minutes as I get the soap on and off him) won't eat period anymore... I have to coax him into taking 2 bites of food at meal time, his ped tells me it is a control issue and I have to somehow show him who is the boss, most days (like the last 3) I just cry.. and DH gets home from work and wonders why I have no energy and never seem to smile anymore... I was almost willing to try for #2, and then this phase hit - I tell everyone if it doesn't pass by the time he is 2 one of us isn't going to survive and it probably wouldn't be me....

DansMom replied: Wow, you guys have it rough! Knowing people with high needs kids, I am convinced that there are natural temperament issues in some cases---that parenting style is not necessarily creating the situation. I know that some people recommend a book with a title similar to "Raising your spirited child". Even with the biting episodes a while back, Daniel's been relatively easy on the temperament scale---has his moments, but not like what you guys describe. I better defer to someone with more experience, but just want to pass along some hugs and hang in there encouragement!

coasterqueen replied: I agree you might try reading Raising a Spirited Child. It helped me to at least understand Kylie but that's about it, lol. The book would definitely help out when they are a bit older...it seems to cater to the older children IMO. But I did get some good things out of it.

I don't have any tips for you. I take each day at a time hoping the next day I will regain my sanity. Kylie is so very spirited that I have no idea what to do with her. I just try what seems to work for that moment in time. Time-outs don't even work for her.

((HUGS)) I feel your pain. And as I understand it...it doesn't EVER get better until they are out of the house.

alice&arik replied: Arik is an awful monster lately too. Today we went to the mall to walk around and I thought I would make an appt for pictures. Bad Idea! He saw all the stupid little rides in the entry way and HAD to ride them. I told him I had no quarters and he couldn't ride them, so I put him back in the cart and he screamed and kicked and tried to jump out of the cart. So I said we were leaving and got him out and he ran back over there. So after he climbed all over them I thought he would be better, no. He screamed all the way to the car and everyone looks at me like I'm beating him. Then he screams all the way home and won't get out of the car, so I got him out and set him down and he sits there screaming. Then he screamed all the way to the apartment and til he fell asleep. I have no idea what to do in those situations and am so embarrased and I could just kill him, not really. But some of my family think I am such a bad mom anyway that it wouldn't matter. But at daycare they say he is just the best 2yo they have ever met, . I tell them they are crazy and have no idea what they are talking about. It isn't every day that this happens, but he has started throwing these fits more often now. But I think it could be all the confusion with moving so much lately.

Sorry this got so long, maybe someone has ideas for us.

Boys r us replied: OMG Alice! My Sitter tells me the samething! She tells me he's a COMPLETE angel!

KatieLeigh79 replied: They always turn us into liars *g* Mine will do all the above as I mentioned to me and his father but yet if I take him to a relatives house they can get him to eat, play, sleep and just be such a "good boy" as they normally tell me - the Dr. told me to inforce smacking his diaper or his hand when he gets to out of control and I even gave up doing that (not that I would ever try to beat or hurt him) but if I even tap his hand if he goes to grab something to hurt himself he slaps me in the face... I just pray this is a phase or else military school like they sent my uncle to may be the only hope many years down the road *g* (not that I would ever do that of course)

coasterqueen replied:
Your doctor actually told you to do that?

It just puzzles me that medical doctors feel the need to offer parenting advice just as if they were going to school all these years just for that. I think they get somewhat confused on what they actually went to school for.

KatieLeigh79 replied: He said not to do it to hurt him but to show some authority, so I tried it and needless to say was hit back twice as hard as the gentle tap on his hand.. so the newest thing he told me to do was to leave him by himself and ignore him and allow him to throw a fit but that doesn't always work when it involves something that is going to hurt him so at this time I'm still at a loss...

MomofJandB replied: You may not want to hear this, but my DD was the same way when she was young (it started around 18 months old) and I'm still dealing with it. She's 8. Of course the issues change, but the strong willed attitude remains. I'm attempting to read a book called The Strong Willed Child by Dr. Dobson. I haven't got to the meat of the book where the advice on how to handle her is, but I'm determined to get through it! She's a handful. Today, she came home from school and had a friend over and that lasted 10 minutes before I sent the friend home because of DD's overbearing, bossy personality. I was actually glad to hear these issues today because I've had quite a "day" with my 2! What bothers me is that my DS, who will be 5 in November, seems to be picking up some of her attitude. All I keep thinking is "oh no, not another one!" I do ask myself all the time what I'm doing wrong, but deep down I know it's inborn in her and with my son, I just need to remind him that that attitude is unacceptable! We actually started counseling with my DD to see if there is something deeper. It hasn't helped thus far. The therapist basically said she is strong willed which will help her inthe future. Honestly, there will be no future if I lose my sanity now!!! (LOL) Now that school is back in session, routine has helped, but we still battle.

OK, I sure went off on a tangent! sorry about that. I probably depressed you rather than helped!

Hang in there! Be consistent. That will earn your child's respect. Good luck!

ctymom replied: I feel for ya! It's hard thing to deal with for sure and I wish I had some answers for you. My 2nd son had major issues with fits. I thought he was just being a brat but it was much more than that. His whole facial expression would change like he had no control over his actions. Scary even. After he 'grew' out of it... a show pop up on Oprah (wish I saw it during my times dealing with it!!) showing kids displaying the same behavior and had the same looks in their faces. It was food reactions! They cut out all but the basics and slowly added foods back in and realized that it was caused by some contents in food. Things like wheat and food preservations etc. Once it was taken out.... the behavior stopped.

Now, I REALLY needed that bit of info when it was happening! I couldnt bring him anywhere b/c of the fits. Rolling on the floor, throwing things, crying uncontrolably, etc.

It may not be what you are dealing with... but wanted to throw that out there in case someone else might get help from it.

Pamela

3_call_me_mama replied: I TOTALLY know what you mean... i about lost it with cameron yesterday! And he's not even 2 yet!!! He puts his hands up and says "stop it! You stop it now" Whenever we try and disipline him or even suggest that he getready for bed! I cannot wait for this to pass!

My2Beauties replied: I'm sorry I can't offer any advice because Hanna is only 10 1/2 months, although I think she is going to be buck wild!! DSD is testy sometimes but not to the extent that you guys are talking about. I just wanted to offer HUGS and SUPPORT and hope that they just grow out of it, I've heard of the terrible two's but geez!

Kaitlin'smom replied: if I had seen this last night I would have said YES, I really hate woring late on tuesdays, cause it seems Kaitlin is always in a bad mood by the time I get her home. She was so whiny, clingy and did nto want to go to sleep last night I really dont know how I am functing today I just hope she is not getting sick or is going to be this way when I leave for the weekend

coasterqueen replied:
OMG this was Kylie last night too and it was a bit out of the normal from her normal.

I called DH on my way home to see how Kylie did at daycare and he told me and I could here her screaming in the background. He hung the phone up on me . I get home and he said "do you suppose we could get a shock collar for her?". As she was screaming at the top of her lungs. She was this way all evening, whining, clingy. She'd ask for milk, I'd give it to her, then she'd get mad and say she wanted water. Well I guess all this is normal behavior for her but it was magnified 10x (that was the abnormal part ).

So I tried to calm her down and noticed she had a scratchy sound to her throat and had some boogies in her nose. So I'm wondering if she's getting sick too.

redchief replied: Wow, there are some tough issues there. Everyone seems to be doing the best they can. I don't know if any of this will help, but I'm going to try (I'm a long time out of toddledom).

Our second son John was a superior handful. In fact he is one of the reasons we began to change our habits of discipline. Frankly, had we not taken a second look at the issue of whether or not to spank, one of us probably would have damaged the child.

Just to give you all an example of what he was like when he was a youngster, at three he came into our bedroom after we'd sent him to bed one night when he didn't want to go. He looked my wife squarely in the eye and said, "I'm going to get up and get a knife and kill you."

I was appalled and ready to explode. But I held myself and put him back in bed telling him that his behavior was wrong. We also took all of his toys away for the next day. When we did that he threw a horrible tantrum. We did what my mom recommended, we walked out of the room. When he quieted down we went back into the room to find that he'd fallen asleep.

During an earlier tantrum he held his breath until he passed out cold. Of course, young parents that we were, we didn't realize that gushing over him when he came to was the worst thing we could do.

It took a few times, but after a while of us leaving the room during his tantrums they just stopped. After the tantrums, he decided to try hitting and biting to get what he wanted. We decided that every time he did one of those things, he would lose possession of a special toy or thing until he earned it back (by doing something good as well as apologizing for his misbehavior). After about 6 times losing a favorite possession on a temporary basis, this behavior too ceased. We felt very much on our own here, and felt like evil beings, especially after a very bad day where we took away his most prized possession (his blanket, which he retains to this day). He was about 4 when this occurred and he lost it for two days. Understand he took this blanket everywhere in the mornings when he got up and around bedtime. We told him he could not have it back for two days, and in that time he would have to apologize for the two people he bit and he would tell us why it was wrong to do it. Well, he did all of this on the first day and asked for his blanket back that night. But we stuck to our guns and didn't give it back for two nights. The first night he cried himself to sleep. The second he did not cry, but he was obviously sad. He got his blanket back the third day and he never bit or struck another. Like I said, I don't know if this helps or is even relevant today.

Ask me what we did when he refused to go to sleep one night when he was 12.

BTW; John is now 17, an advanced honor student and wants to be an architect.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Maddie is "spirited" as well. It isn't easy and it does get some better after they learn not to talk to you in that manner. Trust me, it is so hard not to laugh at some of the things they say. Time outs work for her now and they never did before. Spanking will NEVER work on a spirited child (and is not recommended on any child period) But a spirited child will hit back. I would also suggest "The strong willed child" or "Raising your spirited child" You might pick up a few suggestions from those books.

I'm sorry he is getting the better of you. Just don't let him know it. Maddie is some better, but she has her days.