Would you call their parents?

toady_buckshot_noodle wrote: Okay, I understand kids are cruel, especially teenage girls but this is breaking my heart. My dd is 13 and has had a group of 3 best friends for about 4 years. Well, lately the phone has been ringing less and she hasn't been invited over as much. I found out last night that one of them started that my dd has "fake boobs", whatever that means. The others even told the boys about it and the whole gang of them talk about "f.b." around my dd and tell her it's a private joke.

My dd confronted the girl that started it last night and she said it was because they are all sick of my dd bragging about making higher grades than them. My dd has a "confident" personality and probably does come across as bragging but she swears she has not meant to, that she just tells them what she makes if they ask.

Anyway, these girls have been so close for so long and now everything has changed. they are getting together without her and ignoring her at church functions and at school. DD has not been herself lately and I can tell something is really bothering her. She laid on the couch and cried about this last night.

Would you call the parents or just let it go and hope everything works out and dd does not completely lose all her friends?

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I don't know what to say! I don't know about calling the parents, but I think your daughter is doing the right thing by standing up for herself! I would wait a couple of days and then have a talk with your daughter about how she thinks you can help her resolve this!

grapfruit replied: Ok, this is my opinion. I'm not THAT far out of HS so I remember some of this.

First of all, we all know that girls are mean. Plain and simple, out and out mean. I know your DD is hurting right now, but I think some of the problem is that they (all the girls) are changing and starting to become the people they're going to be.

As hard as it may sound, she needs to know that friends that treat you badly aren't your friends. Luckily there ARE people out there that won't treat you like poop, and will be your friend. I would guess that these girls are going to be the snotty, mean "popular" girls , where your DD is the stronger, more "level-headed" type . Personally, that's the person I'd rather be my friend!

Maybe she can join a new club or sport or something? Do something she's interested in so she can meet NEW people that are interested in the same things as her. (i.e. an art class, aerobic class at the Y, horseback riding lessons, dance, etc.)

I say tell her the truth, your a better person, it's time to drop those losers and find people who are TRUE friends.

(If I had to guess, I'd bet there's been instances where they've been mean b4)

This is of course JMHO. I feel for your DD 13 is a hard age...I remember "changing" friends then too.

grapfruit replied:


I think calling their parents might make things worse. Then she might be a "mommy's girl" or a "baby" or whatever other mean thing they can think of....I think this is something you have to let her work out on her own, just give her support and love (basically what you're doing now).

Maybe a Mom and Daughter Day? Take her out shopping, or doing something fun, and for ice cream to take her mind off of it for awhile. Giggle and point out cute boys at the mall. something like that

CantWait replied:
ITA

lisar replied:
I totally 100% agree with her.

cameragirl21 replied: i agree with grapfruit--13 is a tough age and even if you do call their parents and their parents agree with you, it's not an age where you can force friendships on people, it's an age where personalities are developing and for whatever the reason, they and your dd have grown apart.
i would say the best thing is to encourage your dd to hold onto her inner self and stick to her guns and find new friendships...the best way to do that is to enroll in a new class or something that will enable her to meet new people who share the same interests and values that she has.
friends like these girls are not worth having IMO.

luvbug00 replied: unfortuately as hard as it's gonna be I think it's time she settled her own affairs with her friends. I'm sure she'll be fine sounds like old fashioned teenage jelously.

Calimama replied:
Exactly what I was thinking.

skinkybaby replied: I agree with everyone else.
At the same time though as a parent I would want to know if my child was being hateful and starting rumors about another child. Girls can be so cruel.

kit_kats_mom replied: That's a tough age and kids are mean. girls especially. The mother bear comes out in me when I just imagine the things that K & L may be picked on about. I would do just about anything to keep them from pain. But, thats not always my job. Pain happens. Our job as parents is to protect them when we can but for those things we can not protect them from, our job is to instill enough of a sense of self into our kids to be able to deal with the pain. KWIM? I'd reccomend a book, Reviving Ophelia. Perhaps you can read it and come up with some ways of helping her get through this time.

C&K*s Mommie replied:


and to what others have said about allowing her to learn that true friends these girls are not. I also agree that this may be a great time for her to branch out and find other activities or avenues to pursue her favorite activities with.

redchief replied: It's my guess that your daughter would resent your getting involved by speaking with the other girls' parents. I know if I did that without my daughters requesting it, there would be heck to pay. I would say that the best thing to do would be to remind your daughter how much you love her and how worthy she is of good friends. Also tell her that real friendships will form, but that people change and those friendships will change as she grows, matures and moves through life.

Ellie replied: Are you good friends with any of their mothers? I might bring it up to her but I don't think the situation will get any better if you just randomly call these kids parents.

I really don't miss junior high!

holley79 replied: I would sit back and let it runs it's course for a couple of days. After the few days talk to your daughter about it. See if maybe she wants to invite the girls over and they can all talk. It's hard being an teen and I would not want to go back to that age for anything.

hawkshoe replied: I would not involve the parents in this. Instead, I would have talks with my daughter and assure her that she is a good person despite what the girls are saying and how they are treating her. True friends do not treat their friends in this manner. I would advise her to let go of these friends and go about trying to find some new friends. Holding on to hopes that these girls will accept her is only inviting more pain and giving the girls power so to speak.