Would you?

Kaitlin'smom wrote: Just wondering.....

If you were approached by a close friend or family to carry there child would you?

after seeing a movie about this and thinking of Friends with Phoebe carry her brothers child I wondered if I would or could do this.

Also how do you think your spouse/SO would handle this? I would love to hear both sides the female and male side of the feelings.

MommyToAshley replied: I don't think I could do it. I would get too attached to the baby growing inside me. However, I don't think that there is any greater gift that you could give someone than the chance to have a child of their own.

alice&arik replied: If it was someone I was close with I would. The hard part would be the seperation after having the baby. I don't know if I could do it. But it would be easier than giving my baby up for adoption. This would be someone else's baby so I think I could do it. But I would still buy outfits and all that fun stuff while I was pregnant. It's the best part. I would probably ask for a picture at Christmas and on Birthdays, so I could see how the baby was growing.

amynicole21 replied: I think that I would only do it for my sister, definitely not a stranger! As long as I could be assured that I would be a part of the baby's life, I think I could handle it. DH would probably not be in love with the idea of dealing with a cranky, overweight and sleepy wife when he doesn't even get a baby out of it

ediep replied: I think I would do it for either of my sisters....... but not sure about anyone else and definately not a stranger!!

It would be hard but I know that either of my sis's would do it for me

kimberley replied: maybe for my sister or my cousin but i don't think i could do it for anyone else. i would want to be a part of the child's life. i really don't think DH would want me to though. i am not the happiest pg person in the world and have a history of PPD.

MomToMany replied: I would if it was someone real close (one of my 5 sisters or close friend). But not anyone else. It would be real hard emotionally, but I could do it. Plus, we'd still be in contact, so I wouldn't miss seeing him/her grow up.

Not sure how DH would handle it, though. He'd probably be OK with it if he knew how much it meant for the people I was doing it for. If it was their ONLY way to have a child, he'd be fine with it.

Sherry replied: I don't think I could. That is a lot to go through for someone. I'm not selfish, but that is a HUGE thing.

A&A'smommy replied: I don't think I could do it either it would tear me up to give a baby I carried under my heart for nine months to someone else My mom was actually asked to do this by one of her friends she had horrible pregnancies and didn't think she could handle another one, and it was just too hard for her to amagine!

paradisemommy replied: nope - i couldn't possibly handle that and dh and i had this talk and he said NO WAY..i think emotionally, i would be a wreck after the baby was born - i'd be crying every day - i just get too attached. we were talking to taven when i was pg the whole pregnancy. but i respect and admire anyone that does choose to do that!

booey2 replied: I would definitely do it. I love being pg and feel bad for those that can't do it. My babysitter only has one boy and really really wanted more but it isn't gong to happen for them. They have miscarried twice and she is over 40 and knows that time is not on her side. Now DH on the other hand is definitely against it, no way no how. Oh well. That's life.

kit_kats_mom replied: I was actually considering it twice. Once for my aunt who'd been TTC for years but failed. I was only 18 though and before we'd really talked about it, they'd adopted a beautiful Tiwanese baby.

The second time was more recently. After my easy pregnancy with Katherine, I kind of figured that I was made to "Birth some babies" and when I found out that a former co-worker had a miscarriage, the idea popped into my head. Mainly because she was in a stable relationship, she was a strong woman who I respected and admired and because I knew from watching her interact with kids that she would be a great mom. She also talked about the desire to have a "passel of kids" at some point. Well, nature interveined and she had to have a liver transplant which banished any chances that she would ever have a natural child of her own. That's when I really started to consider doing it for her. Well, I discussed it with my Dh & he was hesitant but willing to do it if I really wanted to. By the time I'd made up my mind to let her know that I'd be willing to do it for her, I had gotten pregnant with this little squirmer and this pregnancy has been way harder on me than the first. Due to my age now, I will not offer to be a surrogate. I do think it is a wonderful gift if you are able to do it though.

lsjulee replied: I won't do it. Mainly cos I'm not a good baby rearing machine. I'm a thassismania carrier and GD potential.

Secondly, I'll be too emotional to let the baby go.

momof2girls replied: Id have to say no, I dont have any sisters
and I just think Id get too attached to the baby
but I cant say for sure just depends on the situation..

my DH would be like no way, cause he would have to be the one hearing about my cravings and all that pg stuff. lol

coasterqueen replied: I might be able to do it for my sister, but I don't think I could for anyone else. I would just get too attached. But I'd have to think long and hard about my sister too, because well....just because, lol.

Kaitlin'smom replied: thanks everyone for the responses. in case your wondering if I would or not I think depending one the actuall person I really dont know if I would or not, sure I would love to do that for the right person, but with the labor and ending up with a c-section I dont know if I would want to have another c-section. I know it would be hard to give up the baby but in the suitation of being a close friend or family its not like I would not get to see it. So I am totaly torn, I dont have a clue what DH would say have not asked but he would probably tell me its up to me, but in his heart I dont think he would like it.

any male input?

DansMom replied: I would not do it. Emotionally I could not separate from a child after carrying and delivering, and the toll that delivery takes on your body... well, selfish as it may sound, I would not go through that for someone else. I would feel absolutely bereft to go through that and not take my baby home. As a woman on the other side of that equation, I would want the experience of pregnancy and delivery. I would not want someone else to carry and deliver my biological child or my husband's child---I'm sure this seems childish, but that would make me extremely jealous and disappointed. I would resent the woman and always feel conflicted about her connection to my child. I would much prefer adoption in the case where I could not carry my own child. Everyone is different though. That's just me.

I'm pretty sure DH would feel the same way. We're older, and have already discussed that if we want another child we might adopt.

My2Beauties replied: WOW! I have thought this question over many times. My best friend since 2nd grade has a really bad heart condition that is very rare and serious.

On one hand I would want to do it for her because, physically she can conceive but wouldn't be able to carry the child, she would probably miscarry or die herself, it would be too hard on her body. She loves children (she is so in love with Hanna) and wants like 4 kids. She is so good with babies and sometimes when she sees Hanna and holds her she just stares at her and is like, that is so amazing that she grew inside of you and do you ever look at her and just stare at how beautiful she is and asks me all these questions about pregnancy and having a child. So in that sense I would do it for her because I would want her to have that joy of having her own precious baby to hold and stare at and coo at.

However, I would be so attached to the baby that I think it would tear me apart to give it to her. Even though I know I would see him/her grow up and even though, biologically it's not my child, I would feel as if it is my child. Babies are very sensitive to their environment in the womb, they hear their mother and father's voice, become accustom to them and their voices soothe them at birth. To that child, atleast in the womb, I am the mommy! I don't know, I'm torn between this one. I don't think DF would like it at all, first of all because I was a cranky pg women, I hated my last trimester because I was so miserable, secondly because of the emotional rollercoaster you go through after giving birth, I had PPD bad! I think you guys probably remember my Pease help Me through this post where I wanted to kill DF for no apparent reason...LOL! I laugh now because when I think about how silly I acted it's funny but I was going through some bad times emotionally! So, I think I would only want to go through that if it were for my own flesh and blood.

That was a hard question to answer. I still don't really know what I would do!

pinka_star replied: I don't think I could do that, I would get so attached to the baby.