Wil is struggling - need advice

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: My poor little guy is having a hard time with the new addition in our house. I'm not sure how to deal with it. His tantrums are out of control. He fusses at just about everything. My MIL is here helping right now, but she isn't good at disciplining him whatsoever...and it's not like I really want to be hard on him at a time like now. But he needs to know that kicking his baby brother and whining about everything is not a good thing. I just don't know what to do. We do time-out, but I know he's just confused and can't cope with his emotions. It makes me cry to see him this way, because I know he just misses having mommy all to himself. I try and make time for just the two of us by getting out a special toy and I make an effort to put him to bed by myself, read him stories and talk with him about the changes in our house. But he's still so young. And at the strangest times, his anger comes out in full force. You can see how frustrated he is. Anyhow, if anyone has any advice, it would be much appreciated! How did your firsts deal with the second's arrival?

MyLuvBugs replied: I wish I had some magical advice for you sweetie. But all I have are 's for you!

MommyToAshley replied: I was going to suggest making some special time for just the two of you, but it sounds like you are already doing that. Hmmm, maybe you can have him help with some of the baby duties.... things that only a big brother can do.

I've never been in your situation, but I would bet that Ashley would be exactly the same way. She gets jealous when I hold the neighbors baby. Sorry I am not much help.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I think you are doing all the right things. It may take time, but just be consistent in your efforts. That will help more than anything. Try to keep him on his regular routine as much as possible. I know it's frustrating, but it will get better hun. I feel for you...I really do. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. You will all adjust before too long...hang in there.

Ethan loves babies, but I know he would be the same way if we were to bring a baby home right now. Does Wil have a boy baby doll or would Rich forbid that? Perhaps when you are feeding Wes or changing him you could tell Wil to go get his 'baby' and help you out.

luvmykids replied: Hugs for you and the little guy. The twins were his exact age when I had Macie and we had the same difficulties. ITA with Aimee, it's still pretty new to him and it will get better. Keep up the special mommy time as much as you can and if he's not doing something that endangers the baby try to ignore it. This is a true case of "negative attention is better than no attention" so I'd just try to do lots of positive/reward type stuff and try to ignore the other a little more. And if he can help out it might make him feel more involved, just getting a diaper or helping you dress, etc.

Hang in there, it will get better I promise!

amynicole21 replied: Trust me, I've been there. It takes time, but he'll get used to it. One thing my step-mother (mother of 7 kids) suggested to me was to say things when Wil can hear you like "Wes, I can't play with you now - it's time for Wil to have some special Mommy time!" when Wesley is sleeping... something silly to make Wil feel like you really are making time just for him alone.

ZandersMama replied: no wise advice here just I will be in the same situation soon enough

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: No real advise...Katy was only 15 months so her jealousy issues only lasted a couple days. It sounds like you are doing everything to help the transition easier on him. Katy's biggest thing was being helpful, we started asking her to do things for us that we truthfully didn't think she would know how to do or what we were talking about. Her first consistent "chore" was to get Matt's diapers when he neede to be changed. I asked her once because she was driving me nuts (he was under a week old) and she very proudly ran to my room got a diaper and the wipes and brought them to me. She also started helping more by going and getting her own jacket when it was time to go somewhere and all of the kids bowls/plates/cups were moved to a low cabinet so she could get her own things out at meal time. We also pushed the big sister thing big time and how she had to show Matt how to do all of those "big kid" things.
I am truely praying it will be as easy this time but doubt it will since they are a little older now. Good Luck with Wil and it will get better soon and quickly he will forget life before Wes so that will help 10x more.

PrairieMom replied: I'm sorry I don't have any advice, we are working through issues ourselves here. Hang in there. Things will work themselves out. At least thats what I have been told.

ian'smommy replied: Here is something that maybe you can try. I don't think it will work right away, but it will sink in. When you HAVE to be with the baby, tell Wil when he is fighting for your attention that it is the baby's turn, which of course he won't like if he is already jealous, but what I am getting at is that you do the same for the baby. If you are doing something with Wil and the baby starts crying, unless something is WRONG with the baby, it won't hurt to cry a littl and you can say, just a minute, it is Wil's turn right now. Of course the baby doesn't understand this, but you are saying it for Wil's benefit. That way, over time he will see that he is just as important. If you stop what you are doing with Wil every time the baby cries, Wil no doubt starts to think that the baby is more important. Know what I mean? So if you can give Wil that time and not interrupt it if the baby is crying, he will see it. Hope this makes sense. I know a woman who does this with her 2 kids and her son caught on quickly. When the baby started crying he immediately would pipe up, it's my time now, you have to wait. LOL

redchief replied: I don't have anything else to add except that in time it will get better. It's a tough dose to swallow when you find out you're not the only one in the limelight anymore.

luvmykids replied: I forgot about some tips I read about this, they were the things Amy and Iansmommy suggested, and also asking people to greet Wil first for awhile, so often people ooh and aah over the baby and then the big brother. Also ask people to talk to him about stuff other than the new baby, so he feels like he's still important all on his own.

PrairieMom replied:
Ive been doing this for a week. I don't know if it is helping or not, but I feel better about doing it!

My3LilMonkeys replied: What worked for Brooke was involving her in everything - she always wanted to help bring me diapers, tuck Madison in, etc.

I think the idea of telling Wes that it's Wils turn and vice versa is a great one also.

Nina J replied: It takes time, Emily adjusted slowly. We just tried to include her in everything, and tell her what a great job she was doing. DH would take Odessa out while he ran an errand, so it would just be Emily and me, or he would take Emily out to do something fun, and vice versa.

Good luck

Ashlynn's Mommy replied: My daughter's are 9 1/2 year's apart so I've never gone through this type of thing, But I hope it get's better for you, and your family.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Thanks for all the great advice everyone! I made banana bread with Wil the other day and he absolutely loved putting in the flour himself and mashing the bananas, so I'm thinking I need to keep that up. He also helped me do laundry and was just thrilled with his role. DH and I are going to take him out alone today and maybe swing by Target to pickout a toy. Just something to make him feel special. My parents bought him a red tricycle, but we never bought him anything just from us. Or maybe we will say it's from Wesley.