Why are men nasty?? - VENT

Littlejojames wrote: God im so getting fed up with men and the way that they act and then think that everything is ok.

Yet again craig has been going out one night during the week knowing that i have to get up for work at 0600 the next morning for work and not getting in till 0200+

he went out monday night came back at 0100 with his brother and his mate playing music and drinking then his brother ended up sleeping on my sofa. Then coz i was tired and fed up the day after i didnt go home till 1900 and he got in not long after me then went in a right fit and stomp coz the house work was not done and his tea was not ready.

Not only that his mum got rushed into hospital yesterday with susepted heart attack. So he went to see her today i told him to give her mine and smudges love.
Just called him to see if she was ok he bit my head off and was really nasty on the phone, i asked him what he was being nasty for he just said that he is not arguing with me while he is in the car with his brother and step dad. I was not even angry with him but why is he making it out like that infront of them???

Dont even want to go home anymore it seems like were falling apart......

I cant stop crying im so stressed and tired that its really getting me down and all i get off him in stop crying..................

All i need is a hug and for him to tell me that he loves me

kimberley replied: oh sweetie, i am sorry he is being so nasty a lot of men DO NOT handle stress very well and maybe the fear of his mom being ill is screwing with his brain. it is no excuse but it likely doesn't have anything to do with what you said or didn't. i wish there was something i could do to make you feel better. we are here to listen.

favre4fan replied: Sorry to hear this sounds like he needs a swift kick in the butt!! Men sometimes are not good with stressful situations and he definately does not need to put added stress on you. Give him some time maybe he will realize hes being a royal pain. We are definately here to keep your spirits up.

Littlejojames replied: Thanks

I do often give him a kick up the butt and tell him im leaving if he does not change and guess what in one ear and out the other...... he does it again and again.......

I told him on monday night after going out and so on that i dont have the butterflies anymore when i look at him and that he has knocked them out of me, his reply was that he will have to get them back and he loves me so much and nothing will change that........

I just dont understand how if someone loves someone so much that hurt them all the time

kimberley replied: unfortunately it is very common for people to take advantage and not appreciate those who mean the most to us. it reminds me of an email i got not long ago...

F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
"Oh excuse me please" was my reply

He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."

He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."

I said, "Son, I love you too,

and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

FAMILY

Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.

But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don't you think?

So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?

FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

Littlejojames replied: that peom is so touching, shame that craig does not feel like that.



He told me that i would be replaced if i left not sure if he was joking or what.....................

favre4fan replied: I had an ex that was like him. I was with him for 5 years and was absolutely at the lowest esteem i had ever been in my life. One minute he would tell me he loved me and the next he was always saying or doing hurtful things. I just lost it and finally left him . I had absolutely nothing when I left and stayed with a friend, i went back to pack up all my things to find that he had burned everthing I owned, pictures, anything I had that had any meaning was gone. I cried and cried for days I was at an all time low. I slowly built back up and finally met someone that truly cared and now we are married and I couldn't ask for anyone better. I hope that maybe u can sit down with him and have a heart to heart and tell him how hurtful he is being and how you feel.,and maybe he will see just what he is doing to you. I just feel that life is too short to be miserable, we have this one life we are given and I am making the best of it that I can.

redchief replied: I don't talk about this time in our lives often, but I'm not moved to either. This time I am (thanks a lot Kim... I've read that poem before, but had forgotten the words but not the lesson). When I was younger, I was an ignorant man. I didn't realize what it meant to have people so devoted to me that they would move mountains and travel to the ends of the earth if I asked it. I also didn't realize how much little words and gestures meant.

I have learned to say, "Thank you."
I have learned to say, "I love you." (even to my boys who are older... I remind them that I love them every day)
I have learned to touch, in a gentle way.
I have learned to communicate about what is bothering me and not attack a person, but the issues. (This is among my hardest lessons; it's easier to attack than deal)
I have learned that people can't always communicate how they are feeling right now and sometimes people just need their space.

These things I have learned; the hard way.

Please try to find some time alone where you can lay out the issues that are bothering you. I'm certain he has some that are bothering him too. Try to get him to communicate with you. If it starts to escalate into personal attacks and arguments, take time out.

Think about it; we wouldn't let our children fight the way we do amongst ourselves, would we? We need to try and be above that. Sinking lower will only rob the oxygen from the homefires.

Sorry that was so long. It took me too long to learn how to disagree without making it personal. I've paid too high a price for those errors. I've seen yet higher prices paid. The biggest debt is always incurred by the innocents... the kids.

Silver replied: I think a lot of the time they really don't realise the effect their words and actions are having. I have been there too and tried to talk about it to have him think it nothing at all,which was how he saw it. It's hard to get others to see from your side and truly understand it. I can only say I wish you all the luck and hope things get better soon for you because too much stress for you is a bad thing to have.

Littlejojames replied: Can life get much worse than this????

After me venting and getting all my anger out before i went home on friday i got home and NO CRAIG!!! 0100 he comes home pi**ed crying coz of his mum. No phone call or nothing i was worried sick. I told him that i dont think that he is ready to be a dad. that subject soom changed as he got upset about his mum so i thought that i would drop it.

Then yesterday he goes off to work comes home at 1400 gets changed and then said he was off to see his mum at hospital 0100 again he comes home pi**ed yet again. I went off my head told him that he is so not ready to be a dad and i cant wait around for him to grow up. I have give him today to think about it.

The really bad thing is i left him to sleep on the sofa and i fealt guilty all night and could not leave the house this morning till i had give him a kiss. How bad is that???????

Kaitlin'smom replied: sounds like you to need to talk and not aruge, ask him to make a list and you do the same of things bothering you and the go through it together and LISTEN to each other. then work on the biggest points. find some common ground, and set some boundries good luck

Silver replied: Theres something I don't understand here. First Your saying he's going to see his mother in the hospital then coming home at 1 am,right? Well here you have to leave the hospital at 10pm though if the patient is in icu then the hours are open,is that the case? she can be seen at all hours...but still from 200pm to 100am...and I am assuming it takes him awhile to get pi**ed(you mean drunk by this or angry?..i took it as drunk) and in that case..where was he for at least a couple hrs to get drunk.
'Kaitlins' mom' has a good idea though I think your problem will be getting him to actually listen which it sounds like he doesn't do if it's just you,maybe talking to a cournselor would change that and make him really listen to you.
Or maybe I am just rambling on...

kimberley replied: (((hugs))) sweetie, i am sorry things aren't getting any better. i do agree with the others, that you should calmly sit him down and talk to him about how this is affecting you AND his unborn child. i know it is hard to have a parent get ill, but that doesn't give him license to hurt everyone else around him... including himself.

let him read redchief's reply... maybe hearing it from another man will make it sink in a bit. those were definately words of wisdom.

i will be praying for you that things improve.