Why are kids so mean???

mammag wrote: Today at Jiu-Jitsu, one of Cade's classmates' mom was saying that at the beginning of the week he was attacked by 2 other kids. They were holding him down and trying to hit him. He was able to get out with his Jiu-Jitsu but you can tell it has had an effect on him. He was grappling with Cade a lot but I could tell he was afraid and looked like he was going to cry. He hasn't been doing it as long. Cade was really great and tried to help him but I just felt so sad for the little guy. Then when they were going to play dodge ball he was crying because another kid took the ball from him. You can just tell he is a lot more timid now. It makes me so sad that there has to be bullies! Poor little guy.

bwalkerletters replied: Yeah, that's got to be a hard thing for him Jeanie. I guess coming from a guy, it will "toughen" him up. I wouldn't necessarily say that, but it will teach him the lesson of not trusting just anyone. I think we have all learned hard lessons, and lessons we didn't want to go through, and I'm sure it will have positive effects on him, too. Yes, negative, but some positive will come from it.

A&A'smommy replied: Poor kid that is SO sad!!! My brother was bullied by neighborhood kids when he was younger and it was SOOO Frustrating

JAYMESMOM replied: Kids tend to pick on those that are weaker than them because they feel stronger.

It is very sad and parents need to make their kids behave and teach them just because they are bigger or stronger it doesn't mean they can pick on those weaker.

MommyToAshley replied: I am sorry, it must be heartbreaking to see him have to deal with this. I never have understood why there have to be bullies! I am so not looking forward to dealing with these kinds of issues.

kimberley replied: aww poor kid. where were all the grown ups when this happened? did anyone talk to those kids' parents? i hope so. that is just so awful! i don't know why these things happen

MM'sMama replied: Oh my goodness that just breaks my heart so much! I don't understand why kids are so mean to one another and so heartless. I hope hes ok and will not be as timid soon poor little guy .

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I first thought that maybe you should have a talk with the other kid's parents, but then realized that it may embarass Cade and make the situation worse. So I suppose I agree with Jason here and say that it may toughen him up a bit. Not that we necessarily want our kids to grow a tough skin out of fear, but we hope they learn from their experiences and learn to handle situations on their own. It will probably give him confidence to get through it on his own. Hopefully being mean back isn't the choice he makes, but at least he has made the decision himself. Maybe it's a good idea to just mention it to him and see if he wants to talk about his feelings...if he doesn't, let it go. Sorry...I'm not sure if you were asking for advice here. Gosh that's a hard one! Good luck

mammag replied: Oh, it wasn't Cade that got attacked....it was his classmate in Jiu-Jitsu class. He hasn't been going there very long, I just felt bad for him.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Woops..sorry..I must have read your post wrong. I read it twice as a matter of fact to make sure I was reading it right. It's 5am here and I can't sleep! So my brain isn't on yet ...Poor kiddo.

mammag replied: I reread it and I can see where it wasn't clear...sorry! It kind of sounded like I was saying the other kids mom told me Cade was attacked. I'd really be a wreck if that were the case.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: BTW, Wil was almost a Cade. I LOVE that name, but we chose Richard William because my DH is a Richard and William was my grandfather. Maybe I'll get my wish for the second baby...no not PG yet!!

Glad Cade wasn't being attacked! Happy Friday to you!

gr33n3y3z replied: Erin went thu this in 2nd or 3rd grade
On the way home from school she would be riding her bike home and 4 kids that she knew would knock her off her bike everyday.
So I called the school they did nothing.
So I called each of the parents and they said oh my son wouldnt do that and thats what all 4 parents said and my responce to them was

Ok when they come home all beat up from John her brother I DONT want to hear it.

It never happend again.

But yes kids are mean and they do things just to hurt kids physically and more so
Mentally.
And our school is more Mental abuse then physical and its sad that those kids get away with it and it goes on with the trachers standing right there now thats sad.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Yes, it IS sad.

There were studies done (I'd like to find them again) on how the emotional trauma children endure daily, at school, is far far worse than what adults experience:

If a 40 year old man was put through what a 10 year old child goes through, in a day, the 40 year old would want to cry, and would, long before the 10 year old would even bother to tell anyone about what's going on.

It's amazing what children can go through.

*I* was bullied when I was younger... think about it. I'd just moved, spoke differently (different part of the province, slightly differnt way of saying certain words), I had really think glasses, really curly hair, I was chubby, and I was 11 - not yet old enough to shave my legs, by my mom's standards. Do you really think I made friends the first day? lol Spitballs in my hair... marker on the back of my shirt, back of my neck, taunted when eating at lunch, alone in the schooldyard... etc etc etc...

I've seen kids go through far far worse though...

If I EVER hear that one of my children has been hit at school - the school will never hear the last of me, and the other child's parent will not hear the last of me. Yep...mama bear on the prowl.

I'd call the school, tell them what happened, and WHY there wasn't any supervision. I'd want to know WHY there hasn't been any disciplinary action against the other 2 kids, and I'd want to make an appointment with the principal, to discuss, and ensure that it never happens again. My kids daily life is in their hands, so to speak, and I wouldn't want THEM to screw up because of their inattention, kwim?

Then for the parents of the other kids...I'd go over to their house, without my child, and talk to the other parents face to face - and tell them that if EVER their child lays their hands on my child again, I would do everything I could to have charges lain on them. (where I used to live, the parents of the child were held accountable for the actions of thew child, if the child was a minor, I don't know if it's like that here, or where you are) and that IS assault. Especially since there were 2 of them.

I don't tolerate stupidity.... and those kids are just stupid. Sorry.

gr33n3y3z replied:
Oh parents are just figuring out here that is assult with in the past few years
And you can press charges aginst the schools and parents and all involved.

I had to go to a work shop at the end of the school last year even though I'm not a teacher but I work within the system and it was great
It was Redefining and Dealing with Bullying
It was put on by Girls and Boys Town
Here is a phone number for the US and Canada 1-800-448-3000
Learn more about the hot line:

www.girlsandboystown.org/hotline

Find parenting advice and tips

www.parenting.org

these ppl. are great and very helpful.

mom21kid2dogs replied:
Yeah, I was the lucky kid who got to be the "fatty four eyes" in my class. Kids are incredibly heartless and the scars are lifelong. In my opinion there is never any "good" that can come of it. It took me several months of therapy as an adult to work that crap inflicted upon me out. All I have to do is think of elementary school and the pain *still* floods back. You can never understand unless you've been that kid. I never shared any of it with my parents until I was an adult and NOONE ever saw me cry about it.

The best thing Cade can do is just to be there for this guy (if they are friends). I think I only emotionally survived my childhood because of my two lifelong friends.

mammag replied: Oh, I know all about emotional issues because of childhood bullies.... I was always stick skinny and my mom insisted on perming my hair into tiny little curls and then topped it off with the biggest glasses (pink panther of all things) to boot! That has made me very sensitive to kids as an adult.

If I ever found out my kids were making fun of anyone else at school they would have a high price to pay. I always try to teach them to be nice to the kids who are made fun of.

The worst part of it all was that my parents even got in on the fun. My dad would make fun of the way my mom did me up but she wouldn't let me change it. Then they'd ask me (when I was in 8th grade) why I had never had a boyfriend when my sisters (who were both older) did. So what did I do? Went out and got myself a boyfriend that 2 weeks later got put in jail for stealing a car. My parents also made fun of me for "hanging around all the fat kids"....

Well, this has turned into a big ol' woe is me post so I'll stop now....

My2Beauties replied: Kids are so cruel. I sware I just want to home school my child because if she ever has to endure bullying I think I'll be one of those psycho moms to go a'knockin on the parents door if you catch my drift! I wasn't made fun of so to speak but I had some nasty rumors spread around about me once in elementary school and another time in middle school and the rumor in middle school got me jumped by about 3 girls right in front of my house after school, my parents weren't home, I was one of those latchkey kids and they knew it! I was older though but it was still traumatizing. You know it's ironic one of the girls that did it is now the wife of one of Brian's good friends, when I saw her at a friend's party I was like Holy Crap that's the girl that jumped me in the 6th grade! She is way beyond that now and apologized. It was petty, over a little boy but it's still traumatizing and made me leary of people for a long time. It comes down to morals and values and I think that kids see their parents talking about people and think it's ok, and their parents don't teach them that it's ok to be different. I was one of those kids that always befriended those that had disabilities, were in wheelchairs, and were made fun of. I hung around a bunch of geeks in elementary school now that I think about it, because I felt like they needed a friend. My parents taught me to be that way, I wish more parents did that