Where is all this language coming from?

coasterqueen wrote: Kylie got in trouble at Terri's today for coloring all over her table. That is very unlike Kylie but she's been doing this for the past week or so and we aren't for sure why. Anyways, she was punished by having to scrub the table and couldn't play til she did. I had a talk with her about her behavior when we got home as well.

I talked with her explaining that I think something is bothering her which may have caused her to do something she knows is very wrong to do. Here was our convo..

Me: "Kylie, why did you color all over the table? You know it was wrong, don't you?"

Kylie: "Mommy, my heart told me to do it."

Me: floored by her response asked her to elaborate

Kylie: "I have so much in my heart these days and it told me to do bad things even though I knew it was wrong. Why do I have so many things in my heart lately. Why does it keep telling me to do bad things and make me feel sad?"

and double

WHERE DOES SHE GET THIS STUFF? It's like she's watching a soap opera or something. I didn't even know how to respond to all of this.

THEN, my sister watched the girls why I subbed bowling for Ryan tonight. I got home and the girls were in bed. My sis says "Karen, where in the world is Kylie getting this language?". I'm thinking maybe Kylie said a bad word or something, even though she's only said one once her entire life. Sis replied with "um, well she said to me - "Do you know what is the dumbest thing in the world Aunt Amanda?" My sister told her she didn't know. Kylie replied with "quiet time is the dumbest thing in the world. Who made quiet time up? It just doesn't make sense to me". So my sister asked me who is teaching her this stuff.

I really don't know where she's coming up with all this language. All these weird phrases and language is spewing out of her left and right and I can't register it all.

Is anyone else having this with their 4 year old? Oh, please don't tell me I'm alone here.

redchief replied: Karen, I have no idea where she would get such thought. Actually it's very advanced for a four year-old. I think I'd have to keep investigating if I were you.

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: Katy's doing that too. After school when we ask her about her day her response has been "my brain is too tired to talk about school right now"

coasterqueen replied:
Well I know she tested high for her age when they did the pre-k screening. I think I'm more concerned about her level of sensitivity. Or something of that nature, not sure how to explain it. The whole thing about the heart and such, just seemed so extremely sensitive and I'm not sure how to handle her. When Dh got back from Louisianna last year he realized how much more sensitive she has become. He used to be able to play with her and joke with her and she thought it was great. Now you have to watch every word you say. She not only takes them literally but to the heart so-to-speak. Maybe it's the age, not sure. I just know until I figure it out that I've got to watch what I say because I don't want to say something that will affect her for life. KWIM?

luvmykids replied: Kylie and Colt both do stuff like that, Colt more. He always tells me he was worried about me, or tells me that things don't make sense or that he's trying to "process" something. He's got a thing about death too, always asks if someone has died or is going to die.



I haven't heard this kind of thing though, it would throw me for a loop I could be completely wrong but is it a way of avoiding the real reason? Like her not wanting to come out and say "because I was mad" or whatever the reason is because she thinks she'd get in more trouble?

redchief replied: My guess is that something in her everyday life - I don't know whether it was something said or felt, that has given her pause to see the glass of life as half empty (instead of half full). I would be really worried about the low expectations she has for herself; like she expects that she must do wrong. That would be my greatest concern.

CantWait replied: Anthony is only 3 and he's coming up with some funky things also. You're definetly not alone.

Jamison'smama replied: Karen, Jamison is right there too. She tells me her heart hurts when someone upsets her. She said the word 'stupid' the other day--we told her that was not an acceptable word, she kept saying it over and over...we sent her to timeout--kept saying it....she finally said she just had a lot of stupids in her head and she was trying to get them out so she'd never say it again--no one would have to hear that word.

--She has these same type of phrases that make us say "who are you?"

I wouldn't fret...I think it is a stage, well I hope it is

amynicole21 replied: Do you ever talk about things going on in her heart? I tell Sophia she hurts my heart when she says mean things or when she does something she knows she shouldn't - so something like that would be in the realm of possibility for Sophia to say. I agree that she seems pretty in touch with her feelings though. I think that is a sign of intelligence and of maturity.

3_call_me_mama replied: Nope, you're not alone! It's hopefully a stage but I think it is just how children begin to express their emotions. By using large words and language that isnt' common to them, it gets across the importance of their feelings. (If that makes any sense) Cameron says to us when he has a fit or gets in trouble for something "I can't not cry, you can't stop your feelings sometimes they just happen and they need to get out of you" or when he is corrected for doing somethign and we talk to him about it he says things liek teh hear thting Kylie said." my heart told me to and my brain tried to stop it but sometimes you have to listen to your heart before your brain! " So yeah it' snormal.. or as normal as it can be i guess!

booey2 replied: Hi Karen, you are definitely not alone. I went thru this with Matthew and am now going thru it with Thomas. He will constantly ask me if my heart is broken and what he can do to fix it. Not sure where they all come up with it but it makes you realize that even when we think they aren't listening to us they really are. Even if you think they are out of earshot they may not be. We learned this the hard way with both boys. Hang in there, she is just as normal as any other child out there.

Terri

luvbug00 replied: OH Mya does this. She says she "feels ___ in her heart" or when she shows large amounts of affection it's " I love you soo much in my heart". I think it's just another way of self expressing. I'm still not sure where Mya got it.

JP&KJMOM replied: Sounds like all of our 4 yr olds are doing it. Karlee has really picked up some strange comments lately too. She told me the other day that something JP had done was totally unacceptable ( <---- Her words) and it just hurt her so bad that he did it that she needed to go lay down! I think they learn so much from kids at school that live different lives than we do in our own homes. Karlee's personality has completely changed since she was moved into a different group of kids at daycare.

coasterqueen replied:
It's mine too. I'm a perfectionist and I've tried REALLY REALLY hard not to burden her with my idiosyncrises. I fear I'm the one that must be making her feel like she has to do everything right. There have been other convos we've had that make me think I've done the damage.

coasterqueen replied:
She did tell me first that she did it because she needed more paper and Terri was in the other room so she just used the table. When I told her she knows better, that she is only to write on paper, not other objects she gave me the whole heart speech.

This girl blows me away, though. When she blew out her birthday candle and made a wish she said "I wish for the Holy Spirit". I just don't know how she's getting all this info in her head.

coasterqueen replied: Well I'm glad I'm not alone in this too after reading everyone's replies. I just have realized I have to watch what I say though. It's frightening to know that what I say can affect her in some way or make her BE a different person per se, kwim? I mean I always knew this, but it doesn't register until it smacks you right in the face. WOW!

luvmykids replied:
I've been getting smacked in the face with that a lot lately, it's hard for me to monitor myself every moment but they're at the age I have to. Some nights in bed I go round and round with something I said and wondering if they heard it and if it bothered them

Sometimes it's scary to know we're in a position to affect them so much but you're a great mommy.

TheOaf66 replied: yep...this morning Tanner got in trouble for making "snotty" noises when he was told to get dressed so he was sent to his room. After I talked to him about why he was up there he said "it's no use" and I said what?, "you know I don't like to be put up here". It is interesting how he uses these in the right context and we may have found a punishment that actually works.

jem0622 replied: They are so impressionable now. If she is exposed to any kids older than her, or seeing things on TV ever that are not geared towards her age group...then she is getting it there. They can also overhear the discusions of others and totally take it out of context.

Gabe is definitely expanding his vocab and showing defiance also. Just have to be consistent and firm!

DansMom replied: I've been floored by a few things Daniel's been saying as well, and how structured his thoughts are---asking very perceptive questions as well. He also clearly has been listening to all the adults even when he seems like he hasn't. However, while Daniel is using pretty big words now, hel is not nearly as organized in his "soul-searching" comments as Kylie! (Perhaps that's a gender thing.) Kylie is very smart, and in addition has been paying attention to how adults express themselves I bet.

DansMom replied: Oh, as far as the sensitivity to teasing and such---self-consciousness, if you will---I'd put that kind of thing at age 6 for typical development? At least, I think that's the age at which I started taking things personally and worrying over them.