When your kids hit - HOW DO YOU HANDLE IT?

mckayleesmom wrote: McKaylee has started this new phase....She doesn't usually hit her friends or other kids, but her little friend Emily was a hitter, as well as her cousin Desi...so now she has picked up on it. I use to think to myself...AT LEAST SHE DOESN'T HIT.

The other day we went to McDonalds to meet up with Nicole (nix4noles) and Holly. We had a great time...The kids were playing in the thing and Christian came out crying and said Mckaylee hit her. I made Mckaylee apologize and sit in time out. Then about 15 minutes later another little girl (about 6) came out crying and said Mckaylee hit her. I made Mckaylee again go and apologize and sit in time out for even longer. The little girl seriously cried for like 30 minutes....she would stop....then start up about 5 minutes later.....then stop....The whole time she did this she got cuddled by her parents...so I think she was liking the attention...Anyways...the whole time the mom kept giving me dirty looks. I was embarrassed enough that my kid was hitting....but what does she expect me to do?

What do you usually do? This lady was giving me dirty looks like I should whip out a belt and beat my child or something......

How do you usually handle it when your child hits?....McKaylee is usually the one that is crying because she got hit...and she usually just stands there and lets the kid beat up on her.

moped replied: That is a tough one........Jack doesn't hit, but my nephews does. And Jack gets the worst of it.
DO you tlak to her after time out and tell her it was wrong?

mckayleesmom replied:
Yes....I tell her that she is not to hit....girls and boys do not hit and she needs to keep her hands to herself. I tell her to use her words, not her hands, and that kids won't want to be her friend if she hits them.

skinkybaby replied: I would have taken Gracie and left.

mom2my2cuties replied: My daughter usually doesn't hit anyone but me or my husband. But that is mostly because to him, it's a game (yet when he is tired of it, he starts getting on to her for hitting - but that is a whole different ball game )

When she has her moments and DOES hit another child after I make her apologize, we leave. No ifs, ands, or buts, we pack up and go. Even if it is just to the car for a few minutes until she understands why what she was doing was wrong. I have even taken her to the bathroom and just made her sit in there until she was over what was making her mad.

However, with the older kid, I agree she was crying like that for the attention. Or maybe it is just me that thinks that unless they are bleeding there is no need for the excessive crying (in the whining sense of it).

But I do have one question - Have you asked her WHY she hit the other child? Perhaps something happened that sparked her to hit.

mckayleesmom replied:
Yes...I do ask her why...and she usually says something like..."well he took my spot" or something along those lines that still doesn't make it ok.

I think she said the little girl took her spot...There is a wheel inside the play thing that she was playing with inside...I don't know if the little girl pushed her out of the way for it or not.....You can't see from the outside, So I don't know what went down.


I would pack up and leave if it was just me and her, but this was Russell's day out too...So its not fair to him that I pack up and leave...Let alone Holly and Nicole. So that is why we did Time Out.

mom2my2cuties replied: I understand it doesn't make it ok to hit. Andrea has this wierd thing like McKaylee, she is usually the one getting hit, and not to long ago we were at McDonalds and she had just had enough, this bigger kid had been teasing her, calling her names, taking things etc. And finally one time when he called her a name (he and his sister were running around calling her a little bugger for over an hour and thier mom thought it was just cute when it was obviously upsetting to Andrea) she just waylaid him and the mom actually had the nerve to ask me "What are you going to do about it?" I just gave her one of my "looks" and calmly said "The same thing you have done about your child's inability to keep his hands to himself(he had also pushed her at one point, stop his teasing, and name calling." And OH SHE WAS HOT! And honestly I didn't care, he should have left her alone, I had even had to ask him several times to stay away from her (he was like 5).

However, ever since this incident she has been a little more inclined to hit, which might be my fault since i didn't nip it in the bud but she usually only does it in defense of herself.

Sorry, other than finding out exactly what happened and take actions accordingly. I don't really have any suggestions. I have never not disiplined her for hitting, except in the above situation.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I am not trying to be judgemental with anothers parenting styles, but enough was enough with the crying by the little girl. I understand that kids cry when they are hurt, my kids are no exception. But we will cut the crying short once we determine that there was not serious injury (we are mean parents like that ) The crying was excessive though, IMO. I think she was doing it for attention too.

boyohboyohboy replied: I think I would have done exactly what you did. I think after the second time she hit, she might have had to sit in the time out the rest of the time you were there, of course you also might have had to shorten the time you were there.
I know its hard when you have more then one child, and you dont want to punish both of them for something one did. I keep wondering what you do in that situation myself.

mckayleesmom replied:
Thank goodness it wasn't just me that thought that....The little girl went through the dad holding her and the mom holding her. They took turns and she wailed the whole time......I know that it doesn't excuse Mckaylee hitting, but if McKaylee hits Russell...he usually just stares at her...Christian cried, but I think her feelings were more hurt then anything and rightfully so. But the mom just kept staring at me.....

mom2my2cuties replied: I am glad I am not the only one who after checking them over, giving them comfort and making sure no serious injury was sustained tells them "Ok, that is enough, go play now"

C&K*s Mommie replied: TBH, Christian is used to getting whacked on by Kellie.

McKaylee did the right thing and apologized to the little girl, and so did you as her mother. That should have been the end of the story with the mother and child. Kids hit, but if the parent does what is necessary to discipline then eventually they will learn not to hit, IMO. With my back turned I did not see the mother staring, but I would have glared right back at her if I did see her.

skinkybaby replied: I would have taken her home, or at the very least she would have sat next to me and not been allowed to go play again for the rest of the visit

mckayleesmom replied:
I was trying to just ignore it...

Maddie&EthansMom replied: You did the right thing, Bri. It's always a tough call in those situations. I'm sure that girl was an only child and pretty sheltered. That's just ridiculous IMO. Kids will be kids.

gr33n3y3z replied: Look at it this way it didnt happen a 3rd time so I think she got it

But if it did happen a 3rd time I would have made her sit out and watch the other children having fun I think that would be the best way to handle it.

MyLuvBugs replied: Personally, if Lorelei had been the one that hit her friend (the first time around) that'd be it! She'd be force to say sorry to the little kid, get a swat on the butt, and sent to time out for the rest of the time we were there. There'd be NO MORE play time for her. And if she threw a fit about it, more things get taken away. Toys, tv, etc.....She'd have to sit there and watch the other kids have fun, and the more she complained and whined about it.....the longer the punishment would go on.... I know that sounds cruel, but that's how we parent.

Also, if that other woman was giving you a dirty look....give one right back and roll your eyes at how attention hording her child is being. (sorry that's my hormones talking )

mckayleesmom replied:
She wasn't an only child...they had about 5 of them...all really close in ages....So maybe it was a good opportunity for her to get some attention...kwim?

A&A'smommy replied: I think you handled it fine especially since she didn't do it again but if she had and it was my kid she would have watched them play for the rest of the time that we were there.

as for the other kid I would have made her stop after 10 minutes or we would have gone home not to sound harsh or anything but sitting there and holding your kid especially a 6 year old for that long is ridiculous!!!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I'm glad there is someone else who thinks like me. I would have probably done the same thing.

Tanner hit me once, I hit him back, he hasn't hit me again since. Actually he slapped me in the face...NOT tolerable in this home. He doesn't hit his friends, but he does taunt them sometimes. When that happens he gets sent to his room and gets things taken away...more or less a grounding from something. Redirection only does so much when you're 4.

I can see the frustration about the woman coddling her child. That gets old really fast. For all you know, she could have possible barely touched her and the kid blew it way out of proportion.

Personally, we are the kind of parents that teach self-defense. It's not ok to hit or bully, but if someone is beating on you first, you defend yourself.

Sometimes it's hard to say what to do when you didn't see the situation for yourself. Kids don't always convey what really happened correctly. For all you know, your daughter could have barely touched her and the girl conveyed it as "she beat me up". Ya know?

If this would have been Tanner, I would have made him sit down the rest of the time and made him watch everyone else have fun until we left. They never like that.

I'm sure you handed it fine. When you have parents like that one woman giving you stink eye, it never helps. If that is how she is as a parent...maybe her kid deserved it...just kidding (kind of).

TheOaf66 replied:
My Idea

I was on the other end of bullies, i always got beat up or picked on as a kid and I never fought back, now I teach defense but if I ever find out Tanner is the one being the bully...when he gets home he will see what it is like on the other side of the fence

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Wil went through a hitting phase. It has somewhat ended, but it comes up from time to time. I always tell him "no hitting" and place him in time-out. Even if we're not home, I take him away from the situation fast. I don't yell, but get down to his level and explain that hitting is not nice and then let him sit it out for a few minutes. I don't expect him to say sorry at this age, but sometimes he will go over and hug his victim.

I think you did the right thing and had McKaylee apologize. She's old enough to understand it, but it doesn't need to be drawn out like that other mom must have expected. I have a mom in playgroup who literally freaks if Wil gets even close to her daughter...she always says "be careful" if he just walks by her. And she cries at everything. Just different parenting, but not my style. You gotta let kids be kids IMO. A little hitting is not going to kill anyone.

mckayleesmom replied:
his victims.....

Brias3 replied: My kids have gone through the hitting stage. (Some longer than others- Aliyah's been awful with it all summer ) I usually do just as you did- make them apologize and then a time-out. With my older two, if they are bickering and hitting back and forth, they get the two aformentioned consequences plus a loss of a privilege.

redchief replied: One time out. Second offense and the visit would have been over. That also makes for inconvenience for you, the parent, but it sends two definite messages. First, when you are corrected, you are expected to fix your behavior. Second, if you commit a repeated infraction the penalty is worse.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Glad you could laugh about that...I didn't know how else to put it and was scared someone would take it the wrong way!

My3LilMonkeys replied:
I'm not trying to criticize or anything, I'm just curious - how do you justify to her that it is okay for you to swat her butt for hitting if it is not okay for her to hit? Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with spanking. I just see it as sending a mixed message to tell her she can't hit someone and then essentially hit her for doing it.

I hope I haven't offended you - I had a hard time getting the words to come out the right way, KWIM?

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I just think it depends on what you believe. There are different opinions when it comes to spanking. I also think it depends on the child. I know this wasn't directed to me, but sometimes, with some kids, it's the only thing that works. Just my two cents. To each is own I think. Some people think it sends a mixed signal, and that's fine. Other don't, and that's fine too. It's just a matter of opinion and what works for the child.

MyLuvBugs replied:
Haven't offended me yet Pam. We're just spankers, and that's the severe punishment for a severe crime. She (Lorelei) understands that a spank on the tush equals she's done something really bad. And I'm not saying we Beat her butt down, KWIM? It's just a little swat to get her attention.

We also believe that if she walks up to us and pushes us out of malice (in a manner of speaking) we push back and say NO we don't push. Or if she bites we bite back (or a little flick on the cheek) and say "see...it hurts to bite. Therefore we dont' bite." Just our style of parenting I guess. But we also do time-outs and talking too her. Just depends on what she's done. KWIM? Punishment fits the crime in our house. If she hurts someone....she herself gets a punishment that will "hurt" (not really but in a manner of speaking). If she's just being a 20 month old and being a pain....then it's time out and a talking to.

I hope that answers your question. Spanking isn't for everyone, and yes I do feel sometimes like Bill Engvall "Here's your Sign" when we discipline her, but we're all learning.....No one is an expert when it comes to parenting and discipline... so long as it works for your kid, that's all that should matter.

My3LilMonkeys replied:
That makes perfect sense, thanks! ITA that you should do whatever works for you.

luvmykids replied:
Also, it may not make sense to some, but a spanking (at our house) is not a random act of frustration or anger like one of the kids hitting each other, does that make sense? Because of all the talking that goes along with the spankings they know it is a discipline thing and not a spur of the moment loss of control or something done out of meanness, or doing it to manipulate someone, etc (which is usually why Kylie hits). And spankings, for us, aren't used all that often but when they are they get the point across pretty well.