When you see a child fussing.....

DVFlyer wrote: When you see a parent with a fussing child or throwing a tantrum, do you say anything?

The reason I ask is that last night while the kids and I were getting out of the car to go into the gym, my son decided to throw a fit, fall on the ground crying, etc. Not a big deal for me, I let him get it out of his system or pick him up and off we go. But I took notice of the reactions of people walking by.

Some people walk by looking straight ahead, some people look down, some people make a "oh, looks like he's having a bad day" or "someone's not happy". etc.

What do you do or say?

stella6979 replied: If it's obviously just a tantrum, I usually just give a "I know what you're going through" smile and keep on walking.

bawoodsmall replied:
Yep - me too. If you havent been there your child is amazing.

My2Beauties replied: I usually give a nice sympathy smile to the mother/father of the child, we all know how that can be. Now sometimes I see a parent trying to hard to calm the child down, when I would have picked them up, carried them out of the store and saved myself from anymore embarassment, so sometimes I have said to maybe DH or whoever was with me, boy I would have handled that different, something along those lines, but I don't ever make comments to where the parent can hear me.

DVFlyer replied: I usually give the "btdt" look too. The comments kind of bug me though. "Looks like someone's having a bad day".... Geeee, ya think?

mummy2girls replied: well when people give me rude looks when jenna threw horrible ones in teh store. i just says to them... yes i teach my child to do that or take a picture it lasts longer...LOL

Danalana replied: I just smile at the parent(s) and go about my business.
It does drive me nuts when someone has an older child who is throwing a fit, but refuses to discipline them in any way. I mean, after a few minutes, it's obviously not getting better. Anyway, yeah.
I never give looks or say anything, though...it's nobody else's business.

mckayleesmom replied: I just thank goodness its not my child....jk..sorry. I usually just try to mind my own business. If its someone ahead of me at the store putting their stuff on the belt while their kid flips out..sometimes I will talk to the kid to see if I can get their attention while their mom is busy....Sometimes it works...

Mckaylee and Russell are not huge fit throwers, but sometimes they will try to throw a tantrum right at the checkout counter because they want the candy the stores are so nice to put right there.....My biggest pet peeve is when the store clerk trys to offer then stickers or a sucker to stop the tantrum........That just tells my child that its ok to throw a fit because they will get rewarded for it.

lovemy2 replied:
Or your child is very very dull - I love that my child has emotions and while I hope as they grow they learn how to deal with them I wouldn't want them to be robots - now remind me of this post when I am in the middle of Target with a lunatic

Kentuckychick replied: I usually don't say or do anything -- since I don't have kids I don't think I should say anything and since I've been through it a time or two with the kids I nanny for I don't make any rude faces or sideways glances at them (though I agree with older kids sometimes it's hard not to).
I have actually had people make comments to me along those lines "Someone's having a bad day" when the baby is making a fuss and it doesn't bother me. Most of the time it's a parent who is with their children and I figure they've been there done that and it's out of sympathy. The sideways glances get on my nerves though and that's why I don't do it.

I think as parents and as caregivers (in my case) we have to just learn to take it all with a grain of salt. I know there was a time when seeing a kid having a meltdown in public drove me nuts and I couldn't figure out why exactly the parent/caregiver couldn't just take the kid out of the store and leave all of us peaceful individuals to our peace. Now I know. I think we just have to remember to try our best to deal with our situation and not let the other people get to us.

Boys r us replied: I always give the "you have my deepest empathy b/c I was just in your shoes 2 minutes ago..didn't ya hear my kid screaming" look and smile..you know, just the look is enough to give them reassurance that they aren't alone and that no one thinks poorly of them or their child!! LOL

bawoodsmall replied:
Yeah...Aiden is def not a robot. I will be thinking of you next time we are in the store and he decides he doesnt want to be there.

Teesa®© replied:
I hate that too!! I just glare at the teller and inform them that I teach my children not to accept gifts from strangers and how do they know that my children don't have allergies or are not allowed to have candy?

I had one teller a few years ago try to give my child candy. I told her EIGHT different times NO, each time getting louder and louder and she would NOT listen to me. She didn't have any candy left at her till and was calling someone else to bring her some. It was obvious she was blatantly ignoring me. So I very loudly asked her if she was deaf or just plain stupid. THAT got her attention. She started blubbering and I told her very loudly that I had said "No" MANY times and she ignored me. By this time, the manager came and asked if there was a problem [don't you love it when they do that?]. The teller tried to say there wasn't and I said, "What??? Yes there IS a problem and a big one!" I explained to the manager what was going on and he said that the teller was just trying to calm my child down. I laughed and said that my child wasn't doing anything, just sitting in the cart and she kept trying to give him candy and I kept telling her no and she wouldn't listen to me. He said, "Oh, well then," and started to walk off and I asked if he wasn't going to say anything to the teller or even tell her she should not offer candy to a child unless she asks the parents first? He just kept walking and I was so MAD!!!! I left everything where it was, commented I would NEVER go back to that store again and that only pedo's offer children candy and walked out.

PrairieMom replied: I use it as a teaching opportunity for MY children. If I am out of ear shot of the other parent, I will say to my kids, "wow, do you hear that naughty child? that isn't how we behave is it? I am so glad that you don't behave like that" or something along those lines.
If I am passing the child I give the BTDT look.

A&A'smommy replied: I usually don't say anything at all just give them the i'm sorry I know how you feel look.... I SOO hate it when my child acts out in public

HuskerMom replied: I just mind my own business. I figure if it was me in that situation I'd want people to mind their own business.

My3LilMonkeys replied: I usually don't say or do anything unless one of the girls mention it - they often ask me why that kid is crying. Then I just tell them he/she is upset about something and that it's not nice to talk about other people and leave it at that.

redchief replied: I'm the master of the BTDT look. I keep my comments to myself.

luvmykids replied: I'm usually so grateful that it's not just my kids who do it that I send a look of sympathy and leave it at that

:.Mrs_Mommy.: replied: Normally I just give the BTDT look and if my kids ask...normally Kyla is all about asking questions...I just explain to her that the child is upset and leave it at that.


I honestly don't remember the last time my kids threw a fit in the store. They know I will take them home and they won't be allowed to come back to store for a long time (like months). I don't think I have dull children but I do think I have very well behaved children. They don't make scenes in public, they never have been fit-throwers really. Kyla went through a phase of about 3 wks there but that was not bad. A fit every few days for a few wks. Now they just behave or they don't go out.

The last time we made a scene at the grocery store was when Aaron was about 2 and Lily was an infant. I was getting Lily and the carrier in the cart when Aaron ran through the auto doors, they closed and when he tried to get back through the sensor went off and the door smacked him in the face, broke the skin in his eyebrow. He of course screamed and cried, I felt so bad for him. There was a nurse in line and she came and checked him out, said its just a little cut and we were on our way. The bakery did give him a cookie for free though .