When talking to adults - Do you let your kids use first names?

luvmykids wrote: I don't know if I'm just old fashioned or what, but I make the kids call adults Mr. or Mrs. Jones or Miss Whoever but notice more and more that a lot of kids call adults Miss Monica or even just first names.

Do you allow your kids to do that, or do you require the "old school" way of addressing adults?

On that note, I always tell the kids never to ask for anything, to wait until it's offerred to them (of course not here or at grandmas house or something like that) but have noticed when they have friends over they're always asking for food

C&K*s Mommie replied: We use first names coupled with the proper titles. Like the Mrs.... or Mr..... the association is better for them in that case, IMO. That is mainly with people we are friends with, or are on a comfortable basis with. If I have to refer to them as Mr. (insert last name), than that is what they are known as to our girls. We definitely refer to our friends with proper title, and first name.

As for asking for things, we have the girls ask for things since most of the time we are present, and it has been acknowleged that the girls have been offered something (in which case if they miss the offer, we have them ask) or straight out ask. Going to Meme's house, and asking for food is one thing. But at a friends house, I will try to nip that in the bud by making sure they are properly fed beforehand, or by diverting their attention until we can leave to get something to eat. I would not want neighborhood kids asking for food when they come here, so I think that we will try to raise our kids to not do that either, but we have not come to that bridge yet.

Nina J replied: For people we know well, Emily use's their first name. But for people we don't know to well, Emily will call them Mr., Mrs. or Miss.

I find it weird when kids I hardly know call me Nina, but where I live, the kids in the neighbourhood call me Ms. K**** or just Ms. K.

If we are at a good friends house, I don't mind if Emily asks can she have a drink, she always says please and thank-you. With other people, she is generally a bit shy, so she never asks, they always offer food or a drink. If she does ask, she's always polite and people comment on her manners

edited because I accidently put my last name in without thinking

luvmykids replied:
I just read that again and I sound stingy and mean, I don't mind giving them snacks and stuff, because I figure if mine snack most other kids their age do too, it just suprises me that they outright ask for candy or chips, I guess because my mom would have been horrified if I'd done it, and mine do it but only with people we're super comfy with. Or it catches me off guard if I offer a snack and they say "No, I want such and such", because I tell the kids if they don't want whats offered to just say "No thank you."

I'm really not a mean lady who thinks kids don't eat

C&K*s Mommie replied: I understood what you meant, Monica.

redchief replied: My children were/are required to address adults as Mr., Mrs. Miss, Dr. until such time as that person requests otherwise. I will not answer children in town who call me by my first name. I once had an adult parent call me rude because I didn't answer their child who called me "Ed." I ignored her too. Eventually she got and said, "Mr. Dean we don't believe in all of that title nonsense."

See I was the child's soccer coach. It wasn't like he had a choice. I said, "Then we don't have anything to talk about do we?"

That woman still calls me Mr. Dean.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: My kids call our friends by their first name... mostly because all my friends are in their mid twenties as well... and Mr or Mrs is their Parents... lol

But to other people, my kids call them Mr or Mrs. The teachers at school introduced themselves with Mrs, with their first name.

As for other kids asking for snacks... I don't mind if I have the kids at my house during my kids snack time - then of course I offer some to them as well... and I've had the kids say that they wanted something else - my response is always something along the lines of "well this is our snack today - you don't have to have any if you don't want any, but I'm not taking something else out."

It's happened that while we're out and I give the kids something to eat, like at the parc or something, that a neighbour's kid asks for something... and I just tell them that I'm sorry, but I only brought enough for my kids... this one mom got peeved off at me - telling me that I shouldn't bring food to the parc and not expect other young kids to want some...

booey2 replied: As for the names, it all depends on who it is, same as mentioned above.

As for the snacks, they boys have some friends who will come in and ask if we have certain stuff and I usually say no. I even have a couple nephews who will go into my pantry both upstairs and downstairs and ask if they can eat something I have in there. Usually it is in the pantry for a reason, for another day. So now if I know there are kids coming over I will put out on the counter any and all foods they can have on that day, otherwise STAY OUT OF MY PANTRY !!! Sorry this is a real sore subject with me. Now on the otherhand I have my neice who we treat as a daughter and as soon as she walks in the house the rule is have whatever you want, treat our house like your own. She will still ask just because she is that kind of girl, not wanting to upset her aunt. Her brother is one of the ones who asks for whatever he sees and he is coming to the cottage with us and her. So I am going to be setting some food rules before we go and when we get there. He likes to eat all the snacks right away and have none for the rest of the week. Well it ain't happening.

Sorry to vent on your post, I will step down.

Terri

luvmykids replied:
ROFL!

amynicole21 replied: Everyone is Ms. Laura or Mr. Shawn - but everyone else's kids just call me Amy

Jeffs Wife replied:
If the person they are addressing is a close friend of the family, the kids call them by their first name, but if we don't know them well it is Mrs. or Mr.
When my kids were in preschool the teachers had them call them Miss. and then their first name which I thought was odd because it doesn't work that way in scholl but that was the way they wanted it.

When I was a child I called everyone Mrs. and Mr., my friend's parents, neighbors, everyone that was the way I was thaught by my parents. But now my 17 year old so lives with my parents and they let him call the neighbors by their first name. So I am still refering to them as mrs. amd Mr. while he is using their first name. It really bothers me. I guess it is the change in the times. They taught me one thing but are having him do something else. My son has lived with my parents for 1 1/2 years now.

As for my kids being allowed to ask for stuff, they are not. I think it is very rude, it should be offered to them. It bothers me to think they would go to someones house and ask for something to eat, like I didn't teach them any manners LOL......Michelle

kristy-n-chad replied: Chad and I are youth leaders at our church, and while we personally don't care if they call us by our first names, it is asked of the kids to use proper titles, and we respect that that is what the other parents want the kids to use. They used to call us Mr. Chad and Mrs. Chad, which I thought was cute and less formal, but now it is Mr and Mrs L_____. I am only 22, too young to be a Mrs, sounds so old!

Zachsmom2002 replied: I use to work in a daycare that had Infant through Preschool. I would call all the teachers Miss and then their first name. That was what I have always done. So with my son when he was in school I would always address his teachers by Miss "name" and when he was able to do it he would do the same. Now I would do that even if the school or his teachers didn't I have always felt it helps the child to have respect for their elders when alot of them don't and it also helps the parents have more respect the teachers. When we know someone I have him call them by their first name. But otherwise I have him use the proper titles etc.

This also stems from an incident I had this past Mother's Day. I was in the drugstore buying a card for my mom and there were a group of 4-5 teenage boys looking at cards. I was standing behind them and I had said "excuse me" ver politely (I also had my son with me and he is 3). Well they didn't move so Zach decided he wanted to get a card and he went in between them and pulled a card out to show me, ne never bumped them and he even said excuse me, then the teenagers turned back and looked at me and gave me a look. I had seen (from in back of them) a card that I wanted and I said "Excuse me again and they didn't move. So I waited and then they moved. Well I ended up at the register and I was waiting in line and one of the boys was in line and the others were not around. So I was 2 people behind the counter, then the other boys came and just stood in front of me. Their friend paid and then they each took their turn after. My son then turns to me and says "Mama they cut you in line" and I said "I know but they are very rude and shouldn't have done that". Then one of the boys looks at me and smiles (you know that crooked smile of "yeah I did it so what". So I get in the car and tell my dh that from that day forward my son will be raised to be very polite and I hope that it sticks with him even as a teenager. I don't want my son to be like those kids. So I make sure he is polite to people when he addresses them and when he needs anything else he says the right things. I really hope he will remember to always be polite.

*Sorry so long but I had to get that out .

mamasbigbaby replied: My son isn't really old enough, but when i was a kid it was old school.

coasterqueen replied: with their sitter I had the kids call her Ms. Terri. Otherwise she calls everyone else by their first name.

MomToJade&Jordan replied: There's always a Ms. or Mr. in front of the first name. That's how it was when we lived on Hickam so it stuck.

moped replied: Depends who it is......but we are all about respect, so I would say I will encourage Mr & Mrs unless they tell him otherwise.

TheOaf66 replied: well right now, since tanner is only 4, we let him use their first names since that is what he can remember, when he gets a little older we will teach him the proper way to address a new adult.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Scotty prefers our children use the Mrs or Mr with the last name. But, everyone around here says Miss Aimee or Mr Scott (using first names) so we have just followed suit. Some of our close friends insist on them dropping the Miss or Mr. But we want to teach them manners.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: Well we haven't really gotten to that point yet, but my kids will be allowed to call adults that are our close friends by their first names. Other adults that we don't see as much like our neighbors (isn't that sad that our neighbors are people we don't see much ) and people at church we'll have them call Mr. and Mrs. and so on. When I was a kid I called my friends moms and dads by their first names.

Kaitlin'smom replied: funny my sister and I were just talking about this and how normaly in pre-school they go by miss (frist name) but in school its mr mrs miss (last name) kinda inconsistant. I do have to say Kait calls most adults by there first name with mr or miss in frount of it.

Brias3 replied: I encourage the Mr./Mrs. title and will only let the kids call adults by their first names if the adult says to. However, we don't do titles in our family for aunts and uncles- the kids will just call their relatives by their first name.

I do notice the same with kids over on playdates- they have no shame about asking or saying anything! I always tell my own to wait until something is offered or given.

BAC'sMom replied: Depends but we are mostly old school (Mr. and Mrs.)

MyLuvBugs replied:
LOL!! You sound just like my dad, Ed. He was the superintendant of our school and was MR. Epley. To this day all my friends still call him that. My best friend said once " it just sounds wrong to call him Eldon."

lorelei is too young right now to say proper names. She's still trying to just put words together. LOL But We call family members "Auntie Trish" "Uncle David", but Teachers/family friends/co-workers etc...will be addressed as Mr, Mrs, Miss, or Dr And then either last name or first name. I'll let that person decide, but they will have a title. So, if like our neighbor "Hank" wants to be called Mr. Hank instead of Mr. Jones, then that's fine with me. So long as she shows respect to that person by stating their title, I'm happy.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Personally, I was raised to call people by their first names, unless they were my teacher. Even to this day, when I see my 3rd grade teacher at church, I feel silly calling her "Terri", I have to say "Mrs. ****". I've never felt it to be inappropriate to call other people by their first names other than in the teacher/student situation. It's just how I was raised.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Oh, and as a preschool teacher, I am Ms. Jennie. Some of the parents will even call me Ms. Jennie and I always tell them not to. Doesn't seem very personal to me.

paradisemommy replied: well here in hawaii everyone is either aunty or uncle (as a sign of respect) and if they are a lot older..than papa or tutu (grandma)..

Boo&BugsMom replied: I should probably add that when addressing certain family members, the title is always used as well. Like Grandmas are "Grandma", etc. Uncles are called "Uncle,...then the first name" etc. Everyone outside the family though is usually first names, aside from teachers.

jcc64 replied: In my community, it is common practice for kids to address adults by their first names. When I am referred to by anyone as Mrs. ____, it sounds so, idk, weird and grown up. The first time my kids ever used proper titles like Mrs or Mr Smith was when they entered public school. I teach my kids to be respectful and deferential- they hold doors open for anyone older than a teenager- they help elderly people with their packages, etc. But it would be considered too formal and just plain weird in our community to address the parents of their friends in the "old school" way. Where I grew up way back in the stone ages, we NEVER addressed adults by their first names- so I don't know if it's a regional thing or a sign of the times???

luvmykids replied:
That was the case with me and I guess what I'm getting at, apparantly it's outdated but I wouldn't dream of my kids calling an adult by their first name unless the adult asked them to. But we're in NM so I'm guessing it's a sign of the times!

redchief replied:
Funny you should mention that because now not a few the kids I coached are becoming firefighters. It takes about three months for them to stop calling me Mr. Dean when the rookies come in. Most will still refuse to call me Ed. For the most part they just call me Chief, which is okay I guess. The first time they venture to call me "Ed," they invariably look around in wait for the lightning strike they seem to know is coming.

My3LilMonkeys replied: Around here it's very common to call adults by just the first name so that's probably how I will raise my kids.

As for the snack situation, we will teach them that it's ok to ask at relatives houses only.