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When did you feel OK for visitors?


Lynda836 wrote: Hi there! New to the board. My question is about having visitors after the baby's born. I'm due 2 Sep, and me and my husband moved across the country recently for work, actually the day after I found out I was pregnant. My family is all living back East, this is the first baby in the family, and the only way they've been able to be involved in my pregnancy in over email, phone and pictures. My Mom and sister are really excited about coming to visit once the baby is born needless to say.

My question to everyone is how long after you gave birth did you feel up to having visitors...especially from family that might be living with you for a little bit. I really want them to visit but I also want to feel a little bit confident with what I'm doing as a new mom and get into a schedule. I'd hate to have them arrive and be so overwhelmed with visitors and advice that I don't enjoy the visit. I'm I being totally unrealistic? I'm probably only going to get home to see my family once a year and I want to make the most of it.

Sonia replied: My little guy was born Nov. 15th, right before Thanksgiving. My mother-in-law had planned on coming to visit (they moved to Arizona a few years ago) and "help" with the baby around his actual due date (Dec. 5th). She arrived on the 3rd and I was so thankful that I had the chance to get to know our little Elliott before I had a guest in the house to "help" - which is a wonderful and sweet idea, but I never did feel like she felt comfortable enough to just do whatever she wanted, and I was still too tired after a c-section and a new baby to entertain her. I was also breastfeeding and my m.i.l. had never done that herself or known anyone who had (in my husband's family I'm a bit of a maverick in that respect) so it was hard to answer all of her questions and take her feeding "advice" everyday too.

Overall, I think it went pretty well, but you may want to communicate your thoughts with your family. I hope it's different (and much better) for you, especially since it will be your own family that will come to visit. I would honestly have loved to have my own mother come over to help because I don't feel obligated to entertain her or to be super polite if I need her to do (or stop doing) something - but my mom lives just 15 min. away, not such a big deal to have her visit.

It was wonderful to have someone right there who was so excited to take care of the baby when I really needed a shower or a nap. My husband and I even had the chance to have our first meal out after about a month, knowing that Grandma & Grandpa were taking good care of our little sweet pea.

BTW- Fall is a wonderful time to have a baby- you can't really take her/him outside anyway (too little) and the weather is usually too cool/cold too. Spring comes and everyone in the family is ready to enjoy the warm weather together! Enjoy your pregnancy, labor and new baby!

A&A'smommy replied: the day I had my baby well I was REALLY out of it (i had a c/s) and so we had a LOT of family around to be there for my husband, but really I wanted people around all the time. I LOVED for people to see my baby girl and really it was mostly family and a few close friends! wub.gif

3_call_me_mama replied: We had both my mother and MIL in the room with us during labor and deliery. We also had several visitors shortly after birth. Both times I went home 24 hours after birth and we had people staying with us for at least 4 days (inlaws) My mother in law was actually here for 2 weeks total , a few days before and almost 2 weeks after. And some friends of opurs brought us dinner the night we got home, it was actually really nice to not worry about food and our toddler was entertained, but fo r afirst child I would have liked to have a few days (at least 2 or 3) with out any company so we could enjoy him all to our selves, also I was not very comfortable for a few days either time (we did go out to eat when my ifrst was 2 days old- took himto a restaurant- with my family andmy inlaws) but i think it is all a personal preference.... maybe they woudl be willing to get a hotel for a night or two and then stay with you the rest of the time.. good luck to you!

~KARA~ replied: My 1st dd I lived with my parents so there were 9 of us in the house. My siblings are all younget than me. Other than that people would call cause it was kinda out of their way to come see us.

With my 2nd dd, I told everyone they had to wait 2 weeks and call before coming over. My mil only works like 5min from my house and I knew she would stop everyday If I didnt lay down the law. The only ones that saw dd before she was 2 weeks was my mom and sister, only cause they brought my oldest home.

With the baby Im pregnant with now Ill probably do the same thing. I was 2 weeks to get in to a routine seeing how I have 2 other kids and its really going to affect my youngest dd. If people dont like it then they can stay away!

PanthersGirl replied: I am in a simular situation actually!

I live in North Carolina and all my family live in Kentucky. About an 8 hour drive. My family plans to start the drive as soon as i go into labor and THEY are hoping i go through labor that long so they can get here BEFORE the baby is born!

It bothers me a bit that the first week home with the baby most of my imidiate family will be there too, but I am also glad. Cuz like you said, I am sharing the pregnancy with them through the phone and email and pics. And its difficult for them.

So because of that, that they don't get to share all of the pregnancy I don't mind sharing the first week!

DansMom replied: You really want alone time with your baby and hubby, and privacy for health reasons. Physically my recovery took some time, lots of bleeding, dealing with huge pads and sitz baths and such, and I just wanted to be alone with it---I'm that way. Some women are so close to their moms that they want help with that kind of intimate stuff, but not me. I did want my family to come and help sometimes though---with housework, with watching the baby so I could rest, and just for conversation and to share my joy with people I've known all my life. Ideally, family that you feel close to would come around the time the baby is born but not stay with you! On day four, for me anyway, the baby blues hit and I needed some support. This is a real hormonal reaction where you can't stop crying and you feel dread about the major change you just made. That's when getting a little help and company can really, really help you through. Everyone is different in their individual experience, but these are some common issues.

JAYMESMOM replied: I ended up having an emergency c-section and I welcomed the fact that my family was there during my labor and right after. Luckily they lived next door so they were not staying 24/7. My mother in law came by a few times that first week and that was hard since it is differing with in-laws. I would say two weeks would be nice to get adjusted (as much as possible) before having them come stay but it is going to depend on how much help you want. Having them there sooner will give you more time to sleep, etc. if they want to help out. Wait a little while before you decide. You may change your mind closer to your delivery.

Ashley's Mommy replied: Hi there. New here also. Most of my family lives really close to me, my mom and my grandmother were visiting alot after my daughter was born but I actually loved them being there especially for the first couple weeks after I had her because they were a big help around the house. My husband was working alot and they would come over while he was at work and help me with my housework and cooking. I was so sore "down there" It was hard to do alot of everyday things, So I was pretty thankful to have them there to help me out.

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: I had people there right away, but I was also the person who did a 5K with a 4 day old smile.gif

JAYMESMOM replied:
I give you credit I was barely moving after 2 weeks.

Lynda836 replied: Thanks guys for all your input. I think I'll go with the 2 week rule so I can get into a routine. smile.gif


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