What to do.... - underware or pull-ups?

Farelle wrote: Ok...so I am still having potty training problems with my 3 year old. We've finally made progress with the peeing part. Today is day #4 without any pee accidents. The poop part however............you don't even want to know.

So my question is.....do I continue on with the underware so that I don't confuse him with the pull-ups and risk reversing the progess we've made with the peeing (of course I will have to continue to clean up or throw away) OR do I go back to the pull-ups and assume that he is just not ready for the whole thing???

And before anyone starts throwing their ideas out there, I have tried EVERYTHING, and I do mean E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G !!!!!!

mummy2girls replied: ok im not sure how you want us to respond to this but im going to respond this way... a dayhome boy who is 4 came to me and was still in pull ups so i still put him in underwear... so he ended up pooping. so what i did is i made him clean it up! So i had him take them off, dump the poop in the toilet, clean his bumb and then wash his hands after. but because while he was dumping the poop out he was getting it on his hands he got pretty upset. He never pooped again in his underwear! i know you didnt want me to throw out an idea but im not sure how else to respond.

i say keep with the underwear because if he keeps pooping in them and then your response is ok put the pull up on he is thinking to himself..hmmm if i keep pooping my underwear then mom will give in and give me the security of a pull up on. Kids are smart. Thats what the dayhome boys mom did she gave up and did the pull up and he kept having accidents. he came to me and i refuse to give in, yes its messy and all but i wanted him to know i was not backing down and within a couple days he was fully trained!

Farelle replied: I'm sorry to everyone!!! I didn't mean that the way it sounded (about the ideas) I was just thinking back to the last time I posted about pooping problems and the lengthy discussion it started about the right way and wrong way to go about it.

I just meant that I have tried just about everything. I gave him a couple of weeks off once to just let things settle and that didn't work. I've tried ignoring it and acting like it's no big deal (thus giving him no attention, positive or negative) and that didn't work. I've tried all kinds of rewards for when he does ask and/or go on his own (like candy, stickers, etc), I've tried being mad (which is the easiet ) and and telling him that he is old enough to know better, etc. I've tried buying cool new underware too. I did actually bring him in there one day and tell him he was going to clean himself but he just stood there....isn't 3 too young for that? I would have had a much worse mess on my hands after that.....buy do you think it would work?? I showed him the mess he made today and where it is supposed to go, but he just does it again.

My friends tell me that it takes much longer for boys to get the poop part of potty training....?? It's just that I feel like I have totally messed it up and I don't know where to go from here.

Again....sorry for the way that first post sounded. Didn't mean it to sound offensive! I do appreciate any suggestions!!!!

my2monkeyboys replied: Actually making Will clean himself worked better than anything else I tried. It took 3 times and he was done with it.
Yeah, it was nasty, but it worked quickly. We also did the sticker board thing and all that, but it didn't really matter to him until HE had to deal with it, ya know?
Hope this helps! Don't worry... he'll get trained soon!

Farelle replied: Hmmmm? Sounds so GROSS but maybe I'll give it a try. I know I shouldn't stress so much about it but it's just been such a lengthy process...although I have heard horror stories of this kind of thing going on for MUCH longer!
I'm just frustrated bc I don't know WHAT the right thing to do is and I feel like I have him all messed up..............and also I DON'T want to clean anymore poopy underware!!

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I am the odd one out I guess because I think that 3 is still very young in alot of ways and if he is not ready then he is just not ready! I have said before and I will say again Taylor wore pullups in public until about 4...not because she wasn't potty trained but because some of the public restrooms we see (traveling with Bill-not to mention plain ol Walmart ) are DISGUSTING!!! I was much more willing to deal with a dirtied Pullup than the options we had in public restrooms. She wasn't damaged by it and she went potty at home perfectly fine.



I guess to each his own but if I took my child to a daycare center where I am paying for someone to care for him and I brought him in pullups and he was switched to underware and then made to clean up a mistake...it would be the last time.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Different folks, different strokes.

Making a hcild clean up their own mess when they KNOW BETTER is ok, (it's not just the 3rd or 4th accident in the pants) but that's just me. Of course, I wouldn't make a child clean up their own poop unless I had talked to the parents about it first. Because if I had to talk to the parents about it, it's already a problem, the pooping in the underwear is a problem, not just having had 3 or 4 accidents.

If I took my child to a daycare facility where they made them clean up their mess if they're just being stubborn about the potty thing... then I'd be fine with it, because it really does work. But they had better tell me about it first. But it's not "something" you think about to ask - hmmm - if my child poops in his undies, will you clean it or will you make him clean it?

gr33n3y3z replied: My kids were potty trained very young bc the nursery school they went to didnt take kids in diapers so around the age of 2 1/2 they were well out of diapers

stella6979 replied: I think kids should definately be potty trained before they enter pre-school, so I would stick with the underwear. I know it's gross, but I'm sure after having to clean it up a time or two he may not like it much anymore.

grapfruit replied: Just wondering, have you had a chance to try the "clean it yourself" method yet?

redplaydoh replied: I agree with making him clean himself up, but be ready for it to be really gross and a much bigger mess than if you just did it yourself and to make him do it every time it happens or it won't work. Just tell him you're done with cleaning up poop... that's what I did and it worked after about 2 weeks. The kids HATED it because they don't like getting poop all over their hands but I explained that mommy doesn't like doing it either and that if they were old enough to have "big boy toys" then they were old enough to poop in the potty.

I also agree with waiting until they are ready... Lucas was 3 1/2 before he was trained. If you feel like he's ready then start making him clean up... I bet you'll have a boy trained in no time.

mummy2girls replied:
actually th mom said i had permission to do this. She was the one that bought the underwear for me and because that tatic got him fully trained within a couple dyas she was grateful for what i did. you see she was at her wits end so she said i can try anything..thank you!!!!! so its not like i did this behind her back she gave me the underwear!

mummy2girls replied:
actually guys i asked permission.. she said do what i want to do... i told her before hand and she said yes go for it. plus he was almost 5 for petes sake. he knew he was doing something wrong because he would tell me as he was doing it and then laughed at me while i changed his poopy bumb.

gr33n3y3z replied:
At 5 years old he should not even be in diaper and should be potty trained shesh
and yes to clean up his own stinking mess

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
Shelly I was agreeing with you.

I guess I was talking as a daycare provider, trying to say that as a daycare provider, I don't thikn any other daycare provider would try something like that without talking to the parents... lol

mummy2girls replied:
I know rocky. I just wanted to make my point across to anyone who though diff of me.. as im not that mean of a provider or stupid. i knopw to ask before doing stuff like this...

Boo&BugsMom replied: I'm with Steph on the making him clean it himself. It's suppose to be gross, that is the point. After cleaning it himself and seeing the consequence then maybe he will stop. Most, if not all kids I have ever cared for were fully trained by the time they turned 3... with MUCH consistancy from me and the parents. Tanner was trained at 2 1/2. I just didn't give him a choice. I wasn't mean...I just made it known that this is one area he does not get a choice with.

As far as the pull ups, this is just me, but I would not go back. It seems like he clearly knows how, but is just giving you a hard time. There is a difference between not being ready, and just plain not wanting to do it. JMO. Good luck!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Wow, I totally agree. 5 years old in diapers? That to me screams just plain lazy.

momtoMegan&Alyxandria replied: I wouldn't go back to pull ups at all. I think that would just confuse him or say to him that it is ok.

I can tell you that boys are hard. Thankfully, I don't have any to raise. My brother would KILL me if he knew I was telling this story, but oh well. Boys are lazy and my brother was one of the worse. He loved playing whether it was with a friend outside or by himself with his legos, hot wheels, etc. He would hold himself sooooo long that by the time he got up to go poop he wouldn't make it. He did that until he was almost 9 or 10. He was too lazy to go to the bathroom when he needed to. My mom use to make him clean himself up, but honestly I can't remember if it helped any at all or not.

I know you probably didn't want to hear any horror stories, but I thought I would share. Sorry.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Yep, that was Tanner alright! Lazy, too focused on what he was doing. Still is, but he has great bladder control now and really never had accidents unless it is in his sleep, which is rare. I have actually had quite a few kids like this, girls and boys. I had to start scolding Tanner when he turned on the lazy act. A couple consequences later, he go the hint. Taking toys away, taking away special priveledges, time outs, etc. They need to know they can't get away with it, just like any other behavior, IMO. Potty training isn't always all fun and games.

grapfruit replied:
Ew. And yes he would so kill you for sharing.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Wow, is my spelling off today...sorry...I meant to say he never "has" accidents, not "had". And "he got the hint" not, "he go the hint". Man, I need a nap.

Farelle replied: Holy Cow!?! What did I start!

Well...I tried the clean it up yourself method. He went along with it and didn't like the mess he had made, but at the last second I just couldn't make him follow all the way through with it. I felt more like I was punishing him rather than teaching him. But then it happened again, so I tried once more to have him clean himself up, but it was just TOO messy and I caved again....I know...but I just can't help it. But I do think I finally have the plan. He has been FANTASTIC about peeing so it's definitely the poop that's stressing him out. No wet pants all week!! My theory is that if I just get him at the right time once and he sees that it is not such a big deal to poop on the potty too, that will be our turning point. I just really believe that he is scared to poop on it. And I guess that makes sense in the mind of a 3 year old. Who knows, maybe I was the same way, but I don't remember and I'm potty trained!

So anyway, I have been much more tuned into him and when he goes the last few days and I think it's just a matter of time before I get him on the potty at just the right time. Until then I'll just have to keep my cool and keep leaving surprises for DH in the downstairs sink!! HA LOL Just kidding!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Lol! You didn't start anything. We'll all civil. So far. ha!

Good plan.

Farelle replied:

LOL!

Yeah good plan....to bad I have to implement it!! LOL I'll let you know how it works out! I refuse to be outwitted by a three year old!! DOH!

Brias3 replied: Ryan was the only of my three to wear Pull-ups at all, the others transitioned right from diapers to underwear. Aliyah had "training pants" too. The reason for this was that before the Pull-ups split down the side, they were just as messy, if not more, to clean up after an accident than actual underwear. Plus, as expensive as buying diapers! (I know that's probably not a main concern, just trying to justify my aversion to the Pull-ups. )

I think you might be sending the message that you're taking a step back by doing the Pull-ups again, JMHO. After all, they're truly very close to the look and feel of a diaper, so to a 3-year old, it might send mixed messages. However, I know how frustrating accidents can be.

Good luck!