What if....

MyLuvBugs wrote: your husband couldn't be there while you labored and/or gave birth, and no one else could be there either (or you didn't want them there)? What would you do?

1lilpeanut2love replied: Cry, Cry and Cry more!! I would totally be upset! I wouldn't know what to do!

MyLuvBugs replied:
ok. good, so I'm not the only one. If DH get's this job or basically ANY of the jobs he's applying for now, there's an 80-90% chance he'll miss the birth. I'm so upset about it, but at the same time I want him to have a job....we NEED him to have a job.

My3LilMonkeys replied: I'd deal with it and give birth. Having my DH and/or another support person present would be my first choice, but if it wasn't possible I'd just have the baby on my own because bringing my child into the world would be the most important thing.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh - that's not my intention. I'm a firm believer that we have the strength to handle whatever life gives us and if God or fate or whatever you want to call it determines that I give birth without my DH present, then I will be strong enough to do it.

MyLuvBugs replied:
and if something happens to your or the baby or both, you'd just let the Dr's make all the decisions?

My3LilMonkeys replied:
In that situation I would. If something happened to the baby obviously I would make the decisions if I was capable, but if not I would have to trust my Dr.'s judgement. What other choice would I have?

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Erika, it will be okay. I think the job is very important...not saying more important than you and the baby, but I know you'll be okay if you have to do it on your own. When my mom had me, my dad couldn't be in the room, no one could. So women have done it before and did fine. The nurses and your doc will take good care of you!

I was thinking about this the other day as well...because although we have made arrangements for someone to watch Wil, you never know if it may fall through. So DH may have to stay home with him. Or I may go so fast that I have to drive myself to the hospital. I drove myself last time, but I was at my doc and they said I needed to be induced. So I drove myself and DH met me there.

MyLuvBugs replied:
Thanks Rae. I guess I'm just getting scared a little. We still haven't set up a plan of what to do with Lorelei. Yikes. And now DH has applied for 10 jobs that all start mid-late August. It's scary to think of having to do it on my own, even though I know for centuries that's how it was. But I'd just like to have him there. After all he was there for the making of the kid. lol

I'll see what my midwife says next week. Perhaps she can recommend a doula or someone just in case.

Kaitlin'smom replied: If DH could not be there I might not have anyone. I know I would have some family that would love to. I would also deffinalty have a birthing plan an talk to my OB as to if this happens or that lets do this or that. I would make sure my doc knew what I wanted if somthign should arise.

to you I am sure if he cant be there you will be fine. just tell the baby it has to come when daddy willcan be there, maybe it will work.

kimberley replied: aww i'd cry too i really hope he will be there, but just be prepared in case he is not. nothing worse than being in labor and have things up in the air. ask a friend if you are comfortable with that or hire a doula. tbh, i would have been fine with just my midwives at Kaleigh's birth. they were very supportive and dh just tried to stay out of the way lol. keep us posted.

kit_kats_mom replied: if my dh couldn't be there...hmmm. Well, I think it would make for an entirely different labor experience. I was able to "let it all out" in front of him but if it were just me & a nurse, I'd probably be more internal in my expressions of pain. Just because I tend to clam up in front of strangers. Yep, even during labor. I like to play like I'm all brave and stuff in front of other people. LOL

Regarding the issues of if something went wrong. I'd probably have a detailed birth plan written out with my wishes listed for different situations that may arise. I'd also try to get the hospital to give me a liason (some do have them) that you can speak with early in labor to advise of your basic wishes for the labor and to act as your advocate.

ilovemybaby replied: I think I would die if he couldn't be there I would be sadder that he would miss out on it rather than sad that he wasn't there for me. I've done it once already so I know what it's like and I know what to be expecting. The midwives are great. I just want my hubby there for support (to rub my back etc) and so he can be a part of it.
Perhaps you could ask a close friend?

My3LilMonkeys replied:
Very good idea!

If you don't mind me asking, why would DH not be able to be there? Will he be working too far away, or would they just not give him the time off?

MyLuvBugs replied:
My closest friend that I would even think of having in the room lives almost 8 hours away in Denver, CO, and she's due with her 2nd baby 3 1/2 weeks before I'm due. My parents are out of the question. Dad will be off hunting something, and mom won't be able to watch Lorelei and help me. My siblings....well, let's just say I love them but there's NO WAY I'd want them with me while I gave birth. KWIM?

I think I'll just see how much a doula will cost and pray that DH will be able to be there.

MyLuvBugs replied:
All the jobs he's applied for are in the following states: Arizona, Colorado, Nevada, Kansas and New Mexico. No where near here. The job that he's got the interview with tomorrow is on the Nevada/Arizona border (Bullhead City?). I keep telling him that he needs to be up front with these people and tell them that I'm PG, so they can plan to have him take a few days off, but he says that that could be a reason NOT to hire him for a job.

I guess I just had such a bad birth experience the first time around that I want this time to be 100% better. KWIM? And if he's not there.... it'll just suck. I know nothing will stop the baby from being born, but I'd like to have my husband be a part of it.

ilovemybaby replied:
I'm sorry to hear that What about having Lorelei and your mom in the room with you? I know Lorelei is still quite young but my cousin Holly watched her brother come into the world and she did great. She was there sponging moms forehead with a cold washcloth.
What about your MIL? Or is she out of the question? My MIL certainly is!

MyLuvBugs replied:
My in laws all live in Arizona, so they're out of the question. But I don't think I'd really want them there anyway. My SIL and new BIL yes, but they dont' want to be there.

I really don't think having Lorelei and my mom in the room would be a calm relaxing thing. Lorelei is everywhere and into everything and my mom tends to make me tense, so they can just sit in the waiting room. Hopefully, my midwife won't be busy that day or we can get a doula, just to prepare for the worst case scenerio, KWIM?

My3LilMonkeys replied:
Well I can certainly understand your dilemma....maybe he could explain the situation to them when they offer him the job? Then he is being upfront about it, but won't be automatically rejected before the decision is made. Once they choose him I think they'd be more likely to work with him on it.

In the meantime, let's all pray that you go into labor on a Sat/Sun when DH isn't at work!

Chiflata2003 replied: We are military so there's a chance my dh wont be here and if I could have my mom or anyone else I would just cry the whole time.

I agree, the job is important. I hope that he will still be able to make the birth.

ilovemybaby replied:
Oh that sucks Well I hope things work out in your favour I don't know how I'd cope without my hubby there.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Well, that's just not very comforting, is it? To think you may have to go at this alone. No one wants that. Of course I know you can do it and if it comes to that, you will be fine. I agree with Cary that you should let your doctor/hospital know any specific plans you have for your birth. They should cover all the emergency questions before labor. I also think a doula is a great idea.

I hope your DH gets the job, but I also hope it all works out that he will be there when the baby comes.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I hope it turns out ok and your Dh can be there! I would be pretty upset if Dh couldn't be with me when I was giving birth. If that happened I'd probably have my mom or Jennifer be in the delivery room with me, or both. It wouldn't be the same but it would be better than being alone. I think even if I didn't get along with my mom or anyone else that could be there I'd still rather not be alone, but that's my personality.