What do you guys think? - Really Important *LONG*

lovemy2 wrote: There was a VERY tragic accident here in my area on Tuesday nite - 5 girls were driving to one of the girl's family's cottage at 10 pm - there was a Chevy Trailblazer with 5 girls and another car behind it with 4 more girls - all going to the same place...these were all 17-18 year old girls who JUST graduated from HS the thursday before....

The girl driving the trailblazer (there were on a 2 lane road - one lane one way the other lane the other way) successfully and lawfully passed a car got back in her own lane then overcompensated and ended up head on with a tractor trailer - needless to say all 5 girls died - the truck burst into flames and no one could have helped - I have prayed to god everynite that they all died on impact or at the very least had no idea they were burning alive - the flames were 50 feet in the air and burned electric and cable lines - the truck driver was uninjured (he did NOTHING wrong) jumped out of his truck and tried to help but could get nowhere near the truck - the other 4 girls who mind you watched this happen were obviously hysterical - the truck driver after realizing he could do nothing for the girls in the truck went to try to console them.......

All five of these girls were outstanding students, cheerleaders, popular, active in their churches, in the community, you name it - just wonderful kids - there was no drugs, alcohol, etc. involved just a very tragic driver error.....

We had Olivia's 5th birthday party at a place called Village Sports - they played soccer, parachute games, had pizza, cake, and played in this giant maze with slides, balls, you name it - they then did presents, had a pinata, etc. had a real ball - it was soooo worth the money but the best part of it was the "party coach" Hannah - she was amazing with these kids and so pleasant to talk to, etc........well Hannah was one of these girls who died it broke my heart when I realized who she was - you know you meet someone and they just leave a lasting impression on you - especially a kid that age -


OK - here is the thing - we taped the WHOLE party on our video camera - Hannah is all over this video - I want to put the party on a DVD and take it to her parents - I have their address - I don't plan on doing this for at least a month or so but I feel like I really want to take it there myself personally to tell them that their little girl made my little girl's 5th birthday VERY memorable - in fact Olivia keeps asking to go back there to see Hannah.....

Do you think it is a good idea for me to take it there - mind you I am a COMPLETE stranger to these people...I know for me - I would be very touched if I was in their shoes - but that is me - what about you guys? How would you feel?

Sorry this is soo long but I feel very strongly that I need to let these people know how their daughter touched a complete stranger to them - not that they don't already know what a wonderful child they raised but ........

Thanks so much for listening....

moped replied: Gosh, first of all that is a terrible sotry and I am so sad for all the families involved.

I personally, have little experience with death. I am not sure.

But I think it is a wonderful gesture on your part. And yes after a month or so I am sure they would be very touched. I am sure they would love to have any memories they could get!

Such a sad story!

boyohboyohboy replied: How very tragic. I will keep their families in my prayers.
I think if I were one of those parents, I would want the dvd, and let it up to them if they wish to view it. I also think a description of how you felt there dgt was and how great she did, would be something they would like to hear at a later date.
I think its a really nice thing for you to do.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: OMG Christine... this made me cry. I think it would be a very special gift to the parents. I don't know if I would go and give it to them in person... I would write up a letter telling them how she left an impression on you and made your daughter's birthday very special, and that you thought they might like to have this reminder of her. I wouldn't go give it in person though, maybe just drop it in their mail box and leave your name and phone number IF they want to contact you...because they may turn around and be extra mad at you for still having YOUR daughter. You know?

It's so sad. My heart goes out to them.

Calimama replied: I would want the DVD, what a heartbreaking story.

lovemy2 replied: Thanks guys - I appreciate it - I soo want to run over there now to tell them but know that it will mean so much more to them later when things die down and they are left alone with their grief - and I certainly want to respect their grieving at this point....

I just remember about a month after my dad died all I wanted was someone to come up to me and tell me that they remember that he JUST died....grief is soo wierd - people flock to you when it happens and then it all goes away and when you are left alone with it - it really stinks...

lovemy2 replied:
Hmmm - good point....didn't think about that except that I thought waiting at least a month was a good idea....but you bring up a very good point....

amynicole21 replied: I saw that story on the news this morning. So sad. I think mailing the dvd is your best bet though.

grapfruit replied:
I think you make a very good point. And I also think that they would hold tight to it. I mean they know their daughter was wonderful, but for you to reinforce that, I think that boost is sometimes needed. Especially in that time when everyone else has moved on and they feel like she's forgotten. That'll help show them that she made an impact in the world and she NOT forgotten. I'm sitting here crying right now. That's what they need, to know that she made an impact, she didn't just pass through quietly...

redchief replied: Mailing the DVD with a letter of explanation seems to me to be a very nice and honorable way to pay tribute to and thank the parents of the young lady with whom you shared a special time. Such tributes validate the importance of their daughter's existence and may make it easier for them to say good-bye.

I do think that giving the parents time to go through the hardest grief period is best.

My prayers go out for peace for the families who have lost their daughters at so young an age. How tragic!

Farelle replied: What a horrible story!! What state was this in if you don't mind me asking?
I agree with everyone else, I'm sure they would love to have the DVD and explanation of why you felt the need to send it to them, bc their duaghter touched you!! I lost my Mom 10 years ago and it's always made me feel good when someone talks about her and what she meant to them.
Definitely mail it!! They may not have any recent video of her. We all plan to take pictures and video but often forget. You're a kind person!

Kentuckychick replied: I personally think that this is a very beautiful and touching idea. I read the story this morning and all I could think was how sad and tragic for those families and the friends who were driving behind them.

I agree that you should wait a little while as you intended to let them get through the most shocking part of the grief and then perhaps edit the video to make it about their daughter (no offense, I'm sure a video of your daughter's party is rightly mainly focused on your daughter... I mean why wouldn't it be). Then I would definitely include a letter just letting them know what the video is so they aren't surprised when they watch it and how touched you were by her (attitude, ability with the kids, etc... anything you want to include) and that you wanted to let them know. I wouldn't even give them your contact information outside of your name and address (which should be included when you send it)... that way they don't feel obligated to contact you but they can send a thank you letter if they're up to it and I'm sure get your information on their own if they wish. Rule of thumb: Expect nothing in return in this type of tragedy... thank you notes can sometimes take months to write and even those can be too difficult for some parents.

I've taken death and grief classes to prepare me for my future career and my work and I think the main thing we've learned from parents who've lost their children is that they want to be reminded even if it hurts. They don't like it when people pretend that child didn't exist or when people tiptoe around them. Talking about the child seems to help with the grief and I feel a video like this, though possibly very painful could be helpful to this family in the grief process even if not right away.

I'm definitely sending my thoughts and prayers to all of their families

lovemy2 replied:
You are right - obviously the main focus of our video is our daughter - but Hannah's voice, etc. is all over it even when her face isn't....sometimes just the voice of a lost one is soo wonderful to hear - in fact we put my dad's voice from our answering machine on tape and from time to time I still listen to it - I don't really want to edit it cause I think just that raw footage of her being her voice or face would be priceless - my DH just said to me tonite - you know at first I didn't think it was a good idea to send the video (or take it there) but now I think this was a mere 17 days before she died what if they have no live video of her that close to when she died - what if they only took still pictures of her graduation, what if what if what if - I am going crazy trying to figure out the best way to do this I guess I will get the DVD made - unedited and when the time feels right just go with what my gut tells me to do....I have been glued to the news, etc. to try to get a feel for what her parents are like but I have to give major kudos to our media here in Rochester NY - they have not at all even mentioned "trying" to get a statement from the families - they are sooo respecting their grief - I guess it will just have to unfold as it does and I will have to wait and see how it goes....

I just can't stop thinking about this little girl - cause to me that is what she was just a little girl with her whole life ahead of her....

Oh yeah - Hannah went to India last year to the poorest parts to do missionary work....how many kids at that age do that???

Cece00 replied: I would mail the DVD in a couple of weeks. I think they would like to have it, I know I would if that happened to me.

amymom replied: I breezed through the responses to this. So I am sorry if I repeat something someone else said.

Christine, I heard about this accident last night on the news, as I also live in NY State. I believe your idea is a good one. Many times family of lost ones are surrounded for the first few weeks, then people go about their lives and the immediate family is left alone. That period of time is when it will be good for this girl's parents to hear again about their precious daughter.

My prayers have been said for those families and the community.

Anthony275 replied: i think her parents would understand what you're trying to do, it's a good thing to try to do but not for a little while (month and a half, 2 months) try to explain to your daughter that she dosent work there anymore and hannah is in a better place


what part of ny was this in? i heard nothing of this so far

gr33n3y3z replied: That sounds like a very nice idea
prayers for the families involved

jcc64 replied: I agree with what Ed and the others said. Wait a little while- there is probably so much chaos swirling around the family right now- it would probably be much better after the crowds all depart. Besides, by that time, they'll be really missing her and an opportunity to "see" her again will undoubtedly be a blessing to them.
I live in NY as well- I heard about this story and it devastated me. We lost a graduating senior in a tragic car wreck here in my hometown a month or so ago, and we are friendly with the family. They are just walking around in a daze- only now have they even started leaving the house.
That particular age- 17-19- is the one that scares me the most. You think they're grown, and on their way, but that seems to be the most common time for these sorts of things to occur.
So very tragic.

Mommy2Isabella replied: I think this is a great idea. Of course waiting it a good idea as well.

This is a very sad thing that happend. I graduated not to long ago, and a lot of people passed away a few days after graduation. Very sad.

What a sweet thing of you to do. I would deffintely enclose a letter stating why you wanted to share the video and how you felt about her. etc...

lisar replied: OMG... That is so sad. I feel so sorry for all of thier parents.

I say wait a month and let them grieve and then give it to them. I think its a great idea.

Anthony275 replied: this is in people magazine, page 106 for this week