What did I do wrong??? - she is now over 36 weeks pregnant

Bee_Kay wrote: My SD is now over 36 weeks along, and we still haven't heard from her since the afternoon of 4th of July. For crying out loud, she only lives about 1 block away.

For the past couple days, I've been outside alot and I've seen her and her BF drive by...... they drive on as if they don't know me. I turn around, and she just looks away.

Seriously, what was wrong with me suggesting we go to the 4th of July fireworks together??? if you dont remember, after they stopped here to pick up all the baby stuff I've accumulated (they were awfully sugary sweet to me) they agreed to come and pick me up and we'd all go together... they never called or showed up.... I just saw them drive by and wouldn't answer their phone when I called.

I mean.... this baby could come (healthily) within a week and a half (38 weeks).

I am just so tired of this you guys. I have really distanced myself emotionally from not only her.... but this pregnancy. All the excitement that gradually came to me, has now fizzled down to something that I don't feel a part of. I've tried to bond with her as a mother that has adjusted to her child being pregnant. I've tried to be supportive.

My family and friends have seen firsthand the emotional rollercoaster I've been through in all this and they suggest that I do exactly what I have been doing.... absolutely nothing..... focus on Ashley and Tyler and my life here, if she want to be a part of it, she knows our phone number and knows where we live. What do you think of that?

Meaning.... how will she ever learn, if we allow her to behave like this and allow her to "get away with it" with no consequences, KWIM?

I really don't have a question... I am just venting. If you've read this through, thank you.

mamasbigbaby replied: Hmmmm. Maybe you should go to her hous and talk to her and ask her.

luvmykids replied: Barb, you've done a great job being supportive and trying to be involved with her and this pg. Hope I don't sound harsh, but she's young and immature and thinks she knows it all and doesn't need you, kwim? IMO she thinks she is all grown up and trying to prove it, and I think her boyfriend has a lot to do with it too.

Hard as it must be, I agree that you have to focus on the people in your life that do want your time and attention, I know she'll come around but in the mean time she's draining you and not only that (because I know that sounded terrible LOL) but you're exactly right, she knows where you live and has your number.

I would say when she makes an attempt to be loving and kind, just keep letting her take the lead.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I'm so sorry, Barb. I really am. She is so immature. One day she will grow up and see how she behaved. You've been so good to her. She will need you one day (like in 2 weeks ) Hang in there, hun.

Jackie012007 replied: AWH Barb ... it is NOTHING that you did! I'm so sorry your excitement is fizzling, but I can't blame you, as you've tried so hard! I think you should keep doing what you are doing... focusing on your children! I know it hurts a lot but she obviously doesn't value what you desperately want to give her... so heck with it! Save your sanity... and I (I think we ALL) hope that she soon realizes what she has done to you and your relationship with her, and corrects her ways. Big 's to you... hang in there!

gr33n3y3z replied:
Awww hun I'm so sorry to hear this
I was wondering the other day how things were going
I agree with your family and friends

If she comes to or calls you asking for what ever tell her oh you only come around when you need something or want something just flat out tell her No!!!! Until she can grow a set and stick up for herself with that what ever she is with.

I hate seeing what she is doing to you

Bee_Kay replied: OMG you ladies are so wonderful. Reading these responses brought tears to my eyes. As much as I try to not focus on the negative.... I know I am a good mom to Ashley and Tyler, they would never do anything to intentionally hurt me.... Sometimes it gets hard when one child (it seems) views you as "un-needed".

The reason I say "un-needed" is because throughout this pregnancy, I've been told by so many people "Oh, she'll need you the further along she gets". Well, it's here and it hasn't happened. It just gets hard getting over that negative bump, KWIM?

I was actually wondering when I should update about all of this..... but I held off because the truth is, nothing has happened.
As much as I never wanted to view things in a "step" family type way, I feel that is where it is at. Friends and family say things like "You hang in there and wait for Ashley to give you a grandbaby.... SHE will needs you! That will be your shining moment in time as a grandparent." I guess that makes sense.

Again, thank you all so much. Like I said, I wasn't really looking for advice.... just venting..... and as always, you all are wonderful at letting me

kit_kats_mom replied: Of course you are a good mom.

I'm guessing she will snap out of it when the baby comes, her BF is busy playing video games (just assuming that he does LOL) and she needs a break but there isn't anyone willing to be supportive.

Teenage girls are notoriously hard on their moms and she's in an even more tough spot because she's pregnant (read: thinks she's independent) but still a little girl who needs guidance.

FWIW, my mom and I have a wonderful relationship now but she still refers to me as "the recovered a$$h$^*" I was such a jerk as a teen.

ashtonsmama replied: I'm so sorry Barb. I'm sure it's hard being pushed away like that.

I bet you though, when that baby comes, she'll be ringing your phone off the hook, needing support and advice, and when she sees how much she really needs you, my hope is that she finally gets it and wises up, KWIM? Anyways. My is up.

MyLuvBugs replied:
I agree 100% with Lisa. There is NOTHING that you did wrong in this situation. You've tried and tried. Now it's time to just put your foot down. "NO" is going to be your favorite word until she gets it through her thick head that this BF of hers is trash and YOU are her family that love her unconditionally.

I wish I could give you a huge hug right now.

CantWait replied: She's soon going to see (another 4 weeks) just how much she's going to need her mommy. And if not that soon, the time will come. As first time, and even second time parents, we all need our mother's help at some point. I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for her to come around, but know that the time will come. Like your family has said, focus on your other children and give them your best.

I'm sorry though, I can't imagine the hurt this is causing you, especially knowing that you have a grand baby coming into this world so soon.

Brias3 replied: I really think you made the best decision on your own. You need to just quit being the only one trying now. Like you said, she knows where you live, she knows you've made the effort. It's really up to her now, you've more than done your part.

Obviously, she has no problem dropping by when its in her interest (ex. when you had all the baby stuff for her) so I think it'll be more effective from here on out to leave the ball in her court. She needs to learn that even as an adult, there must be consequence to certain action. She'll know soon how much she really needs you.

mammag replied: I'm so sorry Barb. I know you must be hurting. I think you are doing the only thing you can do. Unfortunately she is acting like a kid trying to play pretend in a grown up world. She will learn at some point but you don't need to be sent through the wringer while she does. Just take care of yourself and your kids right now.

Bee_Kay replied: Last night (after chat) I was chatting with Ashley on MSN. She is still at our friends house and having a great time.

It's funny, because we started talking about my SD a little bit and she said pretty close to the same thing as you all did LOL! She can be so insightful.

gr33n3y3z replied: Is Ashley having a good time?

Bee_Kay replied:
She is having a great time!!

Last night in chat, I dont know if you were afk at the time Lisa, but I asked Ashley if she was homesick yet...... She responded "Well, I miss you and dad and Tyler, and I miss my cat.... but, NOPE I'm not homesick yet!!"


ETA: She is also spending ALOT of time with my best friend new baby granddaughter!!

mamasbigbaby replied: That is so good that Ashley is having a good time!

ZandersMama replied: Knowing you on here, she is missing out on a wonderful mom, you have done nothing wrong! It is HER loss, she is lucky to have someone like you in her life.

7thHeaven replied: Ouch! I can say that It hurts to be pushed away like that and it seems like you've done so much to help her out! But I bet she'll be calling when that baby comes and she's got tons of questions!!