What am I doing wrong?

Kirstenmumof3 wrote: I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong! I know I've always been hard on Emily, but that was all changing! I'm so confused, I just don't understand where all this anger and negativity comes from! This morning she kicked Spencer, screamed at me and DH, started crying because she thinks we don't love her, swung her backpack at Spencer and told us all she HATED us and wants to move! I'm at a loss, she says we don't do anything nice for her and her favourate saying now is that "we favour Spencer"! I just don't understand what I've done wrong! We've been in counsolling for about 7mths now, I thought things would have gotten better by now, not worse! I'm so upset right now, I just don't know what to do!

aspenblue1 replied: Unfortunately I do not have any advice but it takes a while to work through issues sometime years. Sorry I forgot to add I am sure you are not doing anything wrong.

kimberley replied: ((((hugs))))) sweetie!

i am sorry you are going through all of this. maybe the changes in the house are affecting her more than you know. first she wants Claudia out, then when Spencer has her in his room, she wants her back. girls can be competitive and very dramatic at this age. were you able to talk to her after her freak out to find out why she is so upset? i know it is hard and frustrating but try to keep those lines of communication open with her outside of conselling too. how often are you taking her to the counsellor? maybe you can make an extra appt when she is really in need like today.
i wish i could do more for you but at the very least we are always here to listen and give you lots of hugs and support.

jen replied: (((((HUGS))))))))) I would just talk to her that tell that you don't understand her through tantrums and maybe she can tell you what she wants differently and a compromise can be made. I think any compromise even small would make her feel like she has a bigger say in how she is treated and in turn she also may feel like communicating with you and DH may be worth more than beating up the other kids or screaming at you. Just my opinion. Good luck sweetie, hang in there!

amynicole21 replied: Oh man, when it rains it pours! It may be time to sit and really have an extensive conversation with both Emily and Spencer. It sounds like they are really acting out because of some perceived offense from you and DH. You've probably done all of this, but be sure to let them talk rather than asking too many questions or trying to interpret what they are saying. I think that at that age I was going through the same thing... hopefully it is just a phase that you guys can work through.

A&A'smommy replied: oh sweetie im sooo sorry!!! I dont have any idea what your going through just some hugs and support!!!! ((((BIG HUGS)))

MommyToAshley replied: (((HUGS)))) I am sorry you are going through all this. I hope you are able to get to the bottom of things soon. I don't know what I would do in that situation, other than talking to her and trying to figure out what is going on.

Guest_micah replied: hi. I'm not sure of the situation entirely. but a lot could be the age & stage.
My 11 yr old can be down right mean! To me & her 10 yr old brother. This morning already I heard "I HATE YOU"! (she couldn't find her shoes & I just had to of hid them from her). There isn't a day that goes by that I don't hear "I hate you". We are in counceling , too . I've learned not to react as much to her, she can't continue an argument long if there is no one to argue with. If she continues to grumble & fight I send her to her room to do so & if she refuses to go, I leave her & find something to do just to show her I'm not falling into "her game."
She treats her brother horrible. He is sweet & won't try to hurt her back. It does cause him pain though and he walks away from her. I tell him that it isn't him & that she has the issue. I'm learning in counceling about logical & natural consequences(sp?). It has helped alot. If you want to know more about that, let me know. Good luck. Micah

Kaitlin'smom replied: aw I have no idea what to say, except maybe it just the age and a stage, I know the sitters daughter who is 9 goes into tantrums at the smallest things (they are in therpy also) I have seen her do this a few time, I dont know what causes it but I hope you can find some way to communicate with her and she can learn just how much she is loved. ((((BIG HUGS)))

coasterqueen replied: I'm not sure I have any real advice for you but she sounds like me as a young girl. I always and still do feel my parents favor my sister and they do, lol, but what stands out about your situation to me is that you have to get it under control somehow. I say that because I felt like her and it spiraled out of control as I got older and well lets just say I didn't do anything right as a teen and have lots of regrets and things were horrible for me and I'm sure my parents as well.

I think a lot has to do with as young girls going through puberty it's so hard to understand what's going on to you and to try to keep all those raging hormones under control. I think once I hit puberty there was no way to keep me under control but with my parents I think with a little understanding and them seeking a bit of help I may not have had the childhood I had.

Sounds like you are doing what you can to make the situation better, though. I hope you find something that works.

Josie83 replied: I have nothing new to add but I agree that I can't see that its you doing anything wrong. I don't know, but maybe Claudia's arrival made her sad and angry for some reason? Not sure tho. I don't know what else to say, except that we're always here to listen and offer support! xx

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Thanks everyone! Things seem to be up and down with her. We just came back from seeing our Family Counsellor today and he has given me a lot of suggestions to help deal with her. He also thinks a lot of this is hormonal!