Well I guess I spoke to soon - I had a bad feeling

My2Beauties wrote: As you can tell the tickers are gone. This may get long and maybe TMI for some. On Saturday night Brian and I had went to Bingo, I felt perfectly fine just as I have. I kept having a weird feeling though, something didn't seem right, because this time the pregnancy feeling was so different. I kept thinking I didn't feel pregnant. With Hanna I knew, with this one I would have made a bet that the test was going to be negative. Well, I went to the restroom and noticed a bit of spotting, it was brown spotting at that, so old blood I guess. I spotted a bit with Hanna so I knew spotting was normal, but I still got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that something wasn't right. I decided to keep an eye on it since I was just spotting a little bit. So that night I went to bed and woke up the next morning and nothing had happened, I didn't do anything all night. So, I thought everything was ok. We laid around for about 30 minutes, ate breakfast and I got up to take a shower, I had a baby shower to go to that day for a friend of mine. When I got up and got undressed, I noticed another spot, but it was still brown and still just a little bit. So I told Brian that I had a bad feeling and that something wasn't right. He told me to go on to the shower and that if I still felt bad afterwards we would go to the hospital. I was sitting at the shower and not even an hour into it, I felt this rush of blood come out, like a clot had come out. I ran to the bathroom and sure enough, I was bleeding extremely bad, no clots though, but it sure felt like it. I borrowed a pad from a girl there and went to the ER, Brian and my mom met me there. The lady in the ER was extremely rude and nasty to me, she told me it wasn'a true emergency and that I would be waiting 6-7 hours like everyone else. She said they wouldn't even do an u/s on me that I would have to get with my doc the next day for the u/s. She said if my pain wasn't excruciating she suggest I go home and wait for a doctor's appt the next day. So I called my doc to make sure I should leave, I called their answering service and after an hour and a half someone finally called me back and said that I should go ahead and leave that they will get me in first thing in the morning, to take it easy and they said it could possibly be just a normal thing. That night I bled so bad you guys, it was horrible. The next morning I woke up and noticed clots and some almost like white discharge stuff. I called the doc and they told me to come in and they would work me in ASAP. I got there and did a vaginal u/s right away, from the u/s I almost knew, you couldn't see anything at all. Then they did some bloodwork on me. I waited for the doctor for almost 2 hours. Then she pulled me into this conference room and sat me down and told me that the u/s showed no baby, I had already lost the baby and that they would not have to do a D&C on me. I already knew but that is still really hard to hear. So I am waiting to make sure my hormone levels still weren't high, the test results come back today, and if they were I have to have more bloodwork done tomorrow to ensure it wasn't a tubal, she said she doubts it was/is. She was really nice and reassuring. She said I could try again after my next normal period if we were trying. I doubt we will. I am going to get back on the pill for a few months, I want to wait.

This whole thing was so weird you guys, from the moment I found out, something wasn't right, I kept telling Brian I didn't feel right, I didn't feel pregnant. As soon as I saw the spotting I had a bad feeling. I am doing ok I guess, I only had two days to get used to the idea, better now than months from now, but it still hurts. Everyone keeps saying everything happens for a reason (both when I found out and when this happened) and I know that is true, but it's hard to think about. I have a perfectly normal healthy child that I had no problem whatsoever carrying and now this. My mind started to wonder before this happened about the sex of the baby, what it was going to look like, how much it was going to weigh, what my pregnancy was going to be like, I went out and bought a huge bottle of 240 prenatal vitamins, stretch mark cream and the whole 9 yards then the very next day - this happened Brian has been so good to me you guys, I cried in his arms on Sunday when this started happening, he kept reassuring me it was ok. He said the sweetest thing, it was very "maleish" of him but sweet nonetheless, he said "Babe you know I can't resist you so there will be plenty of time for us to make babies" it made me laugh because he got this look in his eyes as if he was saying "hey baby you're sexy" you know that kind of look. It was cute. He is bummed out though. I really think he wanted this, now he's talking about trying again later on in a few more months, he would have never said that before. We wanted to wait until the end of the year and he probably still wouldn't have admitted to wanting to try (he's weird like that) now he told everyone he wants another one. I think it really hurt him and he wonders why. This whole thing has been really draining for me, I had a weird past few days. First the shock and initial being scared, then the excitement and the wonderment, then the shock again and the heartbreak. Nomatter what the circumstances of a woman getting pregnant it's hard to lose one, now I know.

So, I'm not going to dwell on things, I am going to hold my head up and know that God has a reason he knew I wasn't ready! It will happen when it's supposed to happen I guess Thanks for listening.

jcc64 replied: Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. That's alot of up and down in such a short period of time. Everything does happen for a reason, we just may not always know exactly what that reason is. But it is far more common than you probably think.
Take the time to heal, mentally and physically. It's great Brian's right there with you, and when the time is right again, you'll know it. In the meantime,

luvmykids replied: So sorry. I don't know what else, just Glad DH is there for you in his own little male way.

booey2 replied: I am at a loss for words right now, I am so sorry for your loss.

coasterqueen replied: I am so sorry Lea Ann.

BAC'sMom replied: So sorry for your loss to you.

MamaJAM replied: I'm so sorry.

moped replied: I am truly sorry to hear this Leanne........so sorry, I hope you feel better soon!

HUGS

Kaitlin'smom replied: I am so sorry its never easy.

amymom replied: Lea Ann, I am so so so sorry.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm so so sorry LeaAnn! I noticed earlier this morning that your tickers were gone and my heart just dropped. I'm so sorry. I'm glad Brian is being so sweet and supportive.

5littleladies replied: I'm so sorry.

DansMom replied: I'm so sorry.

kayla's mama replied: I am so sorry Glad Brian was being good to you. Hang in there sweetie

CAMSMOM1 replied: Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how excited you were. I know this is in God's hands, and I will be praying for you.

C&K*s Mommie replied: LeaAnn, I am truly truly saddended by this for you, and Brian. But I am pleased to know that you have found extra strength to hold your head up with Brian holding your hand.

More 's for you.

EvesMom replied: God Bless you sweetheart. I'm praying for you.

Boys r us replied: Oh LeaAnn, I'm so so sorry for you sweetie!! you would think I'd know what to say, but I guess there just aren't really any words that are of any good in a situation like this! We're all here for you and a lot of us know what that ache you're going through feels like.

Tylersmommy replied: Sorry for your loss I hope you feel better soon and when/if you try again I hope you have a healthy baby. You're in my prayers.

Sarah&Mackenzie replied: I am so sorry

kimberley replied: i'm sorry.

kit_kats_mom replied: sorry

mckayleesmom replied: Im sorry LeaAnn....I misscarried before Mckaylee and like you said...I knew something was wrong right from the very beginning...Its your mothers instinct I guess. I also was treated very badly at the Er. I hope time eases your pain really soon.

fashionmumofboys replied: I'm so sorry.

Many

Glad your DH is being very supportive. That is sweet of him.

b&bsmom replied: I'm so sorry. Lots of prayers and PT's heading your way. ((((HUGS))))). Hang in there

~~*Missi*~~ replied: Hello I am so sorry for your lose. If you ever need to talk. I have gone thru mc twice (8-05 singleton and 1-06twins).

I am praying for you and your family. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Email me any time! Vent rant cry whatever!

I don't know what to say cause we all handle things different. But I know for me, after time it got better. I still cry I still hurt I still wonder. I would be 36weeks 0 day with the first baby we lost, I would have my baby in my arms here soon (for me probably really soon). With the Twins I would be 19weeks and 3days. I think about them every day and wonder if they would be boys girls etc... Its hard somedays but others it isn't.
The thing that makes it all ok is Sabrina my 16m old. She is my angel on earth and now i have three in heaven watching me too. Chris is a great help.
You will hear stupid stuff from people, comments you may take hard (well if you told anyone). Like i had a friend tell me well at least you got sabrina or it could have been sabrina. Which i understand the logic on the comments but I wanted these children just as much as i wanted sabrina.
ANyway if you need naything let me know

3xsthefun replied: I am so sorry.

luvbug00 replied: I'm so sorry!! I send you my prayers and I hope you will find peace in this time of pain.

ediep replied: so sorry LeaAnn

TLCDad replied: I am so sorry LeAnn.
You and your family will be in my prayers.

jem0622 replied:

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: I am mad at the ER for you. You should never have been treated that way, as if it didn't matter. Hugs to you, LeaAnn. I am glad Brian was able to make you laugh. Even if he didn't mean to.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I'm so sorry, hun. You're in my prayers.

Mommy2BAK replied: I am so sorry to hear this LeAnn.

My2Beauties replied: Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers, it means a lot to me to have a group of friends to talk to about these things. You guys are wonderful!

aspenblue1 replied: I am so sorry. You are in my prayers.

holley79 replied: I am so sorry sweetie.

MommyToAshley replied: I'm so sorry sweetie.

I can't believe the E.R. staff treated you like that , how horrible. I am sorry for all that you are going through right now, but Brian sounds like such a wonderful husband and support system. It's good that you have him to lean on.

You're in my prayers. Wish there was more I could do.

My3LilMonkeys replied: I'm sorry for your loss.

jacobsmama replied: I'm sooo sorry. Time will ease your pain, it did for me but the wondering is always there because that is our nature. Please let us know if we can help you at all, you are a great friend to everyone here

punkeemunkee'smom replied: LeAnn I am so sorry! I am in tears for you! Many prayers for you right now! I am sorry!

AshleyRose replied: I am sooooo sorry LeaAnn . You are in our prayers .

ammommy replied: I'm so sorry

Bee_Kay replied: LeAnn..... I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts.