WWYD? Sensitive situation

My2Beauties wrote: Ok, for the past month or so now there is this little boy down the street, well he isn't so little, he's 11 (little compared to Hanna I mean) and he has a 5 year old sister. Now I'm around 11-14 year old kids ALL THE TIME with Des being 12, DH's little brother being 11 and all of their friends within that 4 year age range. Every single last one of them act pretty much the same, they are coming into adulthood, not acting kiddish anymore, not immature for the most part (I mean there is always some immaturity with kids that age, but they are mainly pretty cool and calm), they tend to play within their age range, go to the movies, skating, talk on the phone, hang out etc...even the boys. OK, well this little boy is extremely and I mean extremely immature. He comes over my house EVERY SINGLE DAY almost asking to play with Hanna (sometimes he brings his sister, 90%of the time he doesn't). They live WAY down the street, Hanna cannot leave the driveway ok. His parents never ever have any clue when he comes down there. Literally the moment I pull up in the driveway most days with the girls he is over there asking to play with them. He constantly wants to play "mommy and daddy" with Hanna and I don't like that at all, I tell them not to play mommy and daddy, to play something else. He is extremely rude when it comes to taking no for an answer. When I tell him Hanna has to eat/take a bath/get ready for bed anything...he argues with me about her coming to the door just to at least say hi or playing for even 5 minutes. He asks me what time we'll be back when leave. I tell him I'll be back when I get back. He asks me how long she'll be eating supper for, how long it takes to give her a bath, etc...I mean he finds every reason to come back over thinking I'm going to change my mind. Every once in a while I give up and let him come in and play but I always make him call home first. I hear his dad arguing with him about coming on home it's getting late sometimes and he'll say ok, then he'll get off the phone and lie to me and say he can play for a few minutes. I have to tell himI could hear his dad and his dad said no therefore I say no. I mean it really BOTHERS me to the point where he creeps me out because he insists on playing with a 4 year old little girl who wants to do nothing but play Baby Dolls and Barbies with him and he does it. The other day whenever we had company over he invited hisself over. We were having a Wii party and a bunch of Brian's friends and him were all playing and he asked if he could take one of their turns like 15 times...I mean he wouldn't wait until they were done with their bowling game. Then when Hanna was asking to play when we got done I let them both play and he wouldn't hardly give her the controller, I had to make him share with her. I mean I can't even begin to describe how uneasy this kid makes me. He told me he likes acting like he's 6 and 7. His own mother even told me he's 11 going on 2. I mean he is so annoying. He comes over and eats me out of house and home, he asks for food constantly. His parents never have a clue where he is, I mean he just runs around the neighborhood all the time, his sister plays out in the street and there are no adults around - she is 5 I mean they are the most nerve-racking kids ever!!! When he comes to my door, I cringe. Des and them have met him and they are like LeaAnn he is really creepy. He said when he grows up he wants to be a babysitter What 11 year old boy wants to be a babysitter?? I don't know I'm just sooo leary of him anymore. His parents get on my nerves because they send him down there every single day until I have to force him to go home. I don't want to be rude and burn bridges with the parents in my neighborhood, the little girl is a lot easier to deal with and she is hanna's age I don't mind them playing but I can't say oh well your sister can come over but you can't!?? I mean the other day for example (and he's sort of a chunky kid) he gets in Hanna's Disney princess car (which has a low weight limit as it is, but I kept my mouth shut) and almost ran Aubrey over. I mean he is 11 and he pays no attention to anything and he is sooooooooo immature. I mean Des's little 5 year old brother is easier to take care of and watch than he is. I make excuse after excuse every day that he comes over as to why hanna can't play and he doesn't get the hint. He has ruined 2 of our get togethers so far that we've had in the past 3 weeks with friends by coming over and butting in to every single adult conversation. I'm about to go psycho on this kid! WWYD? How would you handle the situation?

ZandersMama replied: If you are feeling creeped out, there is probably something behind it, I know i would be feeling creeped out. I would suggest just telling him she is busy, she is little, he is older, there are older kids in the neighborhood. I know you dont want to seem rude, but if your gut is telling you something dont ignore it.

cameragirl21 replied: well, personally, I would trust my instincts and yours are telling you that he is creepy. That said, you are Hanna's mom and there is no reason why you should tolerate anything that bothers you that much just to play nice with the neighbors.
If it were me, I'd probably say something like, "(whatever the boy's name is), Hanna is a little girl and she likes to play with other little girls. Maybe you could find some kids your own age to play with." I know it sounds mean but I'm sorry, an 11 year old boy hanging out with a 4 year old girl IS creepy. I'd hate to hurt that boy's feelings but I'd rather do that than wonder wth he wants with my little girl, kwim?

momofone replied: Trust your instincts about the situation. He sounds obsessed with her. I would avoid him and never leave him alone with her i wouldn't trust him.

msoulz replied: ITA with the others. Go with your instincts. It's better to hurt someone's feelings than to have your child really hurt. I like Jennifer's wording of what to say to the boy. And when he tries to argue with you about it, which it sounds like he will, I would just bluntly tell him she can't play with him any more, it is inappropriate for boys his age to play with girls her age, and go find friends your own age, and leave it at that. There's no point in trying to argue with a kid who is incapable of thinking like we do so don't give him anything to argue, just say no and leave it at that. He will go away, and you may feel badly about it, but then you would feel so much worse if you ignored your gut and something happened to Hanna.

JMHO. Good luck, it's always tough with neighbors.

mckayleesmom replied: I would just flat out tell him that Hanna can't play with him...He needs to find some kids his own age to play with. Hanna is to young to be playing with him.

LeeAnn...I would trust your instints girl. This is 2008 and there are creepy kids with alterior motives in this world. I would watch him like a hawk.

If he comes to the door, don't answer.

This kind of reminds me of playgrounds...Sometimes I cringe when I see older kids playing by themselves at a kids playground. One time I turned my back for 2 seconds and some 15 or 16 year old kid swinging on a swing next to Russell and it totally creeped me out. I walked right over and snagged my baby off that swing. My first instinct was children have been known to molest other children. Don't even trust other children.


There is also another kid at our playground that looks 9 0r 10 and passes himself off as 9 or 10....He is actually 16 and lies to the kids about his age....Total creep factor there too. I wouldn't have known his true age if some other moms hadn't warned me.

My2Beauties replied:
*shudders* ick!

You know my uncle molested me when I was like 6 or 7 (can't remember exactly) and he was like 15 or 16. I mean so I know it can happen and while he may be too young to have those urges now he still creeps me out and makes me think he'll be one of those pedophiles by the time he's 15 or 16, it just really bothers me guys. Thanks, I just wanted to make sure I was the only one who thought this way, I hated to be mean to the kid BUT my gut is my gut and something is off with this kid. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only parent that would flat out just say no in this situation. Shew!

mckayleesmom replied:
I know its disturbing, but it does happen. It really sounds to me like this kid has some alterior motives for wanting to play with Hanna.

Have you tried talking to his parents? You don't have to be mean or anything, just let them know that you don't think he is age appropriate for Hanna to be playing with and you have expressed your wishes to their son, but he isn't listening.

Maybe you can write them a letter.

julesmom replied: Go with your gut. Tell the kid to go away. I wouldn't care if I pissed off the parents. I bet the other neighborhood parents feel the same way, but won't admit it.

I know a 16 year old who molested a 6 year old. It can happen. Don't take the chance.

my2monkeyboys replied: I absolutely agree with everyone else.... get rid of the kid, no matter how you have to do it. His own parents should be concerned that he wants to play with a 4-year-old at all, much less a little girl.
A boy I went to school with ended up repeatedly raping his 4-yr-old little boy cousin when he was 15. It can and does happen, and although this boy you are dealing with may not be in that frame of mind, it seems like his mind is leading him there.
Don't worry about the parents, apparently they aren't concerned about you.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I wouldn't care about being rude to this kid. Just flat out say dude you can't come over anymore. You have a list of legit reasons if the parents want to come over and complain. And look at it this way, if they get mad or offended, well what does it matter? Only worry about burning bridges if its work or family related. GL

jem0622 replied: ITA with all previous statements. You are the Mommy, and you have your instincts. Plus, when I was 3...I was sexually molested by an underage boy. He was with two other friends. They couldn't have been more than 14 or 15.

You are not being un-neighborly in any way by not allowing the boy to play at your house. I see no harm in the sister who is closer in age...but he should not be over at all.

HUGS

gr33n3y3z replied: Just flat out tell him your to old to be playing with your kids.
And if the parents call tell them the samething.

Trust what you feel

redchief replied:

boyohboyohboy replied: we just went thru this with a boy in our neighborhood, i have posted about him before, although in our situation he was losing his temper and hitting Jakob. the boy is 9 and jake is 2.
we asked him to stay away several times but he keeps coming back. so we finally wrote a letter to his parent and told them that we were concerned for our younger childrens safety, that there son was not welcome at our home any longer.

so we intend to call the police if he ever hits one of our kids again.

it hasnt stopped him from coming around, but he does leave now immediately when asked.
good luck

Teesa®© replied: I totally agree with everyone: go with your gut instincts. It's called Mommy's Intuition and trust me, mine has NEVER been wrong.

Since he's wanting to play "mommy and daddy", well heck, we ALL know what that means!! That would have been the first - and LAST - red flag for me. He would have been out my house faster than Bruce Willis can say, "Yippie Kay Aye" and there would be NO WAY he'd ever be on my property again.

My2Beauties replied: I'm breathing a sigh of relief here because I feel so much better knowing I just wasn't paranoid! He hasn't came over in like 3 days now. Let's hope and pray he's gotten my hints If not, guess I'll have to tell him how it is the next time he shows up!

lisar replied: ITA with every one else. Go with your gut on this one.